My Heart in Atrophy

Leaving Philadelphia was going to be hard, but the plan sounded good too to be true.

I had recently re-kindled my relationship with my cousin Brian who I had not spoken to in many years. He was the first person I could think to call because he was so close to me back then. I had to call my aunt to get his phone number, seeing that was now a famous guitar player and hidden from the public eye. I even had to make her promise to not tell him that I was trying to get in touch.

The first few times I called, nothing, no call back, even though I left a voice mail each time it sent me to the answering machine. Finally, one day as I was leaving work, I got a call from a phone number I didn’t recognize but knew it was a California number.

I felt relief when I heard him say my name, yet the sound of confusion laced his voice as if he was skeptical it was me. Our first conversation was brief and strained, I could tell he was a bit uncomfortable talking to me, but after the course of a few weeks, he softened up and we told each other our life stories, catching up and picking up the pieces.

After the seventh or eighth phone call he finally asked why I was really calling, of course my
reply had to do with him questioning my motives.

”I can hear it in your voice. You’re scared. Why else would you be calling?"

The flood gates broke, I let loose the whole truth and cried harder than I have cried since my mother died. I was a woman in desperate need of help, confused, scared by everything going on in my life, and terrified of the man I had been for three years. Without any more questions or a second thought he told me he would be there within the next 24 hours.
Like I said, the plan sounded too good to be true. Rent a moving truck, pack, and leave, but Dan had something else in mind.

I hadn’t seen Dan in over two weeks, so I figured things would go smoothly. Brian came to Philadelphia with Matt and Jimmy the following night, rented a moving van and helped me pack my house up completely. It took us a day and a half to pack all my belongings, except for part of the kitchen and the big furniture and Dan was still nowhere to be found.

Dan had scared me into hiding my true feelings, my emotions were buried underneath a facade of the happy girlfriend when in reality it was the opposite. He tried to run every aspect of my life, kept tabs on me where ever I went, and who I was out with.

Brian felt that because of the severity of my situation, when we finished all the packing and all that had to be done was loading furniture was to leave the house for the night and come back in the morning with the cops to serve the eviction notice and to prevent anything bad from happening.

That’s not how that night played out.

The guys had left to go get dinner and some more boxes. I had barricaded myself in my office
with my three cats, hoping, praying that Dan wouldn’t just suddenly appear after being M.I.A. for over two weeks. I looked at the clock on my laptop, 11:30, I really wanted the boys to get back.

The front door slammed shut, shaking the house. One of the few things that was left on the walls fell, I heard glass shatter when it hit the floor. I looked up from the screen and took a deep breath, again hoping when I made my way downstairs that it wasn’t Dan. I waited a few moments, listening as a pair of boot clad feet thud against the tiled floor that went into the kitchen.

I took one last deep breath, gained my composure and headed for the main floor of the house. If it was Dan, I was sick of hiding, I was sick of being abused and exploited. It was my time to stand up for myself, to stand up to him and tell him I was leaving once and for all. I was ready to go home and pick up the pieces of the life I left behind.

In the kitchen, Dan was leaning against the counter, chugging his tenth or eleventh beer of the night. He crushed the aluminum can with ease and tossed it towards the trash, not caring if it made it or not. I approached the kitchen with caution, watching Dan press a cigarette between his lips and inhale. He glared at me with evil in his eyes. I knew he was going to jump down my throat.

“Where is my dinner?”

Dan was seething. I never had his dinner ready for him when he was out drinking, I didn‘t see the point. My voice was hollow and I crossed my arms over my chest, "There is no dinner. Everything is packed.”

Dan slowly closed the distance between me and him, his temper growing worse and worse as he approached me, "Everything is packed, huh? And why is that, are you going to leave me? How many times I have I told you that you cannot leave me? You are a very stupid girl, so dumb.”

Dan liked to belittle me every chance he got. He put his index finger in my chest, pressing hard against the bone and smiled, “So why don’t you go a head and start unpacking after you cook my dinner.”

The tip of his finger pressed hard into my sternum making me back away from him carefully. I squeezed my eyes shut, and the words rolled off of my tongue. "I'm not cooking, cleaning, or doing anything for you anymore. It is over. I’m leaving.”

Dan made his ways towards me, pushing a stack of boxes out of his way. His face was turning beet red, I could smell the booze emanating off his body, “You aren’t going anywhere, how many times do I have to tell you that?”

He ended the question with a sadistic laugh that turned into an even more sinister smile.

“The hell I’m not leaving, I told you I am finished! I can’t do this anymore!” I screamed back at him, “I can’t! I’m sick of this!”

Dan pushed a box of dishes over to get to me, I dodged the shattering glass, trying to keep distance between us. I grabbed an empty wine bottle and started waving it in front of me, shouting as loud as I could, “Keep away from me! Stay away!”

I felt like Shelly Duvall yelling at Jack Nicholson in The Shining, with the same build up of fear coursing through my veins.

“Let me go.” I cried and pleaded while swinging the bottle carelessly in front of me, “Please let me go.”

Dan ignored my cries and tried to grab the bottle. I threw the bottle as hard as I could, it distracted me as it shattered at his feet. I let my guard down for a millisecond, giving Dan just enough time to grab me by the sleeve of my sweater and pull me to his chest.

My feet dragged across the tiled floor as he pulled me towards the kitchen once more. I got a hand free and went straight for his face, dragging my nails across the tender skin. He hissed and threw me towards the wall next to the staircase then turned and doubled over in pain just as the door opened.

As I crumpled to the floor Brian rushed to my side at the stairs while Matt and Jimmy tried to put distance between Dan and I.

“Let me at the motherfucker, I’m not standing by watching him hurt her!” Brian shouted as he tried to get up and go for Dan.

"Brian!" I screamed, reaching for his hand, "Stop."

I turned my attention to Dan, "Just let me go, please." I tried pleading with him.

I spoke with a shakiness in my voice as I got up and the boys put more space between Dan and I, “I’m going to leave now.”

Then there was an explosion of violence, all of them clashing in the middle of the almost empty living room. I shrunk out of sight, trying to make it towards the front door. Then I remembered my cats, sitting in the private shelter I called my office. I tried to sneak towards the staircase, but Dan managed to break free and cut me off and I went back the other way trying to keep as much distance between us. He came at me once more, grabbing me by the sleeve.

"You fucking bitch!" he yelled in my face as he pushed me up against the wall, "I gave you everything, this house, your car, your career, and this how you repay me."

Brian tried pulling Dan away from me but his grip tightened on my arms. I spat in his face and started screaming for him to stop.

“Stop it Dan!” I screamed, Matt and Brian grabbed a hold of him and pulled him away from me. But they kept getting thrown or pushed away. I ran towards the front door but tripped over the corner of the rug in the middle floor. I got up as fast as I could and continued forward, but Dan caught me by the wrist and yanked, sending me stumbling through the living room.

And I fell and all I knew was pain from there on.

My body tensed, my senses went haywire. There was a hot stinging sensations surging through my body, I couldn’t breathe. I tried to take a breath. It felt like nails were piercing my flesh. The light was blinding. There was a ringing in my ears. I couldn’t focus.

I started to drift, the world around me slowed and everything started fading.

I could hear my voice being called. Matt pulled me towards him, saying my name.

He shouted and lightly slapped my face, “Aubrey! Stay with me Aubrey. Say something!”

I wasn’t sure what was going on around me. It was all such a blur.

I let out a bloodcurdling scream and started writhing in pain.

“Someone throw me a blanket or something!” Matt was scrambling around me.

Brian was screaming at Dan. I could hear his fist connecting with Dan’s jaw.

I heard sirens in the distance and that was the last thing I remembered.

I woke up, it was bright. I could smell disinfectant in the air. I reached up and felt the tug of the IV, it was then I realized I was in the hospital. I looked around the room and saw the boys sleeping in chairs. I tried adjusting in the bed and felt tightness in my back. I groaned, trying to figure out what was wrong.

“Hmm, you’re awake.” Brian stretched and pulled his chair up to the bed.

I yawned, “What’s going on? What happened?”

I tried picturing what happened the night before, but nothing came to mind.

“You fell through the coffee table.”

I sighed, “Where is he?”

Brian grabbed my and squeezed it, “It doesn’t matter. He won’t be bothering you anymore.”

“If you say so.”

“He won’t be bothering you, I promise. He is going to jail for a long time.”

I started crying, mostly out of pain but also out of relief. It was over, I wouldn’t have to go through the hell I have been living anymore. Brian ran a hand over my messy hair and kissed my forehead, telling me to get some sleep.

This was the end to my darkest days.

Notes

That's it, hope everyone likes it. I will have more in the next couple of days.