"Peace of mind is less than never"
Chapter 1 - My little secret;
The house lights suddenly blared into life as Avenged Sevenfold finished their encore during the last leg of their European tour in London. Johnny Christ covered his eyes in a vain attempt to dispel the glare of the light but it was no use. He slowly turned away to face the rest of his band mates, rubbed the stars out of his eyes and looked down to his wrists that were wrapped in multiple bandanas and sweatbands, hiding his secret life underneath. You see, no matter how much joking around and bravado Johnny showed on and off stage with his friends and fans, it couldn’t mask what he felt inside, how emotionally his life was falling apart, how after his final break-up with his on and off girlfriend Lacey left him shattered and unable to support himself on his own in a new apartment alone. He did truly love her.
On top of that he was recently overcoming a small gambling problem that he was paying for through loan sharks and friends and it was taking a toll on him financially. Those who he was in debt to were taking every bit of money he was currently earning through the band or had saved over the years. These were difficult times and only made worse through the death of one of his closest friends and subsequently the bands drummer, Jimmy ‘The Rev’ Sullivan. Because of this Johnny felt as through he didn’t want to add anymore pressure to his friends by talking about his problems, he didn’t want to be a burden. So he kept his thoughts to himself, and let all of his anger out on his wrists.
After the show was over Johnny and the rest of the band bounced backstage to congratulate each other and the stage crew on another fantastic show.
“Who’s up for some drinks? I feel the need to celebrate!” beamed Matt Shadows the charming lead singer of the band. Everyone nodded enthusiastically at the idea, all except Johnny.
“I think I’ll give it a miss thanks guys, I’m pretty tired” replied Johnny, eyes down, making sure that no-one noticed his sudden change of mood. “I’m just going to head back to the hotel and hang out there if that’s okay”
“Do you want me to come with you man?” Zacky Vengence, the rhythm guitarist of the band responded. He thought he would be nice seeing as how they were sharing a room together.
“No it's okay thanks, I'm going to make a few phone calls”. It was hard for Johnny to say as he would love for Zacky to come back with him and help him with all his problems but he knew that it wasn't possible. Plus he really didn't want to bring Zacky's ecstatic mood down; nothing was his fault after all.
After leaving the rest of the guys to go drinking Johnny headed back to the hotel room where they were all staying instead of the bus as a special ‘end of tour treat’. He unlocked the room and entered into the darkened space.
Silence.
It was strange for Johnny, being in a room where all he could hear was a ticking of the clock on the side counter and his own breathing. Johnny locked the door and crossed the room to the large mirror opposite the bed. There he slowly began to undress, revealing his body to his own reflection. Due to his mood recently he had lost quite a bit of weight, which was starting to show to his band members. After pulling off his t-shirt he began to unwrap the sweatbands and bandanas that covered his arms.
He closed his eyes and attempted to think of happier times. Times where when he felt upset he could confine in Zacky or his ex-girlfriends Lacey, whose arms would wrap tightly around him making each little problem seem a little bit better.
As he opened his eyes Johnny managed to glance down at his wrists, currently covered with deep red slashes that formed no real pattern. Johnny sighed and started his way to the bathroom for a shower.
The warm water cascaded down his face and naked body, smoothing the aching sensation in his wrists; everything seemed to be okay for that one moment in time. The continuous drum of the water momentarily stopped every bad thought from entering his mind.
Johnny was just beginning to drift off when he heard the room door open.
On top of that he was recently overcoming a small gambling problem that he was paying for through loan sharks and friends and it was taking a toll on him financially. Those who he was in debt to were taking every bit of money he was currently earning through the band or had saved over the years. These were difficult times and only made worse through the death of one of his closest friends and subsequently the bands drummer, Jimmy ‘The Rev’ Sullivan. Because of this Johnny felt as through he didn’t want to add anymore pressure to his friends by talking about his problems, he didn’t want to be a burden. So he kept his thoughts to himself, and let all of his anger out on his wrists.
After the show was over Johnny and the rest of the band bounced backstage to congratulate each other and the stage crew on another fantastic show.
“Who’s up for some drinks? I feel the need to celebrate!” beamed Matt Shadows the charming lead singer of the band. Everyone nodded enthusiastically at the idea, all except Johnny.
“I think I’ll give it a miss thanks guys, I’m pretty tired” replied Johnny, eyes down, making sure that no-one noticed his sudden change of mood. “I’m just going to head back to the hotel and hang out there if that’s okay”
“Do you want me to come with you man?” Zacky Vengence, the rhythm guitarist of the band responded. He thought he would be nice seeing as how they were sharing a room together.
“No it's okay thanks, I'm going to make a few phone calls”. It was hard for Johnny to say as he would love for Zacky to come back with him and help him with all his problems but he knew that it wasn't possible. Plus he really didn't want to bring Zacky's ecstatic mood down; nothing was his fault after all.
After leaving the rest of the guys to go drinking Johnny headed back to the hotel room where they were all staying instead of the bus as a special ‘end of tour treat’. He unlocked the room and entered into the darkened space.
Silence.
It was strange for Johnny, being in a room where all he could hear was a ticking of the clock on the side counter and his own breathing. Johnny locked the door and crossed the room to the large mirror opposite the bed. There he slowly began to undress, revealing his body to his own reflection. Due to his mood recently he had lost quite a bit of weight, which was starting to show to his band members. After pulling off his t-shirt he began to unwrap the sweatbands and bandanas that covered his arms.
He closed his eyes and attempted to think of happier times. Times where when he felt upset he could confine in Zacky or his ex-girlfriends Lacey, whose arms would wrap tightly around him making each little problem seem a little bit better.
As he opened his eyes Johnny managed to glance down at his wrists, currently covered with deep red slashes that formed no real pattern. Johnny sighed and started his way to the bathroom for a shower.
The warm water cascaded down his face and naked body, smoothing the aching sensation in his wrists; everything seemed to be okay for that one moment in time. The continuous drum of the water momentarily stopped every bad thought from entering his mind.
Johnny was just beginning to drift off when he heard the room door open.
11/17/13