♡LOLA'S POV♡


As Zacky sped off in Brian's car with him unconscious, sprawled across the back seats, I finally broke. When the car turned the corner and went out of sight, I sank to my knees and buried my face in my hands, letting the anguish out. Seeing Brian, so defenceless and defeated had unlocked the hidden guilt in my heart and allowed it to come to the surface. He had purposely angered Matt and then let him nearly kill him. All because of me.

I wouldn't accept him back into my life and I wasn't sorry for that because he had done me wrong and he knew that, but it had still hurt to see him so desperate. When he was pleading for me to take him back, I had been so tempted. How easy it would have been to have just reached out and embraced him, welcomed him back into my life and forgotten his mistakes. But then how would he have ever learned? Who's to say he wouldn't walk all over me again? As much as it caused me physical pain to reject him over and over in front of his friends, it was ultimately the right thing to do.

It was going to be extremely difficult to stay away from him though. When he was talking to Arin earlier, I should have been focusing on how shocking it was that El had cheated on the poor man but instead all I could think about was how good Brian looked. He was dressed all in black, his T-shirt fitting perfectly to his hard chest and his mussed up, inky hair falling sexily to his angular, serious face. I had drank in his dark beauty like a woman who had never seen the sun. My hands had itched to run over his day old stubble and my lips had ached with the need to kiss his saddened mouth. Yet I had to stand there and pretend like it wasn't killing me to not touch him.

"Lola," a tortured voice broke into my thoughts, filled with self doubt and hate. I knew immediently that it was Matt and several emotions rushed up at once. Should I yell at him for his actions? Should I cry and block him out? Should I forgive him because I knew he was sensitive and Brian had antagonised him? As soon as I thought that, I quickly rejected the idea. No way could I forgive him just yet. He was going to have to work hard to earn my forgiveness.

A hand grasped my shoulder and I nearly fell over my feet in my rush to bolt. I jerked sideways and snapped my head up, my eyes wide with fear.

"Don't touch me," I choked out. Matt backed up straight away with his hands up, as if I was a wild animal that he needed to keep calm. I stared at him, breathing heavily, and slowly raised myself back up so I was standing.

"Please don't hate me, Lola," he pleaded.

"How?' I whispered, my hands hanging limply at my side, mirroring the sadness in my voice. At my pain filled question, Matt's eyes flickered and I saw the mass of regret and guilt he was carrying. He nervously fingered the hem of his shirt, then he took a step forward, almost involuntarily as if he didn't even realise he was moving.

"You should hate me but I'm begging you not to," came his flat response. It seemed as if he had removed himself from the situation so that he wouldn't get hurt when I imminently told him to get lost and find new friends.

I wasn't quite ready to banish him though. "Matt, listen to me." His eyes darted to mine and this time they glinted with hope.

"You're going to take me in your car and drive me to the hospital so we can see Brian. On the way you're going to explain yourself so I can decide if I want to forgive you," I ordered him in a soft and deadly voice. It dripped with a heavy threat, ready to become a reality if he didn't do as he was told.

Matt sighed and fisted his hands. My heart thudded in my chest as I awaited his response. I wasn't used to being assertive so I wasn't sure how he would react. If he was petty and said no then I would simply get Arin or Johnny to take me and make the decision to cut out Matt for good.

"Fine," was Matt's bare response. I didn't have time to breathe out before he warned, "But I'm not going into the hospital and I'm only telling you what I want to so no awkward questions."

I nodded briskly and walked over to his car, gesturing for him to unlock it. He did so and I climbed in, tentatively moving his hoody off of the passenger seat. His car was in a complete mess and I couldn't help but compare it to Brian's spotless car. I had never missed a person more in my life. Matt started up the car and backed out of the driveway.

I let him get onto the main road before saying, "Ok, explain. Why did you go mental at Brian?"

He focused on overtaking a car then let out a deep huff of air. His hands were gripped tight on the steering wheel and the veins in his arms were standing out.

"You really want to know why I flipped out on Brian? 'Cause it might change your views of him," he cautioned me, glancing at me for a brief second to see my nod before returning his vision back it the road.

"Seven years ago I was in a relationship with a beautiful woman. She was perfect and she was mine," Matt's voice was quiet and carefully blank, but I could sense the simmering emotion beneath. He had really cared about this woman. "The only bad side of our relationship was that she was a heavy partier. And so was Brian at that time so they were like partners in crime. They would go out together and score whatever drugs they could whilst drinking themselves into a state. I tried to escort them both and make sure they were safe but it was too much on top of maintaining the band. I stopped accompanying them."

The barely veiled pain in his voice was becoming more apparant and I felt myself tearing up at the obvious ending to this story. I tried to dry my eyes but it was fruitless against the tears that ran down my cheeks and spilled onto my hands.

"One night I got a call from Brian. He was at the hospital, drunk and high of course, and he told me that my girlfriend had overdosed and was in a coma. I raced to get there but I was too late. She died ten minutes before I got there," Matt finished.

I dropped my head and let the tears run freely. The pain that this man had been through was horrifyingly large; he'd had to suffer through the deaths of his best friend and his girlfriend, one of which he obviously thought was Brian's fault.

"Matt," I whispered, my voice breaking for his tortured soul. "I'm so sorry," I sympathised as I placed a shaking hand on his knee.

"Don't be. But also don't expect me to be civil to Brian now that you know the truth. It wasn't completely his fault but as well as myself, I hold him to blame."

"I know," I whispered.

"He got his punishment though. He served six months in prison for drug use and he was nearly done for selling drugs as well which would have increased the sentence to five years but Brian knows a lot of powerful people and they got him out of it. That's why he gets so pissed off when people ask him about his past and all that shit. He's ashamed."

My mouth fell open at this revelation. I'd had my suspicions about Brian being in jail after the pool party and it's stilted ending, but hearing it as the truth was still shocking. He'd actually served time for drug use. It was unbelievable.

"So you've never forgiven him?" It was more of a statement rather than a question.

"I can kind of forget about it when we're just fooling around and having fun, but as soon as I look in his soulless, dead eyes, the anger comes straight back. We can never be the same."

Just as another round of fresh tears came on, my phone rang, jolting us both. I pulled it out of my jeans' pocket and saw that it was El. I accepted the call and put it on speaker.

"Lola, where the fuck did you go?" came El's frantic voice. It was partially overridden by the sound of the wind, signalling that she was outside.

"Matt's taking me to Brian. I need to see if he's alright," I explained sharply. I wasn't sure how to speak to her anymore knowing that she'd cheated on Arin. It sure wasn't the El I knew.

"He kicked me out, Lola," she sobbed. "I'm standing on a street with a suitcase and no money and nowhere to go."

She sounded more desperate than I'd ever heard her before and for a moment I felt a lance of fear got through me; the situation she was in had been exactly what I'd been scared of before coming here. My heart ached for her but I also knew that she didn't deserve my sympathy. I looked at Matt for help but I could see by his hunched shoulders and vacant expression that he wasn't in the present or listening.

I decided to be firm with her. "You're there El because you made the conscious decision to cheat on Arin. It's your fault and only yours. " I relented slightly with her, "But you're my best friend so once I've seen Brian I'll call you and we'll sort something out, ok? Just stay calm."

"Thanks, Lolly," she sniffed pitifully. "I thought you were angry at Brian though?"

"It's complicated," I said, then I ended the call.

I tucked my phone away and turned back to Matt. "If Brian comes out of this ok then I forgive you. If he doesn't, or if you've left some kind of permanent mark on him, I'll never speak to you again."

He simply nodded without taking his eyes off the road.

"You remind me of her," he murmured so softly that I almost missed it.

"Your girlfriend? Why?" I asked.

"You're beautiful and kind like she was and like her, you don't see Brian for what he really is. You're too enamoured by his presence to see the rotten core inside. And it will be your undoing, just like it was hers."

The rest of the drive was silent.

---

At the hospital, a tired looking but friendly nurse directed me to where Brian was being treated. Matt stayed in the car and bluntly told me that he would stay until I was done. I was apprehensive in the huge American hospital but I eventually found my way to the floor where Brian was. I was alerted to his room by Zacky pacing outside it.

When he caught sight of me he jogged over and embraced me tightly. I let myself be enveloped in his strong arms and allowed myself to go limp and my tears run. I fisted my hands in his soft hoody and buried my face into the crook of his shoulder. He too seemed to take comfort in my touch as he gripped me tighter.

"How is he?" I whispered against his neck, almost dreading the answer.

Zacky didn't let me go; he simply spoke beside my ear and continued to rub my back soothingly. "It's not good. His face is pretty much destroyed. He has a broken nose, several fractures across his face and they've just examined his chest to see if there's any damage there."

I heaved in a gasp then choked out, "Is there?"

"A fractured rib and collarbone," Zacky whispered, his voice weak and reedy.

"Oh my god," I felt like I was going to throw up. Matt's huge hands had caused huge damage to Brian's body and I immediently knew that Matt was not going to be forgiven in a very long time.

"Can I see him?" I asked, stepping back out of the that life saving hug. Zacky's eyes were huge against his pale face and I guessed that he was in a bit of shock at his brother's condition.

"Yeah, but you know that he's in a proper state and he's on loads of pain meds. He's pretty out of it," Zacky told me.

I pursed my lips together and swallowed to try and stop myself from being sick but I nodded to say that it was ok.
Zacky nodded back and opened the door to Brian's room.

I stepped in after him and my eyes quickly shot to Brian's still form lying in the hospital bed. His eyes were closed. He only things I could identify him by were his black hair and his tattoos running up his arms and his "FOREVER" tattoo peeking out the top of his black T-shirt. His eyes matched the darkness of his shirt and the rest of his face was a myriad of bruising colours. He was wearing a neck brace and I guessed that his ribs were covered in gauze. It physically hurt me to see him so crushed.

"I'm leaving the band," Zacky stated into the silence as he stared at Brian with a steady expression. I stayed quiet and let him explain in his own time. Brian remained in a still slumber.

"I mean, Brian's one of my best friend's and I fucking love the guy. I can't keep watching Matt and him fighting. One of them is going to end up killing the other and I want to be there to stop it but I honestly can't do it anymore. I don't think Brian will want to be in the band after this either. I guess that Avenged Sevenfold had come to an end."

Zacky's voice cracked on the last word and he dropped his face into his hands. I wrapped my arms round his trembling frame and held him tight. We stood there for what seemed like ages as Brian slept on in front of us.

Notes

:0 Is Zacky serious about leaving Avenged? :0

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