Reliving the Nightmare

♡BRIAN'S POV♡

I woke to a throbbing head, a scratchy throat and the uneasy sense that something was deeply wrong. Coils of snakes wound their way through my stomach and forced my body to come out of its slumber. I stretched my sore limbs and tried to recall memories of last night. It felt like I'd been in a fight or something because my arms and legs were so sore, as if they'd been beaten mercilessly. My mind attempted to reach back to last night, pushing through barriers and fog to cling onto blurred images and stolen moments.

"Brian, what have you taken?"

The panicked voice screeched through my mind suddenly, highlighting a distant memory from the night before. Flashes of white powder, sharp needles and immeasurable highs hit me all at once and I was left reeling from the sudden onslaught. It kept coming though: the unfiltered fear splayed across Lola's face and her panicked voice gone unnaturally squeaky because of her worry. For me.

"Aw shit," I groaned as I rubbed an aching hand across my sensitive face. The scruffy stubble on my chin felt like razor blades against my skin and I silently cursed my current fragile state. My voice came out rasping and hollow as if it hadn't been used in eons.

I shifted my head against the fluffy pillow and cracked open my eyes cautiously. Light flooded into my deprived pupils and I winced and threw my arm up to shield them. This sent a current of agony down my arm, like blades were being ran through it. Shit, I was not in a good state.

I took away my arm, ignoring the pain, and forced open my eyes. It took a second to adjust to the sun streaming in through the open windows but when I had, I scanned round my bedroom quickly. Everything was in order and seemed normal, minus the en suite door being flung open.

Oh, and the fucking man sleeping next to me.

Zacky's sleeping form was sprawled out unceremoniously beside me, his dark hair mussed up on the pillow and dark circles ringing his eyes. I imagined that I resembled his pale face and dishevelled figure. He certainly looked as bad as I felt.

I gently sat up and leaned over to tap him lightly on the shoulder.

"Zack. Dude, wake up," I grunted, waiting until his green eyes blinked open and he focused on me. Zacky was usually a light sleeper, waking up to the smallest of sounds, so the fact that I was awake first and having to rouse him worried me slightly.

"Bri, what's up?" he whispered as he rubbed sleep from his weary eyes.

I stared at him passively and chewed on the inside of my cheek. I was absolutely shitting it. I knew Lola was pissed at me if she wasn't sleeping beside me as she always curled up with me every night. I realised that I had given her a fright with the drugs and not being in the best state, but she had to understand that it wasn't a big deal and that I was fine. Wasn't I? So I had lied to her and missed out the fact that I liked to get completely out of my face every so often, so what? It's not like she's in charge of me. I'm a grown man and I can make my own decisions, as bad as they may be.

But damn did I feel guilty.

"What do you remember from last night?" I asked him casually as if I wasn't absolutely fucking panicking that I had fucked everything up with my girlfriend.

"Shit man. Give me a minute, would you?," Zack chuckled as he stumbled out of the bed, fully clothed from last night. He clumsily made his way into the en suite, most likely for a piss.

"Shit, Gates. We must have had a hell of a time last night judging from what's left over," Zacky called out from the bathroom, his tone slightly awed.

I scrambled off of the bed and jogged to join him, desperate to see what I had done. I prayed that it was only minor and that Lola had been over the top about it all. Surely we hadn't done that much?

As I walked in, all of my hopes that Lola would forgive me were crushed. It was like a war zone. Drugs lay on all of the counters and bottles of beer were smashed on the floor, amber liquid spilling out. I was pretty certain that there was vomit splattered on the toilet seat and various stains marred the previously white polished tiles. I gazed in horror at this trashed space and wondered how I could have let it get this far. Lola and I had showered in here and brushed our teeth side by side in front of that very mirror and here I had gone and just destroyed all of that in one reckless moment of ecstacy.

"Zack, fuck," I uttered, pure devestation wreaking havoc in my voice. "Oh fuck, what have I done?"

Zacky shrugged and replied, "Brian, we can clean it all up. It's fine, your bathroom will be spotless in no time."

I frantically shook my head as he turned to look questioningly at me. I ran my trembling fingers through my hair and tried to calm my racing heart. Fucking hell, there was no way Lola could ever trust me after witnessing me wrapped up in this mess.

"Zack, you don't understand. Lola fucking saw us last night!" I spat at him, my anger and frustration lashing at him unfairly. I panted heavily, my chest heaving up and down as confusion turned slowly to understanding as the reality of my fuck up dawned on him.

"Oh," he mumbled, dumb with shock. I could see the cogs ticking inside of this clever man's head as he worked the situation out. Tense seconds of silence passed as I anxiously waited for him to speak his usual words of wisdom.

He opened his mouth and I leaned closer to him and listened harder, desperate for a solution.

"You're fucked," he enunciated slowly and mockingly.

I threw my hands up as he doubled over laughing, his grating laugh getting on my already frayed nerves.

"Fuck you, you dick," I swore at him as I stormed out of the bathroom and out of my bedroom. His laugh continued on as I muttered curses all the way down the stairs. So much for good friends, he couldn't have been any less help if he'd tried.

I picked up the post on my way past and absently leafed through it as I trudged into the kitchen. Bills and other crap like that stared up at me. I glanced up for a moment as I stepped over a lacy pink bra. Must have been a good party last night. Shame I hadn't been around to enjoy it.

I grabbed my phone off of the microwave and unlocked it, a regretful arrow piercing my heart at the picture of Lola and I smiling for my lockscreen. If I had messed up that then I was a bigger fool than most people thought. I scrolled through my usual collection of junk in my emails then clicked on my messages, five of which were new.

'Dick move, Syn. You took it too far this time- JB'

'You deserve all you get from her, you're an idiot-MB'

'Awesome party last night, thanks man-CHRIST'

'Call me as soon as soon as you can-DAD'

'Lola's staying with me now. I'll come and get her stuff tonight, she told me that she doesn't want to see you. Is Zack ok?-SHADS'

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" I screamed, staring at the last message from Matt in rage.

Lola was staying with Matt? How dare he jump in there as soon as I was out of the picture. We hadn't even spoken about the night before and he was already getting in on my relationship.

"Brian? You alright?" Zack called out and I heard him come barrelling down the stairs. He sprinted into the kitchen to see me clutching my phone in a death grip and my jaw clenched so hard that my teeth were grinding together furiously.

My gaze switched to him and he stepped back at the intensity of my expression.

"Lola's staying at Matt's," I hissed out through gritted teeth. "I fucking knew that he liked her and now he's pounced on her. He was all over her when we were together so imagine what he's like now that he knows we're having trouble."

"C'mon Brian, Matt's not like that. He wouldn't do that to you," Zack tried to calm me but my mind had already leaped ahead and was imagining Matt's large hands wandering on forbidden territory. So help me if he touched her...

"I'm going to kill him," I bluntly stated as I picked my jacket off of the chair and shrugged it on over my T-shirt. My hands were steady and my intent was clear.

Zack jumped in front of me and laid his hands on my chest, pushing me back. I looked past him, towards the front door. I needed out so I could go kill that bastard and reclaim Lola.

"Calm down right now. You're not going anywhere like this," Zack told me as his eyes pleaded me not to make his life anymore difficult.

My eyes flicked to his and I smiled briefly. "Like what?" I asked innocently.

He hesitated, wondering if he should answer honestly, before sighing, dropping his gaze and saying meekly, "Unhinged."

That stilled me. Was he right? Was I losing it? It was the absence of other half; she kept me sane and collected. Without her, I was erratic and angry.

Another thought popped into my head and an evil grin slid across my face. I pushed Zacky aside and headed towards the front door, ignoring his protests.

"Don't fight with him, it's not worth it," he called after me.

"I'm not going to see Matt," I shouted back. "I'm going to see Arin and his bitch of a girlfriend."

I heard a whoop and a holler behind before Zack bounded beside me and fell into stride with me to my car.

"It's about time we kicked her out of our lives for good," I muttered under my breath as the anticipation of a fight briefly made me forget the hole in my heart.

Notes

"Listener aggression is advised"~Custer, Slipknot

Ah I'm so sorry I haven't posted in so long, my life has been beyond hectic and I haven't had a minute to myself!:/
Bit of a short chapter but I'm getting onto the good stuff now so please keep reading and subscribing!
Thank you lovely readers!!!:):):)

L xx