The Other Sullivan

Lucy was gone when Jenna woke. It didn't matter. There was only one person she was thinking about and she had no idea what he was doing right now. She dragged herself out of bed. Her hair was a mess and matted down severely needing a brush. The first thing she did was open up her closet door and rummage through to the back, finding an old Vans shoebox. Sitting herself down on the floor, she opened the top and peered inside. The box contained old photos from the time she so badly wanted to forget. But now she found herself going down memory lane.

It all started two weeks after Jimmy's funeral. Jenna had gone back to his home. Her heart was broken and she wanted nothing more than to be surrounded by everything Jimmy. She pulled on one of his old hoodies. The fabric didn't even smell like him anymore. It must have been ages since he'd worn it but she didn't care. Growing up, she'd always taken his clothes. Especially in middle school. During a time when her body was changing and she didn't like what she saw, Jenna often stole her older brother's clothes and every time it irritated Jimmy. Jenna walked throughout the empty house just staring at his things. They would eventually be packed up but nobody in her family could bare to part with anything right now. It was like she could still hear his laughter, his drumming, his messing around. It was like she could hear his footsteps. Wait…that was real footsteps she was hearing walking down the hallway. Her eyes fell on none other than Matthew Sanders who seemed surprised to see Jenna standing there wearing Jimmy's clothes.

"Hey," He said quietly, walking towards her, "How are you doing?" He asked quite hesitantly. Almost as if he was afraid the girl in front of him would break into tears at any moment. Tears he wasn't prepared to deal with.

"As good as I can be?" She suggested, shrugging. She no longer felt like herself. All the happiness had been sucked out of her. Her brother had been so full of life. He was a hard person to forget even if he hadn't been her brother. Everyone was struggling with his death differently. Jenna chose to keep everything inside. She had been numb at the funeral. No tears, no sobbing. Almost like it hadn't sunk in yet that he was gone. "I keep expecting him to walk in and ask what the hell I'm doing here and to stop touching his shit." Her voice was soft and emotionless.

Matt let out a chuckle. Not much of one though. "I know. He was always telling me to leave his beer alone and to stop moving his drumsticks." The truth was, they all had stories of Jimmy. He showed different sides of himself to everyone. Jenna was more than five years younger than him. She was a baby to him and he very much treated her as such. If he thought she couldn't do something, he'd do it for her. If he thought she shouldn't be at a party where there was drinking, he'd pick her up and take her home. He took care of her. He was overprotective of her and wanted better for her. He had seen a lot in his day especially with touring and he didn't want her to live that same life. He would've been very upset to know Jenna didn't plan to return to college in the spring. How could she when her life was torn apart? "Your mom said it was alright if we came by and looked for a few things to keep. The guys are on their way over." Matt couldn't stand the loss of Jimmy. Nobody could. You didn't know what it'd be like when somebody was gone until they're actually gone and there was nothing you could do to change it.

It was only a matter of time before Brian, Zacky and Johnny got to the house. And it was only a matter of time before they were sitting in a circle drinking in the middle of Jimmy's bedroom and reminiscing of the one they lost. Zacky opened a drawer close to his friend's bed and looked up to the others, "It's probably a good thing we're going through his stuff now, ya know, get rid of things he probably doesn't want his parents to see."

"What are you talking about?" Brian asked, reading the minds of everyone else who sat there staring at Zacky with questionable looks. Did they really want to know what he found?

Zacky shrugged, "Just a sex drawer. But would he really want his mom to know he uses these?" He asked, letting a pair of handcuffs dangle from his finger. Oh Jimmy. No doubt that drawer was full of condom wrappers too.

"She already knows about his drawer. She always told him to keep it well stocked with condoms because she wasn't becoming a grandma early." Jenna piped in. Granted, she might not know the remaining contents of the drawer. Her lips pressed against the beer bottle as she pulled herself up off the floor and started going through things again. She was finding all the normal stuff. Nothing she hadn't seen before. There was a scatter to find more things as embarrassing as Jimmy's sex drawer.

Johnny found a rubber chicken covered in dust under the bed, "Hey, do you guys remember this?" He asked, raising it in the air. "That time in New York-"

"When we were drunk-" Brian continued for him.

"And he gave the homeless man twenty bucks for it-" Johnny kept talking, nodding and starting to laugh.

"And then he spent the rest of the night walking around with it under his arm asking girls if they wanted to see his cock do tricks." Matt finished for them. The group erupted with laughter. There were many stories that started off when they were drunk. "I can't believe he still has it."

"Why would he get rid of it? It was the best pick up line ever. When the girls got offended he pulled out his rubber chicken to show them he wasn't a complete ass. He was kind of like Carrot Top with less red hair and more alcohol." Zacky said once there was finally more oxygen flowing to his brain to form his words.

Silence grew. The five of them stopped in their tracks. They stopped looking for more things to talk about. They stayed silent, just remembering Jimmy. "Do you guys remember the last words you said to him?" Brian asked curiously, his eyes shifting between each of them.

"I told him I'd see him later. We were talking about the album and he said he had these awesome lyrics that he'd just finished and that it'd be the final thing he did for the album." Matt piped up first. His voice was low and sullen as emotion caught in his throat sounding as though he might cry. Everyone seemed to feel that way thinking about their last conversations with Jimmy.

Zacky smiled a little bit, "He tried to prank call me and didn't even block his number. Literally the last words I said to him before I hung up were, 'You're gay.' He just laughed." Slowly, each one sat down again. Except for Jenna. No, she stood right were she was staring between the guys. Their last memories of Jimmy seemed far better than hers.

"He had dinner with us and dressed like a complete tool and tried to speak in a British accent the entire time. When he left he looked me in the eye and said, 'That was mighty delicious old chap. We'll have to do it again sometime.' And I told him he'd be making me dinner next if he wanted to get into pants." Johnny spoke up, shaking his head at the thought. Those were horrible last words to someone. He was definitely going to start thinking more about his final words to people when conversations ended. Maybe make them more meaningful in the event he didn't see them again. Johnny wouldn't mind his friends sitting around talking about memories of him if he had died young.

The boys' eyes landed on Jenna who was caught almost off guard that they wanted her story too. Her green eyes hit the floor and she shook her head slowly before looking back up, "I don't remember my last words to him." She lied through her teeth. She remembered. She just wanted to forget and didn't want anyone else to know what an awful sister she was.

Stories went on for hours before the boys left. Well, everyone except for Matt. He was still going through Jimmy's stuff. "Stay as long as you want." Jenna told him in a weary voice. She would end up sleeping in the guest room tonight. There was no way she was awake enough to drive home. She only had a few beers. And they were few and far between. She was perfectly sober enough but had no energy.

Matt hoisted a bag up onto Jimmy's bed and started going through the contents. Dirty clothes, an tooth brush. Probably stuff packed from his last trip. "Hey, I think this is for you." He said after finding an envelope with Jenna's name on it. His hand held it out to her, watching as she read it to herself.

Her eyes scanned the page. A letter. From the now deceased Jimmy. She kept the words to herself. They were meant for her. "Is there a snow globe in that bag?" She asked, momentarily stopping to look to Matt. After a minute of looking he finally found a tiny snow globe with the Eiffel Tower in it. "That's for me." She said slowly. Tears welled up in her eyes and a giant lump formed in her throat making it so hard to swallow. He'd gotten her a present from his last trip. Jimmy had single handedly started for Jenna a snow globe collection. She had globes from around the world and many different countries. It was always the token he'd brought back for his sister. This was the final one.

The tears finally fell from her eyes. Her hands came up to press against them as if it would make it stop. Matt stood there waiting for some explanation. Some sign that he should comfort her. Jenna sucked in air through her teeth trying to catch herself and calm down, "The last thing I said to Jimmy was that I hate him." She confessed to Matt, "We got into an argument over what I should be studying and what will actually make me money and I told him that I hated him and that he's not my mother." Her head shook as Matt practically leapt forward to wrapped his arms around her. He towered over her. Jenna was rather short but she melted into his embrace. "I tell him I hate him and he gets me a fucking present." The present was his way of saying he was sorry. At least that's what he claimed in the letter.

"He knew you loved him. He loved you too." Matt assured her quietly, holding her close. Jenna knew Jimmy loved her, obviously he did. But did he really know that she loved him and appreciated him for everything he did for her over the years? Probably not. Because she didn't express it often and she was always away at school. At least for the last few years. "He knew you loved him." He repeated, running his hand over her red hair. "He knew we all loved him." Never in a million years did Matt think he'd be standing there comforting the baby sister of his deceased best friend. He wanted nothing more than to cry with her. And that's what he did. He was feeling just as much as she was. They both lost someone special to them. Now nothing was stopping the tears from falling from his eyes.

That was the beginning. That was when everything changed.