Matt’s POV

“Where the fuck are Jimmy and Gates?” I raged, pacing the backstage area. We were due to go on stage in five minutes and those assholes were nowhere to be seen. I couldn’t believe they were pulling this stunt after Jimmy almost missed our show yesterday. Could they really be this fucking stupid?

“Relax, Shads I just saw them in the dressing room not ten minutes ago, they’ll be here,” Zack said patting my shoulder and looking me up and down with a raised brow. “What’s up? You’ve been a fucking bear all morning?”

“Nothing, I just want to get this over with,” I lied. In truth, I was fucking pissed about Maya. It seemed like she was doing everything in her power to avoid spending time with me, and just when I thought I was starting to have a break though with her. Was she avoiding me?

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to her hang out with her friends or help them; I wanted time with her too, god damn it. We’d only had what, an hour of alone time in the past two days? It fucking sucked and I was getting sick of it. If Maya pushed me away after the show again, I was going to fucking lose it. Let Gates and Avery figure out their own problems, though I agreed with Gates about JB. He really shouldn’t be fawning over Gates’ girl. And how JB was tiptoeing around us right now, I’m sure he was feeling the heat from whatever happened earlier.

I knew something else must have happened between Avery and Brian when Maya left me to go comfort Ave, yet again, and Brian went straight for the bottle of Laphroaig. I wasn’t about to get in the middle of it, but I felt for the guy. I knew how it felt to think like someone was trying to take away something you loved. Hell, in some ways I felt that way right now. Not because Maya was helping her friends but because she was too involved with everyone else’s problems to worry about us. That thought hurt. Was I not as important to her? Fuck, I didn’t want her to think I was being selfish, but god damn, an hour over two days wasn’t enough. I was going through withdrawals.

“Never fear…the party is here!” Gates slurred as he stumbled up the stairs followed by Jimmy. Fucking hell, how the hell were these asshats going to play completely smashed? I hadn’t seen Gates this far in the bag in a while and even though Jimmy looked normal, he was looked as pale as a sheet of paper.

“Whoa, what the fuck did you guys drink?” Johnny coughed, waving his hand in front of his face as they walked by. And he wasn’t kidding they reeked of alcohol.

“Oh, you know, a little of this, a case of that….Never felt better,” Gates chuckled, slinging his arm around Christ’s shoulder and dragging him to the edge of the stage. “Look at all those screaming fans ready to eat us alive….it’s going to be a great fucking day and no one,” he shot a dangerous look to Jason, “is going to stand in our way. I hope you assholes are ready to fucking party.”

“Hell, yeah we are!” Johnny cheered, clapping him on the back and causing him to stumble forward. But that was the least of my worries because at that moment, Jason handed Jimmy his sticks and he looked like he was holding a foreign object. What the fuck?

“What do I do with these?” Jimmy asked, looking slightly panicked as he looked down at his sticks and then back at Jason. “I don’t know how to fucking use these!”

“Stop fucking around, Jimbo, it’s time to go on stage,” I said, moving over toward him and adjusting my earpiece. When his eyes met mine, I froze, realizing that he was being dead serious. His eyes were completely glazed over, telling me that he was drunk off his ass? Wait a minute, he was still drunk this morning at breakfast from the party and the impromptu day drinking with Gates totally screwed him over. Fuck!

“I don’t know how to play the drums…” Jimmy said, looking over toward his set and then back to JB. “Here, you play,” he insisted but he just shook his head.

“No way, Jimbo. Just go up there and do your thing, it will come back to you in a minute I’m sure. Nothing to worry about,” Jason said, looking between Zack and I with a worried expression. We’d never seen Jimmy like this.

“It’s going to be fine, he’ll remember and Gates will sober up when we walk out on stage,” I said, trying to convince myself that this wasn’t about to be a complete and total shit show. “Here we go, let’s fucking do this!” We all moved to take our places on stage as all the lights went dark. Please let this show not be a complete disaster. I just kept telling myself that everything was going to be okay, and I had to believe that not only for myself but also for my friends.

Only, I wasn’t right. The show was fucking awful. Not only did Jimmy play the wrong drums in the wrong order in the wrong song, but Gates also played half of the show laying down on the riser. Luckily his fingers still fucking worked and he only stumbled a few times. Did the fans notice how terrible the show was? Thank fucking god they still screamed and cheered after every song because I was embarrassed to be on stage right now. This was our worst show to date, even worse then when we had to turn off Johnny’s sound completely. Not to mention that it was fucking hotter then hell today.

“Good night Burlington, you’ve been a great motherfucking crowd! We hope to see you again soon!” I yelled into the microphone before leaving the stage, not meeting any of my friend’s faces. We all knew that sucked and there wasn’t any need to discuss it further. I just wanted to get out of this city and spend some much needed time with Maya in the back of the bus.

When I reached the bus, I was surprised to see all three girls sitting around the table with tall glasses of iced drinks in front of them. They all stopped talking and looked in my direction when I stepped on the bus. Avery’s face and eyes were swollen and puffy and she immediately averted her eyes away from me. “Everything okay?” I asked, tossing my bag on the couch and making my way toward them.

“Yeah, if you don’t count heat stroke and crappy sales,” Jess joked but neither Ave or Maya cracked a smile. The little gnome literally looked like she was in physical pain as her eye welled with tears again. Maya just pulled her close and ran her fingers through her hair, refusing to look at me. “How was the show?”

“It fucking sucked,” I sighed, stopping next to Maya and putting my hands on her shoulders. I slowly started to message her shoulders and Maya let out a light moan. Oh, that’s right, I knew exactly what she liked and I hoped she hadn’t forgotten that. Now all I had to do was get her back to the bedroom and this day would be salvaged. “Try playing in this heat with fire exploding behind you and two of you band mates out of commission.”

“What do you mean out of commission? What happened” Maya asked, her beautiful brown eyes meeting mine for the first time this afternoon. I could see her stubborn resolve disappearing and I liked that. We both knew we wanted the same thing—that release of ecstasy.

“Jimmy and Gates are fucking sloshed out of their minds. Jimmy even forgot how to play the drums and Gates just laid there on the rise and played,” I said, only for Ave to get up and head to the bathroom at the mention of Brian.

“Good going, Matt,” Maya groaned, standing up to follow after Avery. “We almost got her to stop fucking crying and you had to go and mention fucking Gates. Don’t you have any tact?”

“What? I was just answering your question!” I gapped, totally confused as to how this was my fault.

“I’ll go check on Jimmy…” I heard Jess mumble as I chased after Maya. Not that it mattered because I was gone down the hallway before Jess could even move from her seat.

“Maya, wait,” I urged, following her toward the back of the bus to the bathroom. I grabbed her hand and pulled her into my chest, my eyes pleading with her to hear me out. “Maybe she just need some time for herself,” I insisted, looking down at her beautiful features.

“She doesn’t need time to herself, Matt. She needs for her asshole boyfriend to come apologize for being the worlds biggest ass,” Maya snapped pulling away from me. “And she needs me,” and here she was running away from me for someone else’s problems again.

“Well what about me?” I finally snapped not able to take it anymore. Maya’s brow furred as she looked up at me, anger evident in her features.

“What about you? What about you, Matt? My best friends needs me and for someone with five fucking best friends, you’d think you be a little more open to helping them out,” Maya raged and I felt like she had slapped me in the face, which only pissed me off more. “How fucking selfish can you get?”

“Me selfish?” I scoffed. Oh that was fucking rich. “Maya we haven’t had any time for just the two of us in the past two fucking days! It’s like you’re avoiding me!” I thundered, running my hands over my face in frustration. “When is it going to be fucking time for us and our problems instead of everyone else’s? You can’t fucking fix this. It’s not your battle to fight!” I was starting to see red by the time I was done, all of my pent up emotions flying out at once.

Maya gapped at me, pushing me back into the back bedroom and slamming the door behind her. Her fists were clenched and it was honestly the most angry I had ever seen her. What was she going to do, hit me like she did, Gates? Well, at least it would be some kind of physical contact.

“I cant fucking believe that you would say something like that!” she seethed, pulling her hair at the roots. “I’ve done nothing but spend all my time with you for the past month and a half. I even fucking left my best friend for you and you have the nerve to say that to me? Well news flash Matthew, my fucking life doesn’t revolve around you!” Maya yelled, her face inches from mine.

“You’re right,” I growled right back, not able to control what was coming out of my mouth from my anger. It was no secret that I was a hot head and bad day in combination with the bad show and the Maya withdrawal really set me over the edge. “Your life revolves around everyone but me. I’ve given you fucking everything and you can’t even be bothered to put me first just for five fucking minutes!”

“I never asked you to give me anything!” Maya yelled back, her face red with frustration and anger. She spoke with her hands moving in front of her, our bodies’ inches apart. Neither of us were backing down. “So you know what, take it all fucking back and leave me the hell alone! I have a friend who needs me.”

I gapped at her for a moment before I let out a frustrated growl. Did she seriously just say that? She couldn’t have meant that and I refused to accept it. “I’m not gong to fucking take it back! I would just like to see my fucking girlfriend for more than two minutes at a time, but that obviously is too much to ask!” I continued, her last comment that was eating me alive. “When am are we going to have time for us?” I asked again, burning a whole in her eyes with angry and demanding gaze.

“Matt, you just don’t get it! I’m—“

“You know what, Maya. Fucking save it,” I scoffed, seeing her getting ready to argue with me some more. I wasn’t in the mood for a full out screaming match and I would undoubtedly say something else I didn’t mean. That always happened when I lost my temper. “Do whatever the hell you want because I’m tired of having to prove my worth to you! I’m out of here,” I said before turning and storming off the roadie bus just as it roared to life.

I was so angry right now that I could barely see straight. How could she not understand what I was trying to tell her? Was she that fucking dense right now? I felt like I could literally strangle someone. I just wanted to spend some quality time with my girl but apparently that was way too much to ask. Fuck, how had this all gotten so fucked up?

“Yo, Shads, let’s go. We’ve got to hit the road if we are going to make it to Massachusetts tonight,” Matt Berry called. “Get on a bus and lets get a move on. We have to check into the hotel before midnight to keep our reservations.”

“Whatever,” I grumbled, climbing the steps to the bus only to find a fucking madhouse. Jason and Jess were both trying to get a highly intoxicated Jimmy into his bunk while Brian was laying in the middle of the floor seeming to be half laughing and half crying as he looked up at the ceiling. Fucking Christ, this was going to be the longest four-hour ride of my life.

“Welcome to the mad house,” Johnny chuckled, passing his cigarette and a beer.

“Yeah, you can fucking say that again.”


Avery’s POV

“I didn’t mean to cause you and Matt to fight,” I said softly, hiding my face in a towel. Maya and I were sitting on the floor in the master bedroom, cuddled up against the edge of the bed. My head was on her shoulder and her head was on top of mine, both of us crying on and off now. I just felt so guilty for putting a riff in their relationship too, even though Maya kept telling me it wasn’t my fault.

“Please stop apologizing,” Maya sighed, pulling away and looking down at me. “Matt just doesn’t understand that my life doesn’t always have to revolve around him. And I cant believe he said that we haven’t had any alone time in two days, that’s fucking crazy.”

I chewed my bottom lip, thinking back over the chaos that had ensued and as much as I hated to admit it, I think Matt was right. I mean, the only time they had really spent together was the hour before the show yesterday. The rest of the time had been us gallivanting around with Jimmy and Jess in countless adventures.

“What?” Maya asked, looking at my expression. I was never good at hiding my emotion on my face. Dad always said I was an open book, which may have been why I sucked at lying.

“Matt does have a point…I mean you really haven’t spent that much time together over the past few days.” I looked down at the floor as I spoke, afraid to look up and meet her eyes. Maya hated it when I told her that she was wrong when it was something that she strongly believed in. “We’ve had a pretty busy schedules with my dad, the shows, and Jimmy’s adventures…”

Maya sighed and laid her head back on the bed in frustration. “Why are you talking his side?”

“I’m not I’m just…showing you his side,” I tired, still trying to figure out how to understand Brian’s side. I mean, how could he honestly think that I had something with Jason? Unlike Matt and Maya, Brian and I had been pretty much inseparable over the past week because we were afraid I was going to have to leave again. Was that just a honeymoon period? Was real life crashing down on us now? Were we going to be able to recover from this? I surely hoped so because right now my heart ached just being away from Brian and thinking about him being so angry at me for nothing. What could I do to fix this?

“I guess I just hate that I feel like he is trying to control everything I do,” Maya finally admitted and I nodded.

“I don’t think that’s what he’s trying to do, love,” I said, pulling her head to my shoulder. It was now my turn to comfort my best friend even though I was still a complete wreck. “Matt loves you and he just wants to show you. Do you think maybe you are still unknowingly trying to push him away?”

“I don’t know…maybe…” Maya sighed. She hated talking about this stuff but I felt that it was a necessary evil right now. She needed to sort through these feeling so that she finally admit what the rest of us already knew—Maya loved Matt.

“Are you afraid of losing him when we go back to school next month?” I asked quietly, knowing that I myself was afraid of that with Brian. Though at the rate we were going, that fear may become a reality sooner than I thought. That alone made my breath hitch in my chest and my heart drop into my stomach. I loved him and I didn’t want to lose him—it would hurt too much. I just hoped Maya and Jess were right in that Brian would come around.

“Yeah…are you?” Maya actually admitted a fear openly which was a huge step for her.

“More than anything…which is way I want to fix what we have so badly. I want to enjoy our time together because even though we may not have it forever, I want to cherish the moments we do have. Those are the moments that we will remember twenty years from now, not the hurt that we felt when we were apart. So just stop pushing Matt away, M. Let him sweep you off your feet and actually experience what it’s like to breath for once…” I said and she sighed. Maya knew I was right but if she would follow my advice was another story. I had already told her this same song and dance multiple times. I just hoped that one of these times would sink in.

A comfortable silence fell over us and just as my eyelids were starting to feel heavy, Maya gasped and then happily clapped her hands. “I just got the most brilliant idea!” she squealed.

“I’m listening,” I sniffed, trying not to let thoughts of Brian plague my thoughts.

“I think we should go out on the town tonight, just you, Jess, and I. No guys and we will have a good time…think about things and let the guys cool off.”

“I don’t know,” I sighed, looking out the small window to my left. “I’m not really in the mood to do anything…I just want things to go back to how they were yesterday.”

“And that’s exactly what we are going to do!” Maya insisted, standing up and pulling me with her. We both stumbled slightly as the bus took a turn. “We are going to go out and have fun and forget all about our problems. We can dance and drink…and don’t tell me that you couldn’t use a stiff drink, Ave.”

She was right, I really could use something to take away the dull ache that I was feeling. I just didn’t know how Brian would feel about me going out. Would he even notice? It wasn’t like he’d even texted me all day to check on me. For all he knew, I could still be back in Vermont. You know what, fuck him. I wasn’t going to let Brian’s stupidity ruin a good time with good friends. “I’m in,” I said and Maya squealed, moving over to our suitcases.

“Come on, let’s find something to wear!” she gushed, bouncing up and down. I had almost forgotten how much this girl loved to party and get dressed up. “If I need to, I will whip something together for us.”

“Do you think Jess will come?” I asked as Maya riffled through my bag.

“Of course she will, I already talked to her about it a little bit,” Maya had on her thinking face as she looked down at the dresses she had pulled out of the bags. I knew that look and I could see that she was sorting through ideas in her brain. I didn’t know how she thought of the things she did sometimes. She was so creative, which was the main reason we were going to go into business together when we graduated from college. She would do the fashion, and I would make the designs and we would have our own clothing line.

“Ave? Maya?” a deep voice sound as someone rapped on the door. “We are arriving at the hotel. We will be checking in a few minutes so get your stuff together,” Matt Berry said.

Within fifteen minutes, Maya and I were standing in the lobby with our suitcases, waiting for Matt Berry to come back with our room key. We had specifically asked to be placed with Jess today and thank goodness Matt didn’t ask any questions. We had arrived before the Avenged bus and I hoped to make it up to our room before they came in. I didn’t know if I could face Brian yet after what he had accused me, not to mention the pain I would feel from seeing him. I hated not being with him and I craved his touch and presence, but I wouldn’t’ give in. He was the one that needed to apologize.

“And here is your key,” MB said handing it over to us with a light bow. “I hope you don’t mind the suit. I stole if from Jimmy for you but don’t tell him or I’ll feel his wrath,” he chuckled.

“No problem and thanks, Matt,” Maya said as we both hugged him. “Now if you’d excuse us, we have some plans to attend to.” Maya said, taking my hand and turning toward the elevator just as the Avenged guys came bursting through the door. They were all laughing and hanging off each other. I frowned as my eyes instantly landed on Brian who was laughing with Jimmy about something. I he looked so fucking handsome when he threw his head back and laughed and it hurt to know that I wasn’t there with him. He obviously didn’t notice my or miss my absence by his actions, which only made me feel worse.

“Come on, little gnome…let’s go,” Maya said, pulling me into the elevator just as my eyes locked with Brian. He froze and stopped laughing the instant that our gaze met. And just as the doors began to close, I could have swore Brian was moving towards me, but I convinced myself that I had just imagined it.

Notes

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