Maya’s POV

I could say I was more than stunned, I didn’t see that one coming. “Matt, please” I needed him to tell me. I would be thinking about it the entire time, I just had to know.
“You told me that you’ve never had as strong of feeling for someone as you do me and that you’ve never felt so devoted….and,” Matt stopped a small smile playing on his lips, as if he recalled exactly what had happened, making me even more nervous.

“And what?” I whispered, waiting anxiously for his answer, my hands cupping his face, that smile still present.
“And I could have sworn while we were making love that you said those three little words…” Matt finished and I stilled.

I let the earlier night replay in my mind, and I did say things to him, my brain had still been a little foggy from the alcohol but I remember bits and pieces… and I meant what I said, but did I really say the three little words and now I wouldn’t remember them?

I would remember if I really said them right? I saw Matt’s face, the one from pure joy and love turning into the one with sadness and disappointment right before my eyes and I was the cause of it.

Great Maya, really fucking great. You just made up and you ruined it yet again…
Fuck me, this couldn’t be real. I had to do something, I breathed deeply in and out, my hands caressing his cheeks but he wouldn’t look at me.
“Matt, it’s true that I never had such strong feelings for anyone and… god, Matt you make me feel things I have never felt before… you make me go crazy… in a good way.” I winked when his eyes finally met mine.

“But you don’t remember?” Matt sighed and was about to get up, he slowly set me on my feet but I wouldn’t let him get away that easily.
I had to make him realize even though I didn’t remember saying them or we weren’t sure, that wouldn’t change the way I felt.
But how did I answer his question now?
“We don’t lie to each other, right?” I asked and that gave Matt another notch down, his head hanging low, he even took a step away from me but I pulled him back.

“No way, you stay here, Sanders!” I told him and he looked at me with a lifted eyebrow.
“No, we don’t lie, tell me the truth” He said finally and I nodded “I do not remember… but I know what I felt and what I feel now. I felt so many things when I was and wasn’t with you, I missed you, I felt safe and loved when I was back in your arms. I don’t want to be apart from you, Matt. I can’t get enough of you, when you are around, I can hardly concentrate… and I think I saw the same effect on you today, too?” I finished and he gave me a smile and pulled me into him.
“You might have, and yes I’ll take that... whatever I can get” He whispered in my ear, but I knew it wasn’t what he really wanted to hear, and I would have to make up for that.

Sometime later Ave and I sat together over the VU collection that Zack had talked us into modeling. Okay fine, he didn’t have to talk us into, we were very willing to do it. And I didn’t know why Brian and Matt were getting so anxious about the whole thing, we wouldn’t be recognized, normally the models are never really seen.. and even if, that’s just a model job nothing bad about it, and even if Fans would recognize us, I mean… what the hell. I liked the thought of everyone knowing that big guy belonged to me, and I think Ave thought the same… not about Matt but about the brown eyed one.

The more Ave and I talked about, the more I was getting excited about modeling for VU and Zack, when Brian and Matt had left us alone with him to talk about it some more, he revealed that there would also be male models, but he didn’t want to reveal that before the guys, knowing they would flip shit right after they… let’s say… adjusted to the thought of us doing the job.

“Girls? The merch is waiting! We gotta go!” Jess called from the door and I sighed, damn I really thought I could watch the show tonight, I really really wanted to. Seeing Matt and the guys on stage, but especially Matt always gave me this high, like I was on a drug, but a special drug… more like love.
Did I just really think that?
Maybe I was coming closer to saying it and maybe Matt was right and I did say it… damn it, why couldn’t I remember?

“We are coming” Ave brought me back from my thoughts and I frowned what did she say?
“Come on, dreamy head, we gotta go” Ave pulled me up and I sighed back to work.

The show would start in about 15 minutes and not many people were showing up on our booth so we really had a boring time and for 3 people way too less work.
“Where is your head at Maya?” Ave asked and I grinned “I think probably exactly where yours and Jess is just more in the front” I grinned and Ave chuckled “Yeah, Jess is in the back and mine to the right” We all chuckled about the positions our boyfriends had on stage, while we didn’t really know if Jess and Jimmy were official.

“Ladies?” Matt Berry’s voice sounded from beside us. “Are you bringing us more ice-cream?” I asked and Matt shook his head, “No, I’m sorry. The last time we brought you ice we got in trouble.” Matt winked at Ave who blushed a nice little pink.
“A certain lead singer, guitar player and drummer asked me to cover for you girls so you could watch the show, how does that sound? Better then ice-cream?” Matt asked and I couldn’t get into his arms fast enough “Oh yes! Thank you! You are the best!!” I kissed his cheek and he chuckled, and began to burst out laughing when Ave and Jess did the same “If I knew that would be my reward, I didn’t have to collect some favors from each band member, but hey…” He shrugged and motioned us away “Go, before I think better of this, or collect more favors”

Before he could even really finish his sentence, Ave, Jess and I were running off towards the backstage area, we showed our passes and were going near the stage when a security guy tried to hold us back.
“Here is the end for you, this is a secluded area” He said and didn’t even pay us more attention.
“What the hell.. we belong to the “secluded area”, here!” I held my pass up again but he shook his head.
“Ave, talk to him, or I’m gonna kick his ass to-” I said to Ave when Dan showed up “Got a problem? Oh hey, we were waiting for you, they are on any second” He pushed the guy to the side and motioned us forward and I put a nice smile on my face while walking past dumb ass.

We could finally watch the saw from beside the stage but sadly didn’t get the chance to talk to the guys before they were on, but I could see they quickly found us and Matt gave me a small wave and when Gates did his solo he came to me, grabbed a bottle of water near us and gave me a kiss, he used to do that, when I was able to watch a show, and damn it felt good.

My heartbeat picked up when I watched all his movements, his voice blaring so loud through the speakers it was nearly deafening, but still the best feeling in the world.

“Does this have the same effect on you like it has on me?” Jess whisper-yelled at Ave and me and we knew exactly what she said.
“Oh yes.” Ave and I nearly moaned in reply and chuckled right away.
“I know what I wanna do when we head off stage and towards the bus.” I said winking at the two and Ave nodded “Yeah, and never come out before the next show” She grinned and I looked at her again “Are you really my best friend / little gnome who normally is not able to talk about sex? Because I can’t see that one around here!?”I asked and Ave shoved me playfully away.

“No girl fights” I heard Gates voice but I hadn’t seen him coming, he still had his guitar on, so that must mean the show wasn’t over and then I realized it was Drum solo time and Jess walked to the side, to get a better look at the out of control sweaty Jimmy, behind his drum kit.
I saw him pointing his sticks into Jess directions a wicked smirk on his lips and Jess blushed deeply, it was too intimate to watch so I better looked where my boyfriend was.

“Babe” I heard his deep voice just when I turned to him, Ave and Gates were hungrily kissing and the loud drum smashing sound was a nice distraction.
“Hey, you are amazing… thanks for letting us watch” I whispered in Matt’s ear when he pulled me closer.
“I love it when you watch” He grinned back and I had to think of so many other things I would love to watch him do.
“Be good until I’m back” With that both Matt and Brian went back on stage and I had to grin at the look on Ave’s face, she was so head over heels in love with Brian it was disgusting.

Brian’s POV

The girls had left just before the show ended to help Matt shut down the booth and pack everything up, which was really a shame, cause I wanted Ave as close as possible as soon as possible.
“What’s up, Shads?” I saw him pacing back and forth behind the stage, what was up with him now?
Wasn’t he as excited as I was to see the girls? He also had a backroom, and we would leave for the next destination right after everything is packed up so I didn’t see the problem?!

“Nothing.. but fuck.. man, I think when we are at the bus, we should sit the girls down and finally have the talk with them about what Larry said.” Matt met my eyes and I sighed.
“Can’t we do that another time… I really want to spend the time differently.” I nearly begged and Matt rolled his eyes “Don’t you think I planned that too?”
“But we can’t postpone and postpone… the girls vacation is nearly over… and you heard what Larry said, man?”
“Fine, we will sit them down, in OUR bus, and when we are done, Ave and I have the backroom, just so you know” I narrowed my eyes on Matt and he chuckled “Son of a bitch… fine, next stop I’m outta there”

Said and done, about two hours later we all met up at the bus again and I guided Ave as discussed to the Avenged bus, she smiled at me and I had exactly the same thought in my mind that she had, maybe a little extra here and there, but basically the same.

“I wished I could have stayed and seen you walk off stage and then greeted your properly” Ave said and I smiled, god she was amazing, wasn’t she? How could we waste any time fighting?
“Good show, Gates… you okay Ave?” Jason voice made me stiffen, but I breathed deeply in and out and pushed the thought away, we were over this, she told me there was nothing and I felt Avery relax against me.
“Thanks, Ave is good… She is with me” Okay, fine… I had to say that, I mean… he knew we were fighting and he was the cause!

“Before we can…well, lock us in for the next coming hours, Matt and I need to talk to you and Maya for a couple of minutes, love.” I said and pulled her up the stairs and saw Maya already sitting on Matt’s lap and she smiled up at him with, love… did she finally say it?
I shook my head, we had a different mission right now.

“So what is it you wanna talk about?” Maya asked no one in particular but since Matt didn’t start to talk and Ave and I just said down I sighed.
“When we talked with you about the photo shoot with Zack, we-” I started but was interrupted from Ave.
“Don’t start that again, we already decided, it’s mine and Maya’s decision and you don’t have a say in that, okay?” Ave looked at me from the side, fire in her eyes and I rolled my eyes.
“That’s not what I wanted to say.” I added with a stern look at Ave who blushed a little.
“What is it you wanted to say?” Maya asked and looked at me directly, only waiting for another chance to interrupt me I was sure.

“First, don’t ever freaking hit me again, you got a mean punch woman” I said because I haven’t said that before and she looked like she was willing to do it again, any second.
“You hit him?” Matt looked a little stunned and amused at Maya and Avery chuckled.
“I heard it… and seen it before, she does have a mean punch” Avery said and I nodded, rubbing my still sensitive jaw.
“He hurt my little Gnome. NO one is allowed to hurt her, or I hurt him…” Maya narrowed her eyes on me again and I nodded “Warning received… again.”
“So and what is it really you wanted to talk about?” Avery asked and Matt sighed, now taking over finally.

“The rules and the talk we had with your Dad… We wanted to talk about this before, but… something always got in the way off it… and now that the time is slowly closing in on us… I think we need to get this out.” Matt said and Maya looked not so happy anymore.
“What rules, Matt?” Maya asked and I felt Avery stiffen and I tried to pull her closer, to relax her but she wouldn’t let me.
Damn it, babe.. don’t pull away now… but I didn’t say it out loud, I would let Matt explain and afterwards we could talk about it in private again. I just hoped that would possible, because I bet she wouldn’t like to hear this… even though I didn’t like to hear it either.

“You already know that, we are not allowed to hurt you, or Larry will have our balls, right?” Matt said a little playful but both girls didn’t crack a smile, no time for jokes, buddy.
“Okay, so he said we shouldn’t make it official with you, because he didn’t want you to be dragged into the limelight, with all the fans and the magazines, writing this and that… he is afraid you can’t handle that.”
“I don’t care what anyone writes… as long as we are together, I mean… right?” Ave asked and I nodded, but knew with the next rule this would crumble right down.
“Right, we said to him that we wouldn’t be too happy about that, cause like Gates said earlier, we would love for everyone to know you belong to us, but… it’s not our decision, and that you need to make that choice yourself.” Matt looked at Maya and she nodded “Fine, decision made, next one?”

I had to grin and even Ave smiled a little “I agree, we decide when and what we make public. I won’t be hiding somewhere. I won’t be going to the hotel first and you follow sometime behind, that’s stupid, either they combine it anyway, or we can forget that right away. And Maya and I will do the modeling thing, so that’s set as well… I agree… next one.”

“Did I tell you, how happy you make me, love?” I whispered but apparently a little too loud. Cause both Matt and Maya rolled their eyes and Zack piped up from behind “Are you soon done with your couple therapy there? Other people would like to drink and eat on that table”
“Fuck off” All four of us held up their middle finger to Zack who just shook his head.
“I love you guys too” With that Zack’s head disappeared back into his bunk.

The next one was more of a problem to talk about, at least for me… If I would just say my thoughts, I would be on Larry’s shit list right away, and he would take Ave as fast as possible away from me and I couldn’t let that happen.
I didn’t want her to leave me, but if I wanted to keep her, I had to, that sounding weird right?
I had to convince her to go back to college, so she would stay my girlfriend, but if she would go back, it would be a distance relationship, did these kind of things really work? We would have to make them work!

“You need to go back to college” I said coming right to the point and both May and Avery looked at us dumbfounded.
“What?” Maya was the one to recover first.
“We mean..We don’t know how you two thought about this anyway, you still have college and it’s important. You can’t just skip that in order to be here, right?” Matt asked more himself then the girls as it seemed.
“What do you mean? You don’t want us with you any further?” Avery asked and I cringed, damn, that’s exactly how I hoped it wouldn’t turn out and they wouldn’t get it wrong, but of course they did.

“I haven’t said that.” Matt tried to soothe them “I just told you that you need to finish. I mean… as much as we want you with us, we also know that you have to go back. It’s not that bad, we still have the tour to finish, we will be busy here anyway and when we come back we can have as much time together as we like…” Matt tried but I saw the expression on both Ave’s and Maya’s faces.

“And what if I already thought of going back? You just assumed I wanted to stay?” Maya said and sounded hurt while she turned fully around to Matt who shrank back a little as if she slapped him, shit I thought just like him, that we had to convince them to go back, and not like this.

“You want to go back?” Matt asked and I tried to wager Ave’s expression, what was she thinking and why didn’t she say more?
“I-I don’t know. I didn’t wanna think about that, okay? Not like you have, apparently.” Maya answered and looked over to Ave “Say something, Ave.”
“I haven’t thought about that either, I honestly tried to push the thought away. And I did want to stay, I knew it would freak my Dad out but… knowing not to be here with you, would freak me out even more... but if you…” Ave trailed off and got up, without another word she disappeared with Maya into the back room.

Fuck, this didn’t turn out the way we wanted it to and we didn’t get far either, now the girls thought we didn’t want them here, but how could we say they had to go back, and mean we wanted them to stay. Or the other way around, tell them to stay, but they had to go…

Hours passed and I had taken small naps during the ride and they still hadn’t come back out, after another passing hour I finally knocked on the door and saw them cuddled up together on the bed.
“Ave?” I asked softly but she was asleep just as Maya and I felt Matt move up behind me looking at them.

“We are here… we need to wake them up now anyway.” Matt announced and went to Maya’s side while I set down beside Ave “Wake up, love. We arrived, let’s move into the hotel, alright? We can still talk about everything.”
I just hope I could set things straight again, because I was afraid she would block me out again, and I wouldn’t stand that, not again.

Notes

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