Zack's P.O.V.

I grimaced in disgust as I watched Johnny try to playfully peck Kelsey on the cheek. I stood a few feet away from the group, almost isolating myself to avoid any kind of interaction. I was keeping my distance from Kelsey on purpose because I could tell she was feeling uneasy after what had just happened moments ago and who could blame her? I think I managed to embarrass her more so than I did to myself. I don't know what the hell came over me and the fact that I chose the most inopportune time to decide, 'hey, I think I'll pin Kelsey to the floor and straddle her, possibly turning this into a sexual exhibition while there are people surrounding us like some sort of fucked up act of voyeurism....yea brilliant idea Zack.'

Something just took over me and my surroundings faded to black making me believe only the two of us were present in the room. The feel of her small body shaking beneath mine and the sensual way her chest heaved up and down from short of breath drove me insane. When she gazed back up at me with those dark brown eyes of hers, I felt the pounding of her rapid heartbeat against my body and that was when I couldn't stop myself from lowering my face closer to hers; and when she parted her lips slightly as if to tease me, I was done by that point....I HAD to taste those sweet lips I have yearned for so long. Just knowing I had complete control of her turned me on and if she hadn't hit me on the forehead, I honestly wouldn't have been able to hold back. I just hope to God she was too distracted by her surroundings to even notice the growing erection protruding through my tight jeans.

“I should start heading back, I don't wanna keep y'all from your work.” Kelsey's sweet voice jerks me from my naughty thoughts and I see her begin to pack up her stuff. Shit, I couldn't just let her leave without sorting things out first...it's still not too late to try and salvage this.

I start to take a step forward, but I stop myself and look down only to realize that my 'little problem' still hadn't calmed down. I took a deep breath, trying to walk it off while giving myself some self-talk before I reached her. Shit Zack, get it together. Quick, think of something else...uhh....dead puppies...walking in on my parents...walking in on Johnny jerkin' it...okay, that last one did it.

As my short strides brought me closer towards her, I felt my heart sink when I saw her body tense up at the sight of me. I had to push through it...it'll only get worse if this gets ignored. “Here, I'll help you carry all this out to your car.”

“It's no problem Zack I got it.” She held onto the bags and pulled back once I had grabbed them, but I didn't let go.

I smiled at her in hopes of breaking up the tension. “Stop being so stubborn and let me help you.”

I wasn't going to take no for an answer and she seemed to pick up on that, leaving her no choice but to release her grip on the bags. I felt a wave of triumph wash over me as she accepted defeat and huffed out immaturely; a type of quirk she has that I have always found cute and attractive. I know I should give her some space and let her come to me when she's ready to talk but I'm tired of being afraid. I have to move forward, not take steps backward, but my problem lies in not knowing what exactly I'm going to say to her. I watched as she picked up her purse and I made sure to grab any remaining bags she had when initially arriving here. She said her goodbyes to the guys and I rolled my eyes at how Jimmy was roughly swinging Kelsey side to side. I'm surprised he hasn't managed to rip her into two at this point....he tends to be a bit too overzealous when it comes to showing affection. After he released her and she was able to regain her balance, she cast me a look letting me know she was ready to leave. I was about to follow behind her when I suddenly felt a firm hand grip onto my arm, bringing me to a halt. I whipped my head around to be met with Matt and I caught a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes. I looked up at him, mimicking his facial expression as he pulled me back slightly, causing me to stagger backwards in his direction.

“Yo Zack, hold up a sec,” he muttered discreetly, but still loud enough for Kelsey to take notice and look back to wonder what the hold up was.

I scrunched up my face with frustration, but ended up following him to the back of the room. There was no point in fighting him since I knew Matt wasn't going to let go of me until I agreed to listen to whatever the fuck he had to tell me. I heard the sound of footsteps close behind us and before I had the chance to look back, Tweedledum and Tweedledumber walked around to join Matt, forming a circle, but the spotlight was obviously on me. What the hell was this, a fucking intervention? Why the hell do Jimmy and Johnny need to be here too? I saw from the corner of my eye that both Kelsey and Brian had gotten a head start, making their way out the door. Fuck. Whatever the hell they had to talk to me about, it better be important enough for them to tear me away from her.

“What is it?” I asked annoyingly.

“What the hell was that all about??” Matt blurts out in one jumbled sentence while flailing his hands and pointing over to the scene of the crime.

“Huh??” I ask dumbly, trying my damnedest to act like I didn't get the memo, but their faces begin to twist into confused 'WTF' looks.

Matt's expression turns serious once he crosses his burly arms across his chest. “That nice little 'tussle' you displayed earlier in the middle of the floor.”

“Yea, and? I was just messing around with her just like you all were.” I tried to maintain my composure, hoping they wouldn't see past my bullshit. They slowly, simultaneously turned their heads towards one another, dumbfounded. I knew they couldn't possibly believe I was this dense, but I was determined to keep up this charade as long as I could manage.

“Uh, 'we' weren't straddled on top of her and pinning her down while eye raping her dude. There's a slight difference Zack.” Gee Jimmy...thank you so much for making it sound like I committed sexual assault. You always manage to turn everything into a joke yet sound serious at the same time.

“Did the fact that we were all still standing there just totally slip your mind?” Matt adds another one to the mix and I start to get overwhelmed by the piled on questions.

“I-I don't know what hell you guys are talking about.” I start to stutter, causing me to lose my composure a bit.....big mistake. The problem was that their questions and statements told the truth but I was too stubborn to admit to anything.

Jimmy face palms, shakes his head, then slowly leans over to the side, mumbling to Matt. “Poor sap's finally lost it...and I thought I was the insane one in the group.”

“What??” I couldn't come up with any kind of recovery to save my ass this time around. So much for feeling confident...though it's not like I had them believing any of my cockamamie bullshit in the first place, but I'm still going to play dumb.

“Dude, I was all the way back in the hallway and I could clearly see that you were about to kiss her.” The little pipsqueak decides to join in at the last second. He never misses out on the opportunity to taunt other people as long as it's not him. I need to make a mental note to kick his ass later.

“Well then maybe you should get your eyes checked because you are 'clearly' delusional. It was never my intention to kiss her....I was giving her the chance to counterattack while I slightly had my guard down.” I was slightly raising my voice now unaware that Kelsey could possibly still be in the building and hear our conversation.

“Oh come on dude! Is that really the best you can come up with? Because if it is...I feel embarrassed FOR you. If you're going to lie, at least try. You can't expect us to believe that shit, we weren't born yesterday.” Johnny says with a cocky attitude and the only response I can muster is to roll my eyes at him.

“We're not laying into you, we're just confused as fuck. One day you're denying your feelings for her, then the next you're rolling around with her on the floor....in front of everyone.” Matt's attempt at reassurance fails miserably as it only adds onto the guilt building up inside me. I wish I could erase what happened. Kelsey must think I'm nothing more than a sex-crazed womanizing pervert.

“You're not that easy to read when you go through these mood swings of yours,” Jimmy teases again, causing my temper to rise and snap back.

“Can we please stop with the fucking feminine jokes...it's seriously getting old...and as far as what happened earlier, I'm not obligated to explain myself any further, so just let it go...please. Now if you'll excuse me I have to catch up to Kelsey before she leaves.... without her stuff.” I hastily add that last bit at the end so not to make it seem I'm some sort of lost puppy dog who always follows her around.

I was finally able to break free from that circle of torment I was held hostage in; I turned around and quickly made a beeline to the front door leading outside before they had the chance to say anything else, but I could still feel their eyes bore into the back of my head. I knew I wasn't going to be able to keep this up forever, not like it was a secret anymore anyway...the guys practically know, they're not stupid...unfortunately. I exited the front door and began walking down the walkway paying no attention to my surroundings. I was too involved in my thoughts, trying to put together some kind of explanation...or maybe I should just lie. I got distracted by my thoughts that I didn't even realize the scene in front of me. Once I looked up and caught sight of the nauseating display of Brian holding Kelsey in a close....too close for my liking...tight embrace, I was forced to stop dead in my tracks. I crinkled my nose and sneered at them, more so Brian, and I could feel my blood boil as I clearly saw Kelsey resting her head against Brian's chest while he rubbed her back affectionately. I always knew they had a close friendship but just the thought of anybody touching her in that way, especially Brian, would always make me turn green with envy.

I've always felt a hint of jealousy towards Brian and I know I shouldn't because he's my best friend....but everything I try to do, he does it better and I'd be lying if I didn't admit that it does annoy me to an extent. He's a master at playing guitar (why else would he play lead?), he has a perfect well-toned body which automatically draws every woman on the planet to him like fucking moths to a flame (I mean I got tons of women too, but most all of them flock towards him...I guess every woman wants to experience a night in the House of Syn), not to mention he's sexy as hell....ew...okay I'm starting to sound like a fangirl now and that wasn't my intention. My point is that he's perfect and always ends up getting anything he wants just by standing there. He supposedly has Mina from what I understand...does he have to have Kelsey too?? Come on Zack, stop being a prick....they're just friends, nothing more. I shouldn't even be jealous...Kelsey and I are considered best friends too...well...therein lies the problem. I had forgotten I was still standing here, glaring at the two of them and I was beginning to feel like the third wheel here. Were they going to hold onto each other forever? Shit come on...this is starting to get really weird.

I cleared my throat, purposely making it sound over exaggerated, which managed to grab their attention. “Am I interrupting anything here?”

They quickly pulled apart and looked over in my direction. I could tell Kelsey sensed the irritation in my voice as she tore her gaze away from mine and looked towards the ground to hide the redness on her face. She probably thought I was pissed off at her or too mortified to look me in the eye. I wanted to punch myself in the face....I just can't seem to stop fucking up today. Brian broke the silence which I was surprisingly grateful for.

“Nah man, just saying my goodbyes,” he states while smiling over at me. Damn him for being so fucking smooth.

No wonder he's liked by everyone...he's so mellow and carefree, the complete opposite of me. My opinion of him quickly switched back over to resentment when I caught him lean down to Kelsey and whisper something, his mouth was mere inches away from her ear, making my upper lip curl in disdain. My eyes narrowed and I was slightly confused once I saw Kelsey swiftly grab onto Brian's shirt causing it to stretch out. Her eyes were wide as if they held some concern and she was mouthing something to Brian that I was unable to distinguish, but by examining her facial expression, she wasn't keen on the fact that he was leaving. He loosened her grip from his shirt, gave her one of his signature smiles and again, rubbed the small of her back, making me fume. I just wanted him to stop touching her, but I knew I was being petty and should get over it. I was too stubborn though to listen to reason and as he made his way past me, I kept glaring at him but it backfired with him killing me with kindness. He kept smiling at me and gave me a friendly nod until he was fully behind me and continued to make his way back to the studio.

I turned my attention back to Kelsey and smiled at her to ease any tension, but as soon as I began to stroll over to her, I noticed a change in her body language so I left a mid-sized gap between us to respect her personal space. Her face displayed a mix of emotions caused by my actions and I concurred with her on how weird this felt seeing how we were usually always attached to the hip and touchy feely with one another....in a friendly way of course. What I wouldn't give to touch her in a sexually—dammit Zack...can't you go five minutes without fantasizing about her? I caught her chewing on the inside of her cheek which slightly turned me on...come to think of it, every little thing she does is a turn on, even when she's not trying. I begin to rub the back of my neck out of nervousness but to also try and get my mind out of the gutter. It didn't seem like she was going to make any effort to say anything which was understandable since this was entirely my fault.Come on Zack...just fucking say it! You've been waiting for the right opportunity to tell her, well now's your chance. Fuck the repercussions, fuck the possible outcome....

“Kels I-” She cut me off by lifting her hand up in one swift motion, to the front of my face with an extended open palm. My body instinctively flinched in anticipation, fully expecting her to slap my forehead again.

“Don't Zack. Let's not make this any more awkward than it already is and just pretend it didn't happen...okay?” I was able to detect a faint note of distraught in her voice and it honestly disappointed me.

My chance to account for my actions by giving her a reasonable answer for my odd behavior had been shut down by her fear of wanting to hear the truth. I don't understand why she wants to run away from every little problem she comes across or chooses to ignore it. I'm starting to get the impression that she doesn't feel the same way about me like I do her; or she may be afraid of commitment which wouldn't make any sense seeing how I'm usually the one with that problem. But how the hell am I supposed to understand what she's feeling if she won't talk to me?

I nodded my head in agreement in respect to her decision even though it was eating me up inside. “Yea...you're right. I just didn't want things to be weird between us....are you angry with me?”

She smiled back at me and I could see the anxiety on her face wash away, replaced with relief. “You know I could never be mad at you Zack, even when you deserve it. Your smile would brighten up anyone's day....in a creepy, nauseating sort of way I mean.” That snide remark she added to the end came off as some kind of recovery that I didn't think too much of.

“Psshh, well at least when I smile, it doesn't look like someone beat me with the ugly stick,” I countered back, even though I knew that was far from the truth. Throwing insults back and forth towards one another was always a sign of things returning back to normal but I wasn't particularly happy with the subject being changed this time around.

A cheeky grin spread across her face and she took me by surprise when she began inching closer to me, closing in some of the gap between us and crossed her arms against her chest. “Be lucky you hold the title for best friend because if you didn't I can guaran-damn-tee you would not be standing in front of me right now.”

Ouch....okay I'll admit, the word 'friend' that came so easily from her mouth just now, hurt...but not just 'friend'.....'best' friend....and I could feel my heart twist into knots. I can handle 'friend'...that's not too much of a challenging level to pass, but 'best friend'? I'm trapped...there is no fucking way I have the slightest bit of a chance now. I might as well start calling her 'sis' now, I was basically just 'family zoned.'

I did my best to hide my emotions, not letting her words affect me and responded back. “I thought Mina was your best friend.”

She shrugged nonchalantly. “Well, she is but you come in close to second...along with Brian.”

I cocked an eyebrow at her and scoffed offensively. “Really? You're going to put me on the same level as Brian? Thanks a lot Kels...that's worse than being downgraded to third.”

She rolled her eyes and threw her head back, laughing. “Oh don't look at it from that perspective, think of it as a test to work your way to the top.”

“Hmm...okay, challenge accepted.” I smirked back at her, because I don't think she knew how serious I actually was.

She playfully slapped my arm, causing chills to run up my spine. “Oh stop...now are we going to stand here all day or are you going to help me put that stuff into my car that you insisted on doing even though I'm fully capable of doing it myself.”

I'd much rather stand here all day and stare longingly into your eyes.

“I'm just trying to be a gentleman. Chivalry isn't completely dead you know.” I blurted out the first thing that popped into my mind to rid that previous thought I just had.

She huffed, knowing I wasn't going to back down. “Alright fine, I'm not gonna argue with you, I just didn't want it to seem like I was using you or something.”

Oh please use me...use me for your own pleasure for all I care until I—Goddammit Zack cut this shit out already! Have you really become this desperate for her affection? I saw her lips moving but couldn't hear anything that she was telling me on account I was too busy arguing with my inner self. She must have assumed I had acknowledged her statement because she suddenly turned around and headed towards her car. I made no effort to reciprocate and ended up following her, until I was caught up, now walking beside her. I knew if I stayed behind her, there was no way to control my wandering eyes from drifting down south. We approached her car and she pulled out her keyless car remote, unlocking all four doors. She opened the door to the backseat and I placed the bags onto the floor board with ease. She looks around, double-checking everything to make sure nothing is missing and I chuckle to myself while she's distracted. I find her obsessive compulsive behavior amusing.

“Okay, everything looks secure, thanks again for your help.”

She shuts the back door and then surprises me by opening her arms, bringing me into a tight hug. I copy her actions by raising my arms and wrap them firmly around her upper back. I rested my chin atop her head, taking in her sweet scent causing me to become lost in euphoria. I get so caught up in savoring this moment that I don't notice her try to pull away from the prolonged embrace. The tension in her body brings me back into reality and I mentally curse at myself for possibly overstepping my bounds again. I quickly released my hold of her, slightly stepped back and began nervously rocking back and forth on the balls of my feet with my hands shoved deep inside my pockets.

She nervously bites the bottom of her lip before breaking the silence. “....uhm, so yea, I'll catch ya later then?”

All I can manage to do is nod in response and try to smile to ward off any anxiety. She smiles gently back to me, then turns around to open her car door so she can get in, but something causes me to stop her.

“Kels?”

She pauses then turns back around to face me. “Yea?”

I hesitate for a second before deciding to retract my actions and instead end up shaking my head while smiling reassuringly to her. “Nothing...drive safely, I'll text you later when I get a break.”

She shoots me a puzzled look and I can see the curiosity hidden in her features. “Okay...don't work too hard, wouldn't want you to turn into a zombie again.”

“Heh, yea, I'll try.”

She finally climbs into the driver's seat and before closing her door, she looks over at me one more time. “Bye Zack.”

I stood there and watched as she backed out of the driveway onto the traffic-less road. She gave me another quick wave goodbye before shifting into drive and I smiled at her and waved back. She drove off down towards the interstate and I stood there until she was out of view. I smacked myself in the forehead while repeatedly mumbling 'fucking moron' to myself. I breathed out a heavy sigh and began to walk back up the sidewalk towards the studio. Once I reached the front door, I reached out to grab the door handle but stopped midway once I realized that as soon as I step foot back into that control room, I was immediately going to be subjected to more shit from the band. I decided to take a quick drag before heading back in. If the ridiculing and mockery were going to continue for God knows how long, I was going to make sure my system was filled to the brim with nicotine to prevent me from cracking skulls. I turned on my heel, headed over to a vacant chair and sat down, slouching so that the back of my head was resting on the top of the chair. I pulled out my pack of smokes, slid one out from the package, placed it loosely between my lips and lit the end with my lighter. I took a long drag, almost inhaling the entire cigarette in one puff. I held it in, letting it burn deep within my lungs for a bit, before releasing the smoke through my nostrils.

As I finished off the last bit of the butt, I fished around in my brain, trying to come up with some sort of “explanation” once I re-appeared into the interrogation room. There was no point in lying or making up bullshit stories anymore. My only option was to either admit everything or just ignore the motherfuckers because honestly, what harm can it do now? I took one last puff before dropping the filter onto the concrete and stomped on it with the front of my shoe. I stood up to my feet and walked over to the front door, opening it and without haste, began strolling back into the main control room. Once I enter, I'm taken aback by the fact that everyone is back to working, pretending that nothing had happened. I shrug it off, thinking they may have finally decided to drop the entire thing and begin heading back over to my laptop to pick up where I left off. Before I even make it halfway across the room, another hand gently grabs my arm and I groan in frustration. Fucking hell! What now?! I turned around to be met with Brian....great, he's the last person I wanna see right now.

“Hey Zee, come have a smoke with me out front real quick,” he asks me, though it was more of a statement than a question.

I knitted my eyebrows together. “But I just had one.”

He jerked his head in a knowing gesture. “And when exactly was that?”

“Uh, like literally two minutes ago,” I mocked him.

“Well one more isn't gonna hurt you so come on. And in any way, since when did you start giving two shits about your daily intake of nicotine?” His question actually did make sense....since when did I care?

But my mind quickly alerted me that he was still the enemy here. “I know what you're trying to do Brian. I'm not going out there just so you can interrogate me to death.”

“I don't know what you're talking about...I haven't lit one up since this afternoon and I just want my smoking buddy to accompany me.” He poked out his bottom lip, trying to re-create the Zacky Vengeance pout, but all it managed to do was make me grimace.

I rolled my eyes at him, “fine, whatever,” then turned around to begin heading back outside.

“Dude don't waste your time, we've already tried. If we can't get him to talk, what makes you think he'll even budge for you?” I heard Matt belt out as I continued to head towards the exit.

“I have my ways, you know that.” Brian was so full of himself, that cocky bastard.

“Just please try not to piss him off any more than he already is,” Matt pleaded causing me to scoff in frustration. Yea I had a temper, but it's not like my fuse is lit 24/7.

I made my way outside and instead of sitting down, decided to just lean up against the side of the building. I had no intention of staying out here too long and wanted him to pick up on that. As soon as my back hit the wall, I heard the front door creak open and watched Brian from the corner of my eye make his way over next to me. He leaned back and dug out his Marlboro's and placed one between his lips, then offered me one. I was going to turn him down, but thought 'what the hell' and shrugged before grabbing one from the pack. I lit the end of the stick and Brian mimicked my actions. We both inhaled simultaneously while looking straight forward, not making any direct eye contact. I closed my eyes, taking in the cool taste of menthol, almost losing myself in the silence.

“Alright...so spill it. What the fuck was all that earlier.” Brian's annoying voice broke my reverie causing my eyes to open, but I kept my focus on the road in front of me.

“Honestly dude, why do you wanna piss me off? Does it get your rocks off to see me extremely irritated and angry?” My voice was deadpan and I wasn't sure if it was because I didn't want to fight anymore or if I was experiencing a slight buzz from the drug I was currently consuming.

I heard him chuckle underneath his breath. I never understood why he found my temper so amusing. “You knew I was going to bring it up yet you willingly came out here with me.”

“Only because it wouldn't have fucking mattered if I chose to or not.” The volume in my voice had increased now. “If I had refused, you would have still agitated the shit out of me. The only difference is that would just encourage the rest of the guys to join in on my suffering...again,” I spat back, now putting my entire focus onto him.

“So does that translate into 'yes you're going to talk about it' or 'fuck off'?” He said in a sarcastic tone, trying to make light of the situation.

“What do you fucking think?” I growled before turning back to stare off into the road and take another puff from my cig.

Brian sighed, feeling exasperated by my attitude. “I don't understand why you're being such a dick about this. You were never this defensive about the thousands of women you were involved with before. Does Kelsey really have that much of an affect on you?”

Yes she really does....

“Are you done lecturing me...I really want to get back to finishing the album. It's not going to record itself.” I didn't give him a direct response but by dodging the question, I think the answer was clearly obvious.

“Just allow me to give you a bit of advice. You don't have to speak, or even agree, just hear me out.” He looked over at me and I responded by motioning my hand in a 'go on' gesture. Once he acknowledged it, he faced forward again, took a quick drag and exhaled before speaking again.

“You seriously need to sit down and reevaluate your relationship with Kelsey. Whether you hold strong feelings for her or not, you need to come up with some kind of resolution, or at least try and talk to her face to face. You can't keep giving her mixed signals...it will make it look like all your doing is stringing her along which will eventually push her away and I know for a fact the last thing you want to do, is hurt her. Am I at least right about that?” He again glanced over in my direction, hoping to gain a reply from me in some shape or form.

I didn't say anything nor did I remove my fixed stare from the road which was now flowing with off work traffic. My body language spoke for me as my lips writhed into a sideways pucker, my eyes averted downward towards the concrete and I knew Brian was able to read me by that point. Of course I don't want to hurt her...I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I caused her any pain. What kind of question is that??

“I'm not expecting you to confess anything to me....I just don't want you to fuck up your chances....if there are any for that matter. I could be completely wrong, but I know infatuation when I see it and you're not exactly discreet about it when around her. You and I both know you were never like that with past girlfriends....did you really think it would go unnoticed? You're my best friend man and I just want you to be happy because you deserve it. I may fuck around with you or be a total douchebag but you've known me long enough to know I don't mean anything by it. Just think about what I told you, I'm here if you ever want to talk....we all are.” He finally finished his long ass speech and we both continued to stand there in silence until I sensed him drop his cigarette butt and grind it into the ground.

He pushed himself off the side of the building and faces me. “Anyway, I'll catch ya back inside and don't worry, I'll tell the guys to lay off on you for a while.”

He gently pats me on the back, giving me an encouraging smile before turning around to head back into the studio. After hearing the door shut behind him, I sigh heavily from the weariness and the defeat that has finally overcome me. I curse out loud once I realized my cigarette had burned down to the filter. I must have forgotten I was holding it when I was listening to Brian's continuous yammering....what a fucking waste. I flicked it away with my thumb and watched it disappear in the dirt road ahead of me, not caring if it was still lit. Everything Brian said was spot on and that pissed me the fuck off....not just because he was right about something, but the fact that I was screwed. I now knew where Kelsey stood in terms of a relationship. A part of me actually wants to say 'fuck it' and just take the risk, but I cared about her too much to ruin our friendship. I chuckled to myself and shook my head in disbelief because little did she know....if she hadn't initially interrupted me in the first place....I was finally going to confess to her.

Notes

A/N: Back to Zack's P.O.V. here in Chapter 11. Thank you to all those who have commented and subscribed. The increase in subscribers serves as motivation! As always feedback is appreciated...let me know what y'all think, it's gotten very quiet out there lately :P

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