Come Back to Me

My eyes are now closed, making it seem like I'm sleeping but really I was just resting. I come in and out of consciousness every so often, hearing bits and pieces of the guy's conversations involving the album and the occasional debate over who can chug the most JD without vomiting. As I softly smile and mentally laugh to myself over their constant rambling and banter, I could sense somebody's eyes on me. My eyelids flickered open then blinked repeatedly to clear the blurriness and that's when I noticed from my peripheral vision that Zack was staring at me. I turned my head at normal speed to meet his gaze but the moment only lasts a millisecond on account that once he was caught gawking, his head instantly dropped down to his lap where his food sat and continued to eat. I still looked at him, a bit amused at how timid he was acting all of a sudden. I felt Brian nudge me in the leg with his elbow causing me to tear my attention away from Zack.

“Are you not going to eat anything?” Brian asks, genuinely concerned.

I shake my head side to side, a bit too abruptly. “Nah, I'm never hungry after cooking and smelling it all day...it just exhausts me.”

“You should at least eat a few small bites. You look like you've been purposely starving yourself,” Matt scolds me.

Then Jimmy decides to chime in. “Yea and come to think of it, I don't think any of us have really witnessed you eat...like....everrrr.”

I threw my head back in frustration causing it to hit the back of the couch frame. “Oh God, y'all don't start, I get enough of that shit from Mina every minute of my life.”

“Speaking of Mina, where is she?” Brian changes the subject for which I'm grateful for.

“She had to teach tonight and couldn't really get out of it,” I state plainly, refraining myself from telling Brian who she was teaching. I may be a bitch but I'm not a fucking bitch.

“As long as it's not that one student of hers. That kid is awkward as fuck,” Brian says coincidentally and I get the urge to burst his bubble.

“Well I hate to break it to you Brian...” I pause mid-sentence because I'm trying to hold back the laughter building up, but he seems to get the hint after noticing the grin twitching at the corners of my mouth.

“Figures...little shit,” he scoffs, letting the last two words trail off into a mumble but still loud enough for all of us to hear.

Matt looks up at him surprised but amused at the same time that 'fucking Synyster Gates' seems a bit insecure. “Dude, you seriously feel threatened by some lanky teenager?”

“I'm not threatened by anything, I just think he's a creeper,” he counters while still trying to act all manly.

“Aww, is Bri-bear scared of a little competition?” Zack thought it would be funny to turn the joke on him, but it obviously backfired when Brian's head shot up giving his band-mate a death glare causing Zack's boisterous laughter to taper off into small short chuckles then ended with coughing and clearing his throat nervously before lowering his head again.

It didn't take long for the silence to break and within seconds the guys were back to talking about random shit, acting like nothing had happened. There were some moments where I was questioned about the quartet, how the girls were and how the preparation of our upcoming concert was going so far. Other than that, I remained mostly quiet and listened to them talk. I wasn't normally this socially awkward so I'm blaming it on the fact that I was still recovering from sleep deprivation. I wasn't very successful though in taking a quick cat nap at the moment seeing how Brian kept poking me in the eyelid every time I managed to finally doze off. So I decided to just stay awake, trying to fight the urge not to strangle Jimmy to death. I loved him dearly, but there's only so many 'that's what she said' jokes I can take before I reach my limit. My eyes drifted over to Zack again and I noticed he hasn't been talking a lot since I got here and found it very peculiar he wasn't acting like his normal self. I watched as he picked up a ridiculous amount of Japchae noodles with his fork, unbeknownst to me staring. I smirked evilly and quickly grabbed my phone that was sitting next to me. I was going to fuck with him and I know it wasn't going to end well but I couldn't resist. I opened the camera app on my phone, held it up, pretending to text someone so he wouldn't become suspicious. Once Zack was framed perfectly on my phone screen, I waited until he lifted his fork, that was overflowing with noodles, up to his mouth and shove all of it in.

“Hey Zack?” I asked in a very serious tone.

“Wha-?” He was cut off very quickly by the blinding light of the flash from my camera phone and loud snapping noise indicating a picture was taken of him.

I busted out laughing after pulling up the picture and the rest of the guys followed suit once they got a glance of it. I was able to capture the moment at the right time with Zack looking straight at the camera and his mouth hung agape with the strings of pasta protruding out.

He quickly slurped up the noodles dangling from his mouth, chewing and swallowing before expressing both confusion and irritation. “What the fuck??”

“Since you got all pissy about that candid shot from earlier, I'll just replace it with this one to make you feel better,” and then I turned my phone around so he could see the picture.

“How the fuck is that one any better?? If anything it's worse....you caught me talking mid-sentence while I had food hanging out of my mouth!” He hissed back at me, waving his arms around erratically.

I was bent over, laughing uncontrollably that I could feel tears form in the corner of my eyes. “I'm sorry Zack, I can't help it...it's fun to mess with you and you're so cute when you get pissed off.”

I could tell he wasn't mad anymore the instant I caught sight of the sly grin curving on his lips. “Yea well you're about to find out real quick just how 'un-cute' I can be when pushed too far, c'mere!”

I felt my smile slowly fall and my eyes grew wide once I realized he stood up from his chair, making his way towards me without haste. I mumbled an 'oh shit' under my breath before jolting up from the couch and trying my best to haul ass without tripping over the guys. It figures that Jimmy's long ass legs would be elevated onto the table, blocking my path and causing me to come to a halt.

“75 cents for the toll sweetie,” Jimmy grins up at me with his hand held out.

I roll my eyes at him before realizing that I could easily just step over him. I now regret that decision because as soon as I lift my leg Jimmy suddenly appears standing in front of me, making himself an even bigger obstruction than before.

“Grab her Jim!” Zack yells and before I can even think about moving I feel Jimmy hoist me up by my waist, place me over his shoulder and begin spinning around at rapid speed making me squeal.

I felt the motion sickness begin to rise for the second time today and started to playfully slap the drummer's back in addition to kicking my legs repeatedly. “Dude Jimmy! Stooopppp! Put me down! I'm seriously gonna puke, stop twirling me!”

“Toss 'er over here dude!” Matt joins in to which Jimmy happily obliges and gently throws me into Matt's open arms, now holding me bridal style.

“What the hell am I, a fucking football?!” I say offensively but the torment I was being subjected to only increased their laughter.

My head was still spinning but it eventually subsides and I can only hope I'm let off this crazy carnival ride soon. Before I could protest I feel Matt slowly lower me to the floor and I breathe out a sigh of relief fully expecting this game of hot potato was coming to an end. I thought wrong, though, as I turned around only to be faced with Brian who was presently in a fighting stance, shifting the weight on his feet from one to the other while holding his fists up in front of his face. When he noticed I wasn't putting in any effort to defend myself, he didn't waste any time in shuffling towards me and throwing light punches in my direction.

“Brian! Wait...no! Come on dude, I backed you up when Zack teased you earlier!” I pleaded while while trying my hardest to block his throws with my hands and knees.

Brian shrugged and actually took a moment to take in what I had said. “True....but four against one is too much fun to pass up on.”

“Shouldn't y'all be beating up on Johnny here instead of me?” I question all four of them but kept my focus on Brian, my hands now held up.

“Yea but the little gnome is busy at the moment doing a recording session across the hallway, so you're the next best thing.” I heard Zack's voice, but was unaware of where he was since all my attention was solely on the cocky guitarist in front of me.

“OOH!! I call dibs on his dumplings!!” Jimmy exclaimed, grabbing my attention but my eyes were still glued to Brians.

“Dude what the fuck? You can't just eat his entire portion....” Matt reprimanded with a stiff face but then added, “...split 'em with me.”

My focus broke away from Brian after hearing Matt and my head turned around, followed by the rest of my body. I stared at them with a cocked eyebrow, baffled as Matt waltzed over to the table of food, joining Jimmy and began to wolf down the dumplings like starved vultures.

“Guys.....seriously-OW!” My question towards their stupidity was interrupted by a swift WHACK to the back of my head. I quickly turned back around while rubbing the sore spot and glared over at Brian.

“First and most important rule: never turn your back to your opponent. Come on Kels this is basic stuff here that you should already know.” Brian teased, still displaying that stupid ass cocky grin of his. The guys surrounded us in a form of a circle, laughing and egging us on. I felt like I was in an 'after school' fight, being corralled within the narrow hallway and steel lockers.

My attention was now back to Brian and I was determined not to let him get the best of me. I didn't train for all those years just to get beat by him. “Watch it Haner...you may have a black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, but you have yet to successfully take me to the ground.”

He rolls his eyes at me mockingly and scoffs. “Pfftt, I could easily drop you if you weren't so fucking swift. You're like some kind of shady Korean ninja or some shit.”

“Way to be stereotypical Brian, and in any way that's the Japanese not Koreans, get your cultures straight,” I scoff back at him and then harshly poke him in the forehead when he least expects it.

We both continue to spar, sizing each other up and throwing in quick jabs and crosses whenever one of us would spot an opening that wasn't blocked. We were both holding back since we were both lacking protection and I swore to Brian that I would never throw any high round kicks unless I was wearing my shin guards....don't ask. I could clearly spot Matt and Jimmy from my peripheral vision but I had no idea where Zack was. I didn't think too much about it because I couldn't afford to get distracted again. After a few seconds pass, Brian all of a sudden puts his guard down, lowering his hands and stuffs them casually into his pockets. My face expresses confusion, then I see him grin ear to ear like he had been planning something from the start. I notice his eyes shift from mine to something or rather someone behind me and before I even have the chance to turn around, I feel an arm wrap around my neck from behind. I knew it was Zack by recognizing his familiar tattoo sleeve making me curse out loud. He pulled me down into a headlock and vigorously rubbed the top of my head with his left hand, balled into a fist causing me to squeal from the rough friction. Again the room filled with laughter and I've come to accept the fact that karma has finally caught up with me.

“Zack! Stop! OkayokayI'msorryI'msorry!! I give I give!!” I beg him, not caring if I sounded pitiful. I just wanted to get out of this position quickly before he starts to take notice in my rapid heartbeat; which was not caused by the playful antics from the guys moments ago. Rather it was caused by the close physical contact of Zack's crotch pushing up against my lower back.

He pauses for a minute, taking my soft pleas into consideration. “Hmmm, nuh-uh, I don't think so, you need more punishment.”

He releases his hold from my neck but promptly grabs both sides of my torso and proceeds to tickle me with his rough fingertips sending me into a fit of giggles. “Zack come on, no! Not the ribs! Stahhhppp!”

“Zack I'm serious, you're pushing your luck here,” I warned him but he wasn't going to ease up anytime soon.

“Shit dude, looks like Zack got you beat.” Matt teased Brian causing his cocky attitude to finally diminish.

“Whatever, that doesn't even count. He was tickling her the entire time...the fucker cheated,” Brian sulked while crossing his arms firmly across his chest.

I was getting tired of being manhandled and treated like the victim so I decided to fight back. I got a hold of one of Zack's arms, pulling it off my side and twisted it behind his back, holding him in an arm lock. He gasped lightly as I tugged upwards on his wrist but I knew he could tell I was holding back. As soon as my grip loosened only a tiny bit, he took that chance to bend his knees, lift his left leg and then quickly kick back into my shin, knocking me off balance. He turns around to face me, pulls me into a bear hug before maneuvering his right foot into my left, trying to pull it out from under me. He had succeeded in tripping me and before I knew it we both ended up on the floor. Zack was straddling my waist and he had my wrists pinned down at each side of my head. I was completely dazed, that the fact Zack was physically on top of me, didn't even register with my brain.

“Alright you won...satisfied?” I said wearily in-between short quick breaths.

Zack didn't say anything, he just continued to stare longingly into my eyes and it was beginning to make me feel a bit uncomfortable. He wasn't smiling, his face remained emotionless but his eyes I noticed had darkened a bit and were clouded with....what was it? Desire? No, no, there's no fucking way. I must be delusional.

“Zack?” I questioned him again, but still he was silent turning this entire moment even more awkward than before.

The guys were just standing there, eyes wide and mouths agape. They were obviously just as shocked, probably more so than I was. The moment felt like hours when really it was only a few seconds but the tension filling the room as well as the silence was starting to bother me. I was about to interrupt with some lame joke.....something.... anything to put everyone's attention on something else, when I suddenly noticed Zack's face starting to slowly descend, inching closer to mine. My eyes grew to the size of saucers and I could feel my entire body heat up. My heart was beating so hard from my chest that it wouldn't surprise me if it could be heard throughout the entire studio. The look on his face was something I had never encountered before with him. He slowly licked his bottom lip before grabbing it with his teeth, gently biting down. Was he really about to....no...no he wasn't...shit, whatdoidowhatdoido?? His face got closer and closer and I couldn't think straight so I just did the first thing that came to mind. His grip was a bit loose so I was able to free one of my hands and without thinking I smacked his forehead with my palm, a little too hard but it was enough to snap him out of it. His face contorted into pain as he slowly backed up off me into a sitting position.

“Owwww!” He groaned loudly while rubbing the part of his head where I hit him.

“Err....sorry, there was uh...a bug on your forehead. Don't worry I got it.” I looked over at Zack but avoided his eyes and chuckled nervously to hide my embarrassment. I tried my best to come up with some sort of excuse but I was never good at lying.

Zack looked over at me a bit confused and a bit hurt from what I could tell. “Gee thanks...I think.”

“Awkwaarrrdd...” Jimmy sang, dragging out the word. He never liked being surrounded by silence, it was always unnerving for him but right now I was just thankful somebody said something.

“Hey what'd I miss?” As if on cue, Johnny strolls in all smug with his hands casually stuffed into his pockets causing our heads to turn to him simultaneously.

I jumped up to my feet, now standing and immediately begin slamming into him. “Johnny you little bitch, you've got real bad timing you know that?!”

“I know. I was watching from around the corner in the hallway. You didn't really think I was going to just willingly walk over here and take my normal everyday beating when you were kind enough to sub in for me did you?” He stated with ease causing the guys to snicker in the background.

“Asshole...now I don't feel bad for you anymore that Matt and Jimmy ate your share of dumplings.” I told him causing his grin to quickly drop into a frown.

“Fucking hell.... seriously?!” He yelled, giving the two thieves dirty looks, but it didn't phase them which was expected.

“Oh quit your bellyaching short stack, you need to eat more vegetables anyway, too much starch can stunt your growth. Although I'm pretty sure it's too late now for you to worry about that anymore.” Jimmy joked and then patted the top of Johnny's head like he was a puppy dog.

I couldn't believe I was feeling sorry for him, but I was. “There should be some in the bottom of the bag Johnny. I made extra assuming something like this would happen.”

“You give in to him too easily.” Matt said with disappointment but I just shrugged. That wasn't my main concern at the moment.

I think I was still suffering from the aftershock of previous 'activities' but I try to shove all that in the back of my mind....I'll brood over it later. There is absolutely no way in hell Mina can know about this. Of course she'll automatically figure out something is bothering me once I get home so....fuck. I'm never good at hiding my emotions.

“Aww, I love you Kels!” Johnny stated gleefully and pulled me into a tight hug.

“Yea, yea-- ugghh, dude knock it off!” I placed my open palm against his face, pushing him away as he tried to kiss me on the cheek.

It was getting late and I wanted to try and get home before the sun completely descended, plus I still felt uncomfortable from what happened with Zack and I could tell he was too because he was a bit distant afterwards. I guess everyone else had moved on from it seeing how they were all back to their normal goofy selves, but I had to get out of here...I had to think.

“I should start heading back, I don't wanna keep y'all from work.” I announce and start packing up the empty containers. It didn't surprise me that there weren't any leftovers. My body tensed as soon as I saw Zack walking up to me.

“Here, I'll help you carry all this out to your car.” He starts grabbing bags but I stop him midway.

“It's no problem Zack I got it.” I smile nervously and try to take the bags from him but he doesn't release his hold.

He rolls his eyes at me and smiles back. “Stop being so stubborn and let me help you.”

I give up and just shrug before letting go of the bags, not saying a word and allow him to carry everything for me. I didn't want him to walk me out because I knew that would involve having conversation. It would feel uneasy, not to mention rude if I were to stay silent the entire time, get in my car and leave without saying goodbye. Once he had everything, the guys said their goodbyes and Jimmy prolonged his farewell by, again, pulling me into a hug and swaying my body side to side like a rag doll. I was eternally grateful he was easy on me this time. We were about to head outside when Matt suddenly grabbed Zacks arm and pulled him back causing him to stumble a bit. Matt mumbled something along the lines of wanting to ask him a question or something and Zack gave him a puzzled look but still nodded and joined the others forming a small secluded circle in the back of the room.

“C' mon, I'll walk you out. He'll catch up in a bit.” Brian said, nudging me and making a quick movement of his head in the direction of where the exit was.

As we got to the end of the hallway about to head out the door my ears picked up the guy's conversation back in the control room. It was very faint and low so I wasn't able to make out any specific words, but I noticed the slight increase in volume and wondered if they were arguing about something or just fucking around. I winced as the thought of them possibly bringing up 'the incident' flashed across my mind and that was when I tried to tune them out. I picked up the pace, walking through the propped open doorway and Brian followed close behind. We got halfway down the walkway when Brian's formal request stopped me dead in my tracks.

“Promise me you'll eat a little something when you get home.” I could hear the concern laced in his words.

I inhaled deeply, trying my damnedest to stay indifferent before turning around to face him. “Brian...I already told you that I-”

“Don't pull that bullshit with me Kelsey. You know I've always been able to see right through you. You're not fooling anyone.” He cut me off, his face totally devoid of emotion.

I flinched at the harshness of his words. The only time he ever addresses me by my full name is when he's angry or perturbed and by the way he was looking at me with his arms crossed, he clearly wasn't in the mood to deal with my poor attempts at lying. I didn't like seeing him angry, it was never a pretty sight and now that I think about it, all five of them shared the same characteristic. Well, except for Jimmy....it takes a lot and I mean a whole lot to get him even the slightest bit upset. The rest of them are almost bi-polar; some days they can be abnormally happy and goofy but get on their bad side, then be ready to show your thick skin. My thoughts are interrupted by the repetitive tapping sound of Brian's foot, expressing his impatience.

I sigh knowing he has me beat. “What gave me away?”

“Let's just say the next time you decide to conceal those dark circles under your eyes, you might wanna put an extra layer of foundation on. Not to mention your complexion looks completely washed out.” He lectures and I just look up at him wondering if he was high on something.

I snort showing a bit of attitude and sass. “Alright Bri, any more beauty tips you wanna give me before I leave?”

He doesn't respond and at this point I can tell I pushed it a bit too far once I noticed the disgruntled look he was now giving me. I didn't mean to get smart with him, I was just way past my limit now with the constant probing questions about my health. At this point I'm past the number 10 from the 'on a scale of 1 to 10, how angry are you' survey. I'm off the charts angry....I'm at the 'royally pissed off' mark. I'm surprised I haven't officially snapped yet. I exhale heavily then drop my head and pinch the bridge of my nose with my fingers. I try to gather myself and choose my words carefully before speaking this time.

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get snippy with you,” I say a bit more compassionately. I really did feel bad for biting his head off because he doesn't deserve it. He was only looking out for me and I can't get mad at him for that.

The tension leaves Brian's face and he lowers his head, exhaling slowly. He lifts his head, looks at me and I see his face soften before he slowly walks up to me and wraps his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into a friendly hug. “I just worry about you kid. We all do, but I tend to worry about you more than I should. I guess it's just the older brother in me coming out.”

I mimic his actions and encircle my arms around his torso given my height and rest my head against his chest. “I know...I just....I've just had a lot on my mind lately and it's caused both mental and emotional strain on my brain.”

“Anything that you wanna talk about?” He asks, a hint of hope in his voice.

I purse my lips together, praying he can't sense the anxiety building up inside me. “It's nothing to worry about really....very minor stuff.”

I feel his body stiffen a bit from my response. “Are you sure? I feel like you're keeping something from me.”

“Really Brian it's nothing. You know I would've told you if something was bugging me.” My eyes squeeze tightly shut after I realize what I just said.

How could I stand there, hug him and just blatantly lie to him....a close friend who is practically my brother? I'm a terrible friend and I don't deserve his friendship. I will eventually tell him the truth about everything....about my health, about my struggles...but not now, it's too soon; and I know once I tell him, I will ultimately have to tell the others too. That in itself is just too overwhelming for me to even think about right now and I'm just not ready. I have to do this on my own accord, at my own speed and hopefully they will not hold that against me. But I can already predict how Brian will react when I tell him and it's not going to be pretty mainly because I just lied to him more than once in the past five minutes. I know for a fact he doesn't tolerate dishonesty, which, in my case, means I'm royally fucked. I got caught up in my own thoughts again that I had forgotten that I was still in Brian's embrace. The sound of someone clearing their throat finally causes us to break apart and turn to where the noise was coming from.

“Am I interrupting anything here?” Zack questioned, his eyebrows knitted together in bewilderment as he stood a few feet away, staring suspiciously at us.

I don't know why he was acting weird all of a sudden...he's always known Brian and I were close. There wasn't a hint of romantic interest between us and there never will be, plus I know he likes Mina even though they haven't made it official yet. Both Zack and I were really close as well, but there were some things I just couldn't talk to him about. I know that sounds hypocritical of me seeing how I just fucking lied to Brian. I've basically lied to all those who I care about immensely and it doesn't seem to register with me that I keep digging myself into a deeper hole. When I realized Zack's fixated gaze on Brian and I had not eased up, I averted my eyes towards the ground, unable to find my voice.

“Nah man, just saying my goodbyes,” Brian thankfully cut in, then leaned down to whisper in my ear. “Go easy on him, the guy has been driving himself insane worrying about you to death. I'll catch ya later Kels.”

I quickly grabbed a fistful of his shirt causing him to stagger backwards and look back at me utterly confused. My eyes nearly bugged out of my head as I gave him a pleading look and mouthed the words 'don't go!' He smiled softly at me and gently forced my fist apart, releasing my tight grip from his now stretched out V neck t-shirt. He rubbed the middle of my back affectionately, gave me a reassuring smile and began to walk away, leaving me frozen stiff. I knew he wasn't going to stick around and be the third wheel, but I had a tiny bit of hope that he would change his mind. He wanted me to work out any kind of problems I had with Zack on my own and I fully understood his reasoning behind it, but I just really didn't want to be alone with Zack right now. I watched as Brian casually walked past Zack, giving him a friendly nod and continued to walk back up the walkway towards the studio building. Zack never tore his eyes away from him until he was sure he was at least a few yards away from us, then turned his attention back to me and smiled sweetly. As he began to walk towards me, I felt my body lock up and a shiver run down my spine though I wasn't particularly certain if it was from sheer panic or a tingling sensation....wait what??

I was a bit confused but also sort of relieved when I noticed he stood in front of me leaving a generous amount of space between us. He must still be embarrassed or worried I was going to hit him again making the guilt rise within me. Sometimes I don't know my own strength. The silence begins to build up again as I predicted it would, and I chew the inside of my cheek while he rubs the back of his neck nervously. This is ridiculous...we're both adults here. I was about to say something but he beat me to it.

“Kels I-”

I lifted my hand, holding it up in front of his face in a stopping motion, cutting him off. I didn't want him saying anything that he would later regret or make me have second thoughts on what I was about to tell him.

Notes

A/N:
Here's part 2! Please keep reading and again feedback is always appreciated!

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