Denial

“Nessa! Wait!”
Johnny took a sprint after the girl he wasn’t ready to say goodbye to yet. She stopped and turned around. Her face looked worried, but she was so beautiful, Johnny couldn’t take his eyes off of her.
They stood opposite of each other, both measuring up the other, not sure what to say. Johnny felt something boiling inside of him and before he knew it, he had already thrown it out.
“Will you please go on a date with me?”
Nessa’s eyes widened, startled by the fact that he just asked her that. Maybe even more startled by the fact that she really wanted to take him up on his offer.
“I don’t date anymore”
“Why not?” Nessa received a confused look from Johnny. He was regretting the fact that he let those 9 words escape his lips. He knew it. Should have kept his mouth shut. He would only get into to trouble. It was just a matter of time.

Nessa averted her eyes and looked down, fumbling with her hands.
“Just because. Goodnight Johnny” She kissed his cheek lightly and walked away.
“Then at least give me your number” Johnny called after the woman. He was grasping the last straw, he realized she probably didn’t want to have anything to do with him, but the thought of letting her leave without even the remote chance of being able to see her again made him panic.
She turned around again and shook her head “I’d better not”
And once again she headed for the door.
“Nessa!” He called after her and he could hear the desperation in his voice.

This time, however, she didn’t turn around, she just kept walking, leaving Johnny behind, staring after her. They had such a great night, and now this, Johnny just couldn’t understand. He put his hand to his cheek and lingered in the feeling of her lips on there, her scent around him. Shit! After all those months, He finally found an interesting girl, and now she didn’t want him. It was making him crazy. The feeling of wanting someone again, the feeling of being rejected, once again.
There hadn’t been anything between them, except for an enjoyable night, except for the comfort between them. He wanted that again, he had only talked to her for a few hours, but he knew he wanted more. Not just a night, or a day, or a weekend, no… forever…. Even if it would break his heart in a million pieces. He knew it would be worth it to be around her, even it was just for a little while. He would take what he could get.

He made a few steps towards the exit, debating if he should follow her. Then it hit him, it must have been a sign, he wasn’t supposed to be with her. This was the Gods’ way of telling him to back off, to stay away. Maybe it was for the best. He cursed and then kicked the wall. It might be for the best, but for now it sucked big time.
He turned back to the room where he had left his friends. The idea of going back there, partying like nothing had happened, like he hadn’t met her, seemed impossible. He stood still and sighed. This party was over for him, he didn’t feel it anymore.

Johnny walked back to the room, ready to say goodbye. He stepped in and announced he was going home. 7 pairs of eyes looked at him confused, he normally was the last to leave and now he was the first, but he didn’t feel like keeping up appearances, he didn’t feel like acting to be the life of the party, not without her being here.
“Why?” Brian asked him.
“Because. I’m tired, I want to go to bed. See you all tomorrow.”
He walked out, but felt a soft hand on his shoulder
“Are you okay? What happened?” Izzie stood behind him, looking at him with sympathy in her eyes.
“Nothing happened, nothing at all.” He couldn’t help letting the frustration come through in his voice. He didn’t really blame Izzie, but he couldn’t get past the fact that if she hadn’t introduced them he wouldn’t feel like this now. He would be happily drinking, he would be happily picking up some random stranger, he would have been happily having some no strings attached fun. It WAS Izzie’s fault!

“I know what you tried to do, and now I’m going crazy again, overthinking it, questioning, you know I hate to be like this!” He shot at her, now not able to hide his true feelings anymore.
“She got to you huh?” Izzie looked at him with a slight smile on her face, she always had a way of looking right through me, and for now… He hated her for it.
“If you like her, you should be patient, she got hurt, she doesn’t want to be hurt anymore, so she pretends to be an apple”
He looked at her questionably, not getting what she meant for one bit.
“Don’t ask, you will get it later. Just be patient okay? Go home, get some sleep, I know you will meet her again, sooner than you would expect” Izzie gave her friend a hug and a kiss goodnight, then returned to the others, leaving him alone with his thoughts.
He groaned and turned around, stomping out the door “Ugh, fuck this! I’m going home!”

On the parking lot, in her car, Nessa was screaming in frustration
“No! No! No! This was not the plan, this was not the plan at all!”
Now she got it. Now she got why Izzie wanted her to come so badly, she was on one of her schemes again. Nessa banged her head to the steering wheel a few times. She never wanted to fall for anyone ever again, she was doing fine, and then she met Johnny. Then she met that amazing man. That man she a nice night with, no not just nice… amazing… amazing night. They had so many things in common and talking to him was so easy.

For a short amount of time Nessa was even complementing herself for cutting it off at the right time. When she had noticed she liked it all too much, she had made the decision to go home. Just like what her head told her to do. The wise decision.
It was all for the best. She had walked out, away from the man she knew would only break the carefully build walls. She had been with on foot out the door, she had nearly made it when she had heard him.
She never anticipated on him coming after her, but he did and she had needed everything in her to say ‘no’. No good could come from them dating or even exchanging numbers. She would only fall for him and he would only break her heart, like they all do.
A deep sigh escaped her mouth and she put her head on the steering wheel again, she would just collect her thoughts and then she would drive home. This experience had been strangely sobering to her.
“You are stupid, Vanessa! So stupid!” She scolded herself.

A soft knock on her window made her jump through the roof.

“Hey, are you okay?” Johnny’s sweet voice sounded through the window. Nessa rolled her window down and looked at him.
“Oh hey yeah, except for the fact you almost scared me to dead” Her heart was pounding in her chest and not only because Johnny scared her. That voice, that look, his smell that was slowly entering her car was intoxicating.
His voice was apologizing and sweet when he finally spoke up again, hesitating.
“I never meant to do that, I just saw you sitting here and thought I’d better check on you for a bit, see if you are okay. You didn’t really seem okay” His eyes tried to find something in hers, something that would tell him to continue or to run away fast.

“I’m fine, thanks for checking, have a nice night” Nessa rushed out, not really knowing where to look. She was afraid to catch his gaze, she was afraid of what she would find there.
Her posture and reaction caught Johnny off guard and he was sure that that was it, there wouldn’t be anything more than what they’d had tonight. That was it.
“Oh, yeah... have a nice night too”
Johnny started to walk away and Nessa was about to close the window when he turned around.

His voice was soft, but clear and without hesitation.
“Izzie told me you got hurt, I get it, I did too, but I like you Nessa, and maybe you could give me a chance to at least be a friend. You know... I would really want to. Izzie has my number if you change your mind” This time he turned away, not planning to turn back again. He had said what he wanted to say, the rest was up to her. He hoped it would be enough to make her realize he could be her friend or just an vague acquaintance, he would take what she would be willing to give.
Johnny walked away with a smile on his face. This was all he could do for now, but for now he felt blessed he got to know her.

“Wait” Nessa’s voice was barely audible, but Johnny apparently had no problem hearing it. Maybe he had been waiting for her to say something. He wasn’t counting on it, but he sure hoped she would.
“Yes?” he turned around, the smile still on his face.

Nessa was going through a thousand emotions. She was almost certain it wouldn’t be ending well, but she couldn’t stop herself anymore. He was an invasion on the guard she had so carefully build. He wasn’t the little hammer trying to make a hole, he was more like the sledge hammer. Once he had put down the first throw, he had made a wide hole, a hole he could see through clearly. There was no hiding anymore for her.

“Okay, we’ll be friends, but no funny business” Nessa rushed out, afraid she would say so many more things if she didn’t set the ground rules right away. Johnny smiled at her widely.
“I’m serious Johnny, only friends...” Nessa’s voice trailed when she saw his smile only getting wider, and his eyes got little lights in them. She was forcing herself to focus, not succeeding very well.

Johnny walked back to Nessa’s car, where he found Nessa had come out too. They met, standing a safe few feet away from each other.
He put his hand out to her “Alright, just friends, that’s fine by me... Shake on it?”
Nessa hesitated, but finally put her hand in his anyway. They slowly moved their joined hands up and down, before they stopped their movement and just held on to each other, little jolts of electricity exchanging their hands. Johnny stared into Nessa’s eyes, drowning in those deep brown pools, and had a hard time finding his voice again. He swallowed thickly as he saw so many things in her eyes, but most importantly, he saw hope. Hope, covered with a thick layer of fear, but he chose to only see the hope. That was what he wanted to see and for tonight, that was what he was going to see. “Wanna hang out tomorrow? Watch some Harry Potter? I can cook? Or well, order take out?” he gave the girl a wink, making sure he was clear on the fact that he couldn’t cook.

While waiting for her answer he never only one minute thought about the fact that he didn’t even have a couch to sit on, or a dinner table to eat the promised dinner at. He never thought about how he really couldn’t entertain any guests in his house.

Johnny never realized that Nessa could think it was all just a big trick that he could only watch movies in his bed, for that moment he was just anxiously waiting for her answer. Desperately hoping it would be “Yes”.

Notes

Yes, I'm sorry, I've been neglecting this story... but I've been moving and doing work on my new apartment, so no time to write.
I hope you guys still like to read this, would mean a lot to me if you can leave a comment!

<3