No More Lies, No More Pain. [Re-do]

For the second time tonight, I am waking up to the lonely cries from my poor Beatrix. Funny, we’ve been away from Brian and the rest of the family for almost two whole years, and she already knows that something is wrong in this crazy circle. She detects when I am sad and when I am lonely, because it makes her sad and lonely. Her sad and lonely cries are so different from her hungry, sleepy, and dirty diaper cries. She also sheds more tears. It breaks my heart to see her like that, and knowing that my stubborn ways are the main reasons as to why we are even in this situation to begin with, tears me up inside even more. I want so badly to go back to California and start a new life with Brian and our families, but a lot of things are holding me back from doing so.

I have not kept up with Avenged Sevenfold since I left, but I do listen to their music from time to time just to hear Brian’s guitar playing or backup vocals. And during those times, when I really convince myself to leave Ireland go back home, my mind starts to race with questions that make me change my mind and stay. Questions such as these:

What if I go back and Brian has met someone else? What if he started a new life with Michelle or another woman and got her pregnant? Would he even remember me? Would he even accept me with open arms? What if he hates me forever? And what about our baby girl? Would he accept her in his life? Would he take his anger for me out on her? What’s the point of even going back?


I quickly dart out of bed and head straight to Beatrix’s crib and gently lift her into my arms. When she gets like this, I could coo her until I am blue in the face, but nothing calms her down like the sound of her dad’s voice. As she cries a little louder, I lightly place my fingertip to her bottom lip and start to shush her and calm her down.

I free one hand from holding her and open my laptop to the best of my advantage. I open up YouTube and search for a Synyster Gates interview. One in particular that never fails to calm her down is when he is introducing his new Hellwin amp and plays guitar. I wait for it to load and start to gently bounce her up and down in my arms. The video began, and the moment Brian started to speak, Beatrix grew quiet.

I get so amazed every time. She’s not even old enough to understand yet when I tell her that Synyster Gates is her daddy, and yet, she understands.

Brian continues to talk and play guitar, and I just stare at him in heartbreak. I miss him more than anything in the world, and I hate myself for the way I left him, he didn’t deserve that from me even if he was cheating on me with Michelle. My eyes started to sting from the tears forming again, but I took in a deep breath and looked down at Beatrix, who was now as quiet as a mouse. She stared back at me, in her eyes; I could see that she was sad. I smiled at her with to best of my abilities. “That’s your daddy, sweetheart. He’s away for a little while, but we will see him again.” A lie that I said constantly once she stopped crying. When Brian pulled out the red striped guitar and played softly after his jazz moment, Beatrix fell asleep.


I woke up to the blinding sunlight peeking through my slightly open window blinds. Beatrix was sound asleep next to me, which was a good sign because she got little to no sleep last night. I looked at my cellphone to see that it’s only 9:05 am here in Belfast. And checking for back home in California, it’s 1:05 am, which means that Brian is either asleep or out after dark. From that moment, I decided to let my fingers do the work of dialing his cellphone number.

I pressed the green button to call his number, and even after I realized what I was doing, I refused to hang up. I placed the phone close to my ear and listened as his phone began to ring. It rang about three and a half times, and I was hoping that it would just go to voicemail. My heart was racing as each ring took it’s time to end, and when it was cut off, my heart started beating even faster. My heart had stopped when I suddenly heard a very tired voice speak on the other line. “Hello?” It was Brian.

My mouth opened to speak, but words wouldn’t come out.

“Hello?” He said again. This time, slightly annoyed.

I could not for the life of me think of anything to say. Instead, I suffered in silence as just the sound of his voice brought tears to my eyes.

He sighed frustratingly, and then my phone beeped to notify me that he had hung up. My heart began to tear in half and I quickly ran for the bathroom. I closed the door as quietly as I could before falling to my knees and crying even harder.

There was never a doubt as to whether or not if I loved Brian. I will always love him more than any other man in the world. And if I could go back and start over, I would. But I feel like I would be a hypocrite if I went back to California begging for him to come back to me, especially if he is with another woman. I refuse to set myself up for another train wreck. I cried for two more hours before my roommate, Audrey, came in the bathroom.

“Evelyn, what’s wrong?” She asked as she sat down next to me.

“I… I called him.” I breathed out.

“Who?”

“Brian… I called Brian.” Just the sound of his name coming from my cracked voice broke my heart even more. “Oh God, Audrey! I… Miss… Him… So… Much!” I breathed out before breaking down again.

Audrey moved closer and embraced me as tight as she could. “Evelyn, why do you do this to yourself?” She sighed. “Every time you listen to Avenged Sevenfold, you go cry in the shower. Every time you watch an old interview, you cry in bed all day or night. Why are you pushing it even further? What made you call him?”

“I don’t know! I just wanted to hear his voice! And I tried talking to him but I didn’t say anything! I’m such an idiot! This hurts too much, I just want to die already!” I cried even harder.

Audrey then pushes me back and with one swift move, she slaps me hard across the face. It all happened so fast that I didn’t exactly know how to react other than to place my hand over the stinging part of my face and look at her in shock. Her face was full of anger. “Evelyn! You need to cut that shit out already! I’ve heard you say some stupid shit ever since you and Beatrix moved in with me, but talking about wanting to die already has to be the most stupid and selfish thing I have ever heard you say! Have you forgotten that in your bedroom sleeping right now is a precious gift from God that needs you now more than ever? What’s going to happen if you try to end your life now? Where will she go? I’m sorry to tell you Evelyn, as much as I love that little girl, I will not be the one taking care of her! She’s either going to her father, or a foster family, and we both know that’s the last thing you want for her. She needs you and you need her. So stop being so selfish and immature and get out there and do what is best for her. Because it’s not just about you anymore! And if you don’t want to go back to Brian, then do yourself a favor and just move on from him already. Meet someone else! Brian isn’t the only good looking and talented fish in the ocean.” She then got up and walked to the door. “Get ready, because us three are getting out of this house today.” She then walked out of the bathroom and left me to think.

I sat there in shock for about ten minutes before finally getting up to take a good look at myself in the mirror. This break up with Brian was tearing me apart way more than I expected it to, and it was showing. I almost didn’t recognize my own reflection. Audrey was right. This was getting out of hand and I was being selfish.

I took a long shower and gussied myself up to the best of my knowledge. Which wasn’t much: all I did was dry my hair to form natural waves, a bit more makeup and dressed in my best outfit, which was a white cocktail dress and matching wedges.

When I walked downstairs, Audrey was sitting in the kitchen with Bea, both of them already dressed, and she was feeding Bea. Audrey then turned around and smiled at me. “See, you look a whole lot better. Sorry I slapped you earlier.”

I chuckled. “No don’t apologize for that. If anything, I should be the one apologizing and thanking you for it. You really opened my eyes this morning and I can’t thank you enough.”


We left to enjoy the rest of the sunny day with shopping and sight seeing. I’ve never really taken the time to enjoy Belfast since I moved here, so it was nice to have Audrey drive us around and give us a tour. Around 7:30, Audrey and I decided to go out to a club. So we stopped by Audrey’s mother’s house and asked her to babysit Beatrix for the night, and being as pushy as she was towards Audrey to finally have a baby, she never refused to babysit Bea for me.

Audrey then took me to a new club in town, and the place was packed. Everything was beautiful, and the theme was winter. Everyone who showed up seemed to be dressed in white, Audrey stood out because she was wearing mostly black. All night we danced to the music and had a few shots here and there.

After a while of dancing, I finally make my way over to the bar by myself to order a drink. I needed a break while Audrey continued to dance. Having a baby really made me fatigue. While I sat there and waited for a bartender, a guy came and sat next to me. We didn’t make direct eye contact, but I did check him out. From the looks of it, he had a lot of tattoos. He also had dark hair and he was tall, judging from his figure. He wore a white t-shirt with black skinny jeans and black Vans.

I must have been staring for too long, because I never noticed the moment he started staring back at me with a grin on his face. “You know, if you’re trying to undress me with your eyes, you could at least buy me dinner first.” He chuckled.

I looked up at him quickly and looked away before I started to blush. “I’m so sorry! That was very rude of me.”

“No worries. It happens all the time. If people don’t recognize me from my music, then they often entertain themselves by staring at my tats.” I wasn’t looking, but I could tell he was smiling.

I smiled back. “Your music?”

“Yeah. I’m a singer. Well, more like a screamer.” He chuckled again.

I finally looked up at him and chuckled along with him. He was quite handsome. “Really? Do you have a band? Are you from here?”

“Yes. I do have a band; we are called Of Mice & Men. And no, we are from America.” He then takes a quick up and down glance at me before focusing back on my face. “You look like you’re from America. I’m surprised you never heard of us.”

The band name did click. “I am from America. I’m from Texas. And I have heard of you guys. Might I add that Second & Sebring is one of my all time favorite songs?” I smiled.

“Ah. Texas girl.” He chuckled lightly. “We’re from Southern California, but we love it in Texas as well. And thank you for that compliment. I wrote that song for my mother.”

“Aw. I’m sure she’s very proud of you. Does she listen to it everyday?”

“Well… No. She died when I was seventeen years old.” He sighed.

I suddenly started to feel guilty. I felt like this is a fact that any Of Mice & Men fan would hurt me for bringing up. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry.”

He nodded. “It’s okay, you didn’t know.” He smiled at me and then reached his hand out for me to shake. “I’m Austin Carlile.”

I smiled and shook his hand. “Nice to meet you Austin. I’m Evelyn Mendes.”

Notes

Okay guys, I promised a re-do of this sequel because with the original, I didn't see it going anywhere. Anyway, hope you all enjoy! Love you DeathBats! <3