Brian’s POV

I woke in my bed and I really mean my own freaking bed! In my house, finally back in my house, my home!
But how did I get here?
Damn, my head was pounding and I felt like I had an ashtray in my mouth, fucking hell!
Have I been smoking?

Oh hell no, recalling the memories of the evening before wasn’t doing any good for my brain right now, and the nausea was starting, my stomach turning.
Shit… toilet.. I had to get to the toilet!

I ran out of my bed and into the bathroom and just made it in time to empty my stomach into the toilet. Oh god, I haven’t felt this awful in years!
The pounding in my head was getting worse and worse. I flushed the toilet and stumbled over to the sink, brushing my teeth and meeting my eyes in the mirror.

I shouldn’t have done that, I looked like shit! My hair a mess, my eyes red and my skin ashen… I had better days, even after an all party long night.

I let myself sink down on the cold tiles and waited until my head stopped spinning and when I was sure it was safe for me to get up I slowly made my way back to my bedroom.
I pulled sweatpants on and walked downstairs to my living room, the sun was coming through the windows and I sighed, shit what time was it?

I lay down on my couch and closed my eyes again, fine try again… maybe I could remember the night, funny right?
I just got my memories back and now I lost the first night of being back to my old self, but I guess the Tequila had done a fine job.

“You also want some coffee?”

I sat up so quick that I nearly got a whiplash, my stomach turning again, what the hell?
“Who is there?” I asked holding a hand in front of my mouth if that could keep anything in my stomach.
“You don’t remember do you?” I couldn’t place the voice, the pounding so heavy in my head.

Suddenly my front door was opened and I saw Matt walking is with bags from the bakery.
“Is he finally awake?” Matt asked and his eyes then landed on me.
“He is, how are you doin my friend?” Matt walked towards me and I pressed my hands to my temples trying to block the loud noise out.
“What the fuck?” I could get out.

Suddenly Selena appeared next to Matt so that explained the female voice, and my heart made small jump, being relieved I didn’t do anything stupid, even though… I still didn’t know that for sure.

“Here drink that” Selena handed me a glass and I took it, drinking it eagerly.
“You feel like shit?” Matt asked letting him fall down on the chair next to me.
“How do I look?” I grumbled and he chuckled “Exactly like I said”
“Nothing to add” I handed the now empty glass back to Selena who went back to the kitchen.
“What happened? I can’t remember last night… can’t remember how I got here.” I said and Matt shook his head.

“Well, you knew your old self, so you know your behavior, Gates. You flirted, you were being swarmed by women, you loved it.. and you were a giant ass.”Matt said and I frowned, I remember standing at the bar with that woman, we were drinking… then came another and another.
I had fun, but still felt empty… I remember going out with the one from earlier, we went to her car and then blankness!

“I left with her?” I asked finally and Selena walked back in narrowing her eyes on me “You would have if Selena didn’t hinder you.” Matt explained and I frowned.
“You did what?” I lifted my eyes up to meet Selena’s and she nodded “You didn’t think straight, I couldn’t let you leave.” She said as if that explained everything and I sighed.

“I wanted distraction” I explained and Matt shook his head “How about fighting? Never heard of that? Because Syn Gates never had to fight, right?” Matt asked and I rolled my eyes.
“You don’t know what happened, so don’t make any stupid comments, alright?” I asked and Matt got up “There you go, the giant ass again. I would nearly say I liked you better when you didn’t know who you were. Come on, babe. Let’s go… He is awake and he is feeling perfectly fine, you wanted to make sure of that so here you go.” Matt held his hand out to Selena and they went towards my door, but then Selena turned around and walked back to me again.

“Goodbye Brian. I hope you will think about everything again… I’m leaving today” Selena said and I wanted to stop her but the words froze in my throat not able to get them out.
“Okay, see you… around.” She finished when my reply didn’t surface.
“Bye Brian” Matt closed the door behind them and left me alone in my house.

Fuck, what had just happened?

Fight, what did Matt mean with fight, hasn’t Sam been clear enough that the time for us was up?
Did they know more than I did?
Or were they just hoping?

And even if I would call her or if I would meet her again, and if she would want to speak to me or see me that is, I didn’t know if we could get this back to where it was…
I didn’t know if I would be any good for her...
After the last night, me being right back to where I had left of before, was I really good for her? Could I be good for her?

I mean the month had been fantastic and I didn’t think twice about any other girl and I didn’t want any other girl but would that be enough?
Would I be enough for her? And would I be the good boyfriend? Or would soon everything come crushing down?
Could I fight and then convince her to come back to me just to betray her again, like all the girls before, broken hearts all over my way?

Damn it, I wished I wouldn’t have all those memories back, remembering all those sad looking faces, tears and broken hearts… everywhere.
I haven’t really thought about this before, because I hadn’t known how it felt, but now I knew and now I felt even worse.
I couldn’t do that to Sam, I couldn’t break her heart in the end, like she had broken mine.

But I missed her, fuck I missed her so bad… and the idea that I nearly yesterday had thrown everything away for an unknown girl for an unknown fuck…
But why was I thinking about throwing anything away, Sam and I weren’t together anymore and she didn’t want me.

God, I was so confused… I grabbed my phone and dialed Selena’s number “I’m sorry… I know. Can you send me Sam’s number. I-I shit, I have no idea what I’m gonna do with it or not, but I just want the possibility.” I said and Selena sighed.
“I’ll send it to you, and I’m glad you are at least thinking about it” She said and hung up.

But now were the questions, should I do something with it or not? Could I even risk it or better let it be?
I would need some time to think about that, need to figure out what was best for me… but not only for me what would also be best for Sam?

Could I drag her into this, did she want to be dragged in it? Would she even want me? Or was she really sure that it all didn’t mean a thing to her? And we were just available to each other during the time I had been with her, if that was the case my heart would break all over again…
And if not, I was afraid that I would do the same to her… damn life sucked big time at the moment!

Notes

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