I Wish I Could be the One

“Lets just take a second to list all the shit you have accumulated at my house” I said
I ran into Brian in the comp. lab at school. I didn’t actually have a reason to go in there but when I saw his cute distracted face at the computer I was glad I did.
“Ha okay” he said as he smirked at me with an innocent undertone that he determined he was not sure about how much I was going to list or what I meant by telling him this.
Its odd because at this point I feel attracted to him but I know he isn’t attracted to me so what am I doing? Am I not attractive at all? And really how does he see me? Are we even friends and why do I care so much. As far as I knew he only wanted Mina and now she was gone. She no longer was in California and she left me with all this shit. And by shit I mean unspoken, uncertain feelings I had for the boys. Maybe I actually truly care about him maybe that’s why and not in a romantic way but maybe more like in a family way. As this semester has developed I’ve realized that one of the few things I had away from my family was this family. At least I considered them family.
“Lets see your jeans you left the other day…”
He tilts his head back as he leans in his chair arms crossed and lets out a chuckle.
“Umm your hat that Mina has had for what like the past year?”
He cooly seems to freeze at the mention of Mina’s name but attempts to be nonchalant with his motions. Too bad I see right through it. Poor Brian. I feel like I know his well hidden emotions well. I feel like I have seen him in vulnerable positions, broken hearted, intoxicated to the point of tantrums of a 13 year old boy. But maybe I don’t. I have only known him about a year and a half. So am I crazy to feel some sort of connection to him, or them the boys I mean? I guys it’s their stupid boy charm or how when it comes down to it their all actually sweet hearts. They’ve never made me feel uncomfortable, actually thinking about it, I don’t know of another guy I would trust to take care of me in my most drunken nights. We were only 16 yet experienced so much within the walls of this pitiful boarding school we got stuck in.
“and your two sweaters”
“Ha…mmm that seems kinda uncharacteristic of me…” he says as he looks up at the wall behind his computer with his hands behind his head as if there is something interesting about it.
“Yea well I’m not sure how that even happened”
There was a small silence aside from the typing on our keyboards mainly because I knew exactly how everything got there. But I knew he didn’t he was too drunk to know and I sure as hell was not going to tell him.
“Anyway come pick up yo shit sometime, I’ll see you later” I told him as I gathered my stuff and logged out of the school computer I was pretending to use.
“Ha okay. I’ll see you later girl.”
My friend back home seems to think we are hooking up when I told her that he accidently left his jeans at my house. I’m not upset she thinks that. I mean he’s an attractive guy. But its clear at least the way I see it that we will never be more than friends. He never talks to me the way Mina told me he talked to her. In truth I knew a lot more about Brian than he thought because of what Mina would tell me. I guess that it is kind of unfair. Sometimes I think that maybe I should be more forward about how I feel, but with my conflicting feelings for the other two maybe not. As I walked down the halls to my next class where I'd see Johnny and Jimmy I thought about coming to terms with my emotions. I know eventually I will act on my feelings. And I know at some point there will be more than friendship with one of them…when the time is right.

Notes

Totally new to this! Hope you guys are intriguied!