Zacky’s POV

I was having the best fucking dream that is until I heard someone yelling. I pinched my eyelids shut, trying to remain in that fantasy where MJ had chosen me over Gates. I couldn’t help but let a smirk fall over my lips as I pulled the comforter around me, recalling the part in the dream where I carried her up the stairs and then pinned her to the bed, kissing her senselessly. The image of me pulling off that sexy little bikini as my lips roamed her body was so vivid and I swear I could still taste her sweet skin on my lips. In the dream, on thing lead to another and I had that beautiful little piece of ass ridding my cock like there was no tomorrow. Oh, that had felt so good in the dream, so good in fact that I wanted to fall back asleep and relive it all again.

“MJ! Come on open the door!” Wait a minute? Was that Syn?

I quickly rolled over as my eyes shot open, looking at the source of the sound. Yep, that sure as hell was Syn and I was sleeping in his bed. Fuck, what was I doing in his bed? My eyes scanned the room and my jaw dropped when I saw my clothes on the floor next to that sexy teal bikini. I took in a shaky breath and ran my hands over my face. In my dream we had been in Syn’s room too, but…no it couldn’t be! That would have meant that my dream was real and I had taken advantage of the completely wasted MJ who couldn’t even say her own name last night.

I burred my face in my hands, only to notice that I was still in my boxers. Shit, this fucking sucked. How was I going to show my face to Syn when I fucked the shit out of his girlfriend last night? Why wasn’t he beating my ass? This was so messed up! The worst part was that I couldn’t get the feeling of her thigh little pussy out of my mind or the way her tits bounced so perfectly as I banged her like I never have before. Damn, I wanted her to be mine. Was I jealous of Gates? Hell, yes and I was the worst fucking friend on the face of the earth.

“Don’t just sit there, go get Jimmy!” Gates snapped, pulling me out of my fucked up reverie. I let out a sigh before climbing out bed and heading down the stair. What kind of animal was I to take advantage of that poor drunken girl? She was my best friends girl for Christ sake! Hell, she was one of my best friends too. Was this my subconscious’ way of telling me that I liked her as more than a friend? Well, I already fucking knew that and this was a pretty fucked up way for it to come out into the open.

“Jimmy! Jimmy!” I yelled, shaking his lanky body on the couch. He still had that fucking tart tray on his lap. “Get up, Gates needs you.”

As if I had said the magic word, Jimmy sprung to life and flew up the stairs. “Don’t worry boo-boo, Knife Master is here to save the day!” he screamed, causing me to recoil with my pounding head. Did that guy have a volume switch? Jesus. I followed him up the stairs only to hear Brian say that he had to get into the bathroom to MJ.

Had Blondie locked herself in there because of me? Fuck, that made me feel even guiltier. How could I rip apart their relationship? I didn’t even think she would go for me if things went south with Brian, so what was I thinking. I knew that I couldn’t have her and she was off limits. Well, apparently I didn’t think so last night when she was wasted. I was so disgusted with myself, yet I still couldn’t get her out of my head.

“Can’t you go any faster?” Brian hissed as I shook my head. Jimmy was down on his hands and knees with a screwdriver, trying to open the door. I honestly didn’t know what I was going to do when I saw MJ. Did she remember last night? Was she hiding from Brian because she remembered?

“Patients,” he sighed just as the door made a clicking sound. “Eureka!” He cried. Jimmy shot up off the ground and all three of us stepped forward as the door opened.

“Thanks, Jimbo,” Brian sighed in relief and I couldn’t help but notice those beautiful blue fly to my face first. She gave me a questioning look as her eyes washed over my body. I wished I knew what she was thinking. We would have to talk about it later but this wasn’t the time.

A sigh left my lift as Brain went to her, comforting her in whatever distress she was in at the moment. Suddenly I felt this feeling take over in my chest, a monster trying to crawl it’s way out and beat the shit out of Brain. Was this jealousy? Since when was I ever jealous of my friend? I could get a piece of ass just as easily as he could, so why was I stuck on the blonde?

I turned to walk away just at Matt came in raging about the press leak. I ran my hands over my face as the guys fought about what was going on, only to notice some time later that MJ and Brian were both missing. Whoa, what the hell did I miss? I didn’t know what was going on, but I did know that I was getting pissed and really needed some coffee.

“Just call fucking Larry so he can help figure this shit out,” I snapped before turning to leave the room.

An hour later, I found myself sitting on the couch with my cup of coffee, trying to concentrate on what Larry was saying. However, I didn’t hear much other than that we needed to have a press conference. I was too busy watching over the sad little blonde next to Jimmy who was avoiding eye contact with everyone. MJ looked like she was about to explode into tears and there was definitely tension between her, Brian, and Dice. What the hell happened there?

“What’s with you, Baker?” Jimmy’s narrow blue eyes were watching me like a hawk. What’s wrong with me? I don’t know, maybe something about sleeping with MJ last night. Maybe I was developing feelings for the girl, even though I knew she didn’t look at me like she did Brain. Damn it, this fucking sucks.

I took a sip of that rich bold coffee, buying myself a few seconds to figure out my words. As crazy as Jimmy was, he was extremely observant and picked up on things quickly. Hell, that’s why he was so good at cock blocking Gates. “Nothing, just hung over,” which really wasn’t a lie. My head was pounding, though I wasn’t sure if it was because of my alcohol consumption last night or the stress I was under.

Jimmy narrowed his eyes further at me and shook his head. Great, he didn’t buy it. He was going to be sniffing around me all day, trying to figure out my game. That was the last fucking thing I needed. I just needed to talk to MJ. “I’m watching you, Baker. You’re not usually this bitter bastard…” He pointed to his eyes with two fingers and then pointed them at me just as I heard Brain yelling.

“What the hell is going on here guys?” Matt yelled, giving me enough of a reason to spring to my feet. I swear if he fucking hurts MJ, I’ll kill him. Whoa, where did that come from? What happened to bros before hoes? Get your ass in check Vengeance.

I quickly moved around Jimmy and Johnny to see Brian coming flying back in the house and motion to Dice. Where the hell are they going? None of this makes any sense. Before I could even question Brian, he and Dice both disappeared out the door, leaving only the sound of sobbing from the patio - MJ.

“What the hell is going on?” I asked Matt, pulling the blonde into my arms. Her small arms snaked around my waist, holding me tight and shaking her little head. Just hearing her cry like this again was enough to set my temper off.

I glared angrily at Matt and he just shrugged his shoulders, puffing on his smoke. “Be damned if I know. I found Gates yelling and well, you saw the rest. All’s I know is that I am on babysitter duty.” You’ve got to be fucking kidding me? On top of everything that we’ve found out today, he’s going to take it out on MJ.

“H-he h-hates mee…” MJ’s muffled voice cried from my chest. I shushed her and ran my hands over her silky blonde hair, pulling her close. As I held her against my chest, I could feel the raging beast that had been alive all morning slowly retreat. This girl had a hold on me and she didn’t even know it. I felt a small smile pull over my face as I looked down at her, only to see Matt throw me a raised brow.

“MJ, listen,” I said, pulling her over to the patio seat and looking into those swimming blues. “Brian doesn’t hate you. If he hated you then he wouldn’t have asked Matt to…erm…watch over you. And I’m here,” and that was the truth. Her blue eyes looked up at me and her brow furred, her crying relaxing after another minute or so.

“Wh-what were you doing in my bed this morning?” she whispered after calming down, leaning forward so Matt wouldn’t hear her. I closed my eyes and dropped her hands before pinching the bridge of my nose. I didn’t think she wanted to talk about this in front of Matt. Hell, I don’t think she remembered, which would only freak her out if I told her. Should I tell her?

“Hey, Shads, can you give us a minute?” Don’t raise your brow at me. I know she is Gates’ girl, though that didn’t seem to stop me last night. God I felt like shit about it. He nodded and walked around to the other side of the pool, watching me carefully.

My eyes turned back to meet MJ and a deep frown fell over her face. “No…that’s not possible,” she mouthed, shaking her head before I even said anything. Were my thoughts really written that well on my face? “I-I couldn’t have…. I-I…love Brian,” she gasped and covered her mouth with her little hands. Was that the first time she had ever said it aloud? Well, it hurt me all the same.

I sighed and looked away, taking her hands in mine. “MJ…” I stared, trying to avoid the tears rising in those eyes again. “I’m sorry…it’s all my fault…” MJ ripped her hands away from me with a dirty look. “I don’t know what came over me…. I took advantage when you were drunk…I-I—“

“Dice knows….” MJ gasped, running her hands over her tear-stained face. “That’s why she called me a slut…no wonder everyone is pissed at me…I’m the biggest asshole on the face of the earth,” she said before turning and bolting back into the house. “I ruin everything!” she cried before the door slammed shut.

“MJ!” I called after her, standing with a sigh. Great, what have I done?

“What the hell was that, Vengeance?” Matt raged as he passed, trying to fulfill his duty as guard dog. “I swear if she bolts, you’re dealing with Gates.”


MJ’s POV

I couldn’t believe what was happening. Dice and Brian were both pissed at me for not telling them about Malcolm. Then to make matters worse, Zacky told me that I slept with him last night. Who was this person? This wasn’t the Mia Johnson that I knew. This was some fear-driven, sex-crazed, lunatic that I didn’t recognize. To add to the fire, I was losing the best thing that had ever happened to me—Brian. How could he even look at me if he found out about Zack and I. Hell, how was I going to live with myself knowing what I’d done.

I quickly bolted into the bathroom, my stomach churning, and emptied all the liquor from the night before into the toilet. My head was throbbing and I felt so sick and disgusted with myself that I couldn’t stand to be in my own skin. I angrily whipped my mouth with my arm, only to wretch again. Why couldn’t I have just told them about Malcolm’s text? Was I and idiot for trying to save them? Maybe, but if they actually knew what I had lived through, would it change anything? I wretched again, though I was positive that I didn’t have anything left in my stomach. Not to mention that my heart felt like it was going to explode in my chest from the anxiety that was racing through my system. I had fucked everything up. Big time.

How was I going to fix this? What could I do to get the love of my life and my best friend back? I knew I couldn’t take back what I did with Zacky but I did have to start being completely honest with people. Brian’s words kept running through my head. Do you actually like people threatening you and pushing you around? Admit it, you just like to play the fucking damsel in distress! Those words hurt more than he would ever know. It was then that I knew that if I wanted to save our relationship, I owed him an explanation.

I sat up from the base of the toilet and moved into the walk in closet just as Matt banged on the door. “MJ? Are you in there?”

“Yes,” I called back weakly, wiping my eyes of the tears that were freely falling. I couldn’t believe that I was losing everything that I ever loved. I heard him walk back and forth before heading back down the stairs, giving me a chance to lock the door. I just needed to be alone right now.

I quickly pulled my laptop out of my bag and started to type, letting the tears fall as I told him everything that made me the way that I was.

Brian,

You have been more than I could have ever dreamed of. You’ve been my best friend, my shoulder to cry on, my support, and my love. I owe you my life in so many ways and for that, you deserve to know the truth.

You asked me if I actually liked people threatening me and pushing me around? The answer is no. But why can’t I stand up for myself? Well, you can thank Malcolm for that one too. Have you ever been beaten so badly that you can’t stand for days? I have and I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s all part of this thing that I constantly running from. I haven’t told anyone this, not even Dice. Every time I dared to speak my mind or stand up for myself in those horrible four months of my life, I was beaten for it. Beaten so badly that I would wake up in the morning and not be able to open my eyes because my face was so swollen. I literally prayed for death each time because he had convinced me that there was no escape from this. I felt trapped and with each passing day, he beat the fight out of me.

So do I like being the damsel in distress? No, but that’s all that I have been allowed to be. You have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to shout or scream back at someone, only to have that petrified fear that I’m going to pay for my words. It’s not an excuse, but my fear and anxiety run my life because of Malcolm. I know I should have told you and Dice about the texts, but I didn’t want you to know the truth because I was afraid that you will get hurt or just simply run the other way. Just like everyone else has in my life, including my family. Because honestly, Brian, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and you deserve better than my crazy ass. Please forgive me for everything. I love you.

With all my heart,
Mia

I wiped the tears away as I pressed the print button and retrieved the document from the printer on the other side of the room. Would Brian and Dice forgive me for keeping all this from them? I didn’t know but I didn’t want to be here to watch my whole world crumble around me. I couldn’t see that look in his eyes as he realized that I was a failure and that there was no fixing me. I was damaged goods that no one wanted to lay their hands on. I would save him the trouble to breaking up with me and worry about me—I’ll leave first.

I grabbed my ratty backpack and stuffed in a few handfuls of clothes and pulled out my phone. Corey would come get me. I knew that he wanted me out of this mess anyway. Maybe I could hide with him for a few days until I could find a new place to go. Hell, my heart hurt so bad, as I called my brother, asking him to pick me up at Johnny’s, all the while pretending that I wasn’t dying inside. This was the hardest thing I had ever done.

“Yeah, I’ll be there in twenty minutes,” Corey said before I hung up the phone. Now the problem was getting past the four bodyguards in the house. I moved to the window and opened it before climbing out onto the edge of the roof. If I hadn’t lost my mind already, I certainly did now because I wasn’t even scared as I climbed down the veranda. Maybe it was because I hurt so much over hurting the people that I loved, or maybe I was just overly exhausted from emotional distress. Hell, I didn’t even know where I was until I climbed into my brother’s car with tears in my eyes.

“Mia…what’s going on?” His blue eyes stared back at me full of worry but all I could do was shake my head.

“Just drive.”

Notes