Dice’s POV

„FUUUUUCK!” I don’t know what I was doing and at this point I was too afraid to ask, the only thing I knew was my laptop went flying through the fucking window, smashing the glass which I absolutely didn’t care about. What the hell was I doing... I kept pacing back and forth through the kitchen, before I figured it was a good fucking idea to kick the coffee table over. Everything that was laid on top of it, flying every possible direction, the glass surface of the table breaking in thousands of small pieces, covering the majority of the wooden floor.

My fingers were angrily tugging on my hair. I didn’t even feel the pain, I just noticed fiery red strands flowing through my fingers and falling to the ground. There was something deadly wrong with me. Would a normal human being do the outrageously stupid shit I did? The answer was simple – No. They would not.

Wanna know what made me fly back in the reality of how big of a bitch I am to the only person I ever had considered to be the closest to me, the one who I thought was the only family I had left? The painful slap to my face. The physical pain itself screamed for me to take a dose of Advil that was a lot over the limit from what it’s advisable. However, I wasn’t lucky enough for my heart to stop at one point. It simply did the trick, it numbed my aching face, but the mental pain was the one to struck me deeply and agonizingly.

My shaking hands picked up the black phone as I scrolled through the numbers, stopping at the letter ‘J’. My eyes lingered over the name of ‘Big J’. I bit my lower lip to stop it from quivering, before I pressed the call key and pushed the phone up to my ear.

Did I already say that I had no idea what I was doing? Well, I’ll say it again... and again... and again. I had no fucking idea of what I was doing.

„Dice?” Johnny picked up, sounding almost too sleepy to function properly. „Is something the matter?”

„Y-y-yea-ah...” I stammered, feeling my heart breaking more and more after every heartbeat. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks.

„Are you... crying? Dice, talk to me!”

„J, I fu-ucked up-p...” I tilted my head back to stop the tears from flowing. This was not me... I didn’t do this... this crying... that was MJ’s hobby horse, that’s not me... But maybe that was precissely me. The part of me I buried long ago. „I need to g-go awa-ay f-for a whi-ile...”

„Calm down, where are you going?” I took in a shaky breath, trying to get a solid answer out and stop the waterfalls from flowing.

I rubbed the tears away, taking a couple of deep breaths, before I felt like I could control myself again, „Look...” I snorted, cleaning my face in the sleeve of my onesie, „that’s not important, just... I-I just wanted to say I have to leave...”

He was silent for a while. „How long?”

„I’m not sure, J.” I said as I walked upstairs and into my room, feeling like about to burst in tears again, „Just tell MJ, I’ll be back for the court...”

„Why do I get the feeling that this is goodbye?” He sighed, bringing a sad smile out of me as I jerked the suitcase off of the closet and threw it on the bed.

„’Cause it is goodbye,” I replied.

„I’d beg you to reconsider, but I know that wouldn’t mean shit to you,”

„You know me too well, J. Begging is not my scene,” I laughed sorrowfully.

„And where do you think I’m supposed to get a bartender to fill your shoes?” I could already imagine him running his hand over his face. Come on man, I’m pouring out my heart here...

„Try craigslist... that’s where I found you,” I put the phone between my ear and my shoulder as I walked to my closet and picked out something I couldn’t possibly live without. What would that be? My converse, some ripped jeans, the awesome blazer MJ gave me for my birthday five years ago and... a picture with me and her from when we were little.

„You should stop running from your feelings,” He sighed, making me stop in my tracks and straighten out as I reproduced his words in my head. „You’ll hurt a lot of people...” Was that what I was doing? No. I was running so I don’t hurt anymore people. People, who meant the world to me. People who I... loved.

„Take care, J.”

Brian’s POV

The time just went flying by in the studio today. We had so much idea’s to put both on the paper and on the record before bringing to the table. I had no idea how long I’ve been sitting here, being the most crunch back I’ve ever been, but I had a slight idea of it being somewhere over midnight and my eyes were falling shut.

That was until Jimmy waltzed in with a petite body on his arms. A body, who was sobbing in his chest, a body who I found oh-so familiar. My brow furrowed, leaving a deep wrinkle in my forehead, watching as he put her down on the couch next to Zack just so she could sob a little bit more into his side.

„MJ? Are you okay?” Zack asked as I put the guitar down and stood up, walking over to them. I ignored Jimmy, I ignored Zacky, I just felt my heart breaking a little bit more every time she let out that painful sob. It was like I couldn’t see and couldn’t hear anything but MJ and her pain. I knelt down, taking her chin in my fingers and forcing to look at me.

„MJ?” My voice was silent, yet insisting. It was hard to control my emotions in order not to set her off even more, „Can you tell me what happened?”

She shook her head furiously, before flinging herself around my neck.

I heard Jimmy stopping behind me and bending over to whisper in my ear, „She got kicked out,”

My head shot up to give him a confused look on which he just shrugged. I looked at Zack, who was as confused and dumbfounded as the rest of us. I pushed myself off the ground and sat down on the couch, MJ still firmly pressed against my chest and my hand around her protectively. What the fuck do you mean – she got kicked out?

„Call Dice.” I growled silently, anger slowly starting to build inside me. The kind of anger I couldn’t control. Jimmy nodded, excusing himself out of the room at the same moment when Matt came inside.

„Shh, MJ... It’s gonna be okay...” I cooed in her ear, carressing her head, sliding my hand over her hair, feeling her tug on my shirt.

„What’s going on here?” Matt stopped in the middle of the room to look confusedly at us.

„Dice kicked her out,” Zacky explained and I saw a thousand emotions running over Matt’s face, starting with confusion and ending with irritation as he shook his head, not believing what he just heard. Well, you’re not the only one, man.

„That can’t be right,”

Jimmy barged in the room, clenching his phone in his hand, „She’s not picking up. It goes straight to voice mail!”

Fuck... I took MJ’s face in my fingers yet again and gave her a small, reassuring smile, „Listen, baby doll, Zack’s here gonna take you to my house, okay?”

Those sad, puffy eyes were really breaking my heart. She gave me a small nod.

„He’s gonna make you a mug of cocoa or whatever you like, okay?”

„A-and y-y-you? Wh-wh—„

„I’m gonna go and see if I can fix this mess,” and test my self control. I scooped her up from my lap and placed next to Zacky, throwing him the keys to my house right after. Killing Dice really hadn’t been on my today’s agenda, but look, my schedule just cleared, ain’t that great? I leaned forward and pressed my lips against her forehead, before looking over at Zacky, to see if I made myself clear. He nodded.

„Let’s go, Shads.” Why did I choose him as my sidekick? ‘Cause he could try and talk Dice out of whatever she’s taken in her head. God knew me and her weren’t on the best terms. But somehow I got the feeling of this being my fault. Maybe the car? Maybe the ‘grow a backbone’ speech? I didn’t know, but Dice took it too fucking far.

„This doesn’t sound like Dice,” Matt mused thoughtfully as we got in the car.

„This sounds exactly like Dice,” I glared at him, hoping he would get his head out of his ass and see over his dick addiction.

Not even after five full minutes I had parked my car on the street in front of Dice’s house. The house was quiet and no lights were on. Me and Matt shared a look, before getting out of the car.

As we walked further, I couldn’t miss the broken window and a laptop on the grass outside the house. I just thought I hadn’t been the reason for her killing someone. I got up to the door and surprisingly or not, but it was left unlocked. Sure, no one wanted to mess with Dice, but I doubted some street hobo’s knew who lived there, so I was kinda taken aback to see no one robbing the place.

I flipped the light switch on.

Okay, maybe I had been wrong, maybe someone had robbed the place, but if that’s the case, someone was looking for something certain. To say the least – everything, every piece of furniture was ruined except for the couch and the kitchen island as far as I could see.

„What happened here?” Matt whispered, walking deeper in the house. „Dice?”

„Check upstairs,” I said going towards the kitchen, the pieces of glass breaking under my weight, the sound only implying the power of the eerie silence. Once I made my way to the adjoined kitchen, my eyes landed over a note on the kitchen island. The handwriting seemed shaky – stressed out.

Hey doll,
I’m not good at apologizing and I’m even worse at saying goodbye, so don’t expect anything too grand from me. I probably shouldn’t have done what I did since I’m batman and I should’ve known better it would hurt you, but truth be told – it hurt me more than it hurt you.
Your words still ring in my ears... You asked me ‘how do I even know what love is?’ well... How? Easy. By having you. And now I guess I kinda lost you, but what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, right? Maybe you’ll finally grow a backbone and will kick the shit out of Gates yourself. Yes, I’m still hoping and praying.
Anyhow, I’ll be back for court, but I’m not saying I’ll return. Nah... That’s boring, I’m a runaway. Always have been. Keeps things a bit spicy and on the edge. And please tell Matt that he’s probably the best thing that ever happened to me, that and well the discount I got on those tires last year, but everything has an end.
So... I hope Gates doesn’t break your heart, although the car he gave you breaks mine! Such a chick car, who even drives those anymore? You’ll look pathetic! Anyway, if I find out you’ve shed a single tear because of him, I’ll come back and castrate him personally. That’s a promise.
With that being said and the banana’s being stolen from the freezer, I wish you all the best and no, you can’t call off the court, not unless you don’t want to see my bony ass ever again. And after tonight I think you kinda don’t, but believe me, if you don’t go to court, I’ll go to jail, ‘cause I’ll kill Malcolm. And that’s a promise.
The worst friend imaginable,
Dice.
P.S. the slap still hurts.

I had to reread it twice. „She’s gone!” Matt yelled running down the stairs.

„Yea, I got that...” I murmured, raising my eyes to an obviously stressed out Matt.

„No, you don’t, all her stuff’s gone, Gates!”

„Yea, I do get that,” I shoved the note in his hand and waited for him to read it. Hell, it seemed like he was on the same verge of tears MJ had exploded back in the studio. Come on man, don’t lose it on me... His hand dropped by his side, loosely holding the sheet of paper between his index and middle fingers.

„It looks like you need a hug,” I joked, trying to ease the situation, but he just glared at me.

„Don’t be a dick,” He scoffed.

„Come on, you know her the best out of us two, where could she be?” My hands landed on his shoulders, trying to retain his stare on me.

„Anywhere...” He whispered, before brushing his hand over his face. „We’re talking about Dice,”

„Who’s just after a car crash... She doesn’t have a car!” I exclaimed, thinking I may have a lead.

„Yea, but cabs still exist,” Matt replied matter of factly.

„She’s broke,” I tried reasoning, but in return received only a pissed off glare.

„Stop... just stop. We both know she’s gone, now it’s your turn to put it on the plate for MJ.” He hit my hands away and turned to walk out of the house.

Yea, about that... Should I tell her that Dice bailed, or should I kinda let it all blow over? At least hoping that it would blow over... Fuck... This is so fucking messed up.

Notes