Rock And Roll Roulette

I think we all passed out at Jimmy's. Slowly, one after another. Except for Mackenzie. She didn't drink at all. Timothy did say something about her not being able to hold her liqour.. I don't really remember much after Zacky asking me to hook him up with Alex, obviously jealous about my innocent little girlfriend. If only he knew the things she did behind closed door. How innocent she really wasn't. I looked around, examining my surroundings. Here I was now, laying on a chair outside beside the pool. Somebody pulled a blanket over me. Probably my split-personality girlfriend. The blanket smelt of - you guessed it - strawberry champagne. My now favorite smell.

"You dick!" I heard Mackenzie yell. "How dare you talk to my friend that way!"
I looked over and saw Zacky rubbing his neck, an angry red-as-a-cherry (even though she's more of a strawberry) Mackenzie pointing her index finger to his chest. I was confused and, from the looks of it, so was Zack. He looked over to me and mouthed help. Zacky always got into trouble when he got drunk. Mackenzie wasn't paying attention. She had begun pacing around, muttering things. "....but you!....I can't believe this!..." That was all I heard. I chuckled at her puffed out cheeks as I stood, sneaking my way over to her before snaking my arms around her waist from behind. That's where they belonged. They were either (a) holding her back or (b) protecting her. After last night and the day before's series of events, I'm not sure what she needs anymore. I'll just take this bull by the horns and follow it throughout the ride.

"Get off, Bri.." She was mumbling, obviously annoyed. Zacky waited until she closed her eyes then darted inside. She let out a heavy sigh. "...or not," she muttered after a moment of silence. Her phone buzzed and I was able to see what was going on for a second. Looks like Zacky took her phone and sexted her friend... Poor Alex. She'll have to wash her eyes out again. "I can't believe that son of a fuck!" She called, pulling out of my arms. She pushed past Matt who was walking past her.

"Whoa, dude, what did I miss?" He asked, looking a little shocked. Her had a can of what I assumed was either soda or beer in his hand, not looking hung over whatsoever. That lucky bastard.

"Zacky screwed up," I said bitterly. He seemed to understand and nodded, pulling his can tab opened. "Goddamn I have a headache.."

"I imagine. Shit! You passed out cold and hit your head on the table! Glad you're not poisoned. Figured you weren't, but seriously! Take it easy on the drinks, man." I groaned in response, just now noticing I was shirtless. "You and Jimmy, I swear." I think Jimmy is far worse but whatever.. Wasn't in the mood for any smart ass comments. I walked inside and he followed realizing I was the only one out there. "Hey, Jimmy!!" He called, "Got any Tylenol for Syn?!" Jimmy was separating Mackenzie and Zacky on the couch. It looked childish, honestly, but I guess, necessary as well. Mackenzie looked pissed. Zacky looked scared. They get along so well.

"Yeah, dude! In the Medicine Cabinet of Death above the Sink of Youth!" I could only imagine why he called the appliances that. Medicine cabinet... Probably drugs.

"Babe!" I heard Mackenzie yell. "I gotta get home to take my pills plus get ready for work at one!" I groaned, swallowing the white pain killer dry. Okay, that sentence sounded horrible.

"Well what time is it?" I groggily called back, leaning against the counter. It was only ten, I think.

"Eleven, twenty-three!" She called back. Close enough. "Soooooo.." I looked down then back up. Mackenzie had her hands on the counter around me. She was smiling. "Let's get going, or at least give me your keys." She shrugged. I felt myself get lost and dizzy in that intoxicating smell she always wore. The smell of death, I assumed. I allowed my arms to snake around her, locking in on her brown eyes. I know if I kissed her now, it'd feel completely different than any kiss we had shared. I'd feel something I'm sure... Something other than lust.. Only one way to find out, I decided. I leaned in a little too quickly, her smell overtaking my senses as I pushed my lips to hers.

She nearly jumped out of her skin. I watched her eyes go wide then slowly close, her fingers gliding across my cheek. It felt different. It felt like taking a drink of alcohol. Refreshing but you know it could kill you. Pour in the drugs. Pour in the drink. Adding fuel to the fire. I'll waist myself away while I have no reason to living.

"WHOA LOOK AT BRIAN, YOU GUYZ!" I heard Jimmy yell. Mackenzie swallowed back her laughter, pulling away. "NO SEX IN MY KITCHEN! I'm watching you two..." Jimmy had walked into the kitchen and sat on the counter opposite to us. I winked at him.

"No promises." Mackenzie laughed as I spun her and wrapped my arms around her. I have a feeling the feeling I have with her kiss will change with her personality. It'll always be different.

"BRIAN!" Zacky yelled, "MACKENZIE, TOO!" He ran in and clapped his hands together once. "May I come with, so I can apologize to...what's-her-face?" I heard Mack let off an angry sigh. "Please! I was drunk... Damn..."

"Sure, man." Mackenzie slapped my forearm and I jerked my arms away. "What was that for!"

"He mentally violated my friend! If he wasn't your friend I'd have him on the ground begging for mercy as I banged his skull into the ground! Shit!" She growled, glaring intensity at Zacky. This won't end well..

"And we visually violated her." Jimmy chuckled. She moved away from me, looking at the three of us. Her eyes were on Zacky. Her eyes were on me. Her eyes were on Rev. Oh! Back to me! Back to Rev who was laughing. No order. Just anger blazing in her almost black, murky brown eyes. She reminded me of a cat, ready to pounce at any given moment. Maybe that's the spirit she had. Angry then cuddly. Sadistic them seductive. I still lack words to describe her. "C'mon, Zee." I grabbed Mackenzie's hand, pushing around Matt to walk outside and checking to make sure Zacky was following. Once we were out Mackenzie smacked my hand. I smirked that you-can't-stay-mad-at-Synyster-Gates-even-if-he's-a-total-ass smirk and she didn't buy into it. I forgot she wasn't like normal girls. I had known that from the start.

I noticed Johnny must've left last night or early this morning. I hope he didn't get /too/ wasted. Zacky looked scared. Like a little puppy. Never put a fierce feline and a small dog in the same room..

The whole drive Mackenzie tried to avoid talking, but when he said something she snapped back, causing a dreaded silence. That was until we were only a block away from her home. She turned around and I saw Zacky cower back in his seat a little bit.

"So, Zee! How ya' been?" He looked scared. She was probably pulling that innocent smile she pulled with me. I could tell from the sweet, sugar sound in her voice. The ride had been almost silent and I saw Zacky's confused and feared expression in the mirror.

"I've been okay, I guess.." He replied. He was hesitant, his voice shaky.

"Why so quiet? I won't bite!" She pulled that sweet chuckle. I quickly pulled in the drive before she could say anything else. Zacky jumped out of the car, getting a distant away from Mackenzie. "Lexi! I'm home, babe!" Mackenzie yelled as she swung open the door, her body swinging with it. Timothy was home. He flushed and stammered with nothing, his mouth slightly agape. Who could blame the homo? There was two tattooed, muscled, and shirtless men in his living room. He turned and made his way back upstairs.

"What was that about?" Zacky muttered to me. Mackenzie proceeded to waltz up the stairs and to the balcony part where Alex and the stereo system sat. Some black metal was playing quietly, making me wince since it should be loud.

The words didn't sound English. The only part I understood was the orchestra behind it. "ALEXXXXX TURN OFF DIMMU BOGIR AND LISTEN TO MEH!!!" There went Mackenzie in another mood. Playful. I swear, she's 100% bipolar. Alex groaned and Zacky cowered down a little. These people seem to scare and/or confuse him.

"Who's that?" She asked, pointing to Zee. I walked up the stairs and put my hands on Mack's sides from behind her.

"Zacky V. V short for Vengeance," Zacky said quietly, standing at the foot of the stairs. He had regained his confidence. Alex had almost immediately shriveled into her chair. "I apologize for...whatever I must've done to make you all upset, but please understand that I..I was drunk so.." There went Zacky with that classy yet laid back style. Alex didn't respond, looking utterly annoyed. "Lexi - is it?"

"Call me Alex, you asshole." Whoa..temper.. I hadn't really talked with Alex much, but, from what I can tell, she's snotty and playful. No wonder she's Mackenzie's "BFF."

"My apologies. Alex. I assume my manners were...out of line, last night."

"You fucking said, 'I'd love to get my hands on you and make you yell and bend." Her tone was flat and matter-of-factly. "You fucking harassed me through text! And your grammar was horrible!!" She stood and walked down the stairs. I had a feeling she was a Grammar Nazi and that this ....well, this won't end well..

"I'm going to go get ready," Mackenzie whispered to me. I nodded and didn't take my eyes off the two at the end of the stairs.

Alex shoved Zacky whom didn't fight back. "I have never felt so humiliated!" She spat. Zacky looked hurt. "And you expect to just...walk back in here and expect it to be alright? Get out of my fucking house!" She was yelling. Zacky nodded and turned, quickly walking out of there. I don't even think he waited in the car. I think he walked to his home which was, I bet, about four blocks away. Zacky won't ever be getting this girl.

I took a seat beside Timothy on the couch, sighing as my arm outstretched across the back. I heard his breath hitch as he scooted away. This. Feels. Awkward. Luckily, Mackenzie came humming down the stairs. She had on a blouse which was tucked into her skinny jeans, a bow tie, and her short combat boots. She must've caught me staring because she grinned and put her hand on hip, popping it out slightly. I saw the bone through her shirt. Shit. I never interrogated her on that.

"Someone likes what they see," Alex taunted. She was sipping on a beer, having calmed down. "Tell your friend to forget getting me." I nodded.

"I'm taking it didn't go so well," Mackenzie muttered, the same hatred burning in her eyes. "Anyways. C'mon. I gotta get to GameStop," she said, grabbing something off the counter. It must've been her name tag.

"Have fun!" Alex called, laughing sarcastically. Timothy was silent, ignoring our presence. I groaned as I sat up and stretched, nearly stumbling backwards. Timothy suddenly jumped up like he was angry, walking upstairs. Okay, then...

The drive to the mall was silent except for the sort music that barely played. Mackenzie was focused on what I assumed was a journal. Maybe the answers I need are in there... Question is, how would I get them?

"What is that?" I said after forever, glancing at her before turning back to the rode. She quickly shut it.

"Just...Just a journal.." She sounded sad. What things is she hiding? "I haven't taken my pills in a few weeks," she muttered.

"What pills?" I swear, if she's talking about pregnancy control I will flip out.

"ADHD, schizophrenia, that fun stuff." No wonder she hasn't been looking around. "Don't freak out about birth control. I can't have kids." I let out a relieved sigh. There's no way I'm becoming a father. I don't want kids. I did when I was little but no. I don't want children at all. I pulled up to the side of the building as she gathered her things. I noticed something fell as she closed the door. At first I was about to call for her until...

Until I realized that she left her journal. I watched her walk inside, flicking my fingers through the pages sticking out of the raggedy, brown leather journal. The answers I need.


I drove back to my place, and the first thing I did was get in the shower. I smelt like alcohol, smoke, and ball sacks. I had sweated that much. What did I do last night? As I was scrubbing my hair, my fingers traced along a part of my head and caused a radiated pain. Looking in the mirror I realized that I had a large fucking bruise on my head. Just perfect.

I threw myself onto the bed, not worrying about anything other than some boxers. It's my house! Don't like it? There's the door. Although, I know a lot of girls ages 13+ dig it. Again, what can I say? Bitches love Synyster G! If these walls could talk...

Besides the point, I glared deeply at the journal. There's no way she would've dropped this on purpose. Can't be! I'll ignore that and any dilemma between, "Dear God, where did you find that," and, "So you finally get it?" Knowing her, it could be either. No. Knowing her, the possibilities are endless. I didn't really read or examine the drawings too closely, but I got enough to see that - one - she's a great artist and - two - her mood and tone changed with every page. One page she's overfilling with joy and the next she's sickly depressed. One page she's bursting with anger and the next she's hyper and energetic. No two pages are the same. No two minutes of her life are, either. I've learned this by now. She does poetry, too. It's like she's everything put into one. Should I be scared?

Probably.

I pulled out my phone and told her to get Timothy or Alex to pick her up, just now noticing how late it had gotten quick. It was six, thirty-two. No wonder I had that sober feeling and a growing hunger. I trampled down the stairs to the kitchen. The note I was left under a bottle of Jack was still on the table. I'll leave that, I decided as I grabbed a fifth of vodka from my cabinet as well as an apple. I threw myself on the couch, the journal still in hand.

I was about a fifth in when I really started reading it. I remember flicking through a few pages with things taped to them - metals, receipts, small notes...

I passed out crying. I know that much due to the dry streaks from tears on my face. I'm going to wait until I'm fully sober and not mentally unstable to read that... Then I realized something.

She's going to be looking for her journal. If she realizes I have it, I'm either dead for or the starter of a crying fest. Something. I'm not sure what would happen. I'll plant it in her purse whenever she comes by, I decided, but not without taking a few loose pages... I took out three loose pages. A song that she didn't write (it had "by iwrestledabearonce" beside it), a song I assumed she did, and a drawing that took up two whole pages. I read through the song she didn't write. She never talked about her parents...

He's gone tonight. He's claiming the throne. Grant us some mercy for you know nothing of the mess you're leaving behind. He shuffles the queen around in a deck of cards. I'm still trying to find answers to mend this broken heart..
Ode to my father. Ode to my father. It's over, my father, it's over.
It's this years addiction... Watching you walk out the door. The stench of the last look you gave to me. You're a perfectionist when it comes to it. It saddens me to know you could start a new life, leaving everything behind. Now I am left to pick up the broken pieces when I never asked to be here in the first place and it lives with me every day.
Down a whore's throat
Runnin' around
Runnin' around
Runnin' around round
Down a whore's throat
Now I am left to stitch up the pieces and we'll give it a shot to live on..

Now I am left to pick up the broken pieces..? What am I supposed to make of this?

I really don't know what happened in my mind of this chapter. I guess to see the more humane side as well as her mood swings? I don't know... Probably will delete it later unless you guys say otherwise. I had it mapped out (sort of)...
Anyways! I would really appreciate feedback on this speaking I am confused as to what I want as I read back through it...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yF95VeXRHlc (See You In Shell by iwrestledabearonce)
That video doesn't really fit the song but I love it for some weird reason....
OH AND I DONT KNOW WHY IT KEEPS "LINKING" IT BUT IM SO SORRY