So far away

I tried getting out of the nurses grasp as panic flooded over me. I had too many questions and no answers. Im not usually one to freak out when shit gets deep but this was different. So many lives were on the line here and it was my fault. My friends could be dead for all I know and my baby. The nurse pushed me down to the bed with the help of Matt but for some reason I had super strength and pushed them off of me. I ripped the I.V. out and took off down the halls. I didn't know what exactly to look for. I had never been to this hospital except for Jasper and that was under special circumstances.

I came to a hallway with several windows and took a right. I stopped briefly to look at the sign for any directions but didn't find any sort of clues. I ran up to a nurse and grabbed him by the shirt, "Where the fuck is the nursery?" I yelled louder than I thought. He pointed down a hall and stepped away from me. I would too if I were him. I probably look like a physcopath.

I came to a hallway and realized this is it. I looked in the window for my baby which was a bad idea in its own. The room was littered with baby beds and at least 12 little blanket burritos. The door opened and I expected someone to come out and tell me to go back to my room but instead it was a nurse with long blonde hair and blue scrubs holding a pink blanket. My body instantly relaxed and I realized I was out of breath and bleeding. "Looking for someone?" she smiled. I nodded quickly as Matt turned to corner and slowed his pace.

She handed me the blanket and I looked down to see a small little girl with pale skin and a round face. She opened her eyes briefly and smiled looking up at me. Matt stood behind me and looked over her. Just then I started to get dizzy again and gripped onto the walls. Was the room spinning? Is this an earthquake? Before I knew it my legs gave out and I was falling to the ground. Luckily the nurse caught my baby and my head landed on something soft.

***

I opened my eyes and then closed them again shrinking back into the hospital bed. It felt like I had two black eyes and a cracked skull. I tried opening my eyes again and adjusting to the light. Two dark figures came into sight and I realized it was Brian and Arin. They were deep into conversation about something. Brians body language told me he was pissed and Arin was standing his ground.

Brian looked at me and his expression softened a little but he was still tense. Why was he so mad? "Well look whos alive!" He chuckled. I looked at Arin confused and now he looked pissed. Why cant everyone just be happy?

"What are you guys talking about?" I croaked. Brian tried handing me a glass of water but I pushed it away. I wanted to know. Something tells me it was about me.

"Just rest and we'll talk about it later." Arin sighed taking a seat next to me. I looked at Matt but he looked mad as well. Was this about the crash?

"No. I wanna know. If its about the crash then im sorry. I should've been more careful." I sighed clearly my throat. They all stood still just staring at me. I said sorry!

"You should've never of been in the car in the first fucking place." Matt mumbled. I looked shocked at him. He didn't even look at me. I inwardly groaned. I knew he was right though. I shouldn't of put my life and my daughters on the line. And for what? To please Brian. I wanted out of this just as bad as everyone else but we were stuck. Brian made us do this. He made us kill innocent people for nothing. The thrill maybe but all that disappeared yesterday, or today, I don't know what day it is. But when I held my baby I realized something, everyone that we've killed, will never get to experience the feeling I felt when I first saw her. Their parents will never get to tell them they love them again. And sure they were all sinners but that wasn't the point. Who am I to play god? Who is Brian to think he's god? All those people could've had everything going for them. Those hookers could've had kids. That guy at the bar could've had a son or daughter. But I took that away from them. Forever.

"I'll leave you to think about this really carefully. But you will choose correctly or I will choose for you." Brian looked at Matt and Arin before walking out of the room. I shouldn't of zoned out. I feel like I missed something important.

"What was he talking about?" I asked looking at the two boys. Before either could answer the door opened and a nurse looked at me with a smile. Do these people ever not smile? Jesus its like a fucking looney bin in here. Be sad dammit!

"I think she misses you. She wont stop crying." She said handing her off to me. I looked down at my nameless daughter and smiled as she whimpered. Matt stood up making a bottle before handing it off to me so I could feed her. She looked so fragile part of me was scared to touch her. "So have you decided on a name?" The nurse asked bringing me back to reality.

I looked at Matt for suggestions but he looked upset still. I shook my head disappointed. Putting a name on someone is a big deal. I mean, theyre stuck with it forever. I shrank down in my bed and thought about the previous events. What were the guys talking about? Where were the others? And mostly why is Matt so upset?

Notes

Okay so I need help with girl names! So any suggestions would be grand. I decided not to give up this story because of all of your uplifting comments! I seriously love your guys' comments so much! And some good news, this is one of my favorite stories to write on here ( I have two others so if you ever feel bad just know that I haven't updated one of them for three months) and because I am now officially on summer break I will be updating a lot more! So yeah, give me some baby names and I will give you credit on the next chapter! As always leave a comment and much love!