I have to hand it to Austin – I didn’t think he’d ever be able to convince Leda and I to ever come out of our room, but he did.

Two words: pizza and Netflix.

We watch a ton of random titles, making our own amusing commentary while we devoured the double-cheese pizza he had ordered. Leda lies across Austin and I; her head rests on his only free arm while her legs are draped across mine. For the first time in over a week, I feel genuinely happy as I laugh at another one of Leda’s ridiculous comments about one of the main character’s outfits.

“Honestly, all I’m saying is that, if my girlfriend dressed like that, I wouldn’t want to be seen with her in public, either.” I laugh and Austin rolls his eyes.

“Quit being so judgmental,” I tease her. She just pokes my face, and Austin does the same. This just causes me to laugh even more.

Suddenly, there’s a loud knock at the front door. I tense up, and Leda falls silent. Austin gives us both looks that say to wait there. Leda sits up so he can get up easily. She holds my hand as we wait to hear what’s going on.

“Look, I’m just here to bring her home…” My head snaps up at the sound of Matt’s voice echoing through the entryway. At first, I’m relieved; but then I realize what he’s trying to do.

I stand up and Leda follows. As soon as Matt sees me over Austin’s shoulder (don’t ask me how when Austin’s at least two heads taller than him), he shoves past him and marches over to me. He grabs my arm roughly and begins tugging me towards the door.

“C’mon. We’re leaving,” he growls. There’s no point in fighting it at this point; I did what I intended to do, and Leda was safe here with Austin. It was Hunter I was most worried about, and if I went back to Huntington with Matt, maybe I would be able to make sure he was okay.

Austin tries to block Matt’s path on the way out, but I shake my head at him. He gives me an unsure look, but seems to get the hint and steps aside anyway.

He continues to drag me outside and to the BMW he’s parked outside. Silently, he commands me to get in. I do so reluctantly.

It takes us a good twenty minutes to get on the highway; all of which are spent in complete and utter silence. I shift uncomfortably; I didn’t like the level of awkwardness or tension between us. It causes my anxiety levels to skyrocket, and I get the sudden urge to throw the car door open so I can be free from… this.

This isn’t normal. This isn’t like me. Oh, god; Gus was right. I’ve changed – I’ve fucking changed. I’m not the same. I’ll never be the same. Oh my… What is this feeling? Why do I feel like this? It’s like I’m drowning; someone is pressing down on my chest. I can’t fucking breathe… I’m going to die, aren’t I? What is happening? Is Matt even noticing my distress? Does he care? I don’t think he does. He’s too self-centered to notice this.

Oh my god… I can’t fucking breathe…

“M-Matt…!” I choke. He glances over at me, frowning deeply.

“What?” he snaps.

“I can’t… I can’t fuck… fucking breathe…” He rolls his eyes. He doesn’t believe me. Shit.

“Nice try, kid,” he mutters, going back to concentrating on his driving.

“Matt… please…” I begin to sob uncontrollably. Oh, god what was happening…? He looks over at me again with pure annoyance written across his face.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake…” He moves three lanes over violently, taking the nearest exit. There’s almost no one around; it’s a pretty empty part of the city.

He speeds down the road, finally pulling over at a nearby gas-station. I continue to sob; each one tears through me. My heart is in my throat, then my stomach.

I’m drowning and I can’t stop and I want this feeling to end and I just wish everything was normal and I wish I were dead.

Oh, god.

Matt unbuckles my seatbelt for me so he can turn me towards him. He removes the aviators he has been wearing so he can get a good look at me. He grabs my shoulders roughly.

“Autumn, what the fuck is going on?” he demands. His tone isn’t helping. In fact, it’s just making it worse.

And his hands… his fucking hands. They feel like Anthony’s – the way he gripped my shoulders while he tore my innocence from me. It’s all too much.

I can’t fucking breathe…

“S-Stop!” I scream, trying to tear out of his grip. But he’s too strong.

“Sh, sweetie… Don’t worry; it’ll all be over before you know it.”

“N-No… P-Please…” I whimper. “Please don’t hurt me…!”

“Autumn?”

I can hear Matt’s voice but it sounds too far away.

Why can’t I just be happy for a moment? Why did he have to come around and ruin my happiness? Why did he have to sleep with Michelle? Why did I have to be born? Why is this happening to me – this is all his fault. It has to be. There is no other explanation.

It’s all his fault.

“Scream for me, baby. That’s it… Keep begging me to stop.”

“Please… Just stop…!” I know that it’s not doing anything. He’s not going to stop. And what difference would it make anyway? He would’ve gotten what he wanted by then. Why did I agree to go with Leda? Why…?

“Come on, baby… Just keep screaming for me…”

I do. I scream as loud as I possibly fucking can. But no one can hear me. No one can save me. Hunter’s passed out in the kitchen… Leda’s unconscious on the floor in front of me… And the neighbors probably stopped giving a fuck months ago. This was nothing different than what they were used to. This was normal.

“See? That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

It’s over. It’s over. It’s over…

No. No it’s not over. It will never be over. As long as I keep having to relive this nightmare over and over and over and over…

It will never fucking end. Every little thing will set me off. I won’t ever be normal. I won’t ever recover from this.

I’m fucking dead.

Gus was right. No – he was more than right. He was spot-fucking-on. I’m dying. I’m already dead – not just a part of me is dead. Many parts of me; almost all of me. There’s nothing left of me. I’m being eaten alive.

I can’t breathe…

Hunter.

His face appears in my mind. The way he pressed his lips against mine. It didn’t matter what had just happened to me. Because I knew he wasn’t anything like that – deep down, I knew. And I knew that he loved me. And I know that I love him.

He was my anchor. He was my anchor… I need him.

I need him.

But I can’t breathe. I won’t ever be able to see him again if I don’t remember how to breathe. Funny thing, breathing. Your body just does so much. Converts oxygen to carbon dioxide, and you don’t even have to think about it.

Unless you lose control. Then, you do have to think about it.

Breathe in; inhale the oxygen. Breathe out; exhale the carbon dioxide.

Exhale the waste.

Exhale the bad memories.

Exhale the animosity. Exhale the past.

Exhale everything.

You don’t need that anymore. You won’t need that anymore. You can tell someone. You can tell anyone. You need to tell them. Gus was right. This is for the best. He just wants to see you get better. And you want to get better, too.

Just keep breathing…

Notes

A/N: Yes I know this part was part of the last chapter, but I messed up - this was originally supposed to be it's own chapter, and I did remember to correct this mistake on Mibba, but I forgot to do it on here. So this is the update for the day - sorry :/

~WOLFY~