I can barely bring myself to look anyone in the eye the next few days. Every time I was just in the same room as them, I felt like I was being stabbed in the back – and in a way, I almost don’t mean that metaphorically. I could tell Gus knew that I knew that he was lying, but I refused to let him talk to me; I refused to talk to him. I simply couldn’t bear the thought of my twin brother – my best friend – lying to me. We told each other everything. How could he not tell me what he knew about our mother, even when he knew that I would kill to know?

It seemed to hurt me even more when, less than a week later, I announced to Matt that Hunter would be swinging by to pick me up and take Leda and me to Austin’s house, and he brushed it off like he didn’t care.

On the bright side, at least I had something to look forward to now. It had been over a week since I’d seen Leda, and even though we texted like crazy, I found that I really missed having her around, at least in a physical sense. What made it even worse was that not having anyone around anymore, since I found I could barely trust the people I was currently living with, made me miss Dillon and the guys back home a lot more than before. And though, like Leda, I texted them often, it just wasn’t the same.

For twenty minutes, I sit on the front step of Matt’s house, willingly withstanding the California heat, which I still had yet to get used to. I simply couldn’t stand to be cooped up much in the house anymore. Especially when Matt and Gus were out, and it was just Val and I there, like today.

Things were still tense between the blonde and I; we hadn’t spoken since the incident at the mall; I could tell that she all but hated me – that, or she was just really good at holding a grudge. Or she sucked at talking out things like this, which would explain why she and Matt were still having so many problems.

As for Matt and Gus, well, Matt appeared to have taken a liking to Gus, and vice-versa. They often went to the studio up in LA together, which meant that Gus got to hang out with my favorite band of all time practically every day, while I just stayed cooped up in my room, texting away, and half-wishing things could go back to the way they were before we were told we would be spending the summer in California. It wasn’t like they hadn’t offered to bring me along with them – in fact, they had tried to, but I appeared to be just as bad as Val when it came to holding grudges. In other words, I was still pissed off at how they were so blatantly keeping secrets from me.

Finally, at about half-past five, the familiar, beat-up pick-up truck that Hunter drove me home in, after rescuing me from Anthony, pulls up in front of the driveway. I hop in the front seat beside Leda, since it’s one of those trucks with three seats in the front, and none in the back. She hugs me tightly from the side once I’ve buckled my seatbelt, and for the first time in a week, I feel content.

“I’ve missed you,” she tells me once we begin driving down the road.

“I’ve missed you, too,” I reply, my knee bouncing up and down nervously at the thought of spending the night at Austin Carlile’s house. I grip the strap of my overnight bag so tightly, my knuckles turn white. Noticing my distress, Leda rests a hand on my leg.

“Hey, it’s okay,” she says gently. “Austin won’t care if you’re a fan; he already loves you.” I laugh nervously.

“He doesn’t even know me,” I mutter, feeling slightly embarrassed.

“Yeah, but he knows that you’re my first real friend, which means he loves you,” she explains.

“I’m just afraid of embarrassing myself in front of him,” I admit, looking away and staring out the window. “I’ve already done enough of that since I got here; that’s the last thing I need.” She nods understandingly. Not only did she know about my love for Avenged Sevenfold over text, but she also was well-aware of what had happened between Matt and I.

“He’ll come around, Autumn,” she whispers. “Soon he’ll realize how much this is hurting you, and he’ll do something about it. Matt’s a really nice guy; he’s just a little ignorant sometimes.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, suddenly really interested. I knew that Leda had known Matt for a while, mainly through Austin, so if she knew something about him that I didn’t, it was simply because of that.

“He’s not real empathetic,” she explains. “Like, if someone’s hurting, he either doesn’t realize, or he doesn’t know what to do, so he doesn’t try to do anything about it. Honestly, it’s a miracle Val has stayed with him for so long,” she scoffs.

For a while, I think about what she said. The two of us remain silent while on the highway, dancing slightly to the music Hunter had selected. Though I hadn’t heard of half of the bands that were playing on the shitty speaker system of the old pick-up, they seemed to be similar to a lot of the music that Leda and I listened to.

After about an hour, we finally pull up in front of what appears to be a condo, overlooking the ocean, at the outskirts of downtown LA. I slowly follow Leda to Austin’s unit, glancing over my shoulder at Hunter, who doesn’t seem to be willing to leave until he knows both of us are safe inside. This action makes my heart swell a bit; it also makes me question how genuine Leda was being when she told me all that shit about her brother back when we first hung out.

Leda doesn’t even have to knock; she has her own key on a chain around her neck. It is pretty quiet when we first step inside. The only sound is coming from farther into the condo; it sounds like a television.

“Austin?” Leda calls, kicking off her shoes. For some reason, I do the same.

Suddenly, I hear someone walk towards us, and soon, Austin appears in front of us.

“Leda-bear!” he exclaims, picking her up and swinging her around in a circle. She giggles slightly and he puts her down before smiling over at me. “It’s good to see you again, kiddo.” He ruffles my hair and I swat him away playfully, pleasantly surprised at how casual I am able to act around him. “You girls hungry?”

I notice Leda shake her head, but she follows Austin and me into the kitchen anyway. I hop up onto one of the bar stools at the kitchen island; I had to admit – Austin was doing pretty well for himself. Most of the décor was relatively modern and almost expensive-looking. I watch politely as he pulls a couple of snack options out of the pantry, listening to him go on excitedly about the new album he and the rest of his band was working on.

“So how are things with you and Matt?” he asks suddenly, catching me off guard. In fact, I can’t think of the right words to describe where Matt and I stood right now, so Leda has to jump in for me.

“They’re at a bit of a rough spot right now,” she explains. “But I’m sure they’ll work it out.” He looks at me, tilting his head slightly – it takes all of my will-power not to fangirl right there in that kitchen.

“If you ever need me to talk to him, then you can always ask,” he says. “Or you could always talk to me.” Leda rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, like you really need another teenage girl using you as a coaster for all her problems,” she replies snappily. He doesn’t say anything, as if he’s used to these kinds of responses from her – and he probably was.

“You two going to head upstairs?” he asks as she hops off her stool, grabbing my arm and pulling me with her. “You remember where the guest room is?” Another eye-roll from Leda.

“Yeah, of course.” Before she can go any further however, he runs over to her and pulls her into a bone-crushing hug (or at least, it looked like it from where I stood).

He kisses the top of her dyed-black hair before letting her go. She shakes her head at him before pulling me away. I send a quick wave over my shoulder at him, and he sticks his tongue out at me playfully, which just about sends me into a fit of giggles; luckily, Leda is able to shut the guest room door behind us before he notices.

“Looks like you didn’t embarrass yourself too much,” she points out, flopping down onto the bed. I do the same, admiring the light-blue theme the room seemed to follow.

“He really seems to care for you.” She shrugs.

“He’s like a brother to me.” Then, she laughs. “Better brother than Anthony ever will be.”

“Do you spend a lot of time over here?” I ask.

“Only when I can. Hunter thinks it might be better for me if I was here more often than at Anthony’s.” She pauses for a moment before adding, “He’s trying to gain my custody.”

Shocked, I sit up and stare down at her.

“Seriously?” I exclaim, not quite believing her – probably out of jealously (I mean, how cool would it be to be adopted by Austin fucking Carlile?).

“He doesn’t think Anthony’s home is a good environment for me.”

“It isn’t,” I agree, lying back down.

“But you think touring the world with five rowdy guys is?” She props herself up on her elbow.

“You act like they all do drugs or something.” I look at her, studying her expression for a moment. “…Do they?”

“No, of course not. The worst they do is drink, and even then it’s not too much.”

“So what’s so bad about touring with Of Mice & Men?”

“School,” she points out. “If I want to make anything out of my life, I have to at least graduate high school. It’s not like I have anything else going for me.”

“I’m sure there’s something,” I argue. “You seem to like ‘GTA’a lot; people can make a career out of doing gameplay videos on YouTube.”

“I don’t like it that much. Besides.” She sits up, pulling her legs onto the bed and hugging her knees to her chest. “I want to do something that matters. That people will remember. Something like what Austin or your dad does.”

“What; start a band?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Well, what would you do?” I sit up too, watching her curiously. She looks out the window across the room, lost in thought.

“That’s the thing,” she mutters sadly. “I don’t have any musical talent. I’ve tried, but I just can’t do it.” She kicks off her shoes rather roughly; each one hits the wall before falling with a thump to the ground. “Whatever. What’s the point?”

I don’t quite know how to respond to this. In some ways, I had to agree to her – what was the point? Well, for me, I had my art. And I had all my favorite bands (for god’s sake – I was spending the night at Austin Carlile’s house), and I had the guys back home. But Leda – it seemed that all she had was Austin and I, and maybe Hunter.

“I’m sure you’ll find something,” I whisper. “You just have to keep looking.”

“Yeah, well I’m getting tired of looking.” She leans up against the headboard, once again hugging her knees to her chest. “Can I tell you something?” she asks so quietly that it’s almost inaudible.

“Of course,” I reply, trying not to make my voice much louder. She goes back to staring out the window, and for a moment, I think that she’s thought better of saying anything.

“I tried to kill myself last year. Twice.”

There it was.

For some reason, I can’t feel shocked. I know most people normally would, but I can’t. I guess that was because, in a way, it made sense. Although, just thinking that made me hate myself; it was a cruel assumption, though in a way, it really did seem to fit with why she was always being so distant with me.

“You don’t have to say anything,” she continues. “I understand if you don’t want to hang out with me anymore. I can call Hunter and have him take you home. He probably hasn’t gone too far…”

“No, it’s fine,” I interject. “Really, Leda; it’s fine. I’m not that shallow.” She laughs humorlessly.

“You know, you’re the first person I’ve told.” I blink.

“Really?”

“Well, of course Austin knows, and so do Hunter and Anthony…” She looks over at me. “But you’re the first person I’ve ever willing told.”

“Is that… a good thing?” I ask, unsure of how to react. She smiles, shaking her head at me.

“Yeah. I guess that is a good thing. It means I trust you – and I don’t trust easily.” I can’t help but straighten up easily, all negative thoughts aside.

I lean forward and throw my arms around her stick-thin body.

“You’re okay now, though; right?” I ask hopefully.

“I don’t ever think I’ll ‘be okay’…” I close my eyes tightly, wishing that there was some way I could just make it all better for her, through my hug. “But I’m trying, Autumn. I guess that’s really all that matters, huh?”

“I guess,” I mutter in reply, although I don’t know for sure.

She pushes me away gently.

“Hey, don’t worry about me, okay?” She smiles widely at me. “That was over a year ago. I’m getting better… slowly.” I force a laugh and she hugs me again. “God, you’re like an innocent puppy; you have no idea what’s going on, do you?”

“Not really,” I admit nervously and she laughs again.

“I love you, Autumn,” she mutters. My heart swells.

“I love you, too, Leda.”

~

I was surprised when I actually did end up falling asleep before midnight, although I was rudely awoken not three hours later by Leda screaming beside me.

Austin didn’t look all too surprised when he wandered in, still half-asleep, and picked her up out of bed, bridal-style to carry her to the living room. I followed after them; Austin let her rest her head on his lap and soon, she had fallen asleep. I allowed her legs to rest across my lap, and though I was comfortable enough, I couldn’t fall back asleep.

“How are things really going with you and Matt?” Austin asks suddenly. I look over at him, expecting him to look tired, but he looks completely awake.

“Um…” I frown slightly, trying to form the words in my mind so they didn’t come out sounding wrong. “We had a bit of an argument a few days ago.”

“What about?” He seems genuinely interested and I shift slightly without waking Leda.

“He’s keeping something from me,” I explain. “He won’t tell me about our mother.”

“He probably has a good reason…”

“Except I know Gus knows something.” This causes him to frown deeply.

“That… Doesn’t sound… fair. Gus is your twin, right?” I nod. “So why would he only tell one of you? That isn’t right.”

“He also thinks he knows me – like he’s known me my entire life.” He reaches over and rubs my arm gently, sending me a reassuring smile.

“He’ll come through; you’ll see.” I shrug; Austin probably knew more about Matt, anyway; I should probably trust his word on this.

“I heard about what you’re trying to do.” He doesn’t look too surprised at this, either – he must know Leda better than anyone to be taking things so easily. That, or he just wasn’t one to get surprised easily.

“What about it?”

“I mean, is Anthony really that bad?” He laughs humorlessly.

“You’d have to know the full story,” he tells me. “There’s a lot more than drug-dealing going on over there; it isn’t safe for Leda.” He looks down at her sleeping body lovingly. I couldn’t help but think for a moment that I had someone who loved me as much as Austin appeared to love Leda.

I shake my head. How selfish of me.

“Like what?” He shakes his head.

“It’s not my place to tell you.” He looks over at me. “Leda will tell you when she’s ready; don’t worry.”

“It must be pretty bad,” I mumble and he appears to hear me.

“You have no idea.”

Notes

A/N: Thank you so much for all of you who have commented or subscribed or voted. I know I don't say that nearly enough but thank you so much! Even if all you've done is read this - honestly, that just means so much to me, so thank you =)

Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Let me know what you think

~WOLFY~