Shake The Ground (re-upload)

My heart ached when Nia and Rena snapped on me. Their mother had filled their heads with her lies and they were now taking Carrie’s side. I’d spent all afternoon, locked in the guitar room recording our parts. I slammed my car door and headed to the house. I tried to breathe steadily and keep myself calm, but it was not very effective. My hands were shaking from frustration and my cheeks had warm tears flowing down them. I fumbled with the house keys and unlocked the door, heading to my room. I scavenged for my razor, the release I needed, but couldn’t find it. I pulled at my clothes, feeling unusually warm and laid down in my bed. I slept for at least four hours before dad came in to check on me.
“Hey, Sam told me what happened, are you okay?”
“Yeah, it just hurt a bit. I’m just really stressed out,” I said.
“Michelle wants to take you shopping tomorrow, she wants to spend some time with you, she says it feels like forever since you guys have had a girls day,” Dad said, smirking and rubbing my back.
“Sounds fun.”
“I love you, Julia, so fucking much. You’re such an amazing, beautiful young woman and I’m so proud of you. I know our relationship can be rocky and confusing sometimes, but I want you to know that I’m always here for you and I’ll always love you more than anything. You’re my whole universe.”
I sat up and wrapped my arms around my father, nuzzling my forehead into my dad’s shoulder, much like I did when I was little kid. I loved my dad. His job got in the way sometimes, but mine did, too. He always did what was best for me and tried to do his best. He had his flaws, just like everyone, but he really did care about me. I didn’t realize I was crying until he was rubbing my back and looking at me oddly.
“I’m so sorry,” I mumbled as I hugged him tighter.
“You have nothing to be sorry for,”
“I’m sorry for not being a good daughter and part of the family these past months, I won’t make excuses for it, but I love you guys and I have been pretty shitty,”
“Stop, baby, you’re going through a hard time, it’s totally understandable, we don’t have hard feelings, we were just worried you were gonna get bad again,”
“I’m sorry I worried you,”
“Just prove our suspicions wrong, Jules.”
Later that night, we watched a comedy movie and ate takeout. Things started to feel normal until the thoughts came spiraling back and crashed upon my shoulders. I headed to bed and took off my makeup. Aye, I looked good, so I decided to take a selfie and post it on Instagram.
It got like 2,000 likes in ten minutes. I read through the comments.
@julialynnhanercb omg u look so much like syn
@julialynnhanercb brazil loves u
@julialynnhanercb tell bri i say hi
@julialynnhanercb y u gauge ears
@julialynnhanercb melanieeeeeeee: slut, you’re only famous cause of daddy, you suck
@julialynnhanercb @melanieeeeeeee how is her being Syn’s daughter and taking a picture make her a slut? she works hard for everything and always rejects any sort of press about her dad, get over it and deal with that fact, bitch. At least she is happy with her life and going somewhere. She’s too good to even reply to your negativity.
@julialynnhanercb I love the fact you wear Jimmy’s necklace, he adored you. Thoughts going to you. #foREVer #weloveyouJulia
I just sighed and locked my phone. They weren’t worth it. I sighed and got on Netflix to finish my last episode of Doctor Who. I mean who could resist hot older dudes and special screwdrivers?
I got my phone up and made a tweet: In this life, you float or sink. Some of us choose to float, some choose to or are predestined to sink. Just don’t let anyone make you sink.
It was totally about Nia and Rena and they could deal with it, it’s what they got after today. I had to go on tour with them in a month, right after we finally completed our album. This Is The End of Control was the title and I was so excited for people to hear it. We put a lot of work in it and we only had a week’s worth of work left to finish the recording and let the mixing and packaging commence. I had busted my butt on this album and I couldn’t wait for people to hear the new songs and new material I had come out with. I wrapped my fingers around the necklace, it was Jimmy’s cross pendant he always wore. Leana stopped by and gave it to me about six months after he died, along with some sunglasses and rings he wanted me to have. He also gave me his rabbit, Zimmer, and I had taken care of it pretty well. It was one of my only memories of him, but it was a great way to celebrate his life. Michelle took care of it during touring and recording, being the absolute sweetheart she is because I was scared I was gonna have to give him away.
I decided to text Leana and tell her I loved her and missed her and hoped she was doing well. She had it the hardest and was scared to come around us anymore. I loved her as my own aunt, so I wanted to check in.
Hi Le, it’s Julia. I wanted to check in and see how life was treating you. I miss you and I hope you are well. Love you. xx
Next, I received a text from Val, Hey chica, see you tomorrow! Be up and ready for Mich and I.
Okay, love you, Val. :)
Leana didn’t text back, so I dismissed it and headed to bed. Sleep may clear my mind.
The next morning I was shaken awaken by the blonde twins.
“TIME TO GO!” Dad yelled.
I lurched out of bed and began to pull on some clothes. I curled my hair and brushed through the curls to add the wave. I pulled on my half black, half white shorts and a muscle tee with some witty saying on it and a beanie and my hi-tops. I added foundation to my pale face, smudged some eyeliner under and added blue eyeshadow to the top.
We had an interview tomorrow and I wanted to look good, so I would have to pick up some stuff while we were out. The twins waited in the kitchen for me and I collected my things, pushing a sharpie in the bag. People always recognized me, leading to me always having to sign stuff when we were in public. Not that I minded, it just could get a bit overwhelming. I wasn’t used to that. Sure, I had seen Dad getting swarmed in public, but now, people wanted something from me, not just him. I always felt like I had to make them satisfactory as well.
We climbed in the black SUV and headed to the direction of the outdoor mall. I got a text from Nia.
Hey Jules, I’m sorry about yesterday, I said some things that I shouldn’t have said ever. We love you. Hope you’re having a good day, see you tomorrow. - Nia
I sighed and locked my phone and started engaging in Val and Michelle’s conversation.
“So, are there any boys you have an eye for Jules?”
“Nope, Val, they’re all stupid,” I laughed.
We walked in the mall and sure enough, surrounding Hot Topic and Spencer’s, stood fangirls. I slid my sunglasses on and pulled my beanie down. They looked at me with shining eyes, my hair was a dead giveaway. My feelings were confused, I really wasn’t in the mood to be Julia Haner, exceptional daughter by day, rockstar by night.
A girl with green hair approached us, “Hey Julia, I’m sorry to bother, but is there anyway I could have your autograph and get a picture? I really enjoy your music and you inspired me to pick up the guitar and play again.”
I did as she said and finished with the group and moved on shopping, letting Michelle and Val help me pick out new clothes and touch up the blue in my hair. We were driving home when I saw all the guys’ cars in the front and Dad worriedly pacing in the front. What had I done this time? He looked relieved to see us and hugged me tight, whispering “You should’ve told me and came to me. Zack pulled me to the side and filled me in, if you need anything, I am here.” I had no idea how much Zack told him, so I nodded and carried my shopping bags up to my room. I heard heavy footsteps and Zack walked into my room, smiling and closing the door.
He plopped down on my bed and looked at me.
“Okay, so I know what you are thinking. I just told him you were a bit depressed and still having trouble with Jimmy’s death. I felt that he deserved that much. If you are having trouble with anything, you have my phone number and I will answer at any time. I know we aren’t as close as you and Jimmy were, but I love you just as much and I care about you, we all do.”
Zack left me to think, maybe talking it out wasn’t as bad as it seemed.

Notes