A Little Piece Of Heaven
First Day Back
Chapter Forty-Four:
Last night was long and draining. Dinner wasn’t at all what I expected. I just expected some down-time with Matt and Jared. Instead, I had to tell my life story, again. I’m so tired of talking about myself. Every time, it stirs up memories I would rather forget. I hate it. At least it’s getting a little easier to talk about it. No matter how hard I try, it just serves as a constant reminder of how broken I am.
I’m supposed to meet with Alex one more time before we go to trial. He’s supposed to analyze me again and then give his expert opinion on me when we go to court. But, no pressure or anything. It’s all so much.
It just feels like the giant shit pile that has consumes my life is never ending. The shit pile just keeps growing.
“Hey Angela, haven’t seen you in awhile.” Cody taunted. I groaned. My first day back to school and he’s the person I see.I mean, seriously? Seriously?!
“Hey yourself,” I replied, immediately regretting my decision to come back to school today. I have plenty of excused absences, but if I get too many, I can’t graduate. So, the days that I can be here, I pretty much have to be.
“You don’t look as bad as everyone’s been saying.” He assessed. “I’d still do you.” He smirked. I rolled my eyes.
“Do you have to be disgusting 24/7 or is that just a choice?” I sighed. His smirk grew.
“Everything I do is a choice, beautiful.” He stroked my face. I moved away from his hand. He let it drop and sat down next to me. “Is it true?” He asked.
“Is what true?”
“What everyone’s been saying? What’s been all over the news? Did your stepdad really attack you?” He asked. I nodded. There’s no use in lying about it. He’s right. It has been plastered all over the news.
“Yes.” I whispered.
“That’s fucked up. I knew you were jail-bait, but damn.” He tried to joke. I glared at him. “Look, I didn’t mean it like that, okay? I’m sorry… for what happened to you. You probably don’t need me hitting on you every time I see you at school.” He admitted. I chuckled.
“I just want to be treated like everything is normal.” I told him, truthfully.
“Great, because you’re one of the hottest girls here. I don’t think I could stop hitting on you if I tried.” He teased. I rolled my eyes.
“This guy bothering you?” Brian asked. I shook my head.
“Chill man. I was just leaving. I’ll see you ‘round, Angela.” Cody left.
“What was all that about?” He asked me. I shrugged.
“Believe it or not, I think he was trying to be nice.” I told him. He laughed.
“We really haven’t had a chance to talk. How have you been?”
“I’ve been as well as can be expected. I’m nervous and trying to not wig out about the hearing on Friday.” I leveled with him. He nodded.
“I get that. Do you need to talk about anything?” He asked me. I shrugged.
“I think it’s just not knowing how the trial is going to go. I hate not knowing. The unexpected is what scares me. I don’t know what his lawyers are going to ask or how they’re going to try and make what Eric did okay. It’s hard enough to rehash things without a being in front of a room full of people. So much rides on this. If we win, he goes away for life, and he can’t hurt me anymore. If we lose, he can continue to make my life hell. I honestly don’t think I can handle seeing right now. Being in the same room as him… I can’t, Brian. I just can’t. I still have nightmares about what went down. He’s taken so much away from me. How am I supposed to deal with that?” I ranted. Brian didn’t say anything, just put an arm around my shoulder and pulled me into a hug.
“You’re going to make it through this, because you’re strong. You’re a fighter. No matter what he does, he can’t take that away from you. He’s tried and failed. You’re going to be okay. You’ll ace the trial because that’s what you have to do.” He kissed my temple.
“Thanks. I needed that.” I breathed. He smiled.
“Don’t mention it. That’s what friends are for.” He kept his arm on my shoulder but started to eat his food. “Have you written anything lately?” He asked me. I nodded.
“I’ve written a little bit.”
“Can I take a look?” He asked.
“Sure, just remember, no laughing.”
“Scout’s honor.” He promised.
“You were a Boy Scout?” I asked.
“Hey, we all had to start somewhere.”
“True.” I agreed and handed him my notebook. He flipped through and started reading.
His little whispers, “Love me. Love me.
That’s all I ask for; love me. Love me.”
Monster.
How should I feel?
Creatures lie here, looking through the window.
That night he caged her, bruised and broke her.
He struggled closer, then he stole her.
Violet wrists and then her ankles, silent pain.
Then he slowly saw their nightmares were his dreams.
Brian looked up at me and stayed quiet. He looks hurt. I shift uncomfortably under his gaze. “Are you sure you’re okay with me reading this?” He asked me. I nodded. “Okay.” He started looking through more pages.
Well, I couldn’t tell you, why she felt that way.
She felt it every day.
And I couldn’t help her.
I just watched her make the same mistakes, again.
What’s wrong – what’s wrong, now?
Too many, too many problems,
Don’t know where she belongs,
Where she belongs…
She wants to go home, but nobody’s home.
It’s where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go,
To dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
Her feelings she hides,
Her dreams she can’t find,
She’s losing her mind.
She’s falling behind.
She can’t find her place.
She’s losing her faith.
She’s falling from grace.
She’s all over the place.
She wants to go home, but nobody’s home.
It’s where she lies broken inside.
“Have you ever considered trying to publish what you write?” He asked me. I shrugged. “You can make some really good music through pain.” He muttered as he continued to leaf through my journal.
I linger in the doorway, of alarm clock screaming, monsters calling my name.
Let me stay, where the wind will whisper to me.
Where the raindrops, as they’re falling tell a story…
In my field of paper flowers and candy clouds of lullaby,
I lie inside myself for hours and watch my purple sky fly over me.
Don’t say I’m out of touch with this rampant chaos, your reality.
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge.
The nightmare, I built my own world to escape.
In my field of paper flowers and candy clouds of lullaby,
I lie inside myself for hours and watch my purple sky fly over me.
Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming,
Cannot cease for the sound of silent lies,
Oh, how I long for the deep sleep dreaming,
The goddess of imaginary light…
In my field of paper flowers and candy clouds of lullaby,
I lie inside myself for hours and watch my purple sky fly over me.
Brian closed the journal and we sat in silence for a few minutes while he pondered what he had just read.
“Those are really powerful.” He told me. I didn’t say anything. I opened a bag of chips and watched him as he decided what he was going to say. “I think if you wanted to get them published, you would have no problem doing that. Hell, you could even sell them as songs.”
“Thank you. I don’t really let anyone else read them.”
“I’m honored.” He smiled and started to eat his sandwich.
“Hey, I’m sorry I’m running late today.” Matt apologized. He settled across from me and leaned in for a kiss. I smiled.
“It’s okay. No big.” I assured him. I kept thinking about what Brian said. It’s not a bad idea. My writing is one of the only things that I’m seriously passionate about. Why not pursue it? It’s only logical.
“My mom wants to see you.” Matt told me.
“When?” I asked him.
“I’m not sure. What do you have going on this week?” He asked me.
“I’ve got doctor appointments most of tomorrow afternoon, therapy Wednesday, and the trial is Friday.” I told him. He nodded.
“Maybe tomorrow night when you’re finished?” He asked me. I nodded.
“Sure. I’d like that.” I smiled.
“It’s a date.”
-.-
“You look happy about something.” Jace teased.
“It’s been a good day.” I told him.
“Good. You deserve one.”
“Don’t we all?”
“Eh, sometimes. So your first day back was good?” He asked.
“It was.” I told him. “I just have to make it through the rest of the week.”
Last night was long and draining. Dinner wasn’t at all what I expected. I just expected some down-time with Matt and Jared. Instead, I had to tell my life story, again. I’m so tired of talking about myself. Every time, it stirs up memories I would rather forget. I hate it. At least it’s getting a little easier to talk about it. No matter how hard I try, it just serves as a constant reminder of how broken I am.
I’m supposed to meet with Alex one more time before we go to trial. He’s supposed to analyze me again and then give his expert opinion on me when we go to court. But, no pressure or anything. It’s all so much.
It just feels like the giant shit pile that has consumes my life is never ending. The shit pile just keeps growing.
“Hey Angela, haven’t seen you in awhile.” Cody taunted. I groaned. My first day back to school and he’s the person I see.I mean, seriously? Seriously?!
“Hey yourself,” I replied, immediately regretting my decision to come back to school today. I have plenty of excused absences, but if I get too many, I can’t graduate. So, the days that I can be here, I pretty much have to be.
“You don’t look as bad as everyone’s been saying.” He assessed. “I’d still do you.” He smirked. I rolled my eyes.
“Do you have to be disgusting 24/7 or is that just a choice?” I sighed. His smirk grew.
“Everything I do is a choice, beautiful.” He stroked my face. I moved away from his hand. He let it drop and sat down next to me. “Is it true?” He asked.
“Is what true?”
“What everyone’s been saying? What’s been all over the news? Did your stepdad really attack you?” He asked. I nodded. There’s no use in lying about it. He’s right. It has been plastered all over the news.
“Yes.” I whispered.
“That’s fucked up. I knew you were jail-bait, but damn.” He tried to joke. I glared at him. “Look, I didn’t mean it like that, okay? I’m sorry… for what happened to you. You probably don’t need me hitting on you every time I see you at school.” He admitted. I chuckled.
“I just want to be treated like everything is normal.” I told him, truthfully.
“Great, because you’re one of the hottest girls here. I don’t think I could stop hitting on you if I tried.” He teased. I rolled my eyes.
“This guy bothering you?” Brian asked. I shook my head.
“Chill man. I was just leaving. I’ll see you ‘round, Angela.” Cody left.
“What was all that about?” He asked me. I shrugged.
“Believe it or not, I think he was trying to be nice.” I told him. He laughed.
“We really haven’t had a chance to talk. How have you been?”
“I’ve been as well as can be expected. I’m nervous and trying to not wig out about the hearing on Friday.” I leveled with him. He nodded.
“I get that. Do you need to talk about anything?” He asked me. I shrugged.
“I think it’s just not knowing how the trial is going to go. I hate not knowing. The unexpected is what scares me. I don’t know what his lawyers are going to ask or how they’re going to try and make what Eric did okay. It’s hard enough to rehash things without a being in front of a room full of people. So much rides on this. If we win, he goes away for life, and he can’t hurt me anymore. If we lose, he can continue to make my life hell. I honestly don’t think I can handle seeing right now. Being in the same room as him… I can’t, Brian. I just can’t. I still have nightmares about what went down. He’s taken so much away from me. How am I supposed to deal with that?” I ranted. Brian didn’t say anything, just put an arm around my shoulder and pulled me into a hug.
“You’re going to make it through this, because you’re strong. You’re a fighter. No matter what he does, he can’t take that away from you. He’s tried and failed. You’re going to be okay. You’ll ace the trial because that’s what you have to do.” He kissed my temple.
“Thanks. I needed that.” I breathed. He smiled.
“Don’t mention it. That’s what friends are for.” He kept his arm on my shoulder but started to eat his food. “Have you written anything lately?” He asked me. I nodded.
“I’ve written a little bit.”
“Can I take a look?” He asked.
“Sure, just remember, no laughing.”
“Scout’s honor.” He promised.
“You were a Boy Scout?” I asked.
“Hey, we all had to start somewhere.”
“True.” I agreed and handed him my notebook. He flipped through and started reading.
His little whispers, “Love me. Love me.
That’s all I ask for; love me. Love me.”
Monster.
How should I feel?
Creatures lie here, looking through the window.
That night he caged her, bruised and broke her.
He struggled closer, then he stole her.
Violet wrists and then her ankles, silent pain.
Then he slowly saw their nightmares were his dreams.
Brian looked up at me and stayed quiet. He looks hurt. I shift uncomfortably under his gaze. “Are you sure you’re okay with me reading this?” He asked me. I nodded. “Okay.” He started looking through more pages.
Well, I couldn’t tell you, why she felt that way.
She felt it every day.
And I couldn’t help her.
I just watched her make the same mistakes, again.
What’s wrong – what’s wrong, now?
Too many, too many problems,
Don’t know where she belongs,
Where she belongs…
She wants to go home, but nobody’s home.
It’s where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go,
To dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
Her feelings she hides,
Her dreams she can’t find,
She’s losing her mind.
She’s falling behind.
She can’t find her place.
She’s losing her faith.
She’s falling from grace.
She’s all over the place.
She wants to go home, but nobody’s home.
It’s where she lies broken inside.
“Have you ever considered trying to publish what you write?” He asked me. I shrugged. “You can make some really good music through pain.” He muttered as he continued to leaf through my journal.
I linger in the doorway, of alarm clock screaming, monsters calling my name.
Let me stay, where the wind will whisper to me.
Where the raindrops, as they’re falling tell a story…
In my field of paper flowers and candy clouds of lullaby,
I lie inside myself for hours and watch my purple sky fly over me.
Don’t say I’m out of touch with this rampant chaos, your reality.
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge.
The nightmare, I built my own world to escape.
In my field of paper flowers and candy clouds of lullaby,
I lie inside myself for hours and watch my purple sky fly over me.
Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming,
Cannot cease for the sound of silent lies,
Oh, how I long for the deep sleep dreaming,
The goddess of imaginary light…
In my field of paper flowers and candy clouds of lullaby,
I lie inside myself for hours and watch my purple sky fly over me.
Brian closed the journal and we sat in silence for a few minutes while he pondered what he had just read.
“Those are really powerful.” He told me. I didn’t say anything. I opened a bag of chips and watched him as he decided what he was going to say. “I think if you wanted to get them published, you would have no problem doing that. Hell, you could even sell them as songs.”
“Thank you. I don’t really let anyone else read them.”
“I’m honored.” He smiled and started to eat his sandwich.
“Hey, I’m sorry I’m running late today.” Matt apologized. He settled across from me and leaned in for a kiss. I smiled.
“It’s okay. No big.” I assured him. I kept thinking about what Brian said. It’s not a bad idea. My writing is one of the only things that I’m seriously passionate about. Why not pursue it? It’s only logical.
“My mom wants to see you.” Matt told me.
“When?” I asked him.
“I’m not sure. What do you have going on this week?” He asked me.
“I’ve got doctor appointments most of tomorrow afternoon, therapy Wednesday, and the trial is Friday.” I told him. He nodded.
“Maybe tomorrow night when you’re finished?” He asked me. I nodded.
“Sure. I’d like that.” I smiled.
“It’s a date.”
-.-
“You look happy about something.” Jace teased.
“It’s been a good day.” I told him.
“Good. You deserve one.”
“Don’t we all?”
“Eh, sometimes. So your first day back was good?” He asked.
“It was.” I told him. “I just have to make it through the rest of the week.”
Notes
I'm going to try and have this story wrapped up within the next week/two weeks, or so.Music/Lyric Credit:
"Monster" - Meg & Dia, "Nobody's Home" - Avril Lavigne, "Imaginary" - Evanescence
Reviews are always appreciated. :-)
This is an amazing story. Some chapters were hard to read but I was hooked. Thank you for sharing it.
2/16/18