“…you’re useless… worthless… can’t do anything right… mistake… fuck-up…”

Zack’s words circle around in my head violently, pounding mercilessly against my skull. I should’ve known that my word alone wouldn’t have been enough to convince him that I hadn’t been doing anything I shouldn’t have. But in his defense, he didn’t really have any good reason to trust me. I supposed that’s all my fault.

I pull the duvet closer around my shaking body. The only thing that was keeping me alive right now was just the mere thought of Will; the idea that his body is curled up against mine, his arms wrapped securely around my waist. I’d kill to fall asleep in his arms.

There had to be something wrong with me; I had no motivation to stand up for myself – to make smartass remarks that made me come off as someone who didn’t give a fuck. Because honestly right now, I didn’t give a single fuck anymore.

Suddenly, there is a soft knock on my door. Wanting to be left alone, I hold my breath, waiting for them to leave.

“Daenerys?” Erin’s high-pitched voice calls. “I know you’re in there. I need your help.” I sigh and sit up; knowing she probably won’t leave until she’s gotten what she wants.

“What do you want?” I call back. She opens the door just wide enough for her to slip in. She blinks a little to adjust to the darkness, as the blinds were still closed and the light hadn’t been turned on since I snuck out this morning.

“I need to talk to you,” she announces.

“What is it?” She takes a deep breath.

“I… I want you to pay for my abortion.” I don’t say anything. “Please, Daenerys; this is really, really important…”

“I know,” I tell her quietly.

“So… You’ll do it?” she asks hopefully.

“I… I don’t know.” It wasn’t like she’d ever done anything for me, why should I do this for her?

“Please! I’ll do anything…” Sadly, there was really nothing I could think of to make her do for me at this point. But, I would do anything to just get her the hell out of my room…

“Fine,” I tell her quietly. “I’ll give you whatever you need. Just please get out of my room.” I look up to see a pleasantly shocked look on her face.

“Um… I kind of need the money now…”

“Why?” I ask her, raising an eyebrow at her. “Are you getting it today?”

“I’m getting it tomorrow after school…” she explains slowly.

“I thought you were grounded?”

“I… I’m going to lie to Zack. Tell him I need to talk to some teacher about some extra-credit assignment. It shouldn’t take more than an hour… right…?” She gives me a sort of sheepish smile and I shrug.

“You’re asking the wrong person,” I tell her. I crawl out of my bed and onto the floor. After digging around under it, I finally pull out the shoebox I have been keeping all my money in since I started dealing drugs for Martin.

I hand her a wad of cash, not sure how much she would really need.

“I’m not giving you any more than that, so if it isn’t enough, then you’re out of luck.” She ignores me, staring down at the money with wide, relieved eyes.

“Ohmygod,” she breathes, clutching it to her chest and closing her eyes. “Thank you so much!” With that, she scurries out of my room, leaving me alone again.

I close my eyes and crawl back into bed, once again wrapping the duvet tightly around me. I begin to relax, allowing sleep to wash over me.

~

Not two hours later, I am being awoken by knocking on my door again. I barely sit up as the door is pushed over rather forcefully and Zack barges in. Like Erin, he takes a moment to adjust to the light before glancing around and locating me buried in my covers. Angrily, he tears them from my body and turning on the lights.

“Get up,” he growls. I squint in the bright light, fully sitting up.

“…What…?” I attempt to form a full sentence, but for some reason, I feel intimidated by him. After everything he said to me earlier, I almost felt like I could no longer see him as a father – not like I was already doing that – but as someone I was just forced to live with until my mother finally decided to let us back into her home.

Honestly, living with her would probably be better than living with Zack.

“I have places to be, and I don’t trust either of you to be home alone,” he explains picking up an empty carry-on sized bag off the floor and throwing it towards the bed. “Pack an overnight bag; you’re going to Brian’s house.”

~

Brian’s house was bigger than Zack’s and at least it wasn’t lacking a woman’s touch. Although, I wasn’t sure how much longer that was going to last, so long as Brian continued banging random band groupies after concerts, like he had intended to do back in San Francisco.

As soon as I step foot in Brian and Michelle’s grand entryway, I am greeted by a very hyper Pinkly; she comes running straight at Erin and I, attacking my legs excitedly. I laugh nervously, whispering a silent thanks when Brian appears behind her.

“Are you sure you can handle them, Brian?” Zack asks him. From an outside perspective, this sentence seems innocent, almost joking; but both Erin and I can tell he’s being dead serious.

“Oh, trust me; I’ve handled worse.” Zack just raises and eyebrow at him and Brian just smiles pleasantly back.

He shakes his head. “Okay then.” He turns to leave, shutting the door behind him hurriedly.

“Where is he going?” Erin asks Brian sheepishly. He just shrugs in reply.

“Beats me, kiddo. Are either of you hungry?” He starts walking towards the kitchen, and Erin and I follow.

“Where’s Michelle?” I ask him as he digs through the refrigerator. He freezes for a moment before continuing.

“Out.”

I can tell he doesn’t want to push the topic further, so I fall silent.

“Well, I need to go to the store,” he mutters, slamming the door in frustration. He turns towards us. “Who wants pizza?”

~

At half-past midnight, Erin has already gone to be, and Brian and I lie on opposite ends of the couch, trying to stay awake. The TV screen in front of us is playing reruns of an old sitcom that neither of us are interested in. Every once in a while, he’ll squeeze my foot or thigh gently, causing me to jump slightly at the unfamiliar feeling of affection. I yawn widely, and he notices out of the corner of his eye.

“Time for bed?” he asks, chuckling lightly. I shrug before sitting up and stretching. He chuckles again, not taking his eyes off of me.

“I have school in the morning,” I say, frowning slightly.

“Aw, you can miss a day,” he tells me and I shake my head.

“I already missed today…”

“You did? Does Zack know?” I nod.

“He pulled me out of school,” I tell him.

“Why?” He sits up a little more, seeming genuinely curious. However, I’m not sure how to explain my situation to him. I’m still not entirely sure I trust him after this weekend, what with first cheating on Michelle, then reminding me that no one loves me. That, and there was always the chance that he won’t believe me, either. I mean, how many people really believed me at this point? Will might as well be the only one.

But I really wanted to get today’s events off my chest, and for some reason, confiding in Brian seemed to be my best bet.

“I wasn’t feeling too well this morning,” I begin and he moves toward me a little, silently encouraging me to continue. “So, I, uh, I went for a little walk on the beach. I ran into a friend of mine from school and we went back to their place for a little while… I ended up falling asleep, so I didn’t come home. Zack flipped a shit… He thought I was out getting high.” I laugh humorlessly to myself. “I wasn’t. Not this time…” Brian doesn’t say anything for a while, and neither do I.

“He just pulled you out of school?”

“He came and picked me up before school started,” I correct him and he nods understandingly. “He drove me home and yelled at me for a good half-hour… I don’t even know what he was trying to get out of it, other than remind me of things I already know.”

“Like what?” he asks? He’s sitting closer to me now, so our legs are touching. I don’t pull away, finding comfort in being able to sit this close to someone.

“Just… The usual… How worthless I am… What a fuck-up I am…” He sighs.

“Danny…” He squeezes my shoulder comfortingly. “Your father just doesn’t understand what you’re going through right now.” I pull away, glaring at him harshly.

“Do you even know what I’m going through right now?” I demand. He looks slightly taken aback.

“Well… Not exactly…”

“That’s right; you don’t know shit about what I’ve been through.”

“Can you at least give me an idea?” I continue to glare at him. “Come on, Danny… I just want to help you.” I sigh and move back towards him.

“I…” I bite my lip. How was I supposed to word this without giving too much away? If I tried telling him that his best friend – his best friend who passed away not too long ago – was technically a rapist, things could go south really fast. Even if he did somehow believe me, the last thing I’d want is for him to have his image of his best friend ruined forever.

I could never see Jimmy as a rapist. I loved him. I fucking loved him. But I don’t know how anyone else’s minds would work if I told them what he did…

“A few years ago, I fell in love…” I begin and he lets out a playful groan. “No, no; it’s nothing like that!” He laughs to show me he’s joking, but I just roll my eyes. “I loved him so much… He promised me he would never leave me, but one thing lead to another and… Well, long story short, he’s gone now. And he’s not coming back.”

“So your boyfriend broke up with you?” he asks, raising an eyebrow at me. I tuck my hair behind my ear shyly.

“It’s a bit more complicated than that…” He wraps an arm around my shoulder, encouraging me to go on. “He was all I had. No one else wanted me; he seemed to genuinely want me. So, when he left, my whole world fell apart.” He squeezes me tightly and I feel tears fill my eyes.

“How old were you?”

“Thirteen,” I reply, brushing away a few tears that had made their way to my cheeks.

“Well, Danny… Thirteen is a bit young to love someone, don’t you think?”

“He was all I had, Brian,” I remind him. “No one had ever loved me the way he loved me.”

“Did you sleep with him?” I hesitate. “Well, shit, Danny; no wonder it hurt so much when he left.”

“It wasn’t just sexual love, though,” I continue. “It was emotional love. It was a love that I’d never experienced before. It was a love that everyone else around us had, except for me; and he purposely made time to make sure I got a chance to feel that love, for once in my miserable life.”

“Sounds like a great guy,” he says quietly.

“He was,” I agree.

“So… How old was he then?” I tense up. “I mean, he was probably older, I’m assuming…?”

“You see,” I say, biting my lip nervously. “That’s where things really get complicated.”

“Oh…?”

“He wasn’t anywhere near my age, actually,” I say slowly. “He was a good fifteen years older than me.”

“What?” He pulls away from me violently, a look of shock adorning his face. “You had sex with a twenty-eight year old?” I bury my face in my hands.

“I know it was wrong,” I say. “And he did, too. But it didn’t matter. And it certainly doesn’t matter now.”

“He raped you, Danny!” he exclaims. “No wonder you’re so fucked up… You were fucking raped!”

“It wasn’t rape to me!” I yell suddenly. “He didn’t force me to do any of it. He took it slowly. He… He loved me.” Brian just stares at me like I’ve grown six extra heads; and one of those heads has another eight sprouting off of it.

“Daenerys…” he breathes. “Where is the fucker now? Because once I get my hands on him…”

“He’s six feet under the ground, if that helps,” I tell him. He blinks.

“You mean… He’s dead?” I nod, a fresh wave of tears making their way towards my eyes. I hold my breath, silently hoping he doesn’t put two and two together, and figure out who it is I’m talking about.

Fifteen years older than me… All the guys were fifteen years older than me. Three years ago… Three years ago, Daenerys and I spent the summer in California with Zack, which was just long enough for something to happen… He’s dead… Jimmy has been dead for nearly three years…

“Good.” My mouth hangs open slightly out of shock. I had most certainly expected him to figure it out, but I guess he wasn’t thinking straight. “Anyone who rapes my niece deserves to fucking rot in hell.” I flinch at his harsh words.

“You don’t understand…” I mutter, and he scoffs.

“I don’t understand? What, are you saying I don’t understanding what classifies as rape? Because I’m pretty sure a twenty-eight year old sleeping with a thirteen year-old falls into that category.”

“Could you just shut up?” I scream, leaping to my feet. “You’re not fucking helping, Brian. You’re only making it worse!” He stares up at me in shock.

“Oh my god… He really fucked you up, didn’t he?” Even though I know what he’s getting at, I nod anyway.

“Yeah, I guess you can say that…” I whisper as I sit back down beside him. He replaces his arm around my shoulders, hugging my tightly into his chest.

“You don’t deserve that, Danny,” he whispers into my hair.

“Yes, I do,” I say. “I’m a fuck-up, remember?”

“You weren’t always this way. What happened?”

“I grew up,” I reply simply. “I realized the truth. I realized that I was nothing but a mistake.” He rubs my shoulder gently.

“Oh, Danny…” he sighs. “You can be better than that… You can show them; you can get through this.” I bury my face in his shirt.

“I don’t know if I can,” I mutter. “I’ve been trying to get through this for six years now.” He kisses my hair.

“You’re not alone anymore, Danny. You have me. And I’m not going to let anyone hurt you ever again.”

Notes

A/N: So Brian knows now... Hm...

Hope you all enjoyed =)

~WOLFY~