*Carry On*

***Brian's POV***

"There you are!" Matt yells as I enter the Garage with my arms full of gear. "You're fucking fifteen minutes late!"

"Sorry, I had to take someone shopping," I say, gesturing with my head at Kaylyn as she stumbles in the door behind me with one of my guitar cases. I watch as she passes the case off to Jimmy but I can't make eye contact with her.

Ever since out extremely hot encounter at the mall, I haven't been able to meet her eyes. I realize that something inside of me is changing when I look at her and I don't want to let it happen. I can't let it happen. Whenever her eyes meet mine, I feel like I'm drugged and that my world is spinning. I know that feeling and I forbid myself to feel it. My wall needs to go back up and fast or else I'm going to be falling down the same black hole that I've been down multiple times. I can't let Kaylyn Rizzo break me..I refuse!

"Well, looking good, Riz," Johnny says as Jimmy spins her around. "Like the new digs!"

"Thanks," she responds with a small blush on her cheeks. "Brian picked them out." Her dark eyes meet mine and I instantly look away as my breath hitches in my throat. "We had a nice morning..."

"I guess so," Zacky laughs as he meets my eye. "I can't believe you got Haner to go to the mall. He hates it there."

"Really?" Kaylyn says in a surprised tone, her hand resting on my shoulder. "It was his idea."

I groan as I pull away and get out my black and white pin stripped Schecter and plug it into the amp. If only they knew she was running around showing the world her nipples...then we would never get to rehearse...

"Enough of this bullshit," I snap as Jimmy says something about me being whipped. "We leave on tour in two days. Let's run this set!" Before anyone says another word, I start the intro to Dear God.

"Did you give him an extra shot in his coffee this morning, Riz?" I hear Matt ask as Jimmy, Johnny, and Zacky all join in. Please anything to get my mind off her...but why the hell did I pick this song.

As we play through the set, Kaylyn's eyes move between me and her laptop. I can't help but notice how she bites her lower lip when I play a solo or how she smiles wider when she hears me sing. She looks perfect just sitting there working and watching us play and I can't help but let my mind wander to our dirty little secret from earlier.

Suddenly we lock eyes and I realize that I'm smiling like an idiot. What the fuck am I doing? I suddenly turn my back as I begin to panic and walk toward Jimmy as we play A Little Piece of Heaven and he gives me a questioning look. I lock my jaw and will my heart to stop racing in my chest. You don't have feelings for her....you don't have feelings for her, I tell myself, as I pace the back of the rehearsal space in Matt's basement. Breath and get you act together....you don't have feeling for her. It's then that I feel the panic rising in my chest and I can't breath.

"Brian?"

"Dude, are you okay?"

The next thing I know, I've set down my gun and I'm heading up the stairs two at a time. I need to distance myself Kaylyn and what ever control she has over me. I need a drink or nicotine or something....

Finally I push through the back door and take a seat on the orange patio set by the pool. I pull out my Marlboros and put one between my lips just as I hear my name. "Fuck..." I hiss, tasting the sweet nicotine. Ahh just want I needed...

"Brian, are you okay?"

I look up to see Kaylyn standing in front of me with her hands on her hips and a look of concern on her face. She takes a seat next to me and I can't help but put my hand on hers.

"Talk to me, Brian..." Kaylyn whispers as she cuddles perfectly into my side. Why does this feel so good? No, Haner, it can't feel good...I can't feel at all...get your shit together.

"I can't," I hiss as I clench my teeth. "I can't do this..." I sigh and the put my cigaret to my lips.

"Do what?" Kaylyn asks, taking my cigarette and turning my face to look at her. As I meet her eyes, I swallow thickly and take in a shakes breath. Her eyes are so full of concern and something else but I can't put my finger on it. What I do know is that I hate the idea of her with other guys and that I want her in my bed every night...but something is holding me back.

"I-I," I mumble, putting a calloused hand on her cheek. I do have feelings for Kaylyn Rizzo...but I can't. I've worked so hard to avoid all this...I swallow thickly again and the word that I don't want to say just keep coming out. "I-I don't want to be j-j--"

"Haner what the hell is going on? Where the fuck are you?" Matt's voice calls from in the house. "We've got a show to rehearse!" Thank god he stopped me from saying the words I've been dreading...I am not ready to have feelings, let alone a relationship...

I sigh and pull my hand away from Kaylyn's cheek and give her a small smile. "Coming," yell back before placing a light kiss on Kaylyn's lips and heading back inside.

Notes

What was Brian going to say to Kaylyn? What will she do in response?