In My Eyes

I really like your descriptions. That first paragraph pulled me and held me through the entire chapter. I like your interactions between characters as well. Everyone feels real, and the dialogue is good, too.

I did notice a couple spots where I would tighten. Any time you use -ing, consider using something different. For instance: "Zacky followed me, shaking his head" could become "Zacky followed me and shook his head." This is something I'm still struggling with as a writer, and I know how hard it is to eliminate from your writing.

But over all, I really enjoyed this chapter and am eager to see where you take this story.

i love this!

Love this.. more please

This is already good and nothing has really happened yet, except for naked Jimmy which is always a goodie.. Can't wait to see what happens next! <3 <3 <3

Oh the mental picture of a naked Jimmy almost killed me...it would have been an awesome way to go though!!! ;)