Nothing lasts forever

Fuuuuuuucccccckkkkk. That is what came to mind right now. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity fucking fuck. Ughh. FUUUCK. Why the fuck wasn't I paying attention when I was in that car? Why am I such a fucking airhead? Dumb bitch. You must be thinking, 'Calm the fuck down Jacqueline your injuries can't be that bad'. To that I say, Shut the fuck up. I'm literally 5 inches of plaster away from being in a full body cast. Okay not literally but you get what I mean. But guess who gets to use a wheelchair for the next three weeks? And guess who can't go to the studio FOR THREE WEEKS.God damnit! You may be thinking, 'At least you didn't die!'. But is it a bad thing that I wish I did? (See A/N) I don't have much to live for when you think about it. Sure I have Johnny and the rest of the Avenged gang, but do I really? Do I really have them there for me? And there's Jimmy. But he's not really here. Jimmy's with us but he's not actually here. Then Arin, I don't even know what me and Arin are. We've made out a couple times but he's never really shown me what he wants do with this. With us. For all I know he could just want to have sex with me then forget about me. Then again, fucking your bandmate's little sister then forgetting about her is a pretty stupid thing to do... What the fuck is wrong with me? There's something wrong... I've never been like this. There's something wrong with me. With my head. I can't think straight without wanting to do kill myself! But maybe that's the right thing to do. I wouldn't think about suicide if I didn't want it to happen. I need to tell someone about this....but who?

"Jacqueline? Are you with us right now?" Brian waved his hand in front of my face.

"Yeah... This is just a lot to take in right now..." I mumbled half-heartedly. Oh if only he knew....

"I know it's overwhelming but it's nothing you can't handle. I don't how many times you've been to the hospital and came back just to fuck around and destroy your liver with the rest of us." Jimmy said from the other side of my hospital bed.

"Yeah. It's a routine for the Sewards. Eat, Sleep, Hospital, Drink, Repeat. You'll get through this no problem." Zacky assured me. I couldn't help but let out a small giggle. Luckily, they didn't notice.

"I give you two, three weeks tops! You'll be up and at em' in no time." Arin said while grinning at me. I looked over to him and smiled weakly. He scrunched his eyebrows together and I frowned.

"Guys... can I talk to Arin alone please? And make sure Johnny doesn't come barreling through here." Jimmy, Zacky, and Brian nodded and left the room.

"Jacqueline..."

"Arin what are we? Are we even a thing?" I cut him off.

He grabbed my hand and held it tightly but made sure not to hurt me. "That's what I want us to be. I want nothing more than to call you mine but I don't know if you want that. What I do know is I would go out of my way to be with you. I would do everything I possibly can to be able to hold you and kiss you and call you my girl. But what are we to you?"

"Oh Arin... I knew the second I met you that I was gonna fall for you. And I did. Hard. I just never thought you would too. And I never thought everything that happened would happen. But I have crazy feelings for you. You got me thinking about you day and night. I'm crushing on you like a schoolgirl."

Arin smirked and chuckled a little. "A schoolgirl huh?"

I nodded and bit my lip and Arin groaned. "That damn lip."

I giggled and pressed my lips against his. Arin sucked on my upper lip practically begging for access. I decided to be nice and parted my lips enough for him to slip his tongue in. His tongue explored my mouth as my hand found its way to his hair. I tugged on it slightly and he groaned. The door opened rather loudly and we jumped apart.

"Johnny's on his way up and I don't think he'll enjoy walking in on you two sucking face." Brian said out of breath.

I felt my face get hot and I touched my lips. My lips were still tingling and my heart was still soaring. Arin still has that effect on me.

"Thanks Brian. I'm gonna go wait with the guys so you can be alone with your brother." Arin got up and followed Brian out the door.

"Wait Arin." He turned around and looked back at me. "Let's keep this between us for a little okay?"

"You got it sweet thang." Arin joked and walked out the door.

Now I'm even more confused. I know what Arin wants but what do I want? What's becoming of me? I'm nothing more than a troubled girl with no hope or sanity left. I'll never survive this. There's a battle in my heart and suicide is winning.

Notes

(A/N: I am not glamourizing suicide in any way. It is a very sensitive subject and I am not condoning it at all. If you are struggling with depression and are thinking about suicide please call the suicide help line at 1-800-273-8255 and stay strong. Everyone has a purpose and if you feel you don't you just haven't found it yet. Stay strong and be safe <3)

The next chapter is gonna be fast forwarded by a month or two. It's just how the story's gonna go.
But now we know what Arin and Jacqueline are. Jacqueline's going down a dark path now isn't she?
What do you think will become of her?
Will the last bit of sanity Jacqueline has save her?
The will to live is being stripped from her and nobody knows.
Who will be the one to save her?
Stay tuned and enjoy<3

-a7x_deathbats6661