“Why are you standing there with that silly face? Is everything okay?” Rye stretched her body slowly and stood up, rearranging her hijab right away as she questioned him.

Matt was lost in thoughts when her voice finally pulled him back to reality. And that meant to suppress those feelings he was having for her and just lock it safely on somewhere he couldn’t really open easily. Cause loving her was way out of reality right now.

“Well I… I just got up too. I think we ended up falling asleep…” he scratched his head and walked towards the bathroom.
When he was out, Rye looked alarmed.

“What… what time is it really?”

“It’s…” he looked at his cellphone and answered. “It’s almost noon.”

“Oh no… I already lost the morning Salat! It’s almost time for the next prayer!” she started packing her stuff, setting her guitar back on the case and Matt only watched.

The last thing he wanted was to be alone. He felt like she should stay forever but he knew he couldn’t simply ask her that. She had her life, her obligations. He already took a lot of time from her life anyway.

“Oh… you… have time to pray?”

“Yeah, I do. My dad doesn’t like when I lose them.”

“But you… could pray here too, right?”

What the hell are you doing, Sanders?

“Yeah, I could…” she let out a small, shy grin, like reading his thoughts. Is he telling her to stay more?

“So… go ahead… I’ll wait for you to… do your stuff and then we can go have some breakfast. What do you say?”

They trade a long, meaningful glance, talking through silence. He wanted her to stay. She wanted to stay. Why not?

“Al-alright… I guess…” she was the first to run from his gaze when it got too intense. She always had shivers when their eyes met and that was not a good thing. Not at all. She must avoid it.

He sat on the couch she once was lying and observed all her moves to prepare for her praying session.

Then he heard her spoke a few Arabic words not really loudly, looking to one of the walls, which he supposed was the Kaaba direction.

He watched her raise her arms up to the sky at some moment, then eventually kneeling and making movements he must’ve seen before on some movie. But never personally like that.
Suddenly he felt peaceful there. Just by watching her on her ritual. He felt truly protected when he wasn’t even praying at all. In fact, he had no idea how to do that anymore. He wouldn’t do that since he was obliged to study at one of those catholic schools his parents put him when they thought he was too violent for his age. He hated that place and maybe that’s why he stopped talking to whoever was watching over them. And after Jimmy’s death, he wasn’t sure if he even believed on that thing anymore.

But he could tell someone did believe. And it was maybe spreading to him too now. Thanks to her.

When she was done, he was emotionally touched in a way he thought he could never be affected. Why was she messing with him like this? He was starting to get scared of his own feelings. He was never soft like that.

“Is something wrong, Matt? How’s you headache going?” she asked, worried with his kind of watery eyes.

“No… no, I… Everything is fine. I’m just… It’s… you know, it’s very beautiful to see you… you know…” he never thought he would stutter so much in his life. “…praying.”

He let his gaze fall to the ground this time as she smiled in bewilderment, raising her brows. She felt as complimented as never before.

“Thank you, Matt. It’s very sweet of you.” She felt her cheeks reddening. “Do you wanna try too?”

Now it was his turn to frown, raising his head to face her.

“What? Try what?”

“To pray, Matt. Everyone should, once in a while, you know?”

“Nah, I’m… I’m just not… I don’t even…” stuttering again? Really Matt?

“Oh come on, everyone can do it. It’s not hard. You don’t need to make the rituals I do, that’s for Muslims. You can talk to Allah anytime, anywhere and he’ll listen.”

“I… don’t know, Rye… It’s not as simple as you think. It’s hard for me. It’s hard to… accept his existence or believe on him. But you wouldn’t understand that, I saw how you believe.”

Rye sat by his side on the couch and held his hand, arranging her fingers in between his as he watched their both hands united.

“I do understand you, Matt. I have the same doubts too. I think we all have. But my faith speaks louder than my doubts most of the time. And that’s how I can carry on, even when something bad or wrong happens, you know? I try to focus on my faith on the good things, cause those are the ones worth fighting and praying for. God is everywhere, in all the good things. God is here too…” she touched the left side of his chest slightly. “…inside your heart. It’s not about heaven in the skies, so distant from us. It’s about heaven in your heart. Can you feel it?”

“I’m not sure…”

“But you will. I promise you that. If you just close your eyes and talk to him.”
He felt his palms sweating suddenly. Her soft words meant so much and spoke so loud to his soul that now he was really wondering if he could really feel God inside him again. He felt challenged. But still frightened at the same time. Afraid he could never find his heaven again.

“Come on, I’ll help you.” She held his hand even firmer and closed her eyes first. “Imagine something good. Some peaceful place you really like. Or someone.”
She looked so innocent and beautiful with eyes closed that for a moment, he forgot what he had to do next. But when he promptly remembered, he followed suit.

He could only think about one image as he closed his eyes and tried to concentrate. He saw her sleeping, the sun bathing her face, the little misplaced lock of hair lying there. Maybe his picture of God wasn’t really a male picture. Maybe it was a she. Yeah, it was definitely a woman.

Matt didn’t even notice, but when he had that epiphany, his lips curved in a smile.

I have no idea how to do this, and I’m not even sure if I should. But I’m trying for her cause I don’t wanna disappoint her, okay? Alright… well, I just think this world is not fair. He had the entire life ahead of him. He was never able to start a family. And why am I worthy of all of this when I wasn’t able to save his life? Why do I have to keep going when he didn’t have the chance to do it too? I just… I’m trying hard to understand your reasons to take him so soon from us. But I still don’t get it. You could’ve sent me a sign or anything and I would be there in that damn party, throwing everybody away and getting rid of everything that could kill him. But no… you were silent. You never spoke to me. And now I’m here, as stupid as I never was, talking to you. And I bet you’re laughing at my misery right now…

It didn’t sound like a good prayer, Matt thought right away. But that’s what he had to say to her for now. He was still angry. But somehow it felt better. Cause he really thought someone was listening this time. Maybe that was how having faith felt like.

When he opened his eyes, he caught hers staring at him this time. And she promptly turned away, disentangling her hand from his, afraid she would wake up the butterflies inside her again.

“So… did it work?” she asked.

“Yeah, I tried. Maybe I need to practice more from now on.”

“You’re right. Why not? It’s not gonna hurt you.” She grinned and he nodded, standing up.

“C’mon, let me take you to a nice breakfast outside.” He showed his hand again and this time she didn’t think twice before grabbing it and leaving with him, a huge smile spread across her lips.

---

At the dinner, Matt and Rye were talking about everything. Laughing, making jokes, telling stories. Rye felt like she was having the first date of her life but she knew it wasn’t really a date. I mean, it was the middle of the day, no candles, no wine, no fancy food. Just two good friends sharing some pancakes and coffee when a cellphone rang loudly, interrupting their giggles right away.

Matt moved his hands to his pocket quickly and held his phone, his face growing darker at the caller as he stood up and asked Rye to excuse him. That was the first time she saw his phone ringing and she imagined he finally decided to answer to his family and friends.
He paced to a corridor close to the restrooms, where it seemed quieter to speak, and picked it up.

“Hey.” Matt closed his eyes and leaned on the wall, waiting for the shouts he would have to endure at the other line.

“Fuck, I thought you’d never pick up your fucking phone! I’ve been calling you for days! I thought you were dead, okay? Where the hell are you?” Brian screamed his anger out of his lungs when he finally heard his best friend’s whose voice he didn’t hear in months.

“Yeah, man… I know, I’m sorry. I’m still here in Malaysia. I met some really nice pe…”

“WHAT?? You’re in… you’re in Malaysia??? Are you insane???” an even louder and squeakier tone.

“Oh, I forgot I haven’t told you where I was yet… Well, yeah, I am. It’s pretty nice here, very hot indeed but manageable. How’s everything in there?”

“No, no, no, you don’t get to ask the questions here, dude! Everyone is so fucking worried about you. We were about to set the FBI, the Interpol, or whatever to search for you, man. And you’re there, having fun, not even…”

“Who says I’m having fun? I’m…” Matt was getting angry now. “I’m still grieving, okay? It’s not easy for me, alright?”

“And you really had to turn off your phone for all these weeks and not even send a sign you’re still alive?”

Matt took a deep breath.

“Okay, I’m sorry, Brian. I should’ve talked to you before. Just tell everybody I’m fine.”

“When are you coming back?” he wasn’t too friendly.

“I’m… I’m still not sure…” the last thing he wanted right now was to go back. But he wouldn’t say that to his friend or he would take it too personally.

“So you’re practically moving in to Malaysia? Oh, I think I know what this is about… Is there a chick involved in this, Matt?” Brian had a jokingly tone, but he really thought it might be a woman behind all of this.

Matt had to think about his answer. There wasn’t a chick until this morning, when he realized his feelings for her.

“No… it’s not about that, alright? I met a lot of great people here.”

“And one of those great people is probably wondering why you left the bed you two were sharing to pick up the phone…” he grumbled.

“You’re wrong, Brian. Okay?” Matt was serious now. That bed thing wasn’t true at all. It was a table, in fact.

“Okay, fine, I’m wrong. Just don’t forget to keep us posted about your life situation, even when you can’t care less about us. And…” he snorted a chuckle. “…and don’t forget to invite us for the marriage, asshole.”

“Ha-ha-ha. Fuck off. I’ll call you when I can. Is everything alright in there?”

“Oh, now you wanna know… Yeah, we’re hanging on, in spite of everything. And it was very hard to go through all of this without you here, I wanted to let you know that.”

Matt pursed his lips and massaged his tired eyes. He knew he was hurting the most important people in his life because of his selfishness but he couldn’t help it. The truth is, he didn’t wanna show he was weak to them. He could only show weakness so far to that only person that was waiting for him on that table across the room.

“I’m truly sorry, man. I am. I will definitely apologize to all of you personally when I get back but please, tell everybody I miss you all. I really needed this, I hope you can still understand me, Brian.”

Time for Brian to breathe loud.

“Alright man, I swear I’m trying to understand you and support you. But please, just let us know you’re okay. I’d appreciate that.”

“I’ll call you every weekend, alright?”

“Alright… I’ll talk to you.”

“Yeah, bye, man.”

As soon as Matt hung up and was ready to walk back to the table, he was startled by a short girl leaned on the corner of that corridor. And he knew her.

“Leyla? What… you were… you were listening to my private talk?”

She smirked shamelessly and set off her aviators to have a better look at the big guy.

“Oh no, I… I was waiting in line to… to use the restroom. Was it B…Brian?” she suddenly turned down her voice volume to a whisper level to speak that name, like it was sacred.
He raised one brow suspiciously to her and thought she looked too interested and knew too much for someone who wasn’t eavesdropping.

“Yeah, it was. Why you wanna know?”

She was suddenly taken aback with that question, shaking her head and stuttering.

“I… I don’t really… I was just…”

“Oh… I see… I know when a woman stutters like this when talking about Brian. You’re one of his fangirls…”

Her cheeks turned red even though she had a tanned skin.

“Yeah… you caught me. I drool for the guy.” She shrugged, abandoning her pose of nice girl. “What’s his relationship status anyway? I could use some info…” she cocked her brows two times.

“Sorry, I… I gotta go. Rye’s waiting for me on the table. See you around, Le.” Matt ignored her inconvenient question and was about to leave when she called him several times and pulled him by his shirt to get back there. “What??”

“Enough with Brian questions. I need to know what happened last night. Did she… sleep on your room? In your bed?” Leyla’s last sentence sounded more like a porn line than anything else.

“No, she didn’t sleep in my bed. Fuck, why do I have to explain everything to everybody now…” he grumbled to the skies.

“But she stayed for the night at least? I told her to go there to check on you.”

“Oh, okay, I didn’t see that coming. Thanks by the way. Yeah, we wrote songs all night, played some guitar, it was very nice.”

“Aww that’s cute! And… did you seal the deal?”

Matt frowned. What the hell was she talking about? She sounded more pervert than all his band mates together.

“What do you mean by seal the deal?”

“Duh, you moron, I didn’t mean that! She’s Muslim, she has principles! I meant… did you ask her out finally?” she was all excited.

How the hell did she know he was meaning to ask her out inside his head anyway?

“Oh, I… I don’t know about that I… I’m not Muslim so I’m… not supposed to…”

“Ah c’mon! It’s just a date! What harm can it do?”

“I don’t know, maybe she’ll think it’s offensive?”

“Don’t worry about that, I know her for ages. She’ll be flattered, really. She needs that experience, you know. And something tells me you need it too.” She showed her sweetest smile this time, totally opposite of the naughty girl from before.

“Okay, maybe I’ll ask her later. Now let me get back there, she’s waiting for too long.”

“Right, go ahead… Just… keep me posted!” she blinked at him and he nodded as he walked back, thinking Brian and Leyla had too many things in common just based on those last minutes of conversation he had with both of them. And now he had to account for his life to them.

“Wow, I... guess your coffee is cold already. You should ask for another one.” Rye smiled to him as he sat back on the table.

“Sorry about that… I really had to send them a life signal. I haven’t been the nicest and caring person with them lately so…”

“They miss you, right?”

“Yeah… I guess so. I miss them too but… I’m not ready to go back yet.”

“I’m sure they understand you.”

Rye saw his hand laying in the table and this time it was so hard for her to just go ahead and hold it. Cause she knew it was a different situation now. Maybe he would think she was throwing herself at him and that’s not what it was. She just wanted to make his hurt go away, nothing more.

As he got another coffee, they remained weirdly silent. It was like all the existing subjects were already brought up by them and there was nothing left. But Matt still had this date thing in the back of his head bothering him. Should he ask her and risk their friendship?

“So…” They both said it in unison when their gazes crossed. And laughed of that coincidence at the same time either.

“Go ahead…” Matt said it.

“No, you g…” before Rye could finish, she caught a glimpse of her friend Leyla walking towards their table. Her cheeks reddened at the same time.

What would her friend think of her? That she had spent all night with him and now they were having breakfast like they were… married or something? What if she let it slip to her parents someday?

She was already panicking inside when Leyla arrived by her side.

“Hey twin! Having fun?”

“H-Hey Le… What are you doing around here?”

“Ah well, I decided to meet new places today. I’m tired of that same old same food from college cafeteria.”

“Er… Right…” Rye was suddenly thinking about what her friend would think if she notices she’s wearing the same clothes as yesterday. She was deeply ashamed.

“So… did you ask her already, Matt?” Leyla cocked her eyebrows to them both and Rye frowned. Matt could only shake his head.

“What? No, I… I have nothing to ask her.” He tried to kick Leyla’s leg softly under the table but he couldn’t reach her. Rye’s frowning only increasing. And now even a bit of jealousy popping out.

“That’s not what you told me there a few minutes ago. You said you would ask her!”

“Ask me what, guys?” Rye seemed pissed off with that weird suspense.

“Nothing Rye! Really! She’s… she’s just imagining things.” Rye noticed the killer look Matt gave to her friend and that’s right, she knew they had something going on behind her back. Again. And that jealousy was burning hot on her throat now.

He didn’t wanna ruin the only good thing that happened to him in months. Her friendship was too important to make her think he only saw her as his next hook up or something. He knew she wasn’t that type of woman.

“If you don’t ask her, I will!” Leyla was angry too now. She was pushing too hard without even realizing. And it totally ruined their mood.

“Look, guys, you know what? I don’t even wanna know anymore. You can stay here arguing as much as you need, you sound like the perfect couple. I gotta go help my mom now. I’ll see you later.” Rye stood up and left the table before they could say anything, leaving them with their mouths ajar.

“Rye, please…!” Matt called out but she didn’t even turn back. “You see what you did!!?” he said to Leyla as she let her gaze fall to the floor.

All Rye could think of on her way back home was Matt and Leyla sharing a candle-lit table for two, red wine and good food, laughing and planning their marriage in the future. And why the hell did they looked so perfect inside her head anyway?
When she arrived home, she gulped her tears and went help her mom. At least it would help her forget about them for some time.

Notes

Heeeeeeey twiiin, Happy Bdaaaay!!! <3 <3 <3

I know I haven't updated this in a while, (a long while =p) but its still so important to me that I thought, maybe I could just write a chap to make up to u for all this time.
And yeah, I know it didn't end right and happy as it should be, cause its your freaking birthday hahaha but it will get better, I promise. And yeees, I intend to finish this so... if you're up to reading a little more of my words, I'll be glad to continue! I hope you like this as much as I do, cause I write it from the bottom of my heart <3

You're very special to me Rye, even when we grew distant for some motive or the turn of events made us like that, but I wanna let you know I'm always thinking about you, like, everyday, and our friendship will never die if it depends on me.
You know what? I believe in soul mates, and its not in the 'lovers' kinda way. They are there, all over the world for each one of us to find. It's a very difficult job, but once you find it, you can't let go. There's this massive connection you can't explain in words and then you know you found one of the pieces of you that was missing.
You're the sister I never had. You're one of the lots of parts of me I believe that is out there and I'm so thankful and lucky I could find you even when we are miles and miles away.

I'm so glad you exist and today its the day to celebrate it!
Hope you like the chap =p
I love you, always! <3



*Song Inspiration*
Open/Close – Red Hot Chili Peppers