Insignificant

My eyes followed the colorful tracers in the air that followed everything, and anything that moved. What was I doing here? Oh yeah, that's right, Matt invited me to come to this thing tonight. Are we already here? I looked to my left and saw my friend standing beside me.
"Are you okay?" His words came out in slow motion, and sorta ran together, but I got the gist of what he was trying to say. "Yeah. I'm all good in my fucking space, back up brother." I smiled at him, confused on why I added the last half of what I said to my response. He laughed, patting my back. When his hand touched me, I could feel the vibrations the motion sent move throughout my body. I noticed music loudly playing, and there were people everywhere. How'd I not notice that before? I was scared I might get lost, so I clung to my best friend, Matt.
"Right now, buddy, you're the only thing keeping this tornado in my mind from destroying everything." I yelled. Matt looked down at me a bit confused, and leaned down to me, "Don't worry, Brian. You're okay. Nothing bad is going to happen. I'm right here." Bad? What did that mean? For some reason, in that simple statement, I found comfort, yet fright behind what I thought was the hidden meaning to what he said. Was something bad going to happen prior to him saying that? Why did he say that like I was a little kid? I looked around and saw peoples faces warping into things not human, and saw the ground caving in on itself. Why was this so? Oh yeah, I took acid. I smiled at Matt, and began laughing. I don't think I'd ever laughed quite so hard before. Matt smiled down at me, and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.
"Look out for Johnny, and Zacky with me, will you? They'll be here soon, and I know you're high, but surely you'll recognize them." I flinched at the mention of Zacky's name, and stepped back from my best friend. "Zacky?" I asked. Maybe if I pretended I didn't know who he was I wouldn't have to talk to him. In my mind, this made perfect sense. "Who's Zacky?" I asked.
"What? Come on, Brian. You know who Zacky is. He's your best friend." I stepped back more, feeling intimidated, and quite horrified that Matt knew I wasn't being truthful. How did he know? Could he read my mind?? What if other people could read my mind, and I just didn't know it? What if I was about to be taken away, and never to be seen again?
"W-What," I asked, beginning to sweat. "W-Who's Zacky?? I don't want to talk to him!" I cried out to Matt, wishing I could just be comforted by him right now.
"Hey, hey, shhh. Brian, it's okay. Zacky is your friend, why would you not want to talk to him?" He took a step forward, and rubbed my shoulder. I don't really remember why exactly it was that I was so scared, but I was. I just wanted to shake this feeling and have a good time. Before I knew it, there were two other men standing behind Matt. One I identified as Johnny, and the other as Zack. He wore a big smile, and for a moment it just creeped me out. The corners of his mouth grew wider and wider until they almost looked unhuman. "Stop it!" I screamed as loud as I could. All of my friends jumped, startled at my sudden outburst. "Stop smiling like that! Your mouth is so big it's going to go into the next wall!" I yelled, almost shaking with my new fear. A look of confusion swept over Zee's face, and he tilted his head to the side. "Go into the next wall?" He asked. I may have been misinterpreting things, but I perceived this as him making fun of me. Why would he do that? He's supposed to be my friend, right? "Shut up! It made sense in my mind! You're scaring me, why the hell are you making fun of me like that?" I clenched onto Matt's arm, feeling like he was the only one who knew me right now, and he was the only one who understood me. "What? Bri, I'm not making fun of you." I now understood. He was only confused. I laughed, moving out from behind Matt to hug my friend tightly. "I know, silly. You should have just said so!" I laughed, and laughed some more, loving to see my friends together. "He took some tabs." I heard Matt whisper to Zee. He nodded, looking down at me. I wondered what the rest of the night might have in stock for us. Especially me.

-

I strode up to the two people I knew, finally understanding what kind of party this was. A rave? Really, Matt? I don't think any of us have actually been to one, and I could tell we all looked out of place. I was wearing jeans and a Misfits t-shirt, Matt was wearing jeans and a shirt with some skulls on it, Johnny was wearing a plain white t with jeans, and Brian was wearing a button up black shirt with jeans. The loud, electronically made music boomed in my ears, and I could feel it's bass beating in my heart. I looked over at Johnny, smirking. "Oh, wow." I muttered. After my little miscommunication with Brian, he continued hanging onto me until I pushed him back a little. We looked at each other for a few seconds, and I saw his very large pupils getting slightly bigger. I wondered how much acid had actually been on that tab that Matt mentioned. He never seemed this easily scared on it before. Maybe it was just because we were in a public place with tons of people. "Do you want something?" I finally asked. Brian's eyes stared right into what seemed to be my soul. "N-No. Zacky, if there was something wrong with me, you'd tell me, right?" He asked. Where did that even come from.
"Let's get you some water." I said instead of answering the obviously ridiculous question.
"Answer my question first." He begged, looking scared again. "I will, okay? Let's just get you some water first. Please?"
"Okay." He smiled. His mood changed so quickly, and that made me a little nervous for some reason. As we were on our way to get some liquids pumping in Brian, he stopped and looked up at the sky. "HOLY SHIT!" He screamed. "ZEE, THE SKY IS SCREAMING PURPLE! LOOK AT IT MOVING! IT'S TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING!"
"I see," I laughed, feeling better that he was at least finding something to smile about. "What's it trying to say?"
"I don't know," He said, getting a little quiet. "I wish I did, though. Isn't it weird?"
"Isn't what weird?"
"Some times we look at the same things every day, but we never notice what they really look like or what the really are. We never take into consideration that they might not be exactly what we think. Like someone may be screaming on the inside, and so obviously asking for someone to care, but no one knows because they don't look. I think the sky is wanting to be saved, Zacky. I think it's saying help, I need somebody. I have so much freedom, and so much space that I'm scared of getting lost in it all. Everyone looks up at me, and says I'm beautiful, but no one understands what it's like to be so free. I'm filled with so many things, but I'm still all alone. I think it needs someone Zacky. Don't we all need someone?" He looked at me, with big puppy dog eyes, honestly feeling sorry for the sky. I opened my mouth, but I didn't know what to say. It was like explaining something to a kid, I guess. I didn't know how to explain what I wanted to express because I knew he wouldn't understand if I just came out and said what I wanted.
"Maybe you can be the sky's someone." I whispered. I know Brian was just confused on what reality was, but what he said really made me think. I couldn't get it out of my head.
"I think I'm already someone else's someone." He replied, quickly beginning to walk again. I nodded, and tried to keep up with him. I wonder what he meant. I don't think he has a new girlfriend, he would've told me about that.

Brian downed two cups of water, and I knew he probably shouldn't have much more. He might make himself sick.
"And who's that?" I asked him, hoping he'd remember.
"Who's who?"
"The someone's someone who you're somebody's to." I said, smiling. I wondered if he'd keep up with what I meant. I know that probably would have sounded confusing to someone who's on drugs, so I'm interested to see how he reacts.
"Oh." He said, taking the last sip of his water. I got nothing but a small smile in response. I guess I should just accept it. I wasn't getting much out of him, and I knew it. Matt and Johnny crept up behind me, and scared the shit out of me. "Fuck!" I gasped.
"Haha, oh Zacky, it never gets old being able to scare the everloving fuck out of you." Shadows laughed.
"Ha, ha, very funny."
"Sure. Are you guys ready to party?" Matt asked. I slyly nodded and smiled. Brian gabbed my hand looking nervous. I questioned why he sounded and felt so clingy tonight when I just pepper sprayed him hours before, but I guess it'll just be a mystery. "It's okay. It'll be fun." I smiled.
"Okay." He seemed more confident now that I said that, and dropped my hand. "Lets go."

-

Hours, and many blunts later, the Brian had hit his peak, and on his way down. Though, he was still tripping pretty hard. Matt had left a few minutes ago, as well as Johnny-boy, and here I was, left with Brian yet again.
"Come on, I'll take you home." I said, beginning my way to my car. "Did you bring your own car?"
"No." He said. He sounded very distracted, and a little confused, so I grabbed his arm, hoping I would be able to comfort him. "Will you stay with me tonight? I don't want to be left alone. Someone might get me." I thought for a moment, remembering what happened the last time I stayed at his house. I guess he was tripping, after all, so he wouldn't be mad in the morning. "No one is going to get you, Brian. But yes, I will stay with you."
"Of course no one will get me, not if you're coming." I laughed, taking out my car keys as we approached my car. "Zacky, the ground is shaking. It has a face." I didn't really respond to what he said, but I think he thought I did. I drove to his house, and pulled into the driveway. "Do you have your keys?" I asked. He nodded, taking them out. Brian handed me them, I guess hoping I'd understand how they worked. I opened the front door, and we both almost immediately flopped down on the couch. It'd been about 30 minutes of silence, watching tv, and Brians occasional outburst of laughter until he turned to me, and asked me a series of strange questions.
"Zacky, do you have a someone you're somebody to like what the sky wants?"
I thought about it for a moment before giving my opinioned answer. "No, not really. Why?"
"Yes you do." He said, sounding a mixture between hurt, and offended.
"Who do you think that is?"
"Why are things so complicated?"
"Um, I don't know, Brian. Sometimes people just make it harder than it has to be, I guess."
"Why? Do people like the pain?"
"I, uh," I wondered what he was getting at. "Yeah. Some people do."
"Do you?"
"Do I like the pain?"
"Yeah."
"Not particularly, no. Some pain, I guess; a certain kind. I'm not afraid of it, it just hurts."
"That's why it's called pain. Because it hurts. Why do you like it?"
"I don't know... I guess I just like the way it feels. I think secretly everyone loves to hurt sometimes. So that they know they can still feel."
"Are we best friends, Zacky?"
"Of course. Why would you think we aren't?"
"Because I'm scared, Zacky."
"What are you scared of?"
"You."
"Me?" He scooted closer to me, and stared me in the eyes. I always got nervous around him while he's tripping, and I'm sober. Iv'e always felt like he can read me like an open book. He started leaning in, and suddenly pressed his lips against mine. I think I was so shocked that I couldn't even move. What the hell? I couldn't exactly shove him off of me or do any of the things I normally would; who knows what that'd do or cause. He moved even closer, and ran his tongue across my neck.
"U-Um, Brian? What are you doing?"
"Isn't this what best friends do?" He asked, sounding sad.
"Not exactly." He went back to kissing my neck, and working his tongue against me. For a guy who I wasn't attracted to in that way, at all, he wasn't doing that bad of a job. It was probably very wrong of me to say that, but I mean... I couldn't lie.
"Zacky," He said, his voice sounding like it was trailing off. "You see me everyday, and I'm screaming." Before I got the chance to answer, he kissed me again, this time trying to get in my lap, he almost fell, and did a bad job at keeping our lips from parting while in that process, but I guess I couldn't blame him. I guess it wouldn't really hurt to kiss back...
Soon we were full on making out, and he was grinding against the crotch of my pants. I felt like I was only taking advantage of him, but I couldn't help it... It's not that I'm attracted to him, it just felt... It felt nice. He moved his hands to my sides, and began trying to unzip my pants. I helped him a bit, and allowed him to get them undone.
"Oh, fuck..." I groaned, when he got his hand on me through my boxers.
"What?" He pulled back. "Did I do something wrong?" He asked, sounding concerned.
"N-No. No, you're fine, dude," I sighed, and leaned my head back, allowing my hand to rest on his leg. "You're doing good. It-- It's great."

Here I was, letting my best friend make out with me, and get me off while he's trying to come down from tripping balls because he thinks this is what friends are supposed to do.
Maybe I'll come to my senses soon, or let him finish me and we'll both regret it.

Notes