Insignificant

Looking back on myself, I see I never got things quite right.
I wasn't honorable, "righteous", or anything I should've been. I guess that's why I got delt the cards I have. I just wish I could apologize for all the lies, and fucked up things I've done, but I guess I'm just waiting for the day that will never come.
I thought I had it bad back then... I was disgusted with my new living quarters. Fire torched almost everything, and there was a void over all of the land. I looked over a large cliff, seeing a deep sea of boiling lava. Sighing, I realized there's nothing to really be looking at. I didn't count anything in this place something to marvel at, or even worth glancing at. I preferred keeping my eyes closed. I got up, and sauntered down the dirt path which had old, brown withered grass that lined the parallel sides.
"Fuck," I gasped. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." I looked down to see the rusty cuffs which chained my hands together, and saw they'd rubbed away at my skin, creating a large cut accompanied with a harsh burning sensation. I fought back from showing the pain on my face, and just continued down the road. Nothing I could do about it anyway. Just wait until it healed on its own; that is IF it even did. Looking to the sky, it was a dark red color, showing signs of an angry blood-filled storm was on it's way. I really hated those; those storms are just one of the many things that makes this place so awful.

Soon, I reached the end of the trail and ended in front of thick bars(much like jail bars)which were always somehow heated to a temperature untouchable to anyone, or anything. They glowed a fiery orange color, and you could actually see the heat waved radiating from them. Again, not that it mattered. I would have to open it anyway, it's the only way to enter my "cage" or cell if you will. I cant even tell you how many hideous scars, which built up from the years of being purposely slammed into the bars, and having to open the cell door, decorate my hands and arms. They're countless. Once inside, I quickly shut the door behind me, and locked it tight, scooting to the very back corner. When I was alone was the worst, in my opinion. It gives me time to look back on my 28 years, and spot every single thing I hated, causing me to sink deeper into my hole of despair. I missed a lot of things too, I would always miss a lot of things. But then again, who wouldn't miss having the breath of life inside of them? I guess what I missed the most was Brian. He was one of my best friends, and he didn't deserve the hurt and pain he endured almost 5 years ago. Mostly because I'm sure he still feels it; I'm sure they all do. I needed to see them again, I needed to. I was going to. Looking around I felt wet tears forming at the corners of my eyes. Fuck. I thought of the good life, and everything I had. The band, fans, friends, family. There isn't one day that passes by which I don't beg someone, something for a little peace. I slammed my fists into the wall, screaming as loud as I could. I screamed over and over until I could make no more noise. I was the lowest of the low, and I felt that. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fucking fair. I had 28 years, and I blew it. I blew it living my life every day slowly fading away, slowly slipping farther and father from myself. I could've done better. So many things could have been done. I just couldn't swallow the pain, and now I'm swimming through the ashes of a burned and tortured life, sinking deeper and deeper. I'm chained to a wall of fire, and I can't accept it.

I sobbed quietly for hours, trying to pull myself together. "Don't worry, Brian. Don't you worry Matt, Johnny... Don't you fucking to it either, Zacky," I forced out. "Because you know what? I'm going to find a way out of here. Yeah," I tried smiling though the gut wrenching tears, but I found it near impossible. "I'm going to find a way out, and when I do, I'm going to make it up to you. We're going to get drunk, we're going to party and I-I," I tried continuing, but I had to catch my breath. "I'm going to do it. I'm going to be the one who makes you smile, and I'm going to be the one who makes this right, because I have to." I professed. I shut my eyes, curling over myself, choking. Sometimes I'd cry until I had nothing left, and I'd just throw up.
"I'm sorry," I said in a whisper so quite, it was almost silent. "I'm so sorry."
I laid on my side, just sniffling and thinking. There had to be something. Some way. My eyes ached and burned from all of the smoke everywhere(due to all of the blistering flames)and tears. I'm not sure how long I was laying there, not that it mattered because there was no existing time here, but a bit later I felt the familiar presence of evil in itself and pure fear. I stifled back a gasp of shock, digging my hands into the dirt below me.
"You've sunk back into the crying routine, huh? And I thought you were beginning to like it here." It spat. If I could describe the sight in front of me, I wouldn't. I don't think I want anyone to have the slightest idea as to what one of these bastards look like. They were my literal demons who ripped me apart from inside out, every day.
"Your trial is in 5 days." The demon sneered. I could feel the burning spit that flicked off of the words it spoke, but I didn't quite process what it had said this time.
"Did you hear me?" It harshly asked, easily slipping past the bars. I didn't respond.
The demon, seized me by the arm, shoving me into the wall. I howled in agonizing pain when I was touched by the evil spirit, black smoke steaming off of my arm as my skin peeled and bubbled because of the intense heat.
"Your trial," He hissed, leaning so close that I could almost feel the temptation he felt at the moment. "Is in 5 days." He threw me into the brick walls, laughing at the blood I coughed up and the cracking bones.

My trial... 5 days..
I had to find a way to live again.
I had to find away to have breath fill my lungs, and bring me back to the life I once walked.
I was going to find a way if it killed me... Again.

Notes