Don't Respect the Words You're Speaking
Broken glass, your fake reflection
Zacky went back inside telling the guys bye and then left. Matt and Syn walked out to the porch were I was standing.
"So.... that didn't go so great, obviously" Syn said patting my back. I looked off to the side.
"He said that I should have told him from the beginning. When I decided not to tell him I wasn't just thinking of myself... I was thinking of all of you." Matt looked at me confused. "You guys wouldn't have made it as far as you had if I told Zacky. If he did step up he would have regretted it." Matt pulled me into a hug.
"None of us think that you did the wrong thing, we just wished that it would have been easier on the two of you." Syn said as he walked back in.
"You know we love you, right" I nodded and Matt smiled "good, why don't you go to bed... you look exhausted"
I walked passed him and inside. " night" I told him and the others as I walked into my room. Since I was already in shorts I decided just to go ahead and lie down.
As I laid there I could here Oli's breathing. It was soothing knowing that my little boy was next to me.
*next morning*
" NOOOO!!!" I shot up at the sound of my son yelling. I looked over realizing that he wasn't next to me. I shot up and ran out the door, down the hall.
There I fount Oliver trying to take the remote from Valary. She wasn't giving up that easy though. " what's going on here?"
" I want to watch 27 dresses!" Val said almost getting the remote but got distracted by me.
"You do know your fighting with a 5 year old... and losing. Right?"
" they've been at it for at least ten minutes" I turned around to see Zacky leaning against the arch way to the kitchen.
" why are you here" I pushed past him going towards the fridge.
"We need to talk" he said following me. Then pulled my arm when I wouldn't look at him.
" about..."
"Oliver" I sucked in a deep breath. I grabbed a soda and walked outside to a table. " So.. can we"
" Sure, talk. I'd be unfair if i didn't at least let you make your case." I said sipping on my drink as he shuffled through thoughts going threw his head. He looked at me and smiled.
" I know you love these words... Your right" I was confused... does he not want anything to do with Oli... what was I right about.
" Explain"
" Your right, I've never been the best with kids and even though things went good last night doesn't mean that they'll go good tomorrow or the next day. Hell with my luck it'd probably get bad within an hour" My eyes must have started to water cause he started to look concerned. " Why are you crying?"
I rubbed my hand across my face and felt the tears. " Really Zacky... I at least thought that you'd try for more then a day before giving up" I pushed my seat back and started to get up.
" NO. I'm not giving up, I'm just giving you the credit you deserve" He held my arm to keep me from leaving. I took my seat again, he looked down and shook his head. " I know that I've done a lot of fucked up shit in the past and just cause I have a kid now doesn't mean that it's gonna stop... it's one of those inevitable things" I nodded understanding in some strange way.
" I ... I know I should have told you but... Fuck, I was just scared and angry."
" So mainly how I'm feeling now" I laughed and nodded. " I want to get to know Oliver. I want to be apart of his life and be able to say I was there for him and wasn't a dip shit of a father" I smiled at him.
" It would be nice... I bet we could set up some type of visiting schedule" I stood up again feeling better, but was stopped. Zacky stood up and stopped me.
" That's the other thing I wanted to talk about" Fuck, so close. " I want you guys to move back here... you could find a job here... and till you get your own place you could live here or... at my place." I laughed.
" Zacky, I got a great job were I live and Oliver has friends and people he likes over there."
" He has Family over here" I sighed and walked inside. " He can ALWAYS make new friends and go to a different school. You can find a new job no problem."
" That's not the point Zacky. The Point is that MY life doesn't revolve around you and what would be the best for US anymore. It revolves around my son and what would be best for HIM"I sat down in the lazy boy and stared at the TV.
Zacky spun the chair so it was facing him. " OUR SON" I laughed. He looked over to Oli. " Oli come here for a minute will you" Oli looked confused but came over. Valary looked at me obviously in just as much confusion as I was. Zacky sat down on the floor and placed Oliver in his lap. " Would you like to live over here with your Daddy and Uncles and Aunties"
Oliver looked at me but then back to Zacky. " Does mommy come"
" Yea" He smiled
" Yes" Zacky looked at me with the same smile Oliver had on his face. I couldn't help but be in awe from the resemblance.
" Yea Zacky. Put the decision in the hands of a 4 year old" I got up and went down the hall to my room. Zacky called after me, a few seconds later he was in there with me. He shut the door then came over to me.
" Please just think about it" He said pushing my stray bangs off to the side. He started to bend down.
" I'll think about it" He started in for a kiss. " But me and you are off the table" He stopped and looked me in the eyes. He backed up still staring at me and just gave me a grin.
Zacky turned around and headed towards the door. Before he left he looked back at me. " For now" with that he left me alone.
"So.... that didn't go so great, obviously" Syn said patting my back. I looked off to the side.
"He said that I should have told him from the beginning. When I decided not to tell him I wasn't just thinking of myself... I was thinking of all of you." Matt looked at me confused. "You guys wouldn't have made it as far as you had if I told Zacky. If he did step up he would have regretted it." Matt pulled me into a hug.
"None of us think that you did the wrong thing, we just wished that it would have been easier on the two of you." Syn said as he walked back in.
"You know we love you, right" I nodded and Matt smiled "good, why don't you go to bed... you look exhausted"
I walked passed him and inside. " night" I told him and the others as I walked into my room. Since I was already in shorts I decided just to go ahead and lie down.
As I laid there I could here Oli's breathing. It was soothing knowing that my little boy was next to me.
*next morning*
" NOOOO!!!" I shot up at the sound of my son yelling. I looked over realizing that he wasn't next to me. I shot up and ran out the door, down the hall.
There I fount Oliver trying to take the remote from Valary. She wasn't giving up that easy though. " what's going on here?"
" I want to watch 27 dresses!" Val said almost getting the remote but got distracted by me.
"You do know your fighting with a 5 year old... and losing. Right?"
" they've been at it for at least ten minutes" I turned around to see Zacky leaning against the arch way to the kitchen.
" why are you here" I pushed past him going towards the fridge.
"We need to talk" he said following me. Then pulled my arm when I wouldn't look at him.
" about..."
"Oliver" I sucked in a deep breath. I grabbed a soda and walked outside to a table. " So.. can we"
" Sure, talk. I'd be unfair if i didn't at least let you make your case." I said sipping on my drink as he shuffled through thoughts going threw his head. He looked at me and smiled.
" I know you love these words... Your right" I was confused... does he not want anything to do with Oli... what was I right about.
" Explain"
" Your right, I've never been the best with kids and even though things went good last night doesn't mean that they'll go good tomorrow or the next day. Hell with my luck it'd probably get bad within an hour" My eyes must have started to water cause he started to look concerned. " Why are you crying?"
I rubbed my hand across my face and felt the tears. " Really Zacky... I at least thought that you'd try for more then a day before giving up" I pushed my seat back and started to get up.
" NO. I'm not giving up, I'm just giving you the credit you deserve" He held my arm to keep me from leaving. I took my seat again, he looked down and shook his head. " I know that I've done a lot of fucked up shit in the past and just cause I have a kid now doesn't mean that it's gonna stop... it's one of those inevitable things" I nodded understanding in some strange way.
" I ... I know I should have told you but... Fuck, I was just scared and angry."
" So mainly how I'm feeling now" I laughed and nodded. " I want to get to know Oliver. I want to be apart of his life and be able to say I was there for him and wasn't a dip shit of a father" I smiled at him.
" It would be nice... I bet we could set up some type of visiting schedule" I stood up again feeling better, but was stopped. Zacky stood up and stopped me.
" That's the other thing I wanted to talk about" Fuck, so close. " I want you guys to move back here... you could find a job here... and till you get your own place you could live here or... at my place." I laughed.
" Zacky, I got a great job were I live and Oliver has friends and people he likes over there."
" He has Family over here" I sighed and walked inside. " He can ALWAYS make new friends and go to a different school. You can find a new job no problem."
" That's not the point Zacky. The Point is that MY life doesn't revolve around you and what would be the best for US anymore. It revolves around my son and what would be best for HIM"I sat down in the lazy boy and stared at the TV.
Zacky spun the chair so it was facing him. " OUR SON" I laughed. He looked over to Oli. " Oli come here for a minute will you" Oli looked confused but came over. Valary looked at me obviously in just as much confusion as I was. Zacky sat down on the floor and placed Oliver in his lap. " Would you like to live over here with your Daddy and Uncles and Aunties"
Oliver looked at me but then back to Zacky. " Does mommy come"
" Yea" He smiled
" Yes" Zacky looked at me with the same smile Oliver had on his face. I couldn't help but be in awe from the resemblance.
" Yea Zacky. Put the decision in the hands of a 4 year old" I got up and went down the hall to my room. Zacky called after me, a few seconds later he was in there with me. He shut the door then came over to me.
" Please just think about it" He said pushing my stray bangs off to the side. He started to bend down.
" I'll think about it" He started in for a kiss. " But me and you are off the table" He stopped and looked me in the eyes. He backed up still staring at me and just gave me a grin.
Zacky turned around and headed towards the door. Before he left he looked back at me. " For now" with that he left me alone.
@foREVerBlissful
Please post the 2nd part soon!
5/25/14