*Joana POV*

I really couldn’t follow Aidan’s actions anymore and why he was so desperately trying to get me back after all what he has done. It might be that I was pregnant but that wouldn’t change anything for me. I had to move on and finally seek for a life that is not full of jealousy. First he was blaming me for betraying him while it seemed ok he had sex with Irena. I swear when I see that girl again and she will be the same little bitch as the last days I will kill her if no one is able to stop me. She really had pissed me off. Especially with her stupid grin in her face that said that she won the challenge. I should have known better on the day they first met but I was blindly in love. It was a bit like in past. I was treated like the last asshole, used by several people and I was the one who was blamed at the end. I didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me, it was my past and formed me to the person I was now. I learnt from my mistakes and I looked to a happy future instead of looking bad and being sad.
We arrived his home about 15 minutes later. As soon as I got out I got a text message by Nathalie. I was really surprised to hear from that girl again but she was probably very busy in being a mummy.

Hi swag princess. Jared and I are planning a little trip over the weekend. Would you like to babysit for our little princess? Now since you are pregnant it would be some good test for you both. Nathalie xo

I wasn’t really sure if she meant that serious or just as some joke. The thought of me having a baby was still scaring me a little bit and now I should babysit her baby for the weekend?! Not sure if that was some bad idea.

“You look worried. What is going on?”

“Nothing” I just answered and got into his house.

Right now I had to be alone. So I closed the door to the guest room and sat down on my bed. The thought of me becoming a mother was really scaring me. Not by the point that Aidan wouldn’t be here with me. The thing was that I would be all alone with this and raising a child on my own would become real hard challenge. Friends might be around who would always help me but at the end I had to teach my child the basics and do all the stuff that usually a daddy and a mummy does. Brian might be now my partner but I couldn’t expect him to raise up the child with me. I didn’t want to expect anything from anyone. I wanted to stand on my own feet and make the impossible possible.
I had the newspaper with me and it was about time to look for an apartment. I was feeling guilty a little bit for living here with him, not paying for anything and sometimes I just needed my own little space. How was that possible living in Brian’s house? We crossed our paths every minute whether we were both in the living room or kitchen. The only room that we didn’t share was the bedroom but I wanted more. I needed my own walls around me, paying my bills and living free like a bird.
Brian knocked before he came in.

“What are you doing in here? Don’t tell me you are looking for an apartment? I thought you would live here with me.”

He stood at the door, seemed really upset and was looking at me with his wonderful brown eyes.

“Look Brian” I got up and wrapped my arms around his neck “It is very sweet you give me a shelter, place to sleep and food to eat but I can’t live here forever. You know that by yourself. It is too small for both of us.”

“Maybe you are right” he give in a little “But I never thought you would like to move to your own place so fast. It was cool being with you, we have fun and so I’m close to you too.”

“Never say never, dear. The three words I said last nights were true and were coming right from the bottom of my heart. I’m not joking with that.”

I might be sure about my feelings to him but that doesn’t mean that I was ready we were sharing one household. It was too early for this yet and things were still unsaid words between us. I think I owed him an explanation.
First I have to see a lawyer, get a new apartment and preparing myself for the baby. But how do you prepare yourself for that? How do I know if I’m ready for this yet? Too much thoughts were spinning around my head. Like the future will cost a lot of money as well. I really have to care about the money, spend it wisely and see if I can afford all that.

“Is that a yes?” he blinked at me.

“It might be a yes, yeah. Brian, I love you and you should know that by now but give me some space again, ok? Let’s take it all easy. You didn’t move in either when we were a couple years ago. It was taking some time as well. Don’t doubt about my decision. Plus wouldn’t it look ridiculous when I just said this for fun in front of the whole band that is protecting you like their brother?”

“You’re right. I’m just scared to lose you again. Now where I got you back I’m still living with that fear. You had been gone so fast.”

“And I’m really sorry about that” I turned my head to the floor.

“Would you like to tell me now the reason?”

“I’m trying to explain it to you” I crossed my legs still not able to look into his eyes “I know we were so happy that moment that I was feeling like I would be in heaven. It was beautiful but I knew that it couldn’t be real. I never had been so lucky and happy to the same time. Or something terrible happened so I wanted to end this before it got too worse.”

“That sounds ridiculous” he sound reproachful.

“It is the truth. People that never had been going through the same like I did can’t understand that. I don’t blame you for that but you had deserved someone better. I was broken to that time and needed help that I got.”

“I was your partner you really could have told me that. I would have given you my support.”

“Thank you” I whispered, kissed his cheek and then left the bedroom again.

I changed the room and dialled Nathalie’s number.

“Hey Joana, I’m happy you are finally calling me. I just waited for that.”

“I’m calling because of your text message. Why did you chose me?”

“Are you kidding me? You will be mummy pretty soon and so you can see how much joy this can be. It is not that worse as you might think. Patricia is a really sweet kid and she’s sleeping through the nights, mostly at least. You will fall in love with her from the first second on.”

“Yeah I can imagine that. It is just that I don’t think I’m ready for this yet.”

“Don’t be a pussy. Jared actually suggested that so if you look for someone to blame then choose him. No seriously you will be really a good mummy. You take care so much of your friends so you are good to give a baby all your love.”

“Thanks. I think I just needed that” I chuckled.

Nathalie was really lighten up my days sometimes. She was a girl that lived without any boundaries and enjoyed it to the most. She was like a little kid that never grew up really, no worried and making other people smile all the time. I wished I could do that sometimes as well. She was a cool chick and I was really happy to call her one of my most loyal friends.

“So your answer is now a yes? I come over in an hour. So you and that really hot musician can prepare themselves.”

I heard her devilish laughter at the other end. She is such a teaser really sometimes but I needed that kind of good kick in the arse.

“Yes ok bring her over.”

Even I didn’t talk to Brian yet about it I hoped he was ok by having a baby for the weekend.

“I knew it was a good idea. You will realize that I’m sure. See you later sweetheart and stay sweet.”

“You too. Bye.”

Oh what have I done? I felt bad making a decision behind his back. It was his house so he actually had the last word and was making all decision. Plus his house seemed already so small for us both. I just could tell him straight away, without trying to find any excuses for something. I just hoped he was in a better mood now. He seemed a bit upset after my last message.

“Brian”, I almost whispered and looked to him standing in the kitchen.

“Yes, love” he turned around, drying his hands and looking at me.

“I really hope you won’t kill me now. A friend of mine, Nathalie you know her from the wedding maybe, asked if we could babysit her baby for the weekend and I said yes.”

I immediately was hiding my face behind my hands so I didn’t had to suffer his reaction. I was seriously afraid of it.

“That is cool.”

Pardon?! Did you say now ‘cool’? Am I the only one who thinks a little bit different here?

“Really? I was afraid that you won’t like it especially because I didn’t ask you” I was taking my hands down and looked at him smiling from ear to ear.

“Sweetheart, why are you so afraid all the time? There is no reason to do that. You know how I think about all this. Relax and calm down. It is all good. Promise.”

“Thank you.”

“Did she say something when she wanted to come over?”

“One hour.”

I was kind of relieved that he seemed really happy to babysit for the weekend while I was a nervous wreck. I babysit hundreds of times but never for an entire weekend.

“I see that there is still something in your head that makes you worried. What is it?”

We sat down on the couch and I looked straight to the wall in front of me than looking straight into his face.

“I’m afraid of not being a good mother to my own child. I don’t know if I can do it or afford everything that it needs. Babysitting is easy. You have it for some time and give it back. You can’t do that with your own ….”

“Shh I don’t want to hear any words about this again” Brian laid his finger onto my lips “These fears are normal but I know you are a good mother. And never forget that you have friends who help, or me. You aren’t alone. I might can’t take this fear away now but you will realize it the day you carry that baby in your arms. All sorrows will be forgotten and I will finally see that smile again that I longed for so long.”

I will have an appointment tomorrow at my gynaecologist. He was a great listener and he knew someone that I could talk about everything. A person that knew what I was going through right now.

“I’m happy you are with me and anyone who is helping me.”

“Thanks love. What did he say to you by the way?”

“Who do you mean?”

“I’m talking about Aidan. He was talking to you. What did he had to say?”

“He asked me if I was sure if I wouldn’t give him a second chance. How dare he is even asking me this. I said yes I am sure. He hurt me too much.”

“The main thing was to talk with you alone so I can’t control your conversation with him. But why does he even asks you to come back when he is with Irena now?”

“He can do what he wants from now on. I don’t care anymore. Tomorrow I will see a lawyer. Someone has to make the first step, right?”

I saw Brian’s relieved smile. I had to draw line under this chapter and finally had to close it. That story ended right here and my new chapter with Brian started again. That’s what mattered to me right now.
After some time Nathalie finally arrived. I opened the door and looked into her smiling face. She was literally shining since she became a mummy. Maybe I would look the same in nine months.

“Hi sweetheart” Nathalie hugged me and greeted Brian with one kiss right and left. “I’m really grateful that you both are doing this. Thanks for that from the bottom of my heart.”

She putted that baby bouncer on the floor where Patricia was already sleeping. She was looking like a little angel and so tiny. It was amazing how tiny her fingers and feet still were. I couldn’t help myself than sitting down onto the floor and watch her.

“No problem”, he answered.
“I will be back on Sunday afternoon. Take care of my little precious, ok?! If you have any problems my number is in that bag.”

She gave me then her bad that contained everything we would need for that weekend. Well I was still a bit nervous but after seeing Patricia everything was gone. I had some faith that it will be a lot of fun, especially seeing Brian as a daddy.

“Bye sweetheart.”

She kissed her baby on the forehead before she was finally leaving. The weekend could begin. I placed the baby bouncer on the couch because I didn’t want to wake her up now.

“She seems a sweet person.”

“Who? Nathalie or Patricia?” I chuckled.

“Both” he winked at me “You see that you don’t have to be scared. There isn’t anything you can do wrong when you trust your heart. I once heard that every woman has a mother instinct deep inside. So you have a little benefit compared to me.”

I laid my head on his shoulder and was watching Patricia sleep. Everything was so tiny on her. Without really realizing it my hand was running over my tummy. I think it would be become real as soon as I heard his heart beating.

“I’m just curious but do you actually planned to have more kids than one?”

“I never really thought about that now. I don’t know. Maybe. That kid wasn’t really planned but when I look at Patricia now I actually look forward to that. I really don’t want to think about any other baby’s right now. That one will keep me busy” I laid my hand on the tummy. “I think I will prepare something to eat.”

I kissed him shortly and while I was preparing something in the kitchen he was looking at Patricia and opened his laptop, I guess to check his emails or something. He was able to live free like a bird, was able to do anything he likes and I wasn’t that partner that was spying.
Patricia gurgled while sleeping. My mum had told me that I always did that when I was little. I couldn’t remember but it was really cute. Brian would make a great dad I think.

“That is really interesting” he said after some minutes pointing to the screen of his laptop.

“What is it?”

“Matt had sent me a copy of an article he had found at a website. Short form is that I’m called someone that steals other one’s wives, have sex with them and take another one. With my words I would say I’m sleeping with every wife in whole Orange Country.”

I was really confused who was starting a story like that but in the next second I think I had my answer: Aidan. He knew that I didn’t want him back and so he was trying to make Brian look like an asshole. Though I wondered if it was him who was taking these pics of me and Brian in the restaurant of he might someone paid for that. Aidan was playing at a low level and acted like a little kid that didn’t get what he wants. If he thinks he would get me back with spreading a story like that then he was the most stupid person in the world.

“That is too much, Brian. I will call my lawyer” I checked the time and realized it was already 6pm “tomorrow. He started a game with the wrong person. If he never had met my devil side he will do it now. You better speak with your one as well and I think if it would be better when you go to the police because of that fight in the supermarket. I would stop playing Mr. Nice now.”

I was pretty furious about Aidan, if he was behind all that. But who else was against this relationship? I talked with my girls the other day and they all agreed and made sure to keep supporting me. There was only person that could behind all that. I clenched my fist and would like to hit him right into his stupid face.
By our talk Patricia woke up now and started to cry. Of course she was crying. She was probably missing some familiar faces around her but Brian made a gesture that he would handle that. I really didn’t had a head now for this.I sat down on a chair, watching Brian playing with the little kid and how she suddenly started to laugh. He probably had a good soul and she was feeling comfortable around him.

“You can admit it, Brian. You probably have already 3 kids” I chuckled and tried to light up the situation a bit.

“No you are wrong. I have 2 kids only. Well I’m working on the third one right now” he winked at me.

He was joking right?! He wasn’t serious. I tried to play along with this and kept looking at him. Let’s see who might win this test and give up earlier. 5 minutes were passing and nothing happened until Brian finally gave in.

“Ok I give up. No kids” Brian was making a break “Yet.”

“Forget it” I stick the tongue out and shook the head. “And to Aidan I just say this means war.”

Notes