Warmness on the soul

*Brian's P.O.V.*

Sunday night it was raining and I slowly was passing the restaurant “Las Barcas” where we used to eat almost every weekend. Joana ordered always the same food: Fajitas with a Tequila. But as usual she was complaining about the food. Either it was too salty, too spicy or just cold. Though she could be like a real bitch she was the woman I was in love with. It was one part of her great personality. She knew what she wanted and when she wanted it.
We even planned to get married next year. I already had booked the venue, the guest list was almost done as well and we just had to decide about some other small things. I imagined to get married with her at the beach while the sun goes down and we look into each other’s eyes saying our prepared vows. It could have been all so perfect but now the bubble burst.
Since exactly 2 weeks she was with another man. I know I have been busy the last months – spent a lot of time with other friends where I probably should have stayed with her. Because I knew it was my fault I wanted to fight about it. Although it seemed to be a really bad idea. She ignored all my messages – blocked my email and didn’t answer my phone calls. All this brought me into the situation in which I stick right now.
I couldn’t eat anymore and was crying all day. I only did my job half-hearted. I had no passion for this work anymore – only thing I could do was thinking about her. When I looked into the mirror I had no idea who the man even was. Dark circles under my eyes, looking really tired and even got a little bit pale since she broke up with me. On and on I was reading the lyrics that I had been writing for our wedding, a song that I only dedicated for her. It was the first song I was writing for her, and now I didn’t even had a choice anymore to play it for her.

Because it started to rain heavily I entered the restaurant and automatically my eyes were looking only for her. In hope she was waiting for me and I was just late again. Being punctual wasn’t one of my strengths. I could easily cheer up the people, listening to them and giving them advices when they asked for it.

I saw a very cute couple sitting in the corner. Softly touching each other, kissing and being very close. This was nearly too much. I simple couldn’t handle it. I was moved to tears.
My eyes went to the piano in the other corner of the restaurant. Maybe I just should sit down and play my song. Probably a very crazy idea but I needed to do the last step. It was the only way – for me – how I could accept this kind of situation. I never had been hurt like this before, but that was just another sign for me that she was the one and only.
So I went over to the owner of this restaurant. We have been friends over so many years and he still owe me one little favour.

“Carlos, hey how are you doing?”, I hugged him shortly and looked straight into his eyes.

I tried to hide that I was sad behind a really bad smile. I never have been a good actor. It was obvious that I was feeling horrible.

“I am doing great, thanks. How are you doing? I haven’t heard from you since days. You look like one who could need some sleep. Admit it, she keeps you up all night.”

I know Carlos dirty mind. I would love to joke around about this, but it just brought me to tears again.

“Actually, Carlos, we broke up. And I was just coming to you to ask if I could use the piano.”

He just nodded. I know he felt sorry for me and already regretted his statement but I did not need that. It was my own damn fault. So I had to live with the consequence. I patted his shoulder and went to the piano.

I had to close my eyes for one second and remembered how she smiled at me when I was just telling one of my stories or when we just laid down on the couch and just being silly. We never took all those things too serious, after all we just lived once and we loved to enjoy every single minute. She was a good soul and that’s how I wanted her to keep in my mind.
One last deep breath and I finally started playing the song.


Your hazel-green tint eyes watching every move I make
And that feeling of doubt, it's erased
I'll never feel alone again with you by my side
You're the one and in you I confide more

I had to stop for a second. My fingers were playing the piano automatically. I really couldn’t concentrate myself. My thoughts were thinking about how we spend all the nights – how we texted each other when she was travelling around because of her job as sound engineer.
I cleared my throat again and continued with the song …
And we have gone through good and bad times
But your unconditional love was always on my mind
You've been there from the start for me
And your love's always been true as can be
I give my heart to you
I give my heart 'cause nothing
Can compare in this world to you

Just before I started with the last verse I spotted 2 people coming in – soaked from the heavy rain outside. Now when I looked a bit closer I recognized the person. It was my ex-girlfriend Joana and her new boyfriend. She wore her favourite red neckless dress, sexy but long enough not to reveal too much. She seemed so happy – all what she deserved actually. If I couldn’t give her what she needed – then hopefully her new boyfriend. Compared to me he was dressed like a real gentleman. It was probably the latest collection of Versace or any other expensive brand. I could understand her – he looked quite handsome though it was like a punch into my tummy.
I raised a little bit my voice to get her attention.

And we have gone through good and bad times
But your unconditional love was always on my mind
You've been there from the start for me
And your love's always been true as can be
I give my heart to you
I give my heart 'cause nothing
Can compare in this world to you

The people at the restaurant remained silent. It took one second until they gave me a standing ovation. I felt blessed. But actually I just waited for one reaction.
Joana was looking at me with her wet big brown eyes. I felt that I must have touched her deep inside. Although I didn’t expect that - she stood up and was running to me. Promptly I did the same and hugged her tightly. She pressed her body against mine and I felt like those days when we were still a couple. I recognized the smell. It was Dior – her favourite perfume brand. My hands laid on her naked back. I didn’t think about her boyfriend now. This was just our moment. I felt like the only person in the room. Why couldn’t we just go home now and spend the rest of the night on the couch. I would do everything for being close to her now. At least I could control myself otherwise I just would have kissed her. She gently pushed me away and gave me a little kiss on my cheek. That was the last thing I got from her. She went back to her boyfriend and pretended like nothing has happened.
I just grabbed my jacket and left the restaurant. My tears were running down my face. Now I really couldn’t hold back what I felt. It was hurting me so much. All good things come to an end – one wise man said, but this one shouldn’t have ended.

One last look to the happy couple and then I just went back home … alone.

Notes