“I’m going to talk to him.” I decided, pushing myself away from the couch, where I’d been sitting for a while, but sinking back down almost immediately when Zacky’s arms went around my waist.

“No, you’re fucking not. Jimmy is already there with him.”

The rest of the guys had left after Brian showed up, leaving only him, Zack, Jimmy, and I behind. And Audrey, of course. But since she didn’t want to intrude in our problems, she went upstairs to her and Zacky’s bedroom to give us some privacy.

I pouted and leaned back, folding my arms across my chest, “I can’t just stay here doing nothing.”

“He won’t listen to you, now.”

If I knew anything about Brian was that he needed to be away from everyone when he was mad. Well, everyone but Jimbo. He was like Brian’s conscience and the only one capable of talking some sense into his head. However, I felt the need to explain everything to Brian. He deserved that much, even if he didn’t want to hear it.

“Fuck this. I’m going.” And there were no arms and hands enough to make me change my decision. I was going to talk to Brian Haner Jr. and that would be in that exact minute.

I slunk away from Zacky’s tentative to stop me and walked confidently toward the sliding doors that led to the backyard. My heart fired once my feet touched the deck outside and the cold wind of the afternoon hit my face. Somehow I didn’t have a good feeling about the upcoming conversation, but in no way would I back up. Brian was stubborn but so was I.

“Brian!” I shouted, earning both his and Jim’s attention. He for one shook his head violently, silently begging me to turn around and give up on my crazy idea of talking to his angry friend. But I wasn’t afraid of Brian, not a single bit. Was I nervous? Hell yeah. But not scared. Eight years might have passed, but I doubted his manners and principles had changed, therefore Brian wouldn’t lay a finger on me just because he was mad.

Harsh, brown eyes locked with mine, and the closer I got to them the angrier they seemed. Maybe I did feel slightly intimidated.

“Go away, Lara! I swear to God I don’t know what I’ll do if you stay here one more second.”

“You won’t do anything, Brian.”

He wouldn’t, right? Of course not. I had just said that myself.

“Doesn’t mean I want to see your face.” He all but spat back, rising to his feet and glaring straight into me.

“Turn around if you have to, but I really fucking need to talk to you.” I stepped just a little bit closer to him, feeling like he would swallow me if I moved any further. The way his eyes were fixed on me had shivers running down my spine, but not in a pleasant way. They were so cold and so distant. This was not what I remembered from Brian, and that simple thought made my heart ache within my chest.

“You’re so funny that it hurts, you know? Oh no, wait. It’s just the sight of seeing you that has my blood boiling.”

“Guys, I think you shouldn’t do this now.” Jimmy said, his voice fading out in a tired sigh and his blues flickering between Brian and I, who showed no interest in breaking eye contact. “Come on, seriously…”

“We shouldn’t do this ever. I don’t wanna talk to her.” Brian finally spoke.

“I’m just asking for a chance.”

“You had your fucking chance eight years ago!” Brian yelled, making me flinch at the tone he was using on me, “Can’t you understand that? I don’t want to talk to you, Lara! Ever. Again!” He seethed, his finger pressing against my shoulder as he uttered those last two words, before pushing past me and to the inside.

“Brian, please, don’t just go and ignore me.”

He glanced at me with a raised brow, “It’s what you deserve. You’re lucky enough to have me even talking to you right now.”

He kept walking away but when he was about to reach the sliding doors, the words rolled out of my tongue out of desperation, “I loved you.” I blurt out. He stopped dead in tracks, and even though be had his back to me, I was still able to hear that quiet gasp leaving his lips.

“And that’s my cue..” Jimmy remarked, running to the inside in his sloppy kind of way.

A few seconds passed before I spoke again, my voice shakier than before. “I k-know you think I didn’t because I left you, but I did, Brian. I loved you with all my heart.” I went on, my breathing uneven with the wrecking nerves flooding through me. Why did I say that? Stupid. Idiot. Moron-

“What a fucking bullshit.” Brian cut off, the hatred dripping from each of the syllables. He turned to me yet again, “You didn’t fucking love me. You only cared about yourself. You didn’t give a flying fuck about my feelings and you still don’t. The day I confessed everything to you was a façade, wasn’t it? A fucking lie!”

“My father had died.” I dug, my lower lip quivering. “He died the night we started dating, Brian. You know that.”

“So what?” He asked rudely, opening his arms desperately, “That’s not an excuse for you to leave.”

“It’s not?” I countered, padding toward him, “I couldn’t even look at you after that day, because that was the best and the worst day of my life. And whenever you were around I felt happy, I felt like my life was all rainbows and unicorns, but the truth was so far from that. I felt guilty for being happy, Brian.. for smiling and laughing, when my father had just died.”

“So you decided that feeling like shit was better and moved out of town.” He mocked dryly.

“I had nightmares every single night!” I reasoned, my head shaking slightly at the lack of care from him. My tears pricked behind my eyes, those tricky, little fuckers. “My dad haunted me all the time, blaming me for my happiness, and I was freaking out here. My mother had gone crazy and I had no one to support me.”

“You had me! You could’ve talked to me. I would’ve been there for you.”

“But I didn’t want to drag you to my dramas. We were young and you loved to have fun and hang out with the guys. You were starting the band… and I didn’t want to take that from you just because I wanted to stay locked up in my bedroom crying my ass out. It wasn’t fair..”

Brian scoffed, walking toward Zacky’s pool, “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“It did eight years ago. And either way I needed to leave the city. My mom needed to leave the city. We wanted a new fresh start so we could move on.”

“So leaving me behind was your best option?” Turning back to me, I could see the brown of his eyes softening just a little, but when his voice reached my ears again there was no pity, no kind of sympathy from him, “Forgetting all about me and my feelings?” The animosity from moments ago faded away, and to take its place there was hurt and disappointment to wrap his speech. “You fucking left me without saying a word. Not a text, not a call, not even a note saying where you were heading. All I know is that one day I came over your house and you were no longer there. The only thing greeting me was a stupid sign saying For fucking Sale . How do you think I felt, uh?”

“I know.” I whispered, the back of my eyes struggling to keep the hot tears from slipping down my cheeks, “I know I should’ve talked to you but it would make things more difficult.”

“For you or for me?”

“For both of us, Brian. I hate goodbyes. I didn’t want to say goodbye to you.”

He brought his hands to his hair, “You didn’t have to.” He stated softly, “You knew I would fight for you. I’d do my hardest to change your mind. Dammit, Lara, I loved you! I loved you more than I ever loved anyone.”

“I loved you, too, but-”

“Oh really?” He cut me off, “Then you wouldn’t have left me. You’d figure another way out so you could stay with me.”

“Bu-”

“There’s no fucking buts. That’s the truth! You were a coward, Lara. You couldn’t fucking face the problems and you thought that leaving was the best option. That’s it. It was your choice and now it’s too late to make up for all that shit. I’m over you. I have a great life now and I won’t let you ruin it. The guys might have forgiven you but that’s only because they didn’t suffer like I did when you left. They didn’t love you like I did.”

“Brian..”

Shaking his head, he headed inside, “I can’t take this.”

“Please!” I begged, my fingers wrapping around his wrist. “I’m sorry..”

He yanked his arm out of my grasp, his hand finding its way up to his hair again, pulling onto the ends, “I just… I can’t..”

I watched him walk away, biting on my lower lip to control my untamed emotions, but failing completely seen that my heart couldn’t bare it any longer. I broke into tears no sooner did I lose sight of Brian. It was all too much.

“Oh little peanut..” Jimmy sounded in the distance along with his footsteps. It wasn’t long before I was wrapped in a pair of big arms. “He’ll come around, I promise.” He soothed, fondling my wild, ginger hair as I gave in to his embrace. Hugging him back, I sniffled softly and felt myself calming down. After a while, Jimmy took me back inside, “You knew it would be hard.”

“Not this hard, Jim.” I said, wiping at the corner of my eye. “He was so mad at me.”

“Give him time, alright?” Jimmy suggested, rubbing my back as we plopped down onto Zacky’s couch.

He returned right in that moment, with a cup of water in his hand, “Here,” He shoved the cup into my hands, “Drink this. It’ll do you good.” Zacky told me, his tone soft and sympathetic.

I sipped on it slowly, letting the cool drink slide down my throat. I had hoped that the water could brain wash me and make me feel good, but it didn’t. Not when Brian’s words were still playing repeatedly in my head. With a defeated groan, I leaned back, slipping my eyes close, “He’ll never forgive me.”

“If he doesn’t soon, I’ll smack him in the head.” Jimmy promised, and that stole a small smile from my pouting lips.

Suddenly, Zacky was on his feet with a glint in his emerald eyes, “Hey, come with me.” Before I had even time to blink, he was dragging me by the hand and toward his kitchen. My eyebrows furrowed at the center of my forehead as he rummaged through his pantry, certainly looking for something.

When he came out with a sound of glory and a bag of peanuts in his hand, I couldn’t help but burst into a fit of giggles. “Oh Zacky… you’re the best.”

“Now you can ramble about Brian all you want.” He laughed, handing me the so tempting peanuts.

Smiling, I accepted his offer, “Thanks.”

“And tonight we’re having a movie party! Just us, okay? No dramas and tears!” Jimmy announced, beaming like a ten year old boy. Still talking to himself, he bounced away from us and disappeared into the living room. As I turned to Zacky, his dumbfounded face matching mine, we both started laughing.

“How I’ve missed him.” I chuckled.

“So how’re you wanna do it?” He asked, snaking his arm around my shoulders.

“Do what?”

“The movie session.”

---

“Oh my god, I love this man.” I sighed, holding onto the blanket even tighter. Audrey laughed from her spot next to Zacky, who rolled his eyes, and I flashed her a smile. I discovered she was also a huge fan of Pirates of Caribbean and of our dear Johnny Depp. How could we not be? He was every woman’s secret desire. Well, for me that was not really a secret.

“I don’t understand why you gush all over him.”

“Of course you do,” I countered, my eyes snapping toward Zacky, “You fantasize about him because he looks so much like Brian, and we all know you have a secret crush on him.”

He faked a gag sound, making us all laugh. “Disgusting.”

“You don’t know, Lara,” Jimmy began, his grin becoming mischievous as he spoke, “but Zacky and Brian had an affair after you left.”

“Oh no… not that story again.” Audrey hid her face behind her hands, leaning against Zacky’s side as if he was enough to make her disappear. My interest perked up at the girl’s reaction and the look of embarrassment on Zacky’s face.

“This is gonna be interesting.” I chuckled, smiling at Jimmy who was ready to spill the story.

“So there was this night where everyone was going out, except for that idiot over there who said that he already had plans for the evening. We asked him what it was but he refused to give us an answer.” Jim started, the light coming from his blue eyes brightening the entire room, “We dropped the subject for a couple of hours, and we were almost letting this slip when Brian fucking called us and said he wasn’t meeting us as well.”

Taking a glance at the couple on the other couch, I snickered, “Oh boy..”

“Exactly.” Jimmy agreed, “That’s what we thought. These fuckers are giving us shit!” I was so eager to know how the story ended that the speed of my heartbeat increased. “So we called the night off and decided to see for ourselves what they were planning. That’s when Brian gave me a call.”

“What did he say?” I asked.

“In Brian’s words: I have company this night and I’m staying at Zacky’s.” I don’t know why but I felt a weird ache in my chest just by imagining Brian with another girl, but I hid the pain away by feigning confusion. Seeing the puzzled look on my face, Jimmy explained, “Zacky was the only one who had his own house, that’s why we used it… so we could jerk off sometimes.”

Every person in the room groaned in disgust at Jimmy’s choice of words.

“Come on, dude! My girlfriend doesn’t need to hear your filthy mouth.”

Jimmy’s eyebrows raised in surprise, “Oh don’t tell me you never talked dirty to her.”

“I’m the one who needs to talk dirty or he never gets happy.” Audrey joked and I think I’d never heard Jimmy laugh so hard as he did in that moment. He fell from the couch and rolled on the floor, literally laughing his ass off. Just watching him brought me to a massive laughter attack.

“Thanks a lot, Audrey.” Zacky muttered, clearly not amused seen that he moved away from her and crossed his arms to his chest.

“I’m sorry! I couldn’t help it.” She laughed, her arms going around him even when he tried to scurry away from her, with no success, of course. Audrey gave him her best puppy dog eyes and he had no other option but to forgive her.

By the time Jimmy and I stopped laughing, we were all out of breath and tired. “I think I’ll just lay here for the rest of the night.” He announced, his back on the floor and his arms sprawled around him.

“Just as long as you keep telling the story!” I said, crossing my legs over my lap and covering myself with my comfy, warm blanket again. He let out a small chuckle and jumped up from the floor the next second. Of course he wouldn’t stay there. He just couldn’t stay still for more than 30 seconds. And that itself was a record.

“Alright, alright. So!” He continued, this time staying up on his feet, “We invaded Zacky’s house at night. Easy shit because Johnny had stolen his spare key. And then… here comes the funny part.”

I smiled at him, finding it impossible not to since he looked so happy.

“We stormed into the master bedroom, where we knew Brian would be, and found him on the bed, eyes wide and mouth hanging open as he stared at us. It was like the best sight ever.”

“Oh crap..” I heard Zacky say lowly, followed by Audrey’s giggles.

“Then we walked further into the room and pulled the covers away from Brian and the bump lying next to him, the lady we presumed.”

My jaw dropped to the floor, “You did not do that!”

“We did!” He beamed proudly, “But the worst is that it wasn’t a girl!” At that I could only frown, curiosity filling me up. “It was fucking Zacky!”

“What?!” I exclaimed, jaw dropping to the floor, “Zacky?!”

“Yeah. They were cuddling with each other and looked adorable-”

“No, we were not!” Zacky cut him off, “I can explain!” There were no enough explanations for me because Zacky was still trying to talk when Jimmy and I burst out laughing in his face.Again . “Guys, come on!” He whined.

“You should’ve taken a picture!” I laughed, hitting Jimmy in his arm.

“We weren’t cuddling!” Zacky insisted, his eyes rolling in annoyance.

“Chill, bro. We still love you.” Jimmy grinned, walking over to Zacky to give him a hug. Zacky slapped his hands away but couldn’t stop his friend from hugging him and Audrey at the same time, crashing them both against the couch. “Do you love me, Zacky?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Say it or I won’t believe it.” Jimmy pouted.

Zacky knew better than to deny that to Jimmy, “I love you, Jim, seriously.”

And with those words, the tall man moved away from the couple with a huge smile on his face. He would never change. No matter how many years passed, how old he would get, Jimmy was and always would be the sweetest and funniest person in the world.

“But what happened next?” I queried. I wanted to know the reason behind that mess. Although I thought the idea of Zacky and Brian in the same bed really cute, I doubted it was from their own will. There must have been a good motive.

“I’ll explain, before Jimmy digs me a bigger hole.” Zacky sat forward, his elbows resting onto his knees. “The thing was.. I had met Audrey a few weeks earlier and I was preparing her a romantic night to ask her to be my girlfriend, but I needed Brian’s help, because I knew he could be that type of guy. I remember all the things he did to make you fall for him, things that fucking worked.” Zacky went on. My lips twisted in a sad smile. He was right. Brian could be very romantic when he wanted, and that was something that missed in every man I’d dated since I moved out of California. They were caring but not as much as Brian.

“Lara?”

At the sound of my name being pronounced, I snapped back to reality, noticing the three people in the room staring at me. “Sorry.”

“Lost in the past, uh?” Jim guessed, and I nodded, lowering my gaze to the floor. “Go on, Zack.” My shoulders were met by an arm and I instinctively leaned into that comfortable embrace as I listened to the rest of the story.

“I just wanted to impress Audrey, really. But the guys didn’t know about her. I didn’t want to scare her away because of these fools.”

I chuckled, “Yeah, I get it.”

“But the plan didn’t work. Brian and I heard them unlocking the front door and the only thing we came up with was to pretend that I was Brian’s date and I was asleep. That’s why we were in the same bed, because they couldn’t know I was in the house.”

“You’ve got to admit that you enjoyed sharing the bed with Bri.” Jimmy teased.

Audrey and I giggled, but Zacky seemed to ignore Jim’s comment, “When they figured everything out, they had the brilliant idea of meeting Audrey that night.” He continued, his tone sarcastic. “I thought I was fucked.”

“But I kinda liked them.” Audrey smiled.

Jimmy shook his head, “Correction: You loved us!”

Shrugging her small shoulders, Audrey’s smile grew wider, “Alright, I did.”

I spent a great night at Zacky’s house, and for the first time in many years, I felt truly happy. I knew Brian was still mad at me, and throughout the night I couldn’t get my mind completely off from the conversation between me and him, but I had my friends back. And that was enough to have my heart warmed and filled with hope.

“Thank you, Zee. I don’t even know what to say.” I told him once he stopped at the entrance of the hotel.

He turned off the engine of the car and turned to me, “You don’t need to thank me or whatever, Lara. You’re my friend.”

“But…” I trailed off, the word fading out in a sigh.

“But nothing. Just enjoy while you’re here and…” He paused, his hand grabbing mine to give it a tiny squeeze, “I promise things will get better with Brian.”

“I’m not here just because of Brian.”

“But he’s your top priority whether you want it or not. You can’t help it.” I groaned, frustrated, knowing it was true. “It’s okay, Lara.” He chuckled, “We all know how much he means to you… how much you miss him.”

“You’re making me cry.” I said, already feeling the tears pricking my eyes. However, I joined him and chuckled as well. “Damn you, Vee.” He surprised me with a hug, one I gladly returned. Taking in a deep breath, I patted his back and pulled away. “You should go. Audrey is waiting for you.”

“You’ll be okay, right?

“I will, don’t worry. Don’t forget I’ve got tons of chocolates and peanuts in the mini fridge in my room.”

We both laughed lightly, but eventually he took off and I walked into the hotel, ready to strip to my pajamas and get in the bed. What a day had been.

The next couple of weeks were sort of bittersweet to me. I’d gone to Zacky’s almost every day after he got off work, just like the rest of the guys. They couldn’t spend one day without seeing each other. They had a huge bromance going on between them ever since I remember, and there was nothing in the world capable of destroying such love.

I thought that nothing could destroy our love. Brian & Lara did we mark so many times on those old tree trunks standing in the middle of nowhere, away from everyone, where we could just enjoy each other’s company without any kind of disturbance.

But there we were now, sitting on opposite sides of the room, not sharing those timid looks of the first days of our relationship, not mouthing I love yous when no one was watching, not holding hands, not holding each other, not kissing, not smiling, not talking, no nothing. It was just air between us; a hollow and empty space that lay sadly before us.

“What did you do with Lara and who are you?” Jimmy burst, appearing right in front of me, somehow blocking my view. He handed me a cup of some weird drink, “Drink it and forget it.” Parties with these guys weren’t parties if there wasn’t any alcohol.

“I can’t.” I grumbled, giving him back the cup, “I’ll do something stupid if I’ll drink.”

“Maybe that’s what you need.”

He’s what I need. I thought to myself, but didn’t dare to put those wild thoughts into words, because if I did it my feelings would become more real.

Damn, what was I even thinking? Brian was past. Especially now.

“I think I’ll accept the drink after all.” I said, making Jimmy jump with delight.

“That’s my girl!”

A few hours passed and the inevitable happened. I was, let’s just say, “touched”. I’d laugh for no apparent reason and the fact that Jimmy was running around the house like a mad man, with his arms in the air, and shouting profanities didn’t quite help my sanity.

“LARA!” He yelled in a high pitched tone. I cringed at his voice, my head finding it too loud for my own good. “Come dance with me!”

“I need to use the toilet.” I said sheepishly.

His lower lip came out as he pouted. He turned back around and went searching for someone else. He soon found Matt’s girlfriend free for some samba. God only knows why they were playing that kind of music. It was fun, though, and really cheerful.

I chuckled to myself and headed for the closest bathroom, but it was occupied. I sighed desperately. “I really need to pee!” I cried, banging on the bathroom’s door with my fist, “Please, hurry up!”

Johnny came out seconds later with a scowl on his face.

The question was out of my mouth before I had even time to think about it, “What?” He moved his head from side to side, but still didn’t say anything. Just as he walked past me, I grabbed his arm gently, “Johnny…”

He stopped and looked at me from behind his shoulder. When he saw the turmoil in my eyes, he turned completely to me. “You see, Lara… Brian is right. You left us all and didn’t say anything for eight years. You can’t just walk into our lives and pretend nothing happened. I really want to forget it but it’s kinda hard. Especially when Brian is so messed up.”

“He is?” I asked.

“What do you think?” And it was with that simple but so deep question that Johnny left me. I felt myself sober up almost immediately. My first instinct was to find Brian. My eager eyes looked around once I stepped back into the living room, but he wasn’t there.

“Dammit, you fool. Where are you?” I spoke out loud. But then it hit me. Stress. Vice. Smoke. Outside. Backyard! Genius, Lara, you’re genius.

Determined to fix whatever there was to fix, I ambled toward the sliding glass doors that led to the backyard, pulling them open. The icy air slapped me in the face but I didn’t care. Lost in the task of closing that now apparently heavy door, I didn’t realize I was being watched. It wasn’t until I looked up than my green eyes met a pair of brown ones.

I felt my knees wobbling underneath me and my lungs squeezing the air out of them. Gulping hard, I froze in place. Brian seemed to have that effect on me recently. I was beyond paralyzed. I couldn’t even form a decent thought in my head, not a single word. What was I even doing here?

Think, think, think.

“Lara…” He sighed, and the way my name fell from his lips had me whimpering. “It’s cold out here. Go back inside.”

“No.” It was all I said, and to my surprise, I could pull that off without it sounding shaky.

“You’ll catch a cold if you stay.”

Was he worried about me? I smiled at that possibility. “I don’t care.”

“I d-” He stopped mid-sentence, his eyes drifting close at his slip and his hand running down his face. He did care. “Just go.”

“Brian…” I took a step in his direction, and another. I paused to admire his figure under the moonlight, and it was then that I realized how drunk I was. Admiring him under the fucking moonlight? I started laughing, so hard my stomach began to hurt.

“God, you’re so drunk.” I heard his footsteps reaching my hears, the sound becoming more intense as he approached me. “Let’s go.” His arms held me up from my bending position and it wasn’t impossible to ignore the burst of butterflies in my stomach. They were starving for sure, the poor ones, because I tingled everywhere.

I lifted my gaze to his face, still chuckling, and our eyes connected once again.

Ugh. Why was he so handsome and eatable?

"Shit, I miss him."

When Brian let go of me, eyeing me with an expression I couldn’t quite understand, my eyes went wide.

“Did I just say that out loud?”

After a brief moment, he nodded with his head, “You did…”

Notes

ahhh.... what do you think? hope you liked the chapter :D