September 10th 2000 - Eight years ago

"Brian, you’re gonna put me in so much trouble," I said in a low whisper as I reached our secret spot. It was a weird circle of trees that was at the same distance from his house and mine. It was like a center point between our houses. He was already there when I arrived, and the smile on his face was one of the biggest I’d ever seen him wearing. “What’s with that face?" I teased, chuckling, but he just held me by the hand and started for the beach.

Someone’s rushy and impatient.

"Your dad can kick my ass after this," he told me, leading me in the dark night to our favorite place at the beach, which was right underneath the pier. Sometimes it was a little bit dangerous, but with Brian I felt sort of safe. It’s not like kids of our age actually messed up with his group of friends.

"He’s not home. He’s only coming tomorrow morning," I informed him, and his smile just got even wider.

"That’s awesome news!"

"I don’t know why," I laughed.

"You will."

As I kicked my shoes off and kneeled down to grab them, the sand starting to be too much, I noticed a fire exactly in our spot. Furrowing my eyebrows, I nudged Brian on his side, “Are the guys here?"

Brian followed my gaze and laughed lightly, “Nope," he said, “that was me."

"I’m not getting all this secrecy."

Brian’s lips curved in a sweet smile as he intertwined our fingers with his free hand, “Will you wait?" I glanced down at our hands, my heart tricking me as it began racing fast.

"What other choice do I have?" I stuttered, feeling nervous all of a sudden.

He shrugged his shoulders, “None." Giving my cheek a soft kiss, that made the heat in my body rise even more, he walked us through the beach and in the fire’s direction.

"Oh my god, blankets? And what’s in there?" I quickly dropped Brian’s hand and crouched next to the small picnic basket.

He’s gone mental for sure.

I turned my head to him, “You do know it’s fucking late to do a picnic, right?"

"So what? Isn’t it exciting?" He queried, moving to my side and sitting right there. I eyed him for a moment and then let a chuckle bubble out of my lips.

"You have serious problems."

"You like me like that."

I just shook my head, laughing, before getting on my knees, trying to guess what was inside the basket. From the corner of my eye I saw that Brian was looking at me, so I locked our gazes hesitantly. We both chuckled at the same time, somehow knowing that this meeting tonight held more to it than just a friends gathering.

Oh, boy, he’s hot. The orange light of the fire suited him really good, even if I only admitted that to myself.

"Stop staring at me and open that shit," he smirked.

"Fuck you." I shoved him on his chest and he almost lost his balance, his back brushing slightly against the sand before he sat up straight again. I laughed upon seeing the panic on his face and he glared playfully at me, pushing me on my shoulder as well. I didn’t budge as much as him, but it still earned him another slap on his chest. “Stop right there, Haner," I warned when he attempted to repeat the scene.

However, a mischievous glint flashed across his eyes and he all but lunged forward, tackling me to the sand. “Ah! You fucker! Get out of me!" I laughed, wiggling away from his body but failing completely when he pressed his hands against my arms, holding me still. “Brian!" I cried.

"Now, you’re gonna have sand on your panties," he chuckled, releasing one hand from my arm and showering me with a handful of sand, as it slipped between his fingers.

"Oh my god! I’m so gonna kick your fucking ass when we get out of here!" I threatened but the giggle that fell from my lips gave me away completely.

Brian finally rolled out of me, still laughing, and pulled me up with him so we were sitting again. “Need a bath?" He asked, amused.

"Shut up, you idiot." I wiped the sand from my clothes and my hair, but it was pretty useless. I was literally the beach in person. Laughing, Brian poured more sand on my jeans when I wasn’t looking and I just wanted to call him names and leave him with bruises. “You have to be fucking kidding me!"

"You’re so funny when you’re mad," Brian said, chuckling, and it was only then that I realized how close to me he was and I paralyzed. Glancing up at him, I saw the flames reflected in chocolate brown eyes. He cocked an eyebrow, “What?"

"What what?"

"You tell me. You were staring at me again."

"No, I wasn’t," I scoffed, diverting my gaze from his, but he tucked his fingers under my chin and forced me to meet his eyes again. “What?" I repeated, mimicking his voice.

His lips broke into a smile, his thumb caressing my chin lightly, “I never told you this, but I think you’re really beautiful," he said softly.

Holy mother of god.

"And funny, and nice, and a bit crazy, too," he chortled, retrieving his hand from my chin to grab my shaky hand. My heart started beating even faster as he gave me a gentle tug. “I just like to hang out with you and- you know, we have a good chemistry."

Brian Haner was nervous! How awesome and rare was that? But I was nervous, too.

I dropped my gaze from his, biting on my lower lip. I didn’t know what to say to that, but the smile that crept up to my lips was the physical proof that I was enjoying his speech too much for my own good. “Brian," I whined, masking the shakiness of my voice behind a chuckle.

"Come on, look at me," he pleaded softly, “I really want to do this right."

Oh my fucking Buda! Is he serious?

I slowly raised my head to look at him, and I almost died when his lips pressed a really tender kiss to my cheek, before he locked our eyes again. “I actually affect you enough to make your smart ass comments vanish away, uh?" He joked, the corner of his mouth molding into a smirk.

"Don’t test me. I’m just making it easy for you," I smirked back, even though my insides were completely fucked up at this point. The bastard knew what he was doing to me.

"Yeah. Of course you are."

If he didn’t stop with that I’d kiss his cockiness away from him. Or at least I liked to think I would.

He kept staring at me with that smug look on his face, his eyes blurred with mirth and challenge. “You’re so much fun to tease," he commented, poking my nose playfully.

"You’re all talking and no action."

"Oh, you want action? I can give you the real deal. You just have to-"

Cupping his face in my hands, I muffled his words and kissed him. All of my thoughts evaporated from my head as soon as my lips touched his, but all too quickly it was over. As I pulled away, my hands went straight to my mouth and I stumbled back to put some distance between us.

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! I couldn’t breathe.

Brian looked appalled, baffled even by my unexpected move and for a moment he said nothing; we said nothing. But when be recovered from the shock, he choked out a chuckle and pulled me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around my waist. “What the fuck was that?"

I rested my hands on his chest, still surprised with myself, “The action." I laughed, feeling embarrassed now that the realization had sunk in.

I just kissed Brian! Holy shit, how did I do that?

"Wow. You stole my kiss. I wanted to be the one kissing you and leaving you all bothered and shy and you- Damn," he breathed out, shaking his head.

"It was worth it. Just… the look on your face when I kissed you was priceless," I chuckled, lowering my face to my lap to hide the unusual blush on my face. He bit my neck playfully, his goatee ticklish on my skin. “Brian…" I shrank away from him but he tightened his grip on me and I fell back against his chest.

I felt his lips planting light feather kisses on my neck, my cheek, my jaw, until he couldn’t go any further. So he turned my head to him, his palm so warm against my cheek, and when our eyes met, he smiled and filled that tiny space between us with a passionate kiss. I lost myself in him as my lips worked slowly against his, reallysavoring, for the first time in the three years I’d known him, the taste of his kiss.

We both broke from each other after a while and Brian rested his forehead against mine, his brown orbs dripping love everywhere, “Be my girlfriend, Lara," he asked sweetly, his hands roaming my back and my arms softly.

"You sure you can handle me?"

He chuckled, brushing his lips against mine once again, “I can handle you just fine."

I cradled his face, looking deeply into him, “I’m serious."

"Me too. I love you," he whispered. My breath hitched in my throat at that and a quiet gasp left my parted lips. “I just didn’t have courage to say it before. But I love you, shorty." He kissed my cheek and hugged me. His arms never felt as strong and safe as they did in that moment.

Oh my god, who am I kidding? I’m crazy about him!

I circled my arms around his neck and changed my position on his lap so I was straddling him. My hold on him was so tight I was afraid he wouldn’t be able to breathe, but as long as he didn’t complain I knew he was fine. So I closed my eyes, reveling in the feel of his embrace, and when the words pushed against my lips, I didn’t stop them, “I love you, too, Brian." He squeezed me slightly, silently telling me that he’d heard my words. “And I do want to be your girlfriend," I giggled, not believing this was really happening.

---

“Lara!”

I jumped at the shout of my name, the memories of my past getting lost as I brought myself back to reality. “Shit, what?”

Audrey laughed from the other couch but she stood up and plopped down next to me, a suspicious glow in her blue eyes. “What were you daydreaming about?”

Audrey and Zacky were throwing a dinner at their house, as they did pretty often, and I’d come earlier because I was tired of being alone in the hotel. But somehow I’d gotten a little bit too lost in my own world.

Fuck.

“Nothing,” I lied, diverting my gaze from her.

“Nuh-uh!” She shook my arm, making me look at her with narrowed eyes, “You’re gonna tell me!” She demanded as she attempted to look mean and evil. However, I started laughing at her fail try to which she just pouted. “Aw, you know I can’t be mean, but you’ve got to tell me. I’m a really curious girl.”

“Fine!” I chuckled, still not wanting to be looking at her when I said what I was going to say. “I was thinking about the day Brian and I started dating.”

"Awn! That is so adorable!" She squealed, throwing her arms around me. I just laughed, trying not to smile too much, but those memories were certainly the best ones I had. “And how did that happen?" She dug in, her eyes shining with honest interest.

I dropped my head, fixing my gaze on the interesting ends of my shirt, and took a deep breath. “Well," I started, “it was at the beach, one night. I sneaked out of my house to meet with him, like I always did. And you know… he was being overly sweet and looking at me differently, and it just happened. We kinda liked each other for a long time, but we were too shy to admit it, I guess. We spent the rest of the night together, chilling on the beach with food and blankets, and yeah… that’s it," I said rubbing my hands on my thighs.

"You spent the night with him, uh?" She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively as she elbowed me in my ribs, and I shook my head, bursting into a fit of giggles.

"No, no! Nothing like that."

"You didn’t seal the deal?" She seemed shocked and somewhat disappointed, “What a shame," she sighed, her lips curling into a small smile.

"Yeah, we never did it," I admitted, “We only dated for two weeks."

Audrey’s face contorted with confusion as she listened to my words, but her questions never had the chance to be voiced because Brian trotted into the room.Thank god. I didn’t want to get into that subject. However, I couldn’t help but wondering when he’d gotten here. I hadn’t heard him coming.

"What are you ladies gossiping about?" Brian asked, squeezing between us to sit down. I rolled my eyes at him, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find him funny. “So?" He prodded, looking back and forth between me and Audrey.

"We were talking about-"

"The day you started dating Lara," she cut me off, giving me a look. She knew that I’d never tell the truth about our conversation. I groaned and buried my face in the closest pillow I found.

"Oh, really?" Brian asked, his tone full of amusement as he shifted in his seat. When I dared to look up again, his head was cocked to the side and he was half turned to me.

"Yeah, really. What’s the issue?" I replied, acting as if this talk didn’t bother me at all. But it did!

Brian chuckled, glancing briefly at the blonde girl, “Did Lara tell you that she was the one kissing me?"

Oh my god.

"No! She did not!" Audrey accused with a glare.

"He wouldn’t shut up," I defended myself, frowning at both of them. Brian just kept smiling, loving this conversation I was sure.

"It was pretty hot," he said.

"I bet it was. Good job, woman!" Audrey laughed.

Jesus, someone take me out of here. I wanted to cry and hide and run away from them. It was one thing to think about that night, it was another to put it into words and having a discussion about it with Brian there.

"I think she’s blushing." I hear Brian whisper to Audrey, even though his brown eyes were glued to mine.

"Shut up!" I punched his shoulder and he chuckled, rubbing the sore muscle. “Idiot." I muttered, fighting back a smile.

"Of course I am. You’re embarrassed to talk about our first kiss but I’m the idiot," he stated, a bit of sarcasm tainting his words.

"I’m not embarrassed," I countered, “but it doesn’t mean I like to talk about it."

"Why not? We’re all friends here," he mused and I swear I wanted to slap him. Audrey was giggling like a little girl from her seat, watching as Brian and I picked on each other.

"You’re just doing this to me because you can’t grip the fact that I was the one making the first move." I threw at him, and his jaw dropped a little as he stared at me in shock.

"Oh, my sweet Lara," he draped his arm around my shoulders, his hand escaping from underneath my shirt to draw circles on the naked skin of my arm, “maybe I’ll have my chance this time," he said, his brown eyes locking with mine for a moment before he kissed my cheek, “Who knows?" He whispered, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, and just like that he was leaving the room.

Oh. God.

"Holy shit!" Audrey laughed, her eyes following Brian until he disappeared and then shooting at me in disbelief, “Are you guys serious? Oh my god, the sexual tension in the air is too much for me to breathe! What the hell! This is crazy! I’m all hot and shaky just by seeing you two interact!" She exclaimed but I was too frozen to move or to talk. “Lara!" She called desperately.

"I know! I know!" I blurt out, leaning forward to bury my face into my hands, “He’s driving me fucking nuts."

“Have you talked about it after Starbucks?” She queried more calmly, but I shook my head. It’d been a little over one week. “Maybe you should.”

“This is what Brian wants. He wants to bring us to the edge until we can’t hold back any more,” I explained to her, and she seemed to ponder for a moment.

But she then looked at me sympathetically, “What about what you want?”

Audrey’s question had lingered in my head for the rest of the afternoon. But no matter how hard I thought about it, I couldn’t get to any conclusion. I didn’t know what I wanted. I was falling for Brian harder each day, but I had no idea of where that could lead me, or lead us.

I was scared; for me, but mostly for Brian. I didn’t want to hurt him again by having to leave California to go back to New York. Because let’s face it – I lived in New York. My job was there. My best friend that helped me at the worst time of my life was there. My mother was there. I couldn’t walk out of it like they meant nothing to me. But on the other hand I had Brian here. And I was really, reallygetting used to seeing him every day.

I was trapped in a big dilemma and I didn’t know if I had the strength to get out of it alone.

The rest of the guys started arriving near 8 pm. I was with Audrey in the kitchen, and even though she didn’t want any need help to cook dinner, I offered myself to make a dessert. That was my thing, and I was sure that those greedy idiots wouldn’t complain about it. When the beautiful smell of food started hovering in the air, Brian and Zacky came into the kitchen talking about something related to the store and the classes.

“Can’t you guys forget about work when you’re home?” Audrey sighed and Zacky walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind as she stood in front of the stove, checking on the food. He kissed her cheek and whispered something for only her ears to hear.

I smiled at the couple, and when my eyes fell back on the mixing bowl in my hands, I noticed that Brian had leant against the counter next to me, “Whatcha cooking?” He asked, and I raised my eyebrows.

“Surprise,” I sang, setting the spoon aside and pouring the mixture into a proper recipient to go into the oven. Brian chuckled from beside me and tried to bury one finger inside the bowl but I slapped his hand away, making him pout. “No tasting before it’s done.”

“But it looks so good!” He cried, circling around me to get to the other side, but I followed his movement and brushed my side against his front so he wouldn’t get too close.

“Nope,” I laughed lightly.

Stretching his arm from above my shoulder he made another attempt to reach the mixture, but I pushed my back into his chest and he stumbled back. I peeked up at him and his mouth was partly open. “Careful with what you’re doing. You might wake my boy.” He pointed to his crotch and I rolled my eyes, smirking.

“You get excited that easily?” I teased.

“Um.” I heard him approaching me again, but I didn’t look up at him. When he was by my side again, he leaned closer, his lips grazing my ear. “Only with you,” he whispered.

I froze instantly. What? Taking the chance of me being utterly in shock, Brian stuck his finger into the mixture, ran that same finger onto my cheek, and licked it from there, making my knees almost fail on me. I turned to Brian, confusion and disbelief adorning every inch of my face. What the fucking fuck was that?

He chuckled as he licked the rest of the mix from his finger, “So good,” He hummed, delighted.

“You- are you crazy?” I shouted, trying not to raise my voice too much so Zacky and Audrey wouldn’t hear it, but when I glanced at where they were just a minute ago I realized I was alone with Brian. I turned to him, lost for words.

“What were you saying?” He cocked his head to the side, amused.

I closed my eyes for a moment, sighing, “You can’t just do these things,” I told him.

“I’m sorry,” he smiled, taking a step forward, “I really wanted to taste your still-not-ready cake.” His brown eyes looked so innocent and so puppy-like. How could I even be mad? But I knew he’d done this on purpose.

“And you had to lick my cheek to do that? Really?”

“No,” he shrugged his shoulders, “that was just to see how you’d react.”

I shook my head, biting back a smile, “You have serious problems.”

“You like me like that,” he said, smiling broadly.

Oh, no. Flashback.

“Yeah, now leave the kitchen,” I rushed, wanting desperately to end this conversation. “I’ve got shit to do and you’re distracting me.”

“Okay, okay.” He raised his hands in defense, “But only after you give me one kiss on the cheek,” he demanded, way too sweetly, for my own good. My brow crinkled and he smiled sheepishly, “Pwease?”

“After you licked my cheek? No way.”

“That’s exactly why. It’s payback.”

I laughed, incredulous, “I didn’t even want you to lick me-” Shit. “That didn’t come out very nice, did it?” I groaned, rubbing my face, embarrassed. What was wrong with me and these emotions?

“Not really,” he chuckled, “but I’ll pretend you didn’t say that if you kiss my cheek. Last chance!”

God, he’s persistent.

“Fine,” I sighed, “come here.”

“Is this such a sacrifice for you?” He asked, a smirk pulling onto the corner of his lips as he reached me.

I suppressed the smile that was furiously trying to crawl to my lips, and placed my hands on my hips. “Cheek,” was all I said, which made Brian chuckle.

He turned his head to the side, his cheek on full display for me to kiss it. I did it, quickly and softly, and he smiled. “Thank you.” What I wasn’t expecting was for him to involve me in his arms afterwards, and at that my heart could only melt.

“That was not the deal,” I mumbled into his chest.

“Sometimes I like to break the rules.”

I allowed myself to beam a little, my arms tightening around his torso. “I’m glad you broke them now,” I said and his chest trembled with laughter. I felt him kissing the top of my head, his hand fondling my hair tenderly.

“Shorty, shorty…” he whispered, “What are we gonna do?”

My hands grasped the back of his hoodie as I succumbed into his hug. Damn… what were we going to do, indeed.

---

"Audrey!" Jimmy shouted, running toward her with open arms, “Your food is the best food on the entire planet and the universe!" He wrapped her tightly in his arms and lifted her off her feet to spin her around.

"James!" She cried, “Put me down."

"Hey, dude, let go of my girlfriend," Zacky chuckled, coming for her help. Jimmy pouted but did as he was told and placed poor Audrey on her feet.

"Aw, Jim, come here!" I said, patting the seat beside me on the couch. His lips curved into a big smile as he jumped on top of me - of course he’d do that - and filled my face with kisses. I chuckled and tried to veer off somehow, but he continued his assault until I was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe, and he was forced to stop. “Oh my god," I panted, still giggling a little, “You crazy man!"

The guys spread all over Zacky’s living room, occupying the two couches, the love seat, and the floor whenever necessary. Brian sat on the other couch, his eyes wandering in my direction as he caught me looking at him. He stuck his tongue out at me and I smirked, “Save your tongue for another time."

"Baby, don’t think I won’t," he said, and my stomach did a double backflip at his words. I didn’t know if I was more bothered by the sweet name he gave me or the meaning behind his sentence. He let out a small laugh, probably at the look on my face, and I flipped him off, struggling not to grin. “What? You asked for it," he said, his shoulders jolting into a shrug.

Annoying fuck. But still he was hot and cute at the same time and I felt helpless. The bastard.

"Are we gonna watch a movie or what?" Matt asked impatiently, his arm wrapped around Katherine’s frame as she snuggled against his side. I diverted my eyes to Brian again, the thought of wanting to be in his arms crossing my mind for a split of second. No, Lara! You’re just fine between Jimmy and Johnny.

"Let’s watch some horror movie." Zacky suggested and Audrey whined, looking up, with her pleading blue eyes, at her boyfriend. He smirked, catching her look, “What? You’re safe with me." He kissed her pouty lips softly.

"I know a cool movie with sharks," Brian said, his bottom lip stuck between his teeth as he turned to me. I sent him my meanest glare along with a big pillow that was on the floor.

He burst out laughing, hugging the pillow to himself. “You’re an idiot!" I told him, folding my arms across my chest.

"Aw, come on! I was just kidding," he chuckled and threw the pillow back at me slowly just so I would give him attention. I didn’t look at him, though, even when he kept calling me.

"Hey, kiddos, hug each other and stop with that," Jimmy said, nudging me. I stared at him skeptically and he elbowed me again, nodding toward Brian, “Come on. We don’t have all night."

"He’s the one who has to hug me and beg for my forgiveness," I said, staring defiantly at Brian. He smirked, his brown eyes glistening with challenge.

"You should know not to mess with me, shorty."

"Woohoo, I’m so scared," I chuckled and before I could even react, he was out of the couch and speeding toward me. I clung to Jimmy, laughing, when Brian climbed into my lap and started tickling my sides and stomach. “Stop!" I managed to let out as my arms waved frantically to push his devious fingers away. “Oh my god, just move away!" I couldn’t stop laughing and I even ended up by crawling on top of Jimmy and Johnny to escape from Brian.

"They’re gonna kill themselves," I heard Katherine chuckle.

Audrey and Zacky would complain about their brand new couch that we were almost ravaging with our stupid fight, while Matt and Katherine laughed at us. “Enough, you animals.” Zacky said, his tone not admitting more fucking around.

Brian rolled to the floor and hit me with the pillow before taking his previous seat next to the other couple. “You’re such an asshole,” I laughed and Brian made a face. Jimmy looked down at me and snickered. “What?”

“Nothing. I’m just enjoying the scene of you and Mr. Brian over there,” Jim said and I peeked over at Brian, who was now discussing the movie we were going to watch with Zacky and Matt. My heart fluttered slightly and I quickly looked away, stressed with my own feelings.

They ended up by choosing the classic movie The Shining because Jimmy was crazy about it and he wouldn’t shut up. I couldn’t really focus on the screen, though. My mind was working restlessly and my eyes were being a pair of pure stupidity and wouldn’t let go of Brian’s face. He caught me staring a few times, his eyebrow always quirking up at me.

We were halfway through the movie when my phone vibrated in my pocket. My forehead creased in confusion as I pulled the device out and saw that I’d received a text from Really ASSHOLE >(. I chuckled to myself at the name, still not having changed it since the day he was really an asshole.

‘You’re not paying attention to the movie. Finding me more interesting to watch?’, was his message.

I fought the urge to smile and replied back, ‘You did notice that. Um. Who’s not paying attention now?’

I heard a faint laugh from Brian and I smirked at him. He dropped his gaze back to his phone and I saw him typing down. A minute later and I was reading yet another text. ‘Fair enough. But I only got distracted because you were distracting me.’

Yeah, right. ‘ Excuses, excuses.’

‘Maybe. You may not admit it, but I will. You are more interesting to watch ;)’

‘Classy.’ I couldn’t help the grin that crossed my lips as I took a quick glance at him and he was pretending the movie was the best one of all times. He squinted down at his phone and smirked.

‘Is there any time I’m not?’

‘Pleaase. Don’t even get me started.’

“Funny conversation down there?”

I yelped at Jimmy’s voice, not expecting it, and held a hand over my heart, “Shit, Jimmy.” He laughed and tried to steal the phone from my other hand, but I pulled it away in time. “No way!”

“Come on, we both know that I know that you know that I know who’s texting you.” I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to understand his words but got confused in the middle. He rolled his eyes. “It’s Brian,” Jimmy said, and my cheeks flooded with heat.

Don’t blush, woman!

“So?”

“You’ve been texting each other, when we’re supposed to be watching a great movie. And I stand out great movie.”

I sighed, “Your point is?”

“Just shut up!” Johnny yelled, “Let me hear this part. It’s important.”

Jimmy leaned closer to me, “My point,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper, “is that you and Brian should stop with this bullshit and man up.” Jimmy could be serious when he wanted, and this time I almost agreed with him. But there was always that annoying feeling gnawing at the back of my mind.

‘Subtlety. Have you ever heard of it?’

I rolled my eyes at Brian. ‘Your fault that Jimmy caught us.’

---

“God, I really need to rent a car or some shit,” I muttered as Brian pulled over in front of the hotel. He let out a small laugh, shutting off the roaring engine. “Cabs are fucking expensive and I don’t like to bother you all.”

Brian shifted in his seat, turning to me, “You know I don’t mind.”

“But I do, because this way I have to see your face more often,” I smirked, “and that’s awful.”

We both laughed at that until I broke the eye contact and started calming down. “What’re you doing tomorrow?” Brian asked, his voice still painted with laughter.

“I’ll have to check my schedule,” I said, faking an earnest tone, but Brian’s chuckles made me drop the mask and I smiled. “I’m doing nothing. I’ll only know when I wake up in the morning.”

“Then come to my house. You could… sleep over.” He sounded hesitant as he said that last part, and when I tilted my head up he wasn’t looking at me.

"That didn’t go very well, last time," I told him wistfully.

"Last time was different,” he said softly, “I can’t see how this can go wrong, now,"

I glanced up at him, frowning, feeling quite unsure. “I don’t know, Brian."

"What are you so scared of?" He queried gently, “We’re just going to hang out. No pressure."

I breathed out a deep sigh, “It’s not that simple and you know it.”

“As long as we make it simple, it can be.”

“That doesn’t work for me,” I said firmly, my voice raising slightly, “I can’t be with you alone and not feel nervous. Just being here in this car makes my heart beat like crazy and I can’t bring myself to calm down. So no, Brian, it’s not fucking simple.”

He stayed in silence for a moment and my foot began to tap on the car’s floor out of habit. Why did I feel this way? I tried not to panic too much or not over think, but sometimes it was just so hard.

“Are you nervous right now?” Brian asked, his voice as soft as cotton. I threw my head back, groaning, as my eyes drifted close.

“Yes,” I admitted.

“You don’t have to. We’re friends.”

“Brian,” I sighed, starting to be very desperate, “we’re friends with feelings for each other.” I diverted my gaze directly into his, “Grow up and fucking face it. We have to stop pretending that this doesn’t affect us. Damn, I’m sick of hiding away. You do things to me, Brian. When I look at you, and when you play your little games with me, I feel like I’m gonna faint. I can’t take this any longer. Either we go for it, or we drop it all. Seriously.”

I went to grab the door handle when his hand gripped my arm softly. “You’re leaving like that?”

“Brian, I’m- I really need to pull myself together,” I said, staring into his confused, brown eyes, “I’m pretty worked up and I don’t want to talk to you about this while feeling like I’m about to collapse, okay?”

He nodded, taking his hand from my arm, his face sad and rueful, “Okay. I’m sorry if I pushed it too much. I just wanted us to be sure about this.”

My shoulders slumped a little, “No, Brian,” I murmured, “I’m the one who has to say sorry. I’m not emotionally okay. It’s not your fault.”

“It’s not? I think it is. I’ve been fucking playing with your feelings. Instead of clearing your head, I’m making you even more confused.”

I shook my head, “It’s more than that, believe me.”

“Call me tomorrow?” He pleaded and I forced out a sad smile.

“Yeah.” I slowly opened the door, looking at Brian for one last time. “I’m sorry, really. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” I moved forward to plant a soft kiss on his cheek and then clambered out of the car. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, shorty,” he whispered back.

I had so many things running in my head as I lay on the bed. I couldn’t find sleep and it was almost 3 am. I started crying as soon as my feet stepped into the room. It was an inevitable flow of tears that filled the back of my eyes, and if I didn’t let them out right away, I’d be even more upset by now. But I still felt so overwhelmed. I wanted to be with Brian really bad, but I just couldn’t. I had everything else to think about.

With the little sleep I’d had, I still managed to wake up before 11 am. I stayed on the bed, though, not wanting to get out and face the world. I really wish things were not so complicated.

With my eyes closed, I heard the ring of my phone echoing through the room. Rolling to the other side, I grabbed the phone from the nightstand, already knowing who it was calling. I picked up the call, smiling, nevertheless. “Hey, hot teacher,” I greeted.

Brian chuckled, “Someone woke up in a good mood.”

Oh yeah, you have no idea.

“I have my days,” I commented as a yawned pushed past my lips, making Brian chuckle again, “Don’t make fun of me. I had a rough night.”

“Can I drive by and pick you up after lunch?” He asked, fortunately ignoring my sad statement about my beautiful night.

“Sounds good.”

“I’m not sure if you want it or not, but the sleepover is still up. I just wanted to let you know that.”

My lips curved up into a grin, “I’ll think about it,” I said honestly.

Brian and I said our goodbyes, and I tried to sleep just a bit more, but to no avail. Giving up on that, I decided to flip through the channels on the TV to kill some time until Brian came to drive me to his home. I really needed to decide whether I wanted to sleep there or not. Part of me wanted and was completely okay with it, but then there was the rational part of my brain that was kicking me and slapping me in the face so I wouldn’t get into troubles.

I was having lunch in the hotel’s restaurant when my phone started ringing. Was it Brian already? I checked the ID caller and smiled upon seeing Jane’s name.

“Hey, Jane!”

“Hey, yourself. How’re you doing?” She asked, as she normally did.

I shrugged my shoulders, “Just doing.”

“Listen, I’ve got some news for you. You want the bad first or the good ones?”

It was so rare of her to jump into another subject like that, and the fact that she didn’t even hesitate made me kind of anxious. “Uh, is everything okay?” I felt the need to ask.

“Yeah, of course. I’m just stressed with work, it’s all.”

“Um,” I hummed, “I want the good ones first. At least let me enjoy them properly.”

“You ready?” Her voice was much happier as she asked me that and I smiled absently, waiting for her to just go on. “Mark proposed to me,” she squealed and my jaw almost hit the floor. Mark was her boyfriend for five years now, so everyone was wondering when they’d take the next step.

“Oh my god, girl, that is so awesome! My god, I’m so excited for you!”

“I know. I can’t believe this. I have to tell you the details later, just not now. But I’m in heaven,” she laughed and I bit down on my lip, feeling thrilled with the news. Jane deserved the best and I knew Mark was going to provide her that.

“I’m really happy, Jane. God, it was about time.”

“Yeah,” she chuckled, but something in her mood had changed, “Well, now the bad news, right?” She said with a sigh, making me lose my appetite. I rested my fork on the plate and leaned back in my seat.

“Just go ahead.”

Taking a deep breath, Jane readied herself. “You’ve got a new role. A big one, and you really need to be here by next week,” she told me resentfully.

WHAT? No, no, no! How the fuck was I going to do that? What was I supposed to tell Brian?

I felt my chest tightening and my lungs constricting to the point I couldn’t breathe. Oh, no.

Notes

Well, things just got fucked up. Damn, right?

Well, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter :) Comments are always appreciated, and thank you for the ones that did it last chapter! you rock!