Roadtrip

Brian’s POV
Izzie was draped over my body as I woke up. Last night had been amazing, even though I didn’t want it to be. Date night had been forced on me and I knew Matt and Jimmy were behind it, they had tried to let me confess to all kind of feelings that I wasn’t even sure of having. I needed to be honest with myself, last night wasn’t just an easy fuck, I wanted to please her, I wanted to see that one special look in her eyes and I got it, the whole night, until she fell asleep. She had been almost asleep when I heard her murmur “I really like you Brian”, I didn’t want any feelings involved, this was what it was, fun, nothing more.

I sneaked out of the bed, careful to not wake Izzie up, I wasn’t ready to see her adoring face, that sweet face that looked at me if I could give her the future she always dreamt of. I needed to do something to loosen things up, something to show everyone we weren’t a couple.

Breakfast was uncomfortable, everyone was giving me the third degree and when Izzie finally came down, she had that other look in her eyes, that claiming look, that ‘we should change our relationship status’-look... I couldn’t take it, I needed to create some distance.

The signing was great, all these fans, all these groupies, I was at the end of the table for a reason. One of those girls caught my attention and I sure had hers. She asked me to sign her boob and after that, she stuck around, she stood behind me, pushing her boobs against me, making sure I felt all her want. I played with her hand and touched her a little every time I had the chance. She seemed to enjoy it. The few times I looked up, I saw Izzie’s look get more and more angry and I felt my stomach churn. I didn’t like this feeling, I was definitely going to do something about it.

When the last one in line had passed, I grabbed the girl at her waist and whispered in her ear “You wanna go back to my hotel?” I felt her nod “Okay, I have to do something first” She kissed my cheek and smiled happily at me. I walked over to Izzie and pulled her close to me to whisper in her ear “Iz? Could you maybe crash at Matt’s tonight? I need the room”. The look on her face was priceless and not in a good way, she had a hurt look in her eyes, and I quickly turned around, not able to look at it one more second. I felt my heart breaking and I didn’t like it one bit, what was she doing in my heart? I was going to have some ‘no strings attached’-fun with this very willing girl and I was going to forget all about Izzie.

In the cab back to the hotel, this girl was all over me. Syn this, Syn that.... her kisses were hungry and wet and I felt her hands move to my pants the minute we sat down. This girl meant business and she just wanted one thing, the one thing I thought I would be very happy to give her, but I found myself repulsed by her, rather than turned on. Her hands were too hard and hasty on my body, she didn’t feel anything like Izzie. I shook my head and started kissing the girls neck, this is what I wanted, some meaningless girl, whose name I didn’t even know, some meaningless sex, no feelings involved.

The moment we stepped into my hotelroom she started undressing me, my shirt was gone and she was going for my pants. I felt her hands on me and I could only think of Izzie’s last night.... I took off her shirt and looked at her body, I felt nothing, not the slightest of movements in my pants... Nothing... I just saw Izzie’s hurt face... DAMNIT! I pushed the girl off “Hey, I think you should go”
“But Syn, let me blow you, it’s one of my best qualities”
“No, you need to go”
Before she could say anything else I grabbed her shirt and handed it to her, pushing her out of the door. She looked at me with a offended face as I slammed the door into it. I let myself fall down on the bed.... I was screwed... So screwed...

Izzie was pacing the room “Why wouldn’t she want to be with me? I mean, I need to know that she is okay and now she just want Jimmy around?” I looked at her, she was beautiful, she was here, I needed to say something to her, I needed to talk to her about what happened, or rather, what didn’t happen, but was I ready for the expectations I was creating?
“Iz, you told me yourself, she loves Jimmy, she needs to be with him now, I know you understand that”
She looked at me “Of course I do! I just wished...”
I walked over to her and forced her to look at me “I know you do. And anyway, it’s a good thing you are not with her” She looked at me quizzically “I think we need to talk” I gazed into her eyes and let silence come over us. She averted her eyes and stepped away from me.

“I don’t know if I want to hear it, Brian”
“Why not?”
“Because every time we “talk” I fall deeper, and I wish I wasn’t”
“Maybe I’m ready to catch you, maybe I... ” I whispered and took a step forward.
“I hate the sound when you break me” She said quietly, moving away from me again.
I sighed, how was I going to make her listen to me?

Izzie’s POV
I shook my head at Brian and moved away another step. I didn’t really wanted to talk to him, because I knew when we were alone and he would talk to me it would only end in me giving in to him again and that would lead to even more heartbreak on my part...
I couldn’t let him play with my feelings and my heart any more.
He didn’t seem to realize that he was exactly doing that, maybe he didn’t mean to but he still did it.

He took another step towards me, a determined look on his face, I backed another step towards the door.
He cornered me against the door and braced his hands on either side of my face, looking me deeply into my eyes.
I remembered the last time we stood like that, it led to amazing and mind-blowing sex after the truth or dare game, but I wouldn’t let it come this far, not again...
If I let him touch me like that again, there wouldn’t be any going back for me and my heart, the problem was... was there now or was it too late already?

“Izzie, look at me.” Brian leaned a little forward, our noses nearly touching.
“Brian, please... don’t…” I shook my head slightly.
“Izzie, look at me, look me in the eyes.” His voice was nearly pleading.
I lifted my face up and looked into these lazy brown eyes, framed with these long dark lashes.
“I know you don’t believe me and you have all the right to do that. I behaved like a jerk. I was a jerk, maybe I still am… but let me explain this and then you, or better we can make a decision, okay?”
He sounded so serious, no smile on his gorgeous lips, just honesty in his voice so I nodded finally.
He pushed himself away from the door and when I didn’t follow him, he held his hand out to me, I knew I couldn’t turn his invitation down so I laid my hand softly in his, as soon as our fingers touched I felt the electric jolt all over my body and suppressed the shiver.
Brian moved to the bed together with me and we sat down on the edge, Brian turning towards me, his legs crossed at the ankles, he sighed loudly.

“I don’t know how to say this right, so I will just fucking spill it.” He looked down on his lap with a frown.
“We agreed on the friends with benefits thing and I thought I made the best deal of my life-” A small smile on his lips when he looked up to me, I opened my mouth to reply but he shook his head so I closed my lips again.
“I thought this would be easy, we would have fun because we were great in bed and we even had fun outside of the bed, and I don’t mean only the barn or something, I mean.. we could laugh together, we were just good but when we had this set-up date I just got cold feet?!”
I stared at him, didn’t really get the meaning of this. For me the date was exactly the day or evening when I had realized I wanted us and we even acted like a real couple and for him that day showed him that it was too much?
“The dinner and the night we shared had been amazing, too amazing for just friends with benefits, Iz. I mean… I thought this would be just that, I didn’t want to agree to more and I saw the look in your eyes, the way you acted made me panic… I wanted to remind you that we were just friends, that’s why I reacted so cold, that’s why I was flirting at the signing… that was why I told you I needed the room. But Izzie, now you really have to listen to me carefully, when I told you I needed the room, my heart broke, the look on your face I wished I never said it, never went away with that girl.
And when I was in the cab with her, I realized that I didn’t want her, couldn’t bring myself to be with someone else when all my thoughts were with you. Damn it, you made me this way, Iz.”

My mouth was hanging open I was astonished he seemed upset about that, but I didn’t really know what I should think about all this.
“Iz, I realized that I did a mistake, nothing happened with the groupie. She didn’t spent the night with me, I was alone… I was just too full of myself to tell you this before…” He sighed again.
“And then Mia and Jimmy were setting you up with that douchebag and I was jealous, holy hell. I couldn’t believe that you wanted to actually leave with him, Izzie. How could you?!”
He stared at me this time, waiting for my reply. I realized I had never heard Brian talk this long at once, well except for him talking with the others about music but that was different…
I didn’t know what to say so I stayed quiet.
“Izzie, tell me, will you go back to him, now that Mia is back?”
I shook my head at him “It’s not the right time.”
Brian looked confused at the small inside joke between Mia, Olly and me.

“Brian, I hate you.” He looked a little shocked and I had to grin, this was worth it. “I wished it was that way, but it’s not, I mean why did you leave me in the dark, why didn’t you just talk to me? I mean what does all this mean now? Why tell me now? Where are your cold feet now?” I asked him, before I would say anything I wanted a clear statement from him.
“Izzie, what do you want to hear?” Brian took my hand in his looking in my eyes deeply.
“I don’t know Brian. I want you to be honest, just say what you feel.”
He took a deep breath “Alright, listen. I hate seeing you with other men. I want you next to me when I wake up and when I go to bed, I don’t know where this thing with us will be going but I don’t want you to leave again, my heart was hurting when you were gone. Izzie, please will you give me a chance? That’s all I am asking... a chance for us?”

My heart raced, should I really give in to him, again…
I knew that I could get hurt in the end and when I would give in to him now, I think my heart could never be repaired again but when I looked into his eyes, his hand stroking mine softly, his honest words.
It seems like he really meant this, he never spoke about love but maybe that was just Brian’s way, we needed to ease him into it softly … but could I be the right one for it?
“Izzie, please. Give me a chance to show you how much you mean to me, let me make it up to you.”
My heart was already in and with this sentence he got me, the last resistance my head was making broke and I moved closer to him smashing our lips together.

Notes

Soooo, most of you thought it already, but feels good to have it confirmed, right? :P
You all happy now?

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