The Aviators

I’m brought awake by the sound of a familiar voice screeching out in the hallway.

“You shit! How could you do that to her?” It’s Michelle, my sister. I blink, sitting up, the towel which is still wrapped around me, slipping a little. I tug it back up, noting that I’m still naked beneath it, and then turn my attention to the voices, listening. The sound of something hitting flesh reaches my ears and then Matt’s raspy voice.

“Quit it! I didn’t have a fucking choice.” His tone is pained.

“Yeah, right...you...you...shit I can’t even say the words...you...just...you asshole.” Michelle sounds pissed; obviously Matt has just got done telling her what happened. But, I wonder what she’s even doing here?

“Hey, fucking stop that! It’s not my fault!” Matt is protesting against something; sounds like she’s hitting him with a shoe, or something, I can’t hear very well.

“Yeah, right. You’re just too damned...ugh...stay there. I’m going to see how she is. No, just stay there, Sanders. I’ll be right back.” There’s a moment’s pause, and then she adds, “Brian, sit on him if you have to.”

Oh, so that’s why she’s here. Brian probably needs to see Matt about the album, or something. I rub at my face just as Michelle’s sharp footsteps arrive outside the room. She pushes the door open and steps in, gaze zeroing in on me almost the instant she walks in.

“Val?”

Drawing the towel closer around my body, I look down at the mattress, vision blurring. I feel the bed dip down next to me, shuffling as she gets comfortable. She says nothing more than my name, just waiting, giving me time to receive her. Brushing the back of my hand over my eyes and taking several deep breaths, I finally manage to look at her.

“Hey.” My voice is hoarse, from all the crying. I cough and try again. “Hey, what’re you doing here?”

Michelle cocks her head to the side. “Oh, Brian had to come see Matt about some song...but I don’t really think that’s important, right now.” She looks at me for a long moment, obviously trying to figure out how to broach the subject without upsetting me.

I shake my head. I don’t really want to talk about what happened. It’s still too fresh, too raw. And even though I’ve physically washed myself of what Matt did to me...I still feel dirty... I mean, I feel really shitty...just...like I can’t get myself clean enough after that. I know talking about it will probably help. But, I just don’t feel up to it. Ironically, I’d much rather be sitting with Matt, just being with him, than talking about what he did to me.

Crazy, right? I mean, shit, most people would want to get away from the person who...forced themselves upon them...as far away as possible. But for me, it’s different. Besides the fact that I can’t get away from him... Maybe it’s because I’m a slave, and I’ve been through much worse? Maybe it’s because I know Matt would never do something like that in normal circumstances. I don’t know.

I look at Michelle, biting my lip. She shakes her head, anger simmering in her eyes.

“I can’t believe he’d do that to you.”

I look down again. “He didn’t have a choice...”

“That’s what he said.” Venom drips from my sister’s voice. I sigh, meeting her sharp gaze.

“It’s the truth. A guy from the Guild came and told him he had to do it.” I play with the folds of the towel, pulling it between my fingers. She watches me, shaking her head again.

“He could’ve refused.”

Shivering, I mutter, “No. He might have done something worse.”

“Who? Matt?”

“No. The guy from the Guild.” I swing my legs onto the floor and wiggle my toes, staring down at them. The towel slips down again; this time I don’t bother pulling it back around me.

Michelle clears her throat. “Right.” I can tell she doesn’t know what to say to that, so she changes the subject. Well, sort of. “How ‘bout you get dressed and we go out there and talk to Mr Douchebag.” There’s a hint of laughter in her tone, there’s still anger beneath the surface, though.

I look at her, forcing a smile. I don’t think Matt’s a douche for what he did. I know it hurt him to do that. Not that it excuses what was done to me. I just can’t hold it against him. He was doing what he thought was right at the time, to give the impression he was following Guild protocol, and to get them off our backs.

She rolls her eyes at me, “Come on.”

Sighing, I get up and go to the closet, rifling through the new clothes. Michelle joins me, looking as well.

“What about that one?” She is pointing to a simple white blouse and a pair of dark pants. I take them from the closet, grabbing some underwear, and quickly slip into them, not really thinking about what I’m doing. Dressing is such an automatic thing for me. It’s usually just a way for me to cover myself up, hide my body away from the men who always stare at me.

Michelle surprises me though; once I’m done, she grabs me by the shoulder and turns me to the mirror.

“Damn, sis...look at yourself...you make that look stunning.”

I blink at my reflection in the mirror. I don’t see anything special, just...myself. Shrugging, I turn away, looking at her.

“Let’s just go out there...” I let out a tremulous breath, tugging self-consciously at the waist of my pants, shifting on my feet.

She gives me a long, measured look, as if she sees something I don’t. “You seem different.”

It’s like a switch has been flipped in my head, because I can’t help but snap at her, “I’ve just been raped by the man I love, then been told by that same man that he loves me. So, yeah...something’s different. Forgive me for changing.” Glaring at her, I wait for her to say something. Part of me can’t believe I just said that, but another feels a sense of relief that I got that out.

Michelle stares at me, pupils dilating. Then as if the message only just reached her ears, she says in a shocked tone, “Say what? Matt said heloves you?”

I shiver, rubbing at my arms, nodding slowly. There is quiet after that. Not that I’m surprised, or anything. I’m still not quite in the same place, either. I mean, rules aside, it’s a shocking revelation at any level. And, I doubt my sister ever thought Matt would fall in love. She’d told me he was quite a player when the band was first getting on its legs. And at high school even though he hadn’t been hugely popular, he’d always played himself up to the girls at school. One reason why she hadn’t been a fan of him.

“Holy shit,” her voice is a mere breath from across the room. I look to where she’s now standing by the door.

“What?”

She shakes her head. “Unbelievable. The big, bad, M Shadows has finally found someone he says he loves...first sign of the Apocalypse, did you know that.”

I just stare at her. She sighs, shaking her head some more.

“Come on.” She says nothing else just pushes open the door and walks out into the hall. I follow slowly, biting my bottom lip in a nervous gesture.

Matt and Brian are in the kitchen, sitting at the small table. Matt has his head in his hands, not looking at his friend. The guitarist is leaning back on his chair, arms across his chest a tight expression on his face. I can feel the tension in the room. Michelle raises her eyebrows at her boyfriend.

He sighs, shaking his head, eyes flickering toward me. “Hey, Val.”

I give a tiny wave, just as my master lifts his head and looks over at me. The pain in his eyes is unmistakeable; I’m guessing he’s still kicking himself over the whole incident. He looks like a dog who’s been kicked by his master. Pretty ironic, considering he is my master. But, anyway, the expression on his face makes me want to just go over and hug him. And, something inside me compels me just to do that, and really, what’s the point in ignoring that?

Matt starts slightly, as if I surprise him by slipping my arms around his shoulders from behind, leaning my cheek against his back. I catch Brian rolling his eyes at us, and I lift my head up to look at him. But Michelle starts in before either one of us can say anything.

“Matt, Val says you told her you love her.”

Brian does a double take; Matt just looks at my twin with a tired expression. She folds her arm, glaring at him.

“Is it true?”

I feel his shoulders rise and fall as he breathes deeply, before answering in a gruff tone. “Yeah.” His voice takes on a defensive edge. “It’s not like I could lie about something like that, Chelle.”

“No, really? You love Val?” Brian cuts in, with a snort. Matt shoots a hard look at him. The guitarist lifts his hands. “Hey, just ‘cause I figured out you cared about her doesn’t mean I was actually sure of what you felt, Matt.”

That’s true. All that stuff Brian said at the studio the other day...I don’t think he was calling him out on that.

Matt sighs, shaking his head. “Right.”

Michelle frowns. “I don’t get it.”

I turn my head to look at her; Matt does too, twisting his torso around. He touches my hair briefly, as he raises his eyebrows at her.

“What’s there to get?” He gives her a quizzical look.

She points a finger at him. “If you love her. Why did you...?” She waves her hand at me, unable to finish the question. I don’t blame her, what Matt did was awful.

I peek up into his face, watching as his brows draw together in a deep frown. He’s thinking, the thoughts obvious as they flicker across his face. He rubs fingers against his eyes, shaking his head again.

“I didn’t have a choice, Michelle. I already told you that.”

“We all have choices.”

“No.” Matt looks toward her, and I see something akin to pain flash in his eyes. “Do you know what might have happened if I’d refused? Do you?” He doesn’t let her get a word in, answering his own question. “He said it would be grounds to take Val from me. And I’m not gonna fucking let that happen.” He shakes his head even more. “Never, Chelle. I can’t let that happen. I won’t...” His voice trails off and, turning on his chair, he pulls me into his arms, burying his face in my hair.

I blink a little surprised, but then I wrap my arms around his waist, holding on to him.

Michelle huffs, but doesn’t say anything more. Brian shifts about on his chair, clearing his throat several times, but he says nothing, either. Letting Matt and I have our little moment with minimal interruption.

We need this; I need to feel safe in his arms. I need the reassurance that he’s here for me. Regardless of what it might look like to other people. I mean, he’s just done the one thing, that if I were a free woman, he could be charged for, should be charged for. But, because I’m a slave...the consequences are much different. And, at any rate, it doesn’t change how I feel about him.

It’s not like being an abuse victim, even though those who are on the outside looking in might see it that way. They might ask why I want to be anywhere near him, after the fact. But, gee...one, I don’t have a choice in the matter, and two...it’s not like he’s some psychosexual deviant who enjoys doing such a thing. He said it killed him; I believe him.

Leaning into Matt’s body, I sigh softly. He breathes deeply, then lifts his face away from me and glances over at Brian. I peek over as well, noticing that he’s found the Guidelines and is skimming over the pages with an expression of utter incredulity.

Matt groans. “Brian...”

Brian grimaces at him. “What kind of shit is this?”

“The Guild,” Matt states, “they’re in control of the whole...slave trade business.”

“Fuck...that’s crazy.” He looks through the pages scowling, then his pupils dilate. “Uh...buddy...it says here that you can’t-”

“I know.” Matt sighs, hugging me tighter. I shift a little; he relaxes his grip and murmurs an apology. I smile a little, leaning into his hold. He shakes his head at his friend. We both know we can’t feel this way about each other; that it’s against the rules. But feelings can’t just be argued with. Rules might say no. But, our hearts are another matter altogether.

Brian slaps the guide shut and stares at us for a long few minutes; then he shakes his own head. “Well, anyway...there’s one other thing I needed to put passed you.”

Matt lifts an eyebrow. “What? Apart from that change for the demos?”

Brian nods as Michelle moves to stand behind him. “Yeah. JD called me earlier, wondering whether he could bring his buddy around next time we get together. He’s on leave as of the rest of this week and the next, apparently.”

Matt shrugs. “Sure, whatever. The more the merrier.” His tone is nonchalant revealing no emotion in any way. I’m not even sure whether he actually means it or not. But, he gets like that sometimes, unreadable, unknowable.

Michelle smirks. “Does that mean I can come as well? I’m free.” I peek at her; she winks at me. Matt catches our mutual looks and nods.

“Yeah, maybe you and Val can hang out.”

I nod against his shoulder, liking the sound of that. That way I won’t have to worry about JD. Michelle gives Matt a hard look.

“Yeah, that was kinda the idea. I don’t want to hang out with you.”

Matt glares at her. “I know you don’t like me...”

Her eyes widen as she pretends to act all offended. “What a load of bullshit, Sanders. I just want to hang with my sis.”

He chuckles low; Brian snorts. “It’s not news, darling.”

My sister laughs, tossing her hair out of her face. I can’t help but giggle at the overtly dramatic pose that she strikes as she glowers at my master. With her hands on her hips, one jutting out toward Matt, her eyes are glaring daggers at him.

“It’s still bullshit,” she retorts, poking at the air with her right index finger.

Matt flips her off in a mock gesture of irritation, but I note the hint of a smirk playing across his lips. Whatever is between the two of them is no more apparent than it has ever been, and I’m still wondering the full reason behind their animosity toward each other.

Brian sighs, rolling his eyes. “Chelle, lay off him.” He stands, tugging his keys from his back pocket. “Come on, we’ve intruded too long, and we have an appointment.”

Michelle turns her laser-glare at her boyfriend. “Brian!”

He just gives her a long suffering look. She sighs and turns back to us. I smile at her, mouthing ‘thankyou’. She shakes her head, smiling back. The look in her eyes tells me that there’s no need for thanks. We’re sisters, after all. She waggles her fingers at Matt then flounces out of the kitchen. I watch her go. Matt doesn’t, looking to his friend instead.

“See you in a couple of days?”

Brian nods coming over to clap a hand to Matt’s shoulder. He then looks at me, a soft expression on his face.

“Take care, the both of you.” He pauses looking at the cover of the Guidelines, before shaking his head some more and walking out with a cheerful ‘bye’.

Matt sighs, sitting back more against his chair. I look into his face.

“Master?”

His lips twitch. “We need to talk...but...ugh...I’m so not in the mood, right now.” He looks wrecked, and I don’t blame him. A faraway look passes over his face and he seems to disappear from me for a moment. I bite my lip trying to come up with something we can do to occupy our minds. Then I hear the low mournful whining of Bella coming from the backyard. Perfect timing.

“Master?”

He tilts his head, coming back from wherever his mind just went. “Yeah?”

“I think Bella wants a walk.”

Matt rubs at my hips, nodding slowly as if it’s taking a while for my statement to reach his brain. “Right. A walk. Yeah...” He hugs me close again. “Sounds like a plan...”

He eases me away from him then, standing. He still looks tired, but I think some fresh air might do some good. For both of us. He stands there for a moment still nodding, almost to himself now. Then he looks at me, a small smile on his face. I smile back, a hesitant movement of my lips. He sighs, reaching out to take hold of my hands.

“I’m sorry,” the words are spoken in a whisper. I shake my head at him. He’s already said that enough. I know that he’s sorry for what he’s done.

“Let’s just go for a walk, Master.”

Matt squeezes my hands in a tender gesture. “Alright...talk after...”

I nod, just as Bella starts howling. Matt laughs. “She definitely needs a walk.” He shakes his head muttering as he releases my hands, “Crazy mutt hasn’t been the same since she ate those Brownies...”

I follow him out to the backyard, smiling as Bella greets him, all sloppy licks and wiggling body. He chuckles, hooking the leash on her collar. Then he holds his hand out to me.

“Come on.”

I place my hand in his and we head out, looking for all the world, like any other young couple spending some quiet time together. If only they knew...

Notes

Enjoy and thanks for the lovely comments :).