Help Me

I pulled up to Serenity’s house and jumped out of my car, bouncing to her front door with excitement. I rang the doorbell, like three times and I swear once Serenity answered my heart fucking dropped.

I didn’t mean to react how I did, it just kind of happened.
She looked so… sick almost… It hurt to see her the way she was. She was skinnier than before, and (although they weren’t too bad really) she had dark circles under her eyes, she looked like she was getting over a really bad case of the flu. Just seeing her made me want to cancel plans and spend the day cuddling and all that gushy shit. But I knew how everyone would feel about that.

“You okay Jimmy,” she asked me, concern in her voice.
I looked down at her and realized that she must be feeling self-conscious about herself and the way I was staring at her. Instead of saying anything, I took her hands and leaned in to kiss her cheek. Making it a point to brush my lips softly against hers while doing so.

I pulled her in for a hug and sighed when I felt her arms wrap around my waist, her head fit perfectly in the nook of my shoulder, the warmth of her breath. It was all so perfect.
“You’re so beautiful,” I whispered.

Serenity pulled away from me just enough to look me right in the eyes. I smiled at her and brought my hand up to caress her cheek. I would have leaned in for the kiss… but just as the moment presented itself, I heard her voice…

“Jimmy?!”
Serenity let go of me and stepped aside so her daughter could greet me. Evelyn ran from the kitchen to me and jumped into my arms.
“Jimmy, I missed you,” she yelled.
“Oh my goodness, I missed you too, doll,” I said back, kissing her forehead and giving her a tight hug.

Man, I missed this so much…

~Serenity’s P.O.V.~


Jimmy stayed downstairs with Evelyn while I went to get dressed and ready.
As I curled my hair, I couldn’t help but let my mind wander to what Jimmy did at my doorstep. Did he mean it, or was he just messing with me? Ohhh, I don’t know, but it was driving me insane!!

“Ow,” I gasped loudly, putting the curling iron down and rubbing my ear. “Son of a bitch, that fucking hurt!” So much for trying to cherish the moment. I hate when I burn myself with that damn thing.
I finished curling my hair and put on a little make up to make sure I didn’t look too gross. Then I threw on some cute, light blue shorts that had white lace on the bottoms, a cream colored, short sleeved shirt, and light blue flats. I grabbed my purse and walked out of my room to meet Jimmy and Evelyn, who were playing patty cake, both sitting cross legged in the middle of the living room.

I watched them as Jimmy ruined the song over and over on purpose:

“Patty cake, patty cake baker CAT!”
“No Jimmy,” Evelyn squeaked, her smile bright and sparkling. “That’s wrong!”
“Really,” he asked, a little glint in his eyes. “I thought that’s how it goes!”
“Cats don’t bake, silly,” Evelyn giggled.
“Are you sure,” Jimmy laughed, tickling Evie. “I’m pretty sure I saw that one cat baking in my kitchen the other day. Didn’t you see it? You were there, weren’t you? You and your mommy?”

I was pretty sure Evelyn would have peed her pants from laughing so hard had Jimmy not stopped to let her catch her breath.
Just as I was about to step out and make myself noticed, Evelyn’s face turned serious.
“Jimmy,” she asked softly. “What do you think of my mommy ?”
I could have sworn my heart was about to burst. What is she doing?

Jimmy stopped for a moment and stared at Evelyn. The longer he took to answer her, the more my heart seemed to squeeze, and my throat started to grow a lump in it. But… there was something about the way that he stared at Evelyn that made me stay put instead of letting me walk right up to them and interrupt them.

“Well,” Jimmy said quietly. “I think a lot of things about your mommy, Lyn-Lyn.”
“I know that,” she laughed. “A lot of people do. But, do you love her?”
Once again, Jimmy hesitated, except this time he looked surprised.
“I… I don’t know wha…” he said slowly. “I mean, I really, really like her.”
“Uh-huuuuuh,” Evelyn said, prodding for more info. Haha! That’s my girl…
“I don’t know, baby,” Jimmy sighed heavily. “The thing is, I’ve been a lot of relationships where girls don’t love me the way I love them, and I always end up alone. It’s scary, and I don’t want to be scared. That’s why I’m crazy the way I am. So that I know who really cares about me and who doesn’t.”

Evelyn took a moment to process everything before nodding slowly.
“Well my mommy was hurt a lot,” she whispered. “She doesn’t tell anybody, ever. Remember Mommy’s secret stash?”

Jimmy laughed at her and nodded, “Yeah baby, I remember.”
“Wanna know why she has it all the time,” Evelyn asked, not cracking a smile. She was completely serious with him now, and this brought a look of concern to Jimmy’s face.

I wanted with everything in my body to make her stop talking, but I couldn’t. I didn’t even know she remembered this…

Jimmy didn’t say a word, but he nodded at her to continue.
So she did, “When I was littler, Mommy fell in love with a boy that said he loved her too. And when he said that he wanted to marry her, she told him that she would. Then he started to be mean to her, and he would call her ugly names.”
As she spoke, Jimmy’s face went from concerned, to beyond pissed.
“Sometimes,” Evelyn continued. “He would tell her that he was going to take me away from her, and hit her, and push her like this.” Evelyn got up to stand in front of Jimmy, and put her little hands around his neck, making an angry face.

Jimmy looked up at Evelyn with a fire in his eyes. “You remember that from when you were smaller,” he asked.
She nodded at him. “Mommy is afraid too, you know,” Evie said. “She’s afraid for me. She used to go to sleep with me at night and cry, and say to me that she was going to save me and take me away from there. So she one day she put clothes in a bag and lefted them in her car, and when he hit her again, she waited for him to go to sleep and she took me and we came here.”

After that, I went back to my room to fix my make up since I realized that I had been crying. I didn’t have the heart to hear what Jimmy would say to her. He would probably think I was a bad mother for putting her in that home… Just the way everyone else did.

I came back after I fixed myself up trying to block out whatever they might be saying.
“Are you two ready,” I asked loudly. “Or am I going to drag you out myself?”

Jimmy and Evelyn jumped at the sound of my voice, and I laughed, trying not to pay attention to the fact that they were just talking about my poor taste in men.
Evie jumped up and scrambled to the door. “I’m ready mama, I’m ready,” she yelled.

Jimmy stood up and took my car keys from my hand gently and kissed my forehead.
“I’ve got it,” he said softly.
Then he took my hand and walked me out to his car. I was totally not expecting this kind of treatment after he found out about all that. Usually people reacted the total opposite, but I tried to keep my composure. Although it was really hard to since he was adamant on holding my hand throughout the duration of the car ride to whatever restaurant we were headed to.

The ride was short and quiet, which was unusual, but comfortable. I didn’t really mind it at all actually.
Jimmy and Evelyn decided that it would be appropriate to scream the lyrics to an Iron Maiden song that was playing on the radio, and after a few nudges from Evie, I joined them while Jimmy’s thumb rubbed circles on the back of my hand. I tried not to think anything of it…

Once we got to the parking lot of the small restaurant, Jimmy reverse parked into a space that was in front of a small playground.
“Lyn-Lyn,” Jimmy said sweetly. “I’m gonna talk to your momma, okay? Go play, and we’ll be out real quick.”
“Okay,” Evelyn said excitedly, before opening the door and jumping out.

Jimmy readjusted the rearview mirror so that he could see the playground and make sure she was fine before turning to look at me. I tried not to look at him, and it was taking all that was in me to do so.
“You heard us, didn’t you,” he asked.
“I tried not to,” I said bluntly.
“Oh…” Jimmy squeezed my hand, but didn’t let go of it.
“Why are you being so nice to me,” I asked him, turning to meet his gaze.
“Why not,” he countered, staring at me intensely. “What? Did you think I was going to be like Evelyn’s dad? Break your heart and leave? Or like that other prick wad? Tear you to shreds and stomp all over you? I’m not fucking like that Serenity. That’s not me.”
“And I’m not like them, Jimmy,” I snapped. “I won’t treat you like shit, and I won’t lead you on. That isn’t me.”

We stared at each other for a bit before Jimmy sighed and looked down at my hand.
“I hesitated because I was scared,” he said quietly.
“What,” I asked.
“When she asked what I thought about you,” Jimmy said, looking back up at me. “I was afraid that if I told her, I’d jinx it. Because I was wishing-, no. I’ve been wishing that you were mine. But I was afraid that if I told anyone, I would ruin it.”
I giggled at him and a confused look came onto his face. “I’m sorry,” I said quickly. “I didn’t mean to laugh, I just… Jimmy, why don’t you just say anything? I don’t work like other people, hun. I don’t deal with bullshit. That isn’t my style.”

“Well, I know that,” he scoffed. “The fuck do you take me for?”
Jimmy smiled at me for a bit, then continued. “Look, I know that you don’t believe it, but I kind of don’t give one fuck. I think you’re beautiful. More beautiful than anything or anyone I’ve ever seen… With the exception of that one out there,” he said, nodding to Evelyn outside, who was trying to pull herself across the monkey bars. “You gotta admit, she’s pretty gorgeous.”

I laughed, and nodded, not saying anything because I was already getting choked up.
“Serenity,” Jimmy whispered sweetly. “Look at me baby.”
I squeezed my eyes shut before turning to look at him. He placed his hand on my cheek and wiped a tear that escaped.

“I don’t think you’re pathetic in anyway,” he said. “In fact, I’m pretty sure that you’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. You’re generous, and you’re sweet, and selfless. For anyone to have hurt you the way they did was so fucking wrong. And I swear to you, I would never, never do anything like that to you. Never. I’d love you too much… If you were to let me, that is…”

I laughed and wiped my eyes, then looked at him. “Jimmy,” I laughed again.
“Yeah,” Jimmy smiled, caressing my cheek just as he had when he met me at my house.
“You’re too perfect,” I said, pulling him in for a hug.

Jimmy hugged me for a bit, then pulled back a little and smiled at me.
“What,” I asked, getting a little shy.
“Nothing,” Jimmy laughed and then did something I really wasn’t expecting…

Notes

:O
Another chapter is coming up!!