I Lost Me Long Ago

She didn't say a word.

She crawled off the bed and made her way across the room back to her phone. She clicked away on the keys for a moment then looked up at me.

"Did you want Chinese, or Pizza?" It almost amazed me how she so easily changed the subject.

"Either is fine with me, get whatever you'd like more." Food wasn't what I was worried about right now, I wasn't even sure I could eat if I had to. I was more worried about what was going on in that pretty little head of hers.

She nodded and stepped out the room as she placed her phone to her ear. A few minutes later she was knocking on the door. She forgot her key. I was quickly up and across the room to the door, opening it for her.

"Okay." I stared blankly at her for a moment trying to figure out what the okay could have meant.

"Okay?" She looked away from me for a moment, down the hall at a couple who were making their way back to the elevator, I followed her gaze to them, and then right back.

"I'll go. It's absolutely crazy. But... I'll go. But you have to tell me what happen in the interview first."

"Come inside then."

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(Carsea's POV)

He made his way across the room, pulling the chair out from under the desk and turning it toward the bed, and then sat down. I understood what he wanted so I made my way inside, and sat myself down in front of him on the bed.

"You, uh..." He was so nervous. "You know your boss has a thing for you, right?"

"I mean... I guess, yes, I do." It was always something I tried to deny, or make myself forget. But really I knew it. But maybe I could be a little more taken back about the fact that he seemed to need to ask this.

"Do you return those feelings?" His voice was cold, and soft. Almost like saying yes would hurt him. There was no way he had actual feelings for me, was there?

"No." The word rushed out of my mouth a lot faster than I would have expected.

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure."

I'd never really thought about it before. But that answer seemed right, I hadn't ever looked at him that way. Granted I never really looked at any man that way. I spent all my time working towards a home, and a job. Never in a million years did I think I'd have the time for anything remotely close to a relationship.

"Lets just say... I made a comment about the band taking a break to spend time with girlfriends and your boss decided to throw the stereotypical rock star life style in my face. About how we all hook up with strippers, groupies, and interviewers."

I placed my elbows on my knees and buried my face into my hands, softly shaking my head. I found myself wanting to apologize for his out burst. Of course I was mad about the whole thing but I should have known it was going to happen. I knew well enough how Josh felt about me, and him being in the room with the only guy Josh has ever seen me show any amount of romantic interest in was crazy.

"Look, it pissed me off," he cleared his throat and then got up and placed his hand on my shoulder, so I looked up at him. "It really pissed me off. But I can get over it. Don't worry. I just felt you needed to know." He knelt down in front of me and placed his hand on my knee as I lowered my arms.

He gave me a soft smile and gently rubbed his thumb against my skin. The thrill from his hand on me sent goosebumps all over my body. They started under his fingers, and radiated outward. Quickly covering my shins, and before I knew it a quick shiver was sent up my spine as they made their way to my scalp.

"Now, can we talk about the fact that you actually said yes?" I gave him a small chuckle and he leaned up to kiss me. It was a short kiss, but it had no less passion in it then the ones from the night before. I gave him a small nod, and he quickly crawled up on to the bed.

"You really want to do this with me?" Before answering I thought about it again. I really hadn't thought this out, seemed to me like he had more time to think about it then I did.

"Are you trying to talk me out of it already, Sanders?" He half chuckled and wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me down with him.

"I'd never want to talk you out of it. I just want to make sure you are sure. I want to make sure you are comfortable and you don't feel forced." I laid there watching his eyes as they scanned my face for a reaction. After a few seconds his eyes focused on mine.

"Why does it feel like you are about to mess up my whole life?"

Notes

Yes there is a line from If I Stay, in it.I'm a huge fan. I read the books about two years ago and fell in love. I def suggest reading it if you haven't already.

So here is another chapter. Took me awhile cause thing have been a little haywire with school. But I got all my school work caught up to I could finally finished this entry. :) I'm off all weekend so hopefully I'll get one-two more posted this weekend.

(writers block be damned)

I do have a little bit to do tomorrow, checking out a possible house with a friend & hitting the gym after.

Anyway, enjoy the chapter & you're weekend. :)