Help Me Fly

I was finally in what I could call my temporary home. I did not plan on being here long. A need, a want, a force of energy that went unseen was pulling at my heart to make me go to my home. The ache was still there. That will never go away. First my love is gone, now one of my babies. I did not even know it was twins. The doctor may have said it when I first found out I was pregnant on the horrible day but all I remember is thinking someone had played a sick joke on me. He was always careful, he knew I couldn’t handle if I lost him. I wonder if he has crossed over? Neither of us believed in ‘heaven’ or ‘god’ or ‘hell’ and if anyone is reading my story please do not be afrid or think we are damned. We believe in a higher power, of spirituality. But we don’t wear clothes made out of wheat and walk around barefooted. We believed when the body that the soul contained was buried or cremat-?

“Oh no.”

How could he? How could Brian take me away from him? I came all this way and he is sitting in our home in his urn all alone. I felt my heart literally just shatter. Jumping up off my bed, I bolted myself down stairs. I knon I had to be careful with my baby but this was my beloved’s remains.

Running into the living room, I saw Shadows, Jimmy, Zacky, Johnny, Val, Michelle. But where the hell was Brian? My face was full of hurt. I can not talk, I can squeak. But that wouldn't help me right now.

Everyone was staring at me, waiting. Looks of concern or in Val’s case, annoyance.

“Ivy, are you okay?” Jimmy looked scared a little. There. What I needed on the coffee table in front of all of them. A pad of paper. Jumping over the back of the couch between Zacky and Johnny I snatched it and wrote as fast as I could.

‘WHERE IS BRIAN!!???’

“He’s in the basement, looking for something for you he said.” Jimmy looked scared at the moment.

With the paper and pen still clutched in my hands I flung the door to the basement open and felt as if I didn’t touch any of the stairs as I went down. I did how ever hear the steps being pounded by everyone else that had hit them. Seeing my reason for my hunt, I walked to him calmly. Hell, who am I kidding. I ran. Getting his attention as soon as I had hit the basement he looked excited to see me, but it then turned to concern and worry. He better be worried for his life right now.

“Ivy, what is it? Are you okay?” Standing up form his work bench in front of me. I grabbed a my pad and wrote. He better understand what I meant.

‘WE LEFT HIM AT HOME! ALONE!”

I was on the verge of tears. I knew as soon as he looked at me, I would loose it.

“What do you mean we left him at home?”

My heart broke, even more. He didn’t know what I meant. I couldn’t write. I could barley breathe. My body had started to shake. I felt something in my throat. A hand on my lower back, but no one was behind me. At least I didn’t see anyone. Brian wasn't touching me. I had to do something. I fell to my knees, my head in my hands as I cried. Again and again.

Looking up at Brian, he looked mad. Mad that I was crying again. I need to get over this, I do not want to be a burden to him or the others. Turning my head around, my knees and legs cold from the cement flooring I saw the others watching me. I was a burden to all of them. I was the reason they had to cancel some of their shows. I was the reason they could not record and leave me here alone. I felt my throat, it was not sore as it had been. It was not raw, I had drink some water a few minutes ago before my realization. Looking up at my older brother, I opened my mouth.

“Ivy, I know your not going to talk. Just write down what you are trying to say.”

“Brian, give her a chance. She lost everything to her.” Michelle was always a sweetheart to me. How she was Val’s twin was beyond me.

“She has us.” He was such an ass. The one word. The one name that I couldn’t bring myself to say, I wanted to hear it come from my mouth. Looking up at him. I tried.

“George.”

I had said it. A word. Not a squeak. I heard gasps form those at the foot of the stairs. My heart just vanished into nothing. I said the name of my dead husband. My eyes blurred over with more tears.

“Oh, shit.” I think he understood what I was trying to say to him. Leaning down he sat next to me, and held me. I just cried.

“I have to take her home.” He spoke to the others. He knew what I meant. I need my Georgie with me.

“Man, whats going on?” Jimmy was confused.

“If you go, we all go. Were her family.” Zacky was like a brother to me.

“When I went to get her, I forgot the most important item for her.” I had not realized that Brian had let a few stray tears fall as well.

“Okay, man. Well go make the arrangements.” Jimmy finally got what had happened.

“You got her man?” Shadows came over, laid a hand on my shoulder as well as his other on Brian’s. I felt bad, Brian was strong but he couldn’t lift me. I was carrying a baby.

I had not seen the look Brian had given him. But I did feel my body get handed over to someone else. Feeling an arm under my knees, and one holding my back. I tucked my head down as far as I could. Tucking my hands at my stomach, I knew Shadows was carrying me. I felt more tears coming. As he moved up the stairs, my body sank more onto his chest, I heard his heart beating. ‘lubb dubb’ lubb dubb’ ‘lubb dubb’. The more I listened the faster it seemed to go. Probably cause he was carrying me and going up a flight of stairs. No matter how strong a man he should not carry someone who is what they consider fat. I'm not skinny as Val, or obese. I stayed at about 160. I was curvy. I wore a size 12 pants. So? I am afraid that now I am pregnant I will get fatter. I know I will, but after I have my baby will it go away. I always had issues with my self esteem, George had made me feel beautiful. He told me all the time.

Before I knew it I was being placed on my bed. He had taken me up two fights of stairs. Looking at him to say thank you I saw he didn’t even break a sweet. I think he understood what I was trying to say. I don’t know if I could say anything again. My throat felt like it was on fire.

“I know.” He whispered. I do not know where Brian was, probably happy I wasn't near him.

“Were probably gonna be leaving soon, okay? I know he didn’t mean to do this. You were, are his main concern.” Trying to fix his little slip but I still hear him. I ‘was’ his concern. As in he doesn't care. I just wish I could be in George’s arms again.

“I got the tickets booked. Everyone is packing right now. Michelle will come in a few minutes to help you Ivy. Matt, Val is packing your bag. We will only be there for the night. Brian doesn't want her there anymore then she has to be. He doesn't want her to get any worse.” Zacky had walked in, explaining what was going on.

“So Val’s not going?” Shadows turned his head to his friend.

“Nope, says she doesn't wanna waste the time.” Zacky lowered his voice but I saw his lips move as he mumbled ‘bitch’ under his breath. Shadows must have heard him as well since he smiled.

“Well then, that’s her decision. Not mine.”

A thought had crossed my mind, I wonder if Brian would let me bring my babies home. I missed my dogs. My giant monsters. They were both full blooded boxers and big ones at that. A solid white one named Eagle the female. And a Brown one with a black face named Hawk. He was my boy. My big brute. Eagle was more for George but I knew she was at my mother in laws mourning the loss for her daddy.

Grabbing the pad of paper that sat on my night stand, I was still in Shadows hold but not in his lap, I wrote as he watched with curiosity.

‘Will Brian let me bring my dogs here? And my cats?’

“I can ask him for you. I know how much you love your animals. But I still don’t get your deal with Bella?” he just laughed.

‘Damn rat bit my ankle.’

“Ya I remember that. You tried to throw her off you. She was terrified of you, I think she is just out for revenge now.”

‘My monsters will protect me from that over grown rat.’

“Oh I have no doubt the Eagle and Hawk both will take care of her.”

‘Will I get better?’ I know that was out of the blue but wanted to be okay, but I also needed to mourn my husband.

“I think you will, actually I know you will. But it will take time and we are all here to help you out Ve-ve.”

‘Bri, doesn't seem to want me around anymore.’ I knew I could trust Shadows to not say anything to anyone. Maybe to Jimmy, but no one else.

“You know damn well he does.”

‘He is getting fed up with me, you saw how he acted when I tried to talk. I am a burden to him, always have been. I hope he leaves me at home.’ It was heartbreaking enough that I was a widow, but my brother didn’t want me around now.

“Ve-ve, he’s not getting fed up, he’s worried about you. I can see it in his face when he looks at you.”

‘I miss the old days.’

“Ya, at times I do to.” He laughed a little, it was contagious. It made me smile.

“There you go. A smile. Now do I need for Jimmy and I to stick to you like glue so you will smile more?”

Shaking my head no, I felt a small blush. That was old. I hadn't blushed because of Shadows since middle school. I was in the kitchen, and the guys were out back swimming. I had been listening to Aerosmith’s song ‘Pink’ and was signing at loud as I could. The back door was closed so the guys didn’t hear me, but I was spotted. I was doing dishes with my back to the door, and singing. It was summer so it was hot.

“I didn’t know you could sing.” Screaming at being caught I turned around to find a 16 year old, Matt starting at me. I had been caught.

“I didn’t know you would be spying on me.” I smiled back. He walked into the kitchen to the fridge. Grabbing a drink, he turned to me. He only had a couple of tattoos, nothing like what he has now.

“If I knew you would be putting on a show, I would have taken a seat.” He smiled at his small joke. I was afraid to sing in front of people, but he and Brian had caught me numerous times before. Saying I should sing in public.

He just stood there and smiled that dimple grin at me. I felt me face grow hot, so I jusst turned my back to him so I could finish my chore. Hearing him chuckle.

“I will always be able to make you blush.”

“Sorry to interrupt, but I need to help Ivy out. Matt I believe you wife is looking for you.” Michelle had walked in, my door was open. Pulling me out of my small trip down memory lane.

“Okay, don’t forget what I told you.” He looked at me with a stern face. I’ll never forget.

“Well, I believe he was blushing.” Michelle looked at me with curiosity. She knew I had a crush on him when I was younger. But now it was more of a friendship bond love.

Notes

I will try to refer Matt to Shadows now, just an FYI.