Not a bad thing

After Brian and I made love for the first time he fell asleep with me in his arms. The next morning my mom waked us up. Not noticing anything other than us lying in the bed. “You guys made up! Ah that’s just great, you were both miserable. Pancakes anyone?” She left my room, happy for us. I didn’t know how happy she would have been if she would have known we were both naked underneath my comforter. Brian holding his morning wood against me, since he was holding me in his sleep before my mom came in. As soon as she walked out I started laughing “Ow my god, if she only knew! I really thought she was going to notice all the clothes lying around!” Brian laughed too “She was just way too happy that we had made up. But talking about our moms. What are we going to tell them? What is this? Are we together now?” He looked at me shyly. It wasn’t like him, being so shy over something like this, that was always me. “Ok, let’s try the whole dating thing. We’ll see where we end up. But let’s just promise each other one thing. If this isn’t going to work out, we will always be friends?” Brian nodded and kissed me “Agreed! Now let’s go and tell your mom”.

I looked at him, not able to hide my mood “Are you sure you want to go down like this? Maybe we should do something about this first” I started to move my hand around his cock. He groaned. “Ow Izzie, you know I really want to, but we have to be quick, your mom will be back to tell us we can eat. Do you want her to have a heart attack?” I grabbed another condom and put it on his hard on. I kissed him as I straddled him and led his cock into my heat. He felt so good being inside of me. I just couldn’t get enough of him. We were soon breathing heavily and we were both close to our release. Brian kissed my breasts as he pulled me closer, pulling my hair a little. He thrusted me hard and that was enough to put us both over the edge. Brian kissed me, panting “We will be doing this a lot, I’m already addicted to you. But we have to go shower now” He kissed me and removed himself from me. We walked into the shower together, why waste some good water on two showers?

We told my mom at breakfast and his mom at dinner. She already knew of course, our moms talked all the time, but they both seemed happy for us. Brian had called Jimmy that afternoon to tell him about us. Jimmy was his best friend, he stood by Brian all the weeks I didn’t want to talk to him. He deserved to know. Even though Jimmy had been a little mad at us for our actions at his party, he was glad we talked everything out and this was the end game. The rest of the summer I completed my internship, I hung out with Jimmy and Brian and had a lot of dates with Brian. Oh and a lot of sex. That guy was really good at it and he taught me a thing or two. Now I understand all the girls I had to break up with for him. Speaking about that. It had become the running gag between us, that it was a little typical that the first girl he had to break up with, himself, would be his former sniper. But we weren’t thinking about that now. We were just too blissful to be together. However, we both couldn’t deny that my departure was arriving soon....

Lynn was screaming something at me. “Izzie? Why do you act so strange? You look like you have seen a ghost!”. She was just spot on. I had seen a ghost, someone I never thought I see again. I had to tell her, she looked really worried. I tried to keep it short, because of the loud music there and I really didn’t want to ruin her evening. “ You know I told you about my childhood friend Brian right?” I saw her eyes grow big. She was a really smart woman, my best friend. “You mean the Avenged guitarist Brian? BRIAN HANER WAS YOUR FORMER CHILDHOOD FRIEND?????” She screamed at me. The people around us heard it too and were looking at me strangely. I gave her a small nod. “Please Lynn, enjoy the concert, we will talk about this later. I need to process this, okay?”. Lynn gave me a look “You better tell me everything after this!” She turned towards the stage and started to sing a long again.

My mind wandered off. That one summer of me and Brian had been amazing. After I completed my internship I had one more week before I had to go to college and even though we had the best time being together, I was starting to doubt if my relationship with Brian would stand the distance. I felt insecure about everything; leaving home, starting a new life at college on the other side of the country and because I loved Brian this much, I wanted him to be happy without me here. He deserved more than a girlfriend miles away. The more I thought about it, the more I felt like ending the relationship part, just to get my friend back. I knew I had to talk to him.

That evening we were lying on my bed, watching a movie. He had his arms wrapped around me and was absently stroking my arm. “Brian, I need to talk to you”. Brian turned off the tv and looked at me. “I need my friend back.” I looked at him through my eyelashes, afraid of what he would say. He closed his eyes and sighed. “I knew something was going on in that pretty little head of yours. Are you sure? We could make this distance thing work you know.” “I’m sure. I’m so scared about everything and I need to know that you are there for me. Not as my boyfriend, but as my best friend. I never done anything this big and I need you to be there. I could never do this without you”. Brian kissed the top of my head and pulled me close. “Okay, if that is what you want, we will be friends again. As long as I’m not losing you.”

It was decided then. Miraculously, it worked, we went back to how we were almost effortlessly. The last few days I had in Huntington Beach were going along as it was before the party. He helped me pack for college, helped me prepare everything and when the time came he brought me to the airport, together with our moms. He promised me he would visit soon. Maybe he could bring Jimmy. He told me not to cry and kick ass. According to him I was a superwoman and a hell of a sniper. Snipers didn’t cry, they went in, going for the kill. “You are going in and kill those classes, I know you will” was the last thing he said to me before letting me go to board the plane.

The crowd was going wild, I was coming to my senses again. I had completely zoned out again and didn’t really hear any of the songs they were playing. Suddenly I heard Jimmy’s voice in the song they were playing. I got up and tried to look at him behind the drums. And even though I couldn’t really see the person behind the drums, I did notice it wasn’t Jimmy. “Where is Jimmy? I hear him, right?” I asked Lynn. She looked at me, wonderingly “Izzie, I told you about the drummer. He passed away a few years ago. Did you know him too?” I felt my eyes tear up as all the noise surrounding me faded away. Jimmy had died? Why didn’t Brian call me? Why didn’t I know this? Where have I been all this time?! “Have to go to the restroom. I will come back” I screamed at Lynn while rushing myself to the restrooms. I felt sick. Literally.

I barely made it into the booth before I threw up. I was sweating. I felt the worst person in the world. How could I have not been there for Brian? It must have been hell for him, loosing Jimmy. They were so close. I had to talk to him, but how? I didn’t know how to contact him. Here I was, at a concert of band I never even heard of before this evening. With a guitarist who had a striking resemblance of the guy I had called my best friend for over 10 years. A guy I haven’t seen in little over 12 years. I flushed the toilet, put the lid down and sat down. I took a few heavy breaths and held my head in my hands.

The last time I saw Brian was when I was in the second year of business school. He and Jimmy had come over to college. Lynn was over at her parent’s for the weekend so they stayed at our dorm room. Brian and I had been talking on the phone during our separation, but a lot less than we did in the beginning. I was so busy with school and Brian was always busy with his music. I was really happy he found Jimmy, they were both really talented and were so passionate about their music. I just loved their faces when they talked about the songs they were composing. We spend the few days they were with me mostly hanging out and drinking a lot. The last night we were completely wasted, the three of us. Jimmy soon passed out and it was only me and Brian left.

“I miss you sometimes Iz. I don’t know how to act around you anymore. You kinda broke my heart when you told me you wanted to go back to being friends.” Why did he bring this up now? It has been over a year ago that we had that conversation. He had been my friend again for the past year. I didn’t understand. “Brian, if it was so hard on you, why didn’t you tell me then? We were in it together, we made a promise that we always be friends” Brian stared at the wall. I could see he had some things to say, but I didn’t know if he would ever get to it. After a few minutes that felt like hours, Brian finally spoke up “Izzie, I know you wanted us to be friends, but you hurt me bad. I think I started to love love you when you left. I wanted to be with you forever, and you just told me that I couldn´t be your boyfriend anymore. I got myself to accept what it was, hoping you maybe change your mind again and at least I wasn´t fully losing you. But just be honest for a moment, we hardly talk to each other anymore. You have your classes, you made new friends. I have my band, with my new friends. Maybe we should just accept that we don’t fit anymore. We’re not part of each other’s lives anymore. I don’t know, it hurts to keep trying. It feels like I’m losing all the beautiful years we had, just because we want hold on so badly. One of us needs to say it, needs to do it.” I looked at him with tears in my eyes. Was he really saying what I thought he said? Didn’t he want to be my friend anymore? “Brian” I whispered. “Izzie, you know I love you, but I can’t hang on anymore. When Jimmy and I leave tomorrow that would be the last you will see of us. Maybe we’ll run into each other in our future lives. But for now this must be it. I can’t do it anymore.” Brian got up and got into Lynn’s bedroom, closing the door behind him. I stared at the door, not able to get a hold on what just happened. I went into my bedroom and cried the whole night.

When I got up the next morning, everything was cleaned up, Lynn’s room looked like no one ever was staying over there. All my hopes of this just being a bad dream went out of the window. On our fridge there was a note “Dear Izzie, please give Brian time, he’s hurt. He will come back to you. I love you! Jimmy”.

I was crying in my little booth, thinking about that little note Jimmy put up for me. How could he be dead? I have to find that note. It must be lying around somewhere. I know I kept it as a beacon. Hoping that Brian would indeed come back to me. For years I held on to it. But Brian never came back into my life. Until now. What was I going to do?

Notes

A new chapter for you guys, because of a very special occassion today;

The birthday of the one person who told me to go and work out the story idea I had and pushed me to publish it for all of you.

So, Meike, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you babe!



Ow yes, I stole the cake idea from you Rye ;-)