Not a bad thing

Brian’s POV
I was scanning the room to see if there was any girl here, worth the time or maybe I should just take one of the groupies. No work there and I would still get laid. My eyes wandered around. Matt came over and stood next to me “So Jessica is gone huh? Already looking for the next one?” I nodded, not really looking at Matt. “Brian, why don’t you take it slow for a while? Just be by yourself. You’re crashing hard, you drink too much, you fuck every girl around. You need to take care of yourself. Jimmy would have wanted that”. I felt anger boil up inside me as I snapped my face towards him. “Why do you feel the need to butt into my life Matt? I’m fine, living the rock star life. Leave me alone.” “Come on Brian, give me a break. I’m worried. We are worried. The rest of the guys sees how you are struggling too. Even Elisabeth...” I didn’t listen anymore. I had looked around the room trying to find a girl when I saw someone sitting at a table opposite of our room, someone I thought I would never see again. Was it really her? I started to walk towards the table, leaving Matt behind, stunned at my sudden departure. I needed to know. She looked so much like her.

Izzie’s POV
“She is the new you?! Are you serious Izzie? Why would he still do that?!” I looked at Lynn. “I know a sniper job when I see one, I did it for 10 years, remember?” I turned towards her, my back to the dance floor again. “You think I should talk to him? Should I just walk up there? I don’t even know if he wants to see me or talk to me.” I saw Lynn’s view shift to something behind me. “Okay babe, you have 10 seconds to make up your mind.” I looked at her questioningly, not really understanding what she was saying, until I heard a voice behind me. “Izzie?” The voice made the hairs in my neck stand up, I hadn’t heard that voice in over 12 years. I slowly turned my head around, looking at him shyly “Hi Brian”.

We were just staring at each other for what seemed minutes, hours maybe. I lost my ability to speak, I just didn’t know what to say to him. I was so amazed that he was here, but at the same time I was so mad at him. How could he leave me for 12 years? Not even letting me know that Jimmy died! He looked at me too, he seemed to be searching for differences. Searching for the 18 year old Ismay, the one he left behind in New Haven.

Lynn let out a little cough “Soooo you guys have a lot to talk about. I will leave you to it. Brian, please take my seat. Izzie, I will go home, I’ll call you tomorrow”. Lynn gave me a hug and held on to me tight, whispering in my ear “Sweetie, please talk to him. Apparently he is just as amazed as you are, you will regret it if you don’t. I love you, be careful.”

After Lynn left, Brian and I sat down, still not saying a word. “So” Brian said. “So” I repeated. Where do you need to start with a person who was so close to you, but who you didn’t see for what, 12 years? I felt so uncomfortable around him, this was so awkward. My life had changed dramatically in these years, his too apparently, being a rockstar and all. I just didn’t know where to start, was I just going to tell him about the past years or did we need to do the heavy talking first and get it out of the way? Brian didn’t seem to know either and sat at our table, head in hands, occasionally glancing over to me. Suddenly I heard him speak quietly “Jimmy is dead”.

I looked at him, he looked so sad, I just wanted to hold him and tell him that everything would be okay, but I just couldn’t. “I heard” Silence again. “I was at your concert tonight”. He looked at me “You were?”. I gave him a little smile “Yeah, I was. My friend is a big fan, she had a spare ticket and I needed something different. It’s not really my kind of music you know?” I glanced at him. He smiled. “ I didn’t even know you were in that band. When the lights went on and you were there, holding your guitar, I recognised you. Couldn’t believe you were up there, in front of so many people. You made it big huh?”. Brian shrugged “I guess. It has always been just a lot of fun for us. We are best friends, loving music. We were filling our days with the things we like best, hanging out, making music. But the last few years have been a struggle. We couldn’t finish the album, thought about quitting. The fans wanted us to continue, and we had to finish the record. We just had to do it.... for Jimmy.” He had tears in his eyes. “Izzie, I needed you so bad when Jimmy died. You were the only one who got me and you weren’t there” I just stared at him, I almost felt sorry for him, but I couldn’t help feeling annoyed. “I didn’t know! How could I be there for you if you didn’t even took the time to let me know? I found out during the concert tonight! You played that song with Jimmy’s voice in it and I saw this other guy behind the drums. How do you think that made me feel!?” Brian looked at me, amazed “I just thought that you would see it on the news or hear it from your mom and you would come back. When you didn’t, I just figured you didn’t care anymore. You changed when you went to business school.”

He really got me mad now “Of course I did! I grew up! I was on my own, I had to do everything myself. My mom got back to that jackass of a father of mine, so I stopped talking to her. And when Jimmy died, I was in Europe being left at the altar!” I spat.

Oops, I didn’t want to tell him that. I just hated that he was throwing it back at me. He could have just called, what’s he, a girl?! “Ow I’m hurt, I won’t say anything, people will notice.” Ugh, I’d had it. He had left me at college, to never ever turn around again and now he was blaming me?! I didn’t even got to say goodbye to my old friend.

“You left me there Brian, you left your best friend there and she disappeared when you decided to never look back” Now he was looking guilty. Ha! Serves him right. “That was stupid of me. I said things in the heat of the moment, you hurt me bad when you didn’t want to be my girlfriend anymore. When Jimmy and I were half way home that morning I already regretted everything I said, but I just didn’t know what to do. Jimmy told me to take a few days and then call you. He kept saying I should call you after that, but I never found the courage. Weeks became Months, Months became years. I didn’t know where to start anymore, so I just left it. And then Jimmy died.” We were here again. “What happened?” Brian started to tell me about Jimmy’s heart condition, the medication, the call in the middle of the night, the rumours, how he and his friends lost themselves the first months after his death, the finishing of the album. “I don’t know. I might still not be over it. I did some pretty stupid things, Izzie” I thought about the new sniper girl “Did or do, Brian? I saw the girl just now. I can’t believe you still let someone break up for you!” I punched his shoulder. A little smile graced his handsome face. “I had to have auditions for the part” I laughed. “Elisabeth is great, she has been one of my best friends. She doesn’t put up with my shit and she takes care of me, just like you did once.” “Yeah, I noticed that” “Lizzy is great, you should meet her! I think you two would get along. You should really meet the rest of the guys too!“ His face brighten up when he talked about the girl and his other friends. He found my replacements a long time ago. I didn’t fit his life anymore. I looked at my watch. Were we really talking for almost 3 hours?! “Listen Brian, It was nice to see you again, but I have to go. I wish you all the best, take care okay?” I hugged him and wanted to get up. “Do you want to talk a little while longer? I missed you and I really want to know how you are and who was stupid enough to leave you at the altar” He smiled at me boyishly. I just knew he would remember that from my angry speech, that was my Brian. “I missed you too Brian.” I smiled at him “Okay, let’s get out of here then. Want to start with seeing where I live?” Brian got up “Yes! Let me tell the guys, ok?”.

I stood there waiting, I couldn’t beli eve he was here. That this was real. It was awkward at first, uncomfortable, but we soon got back into our old vibe a little. I did want to know what he’s been up to and I did miss him. I looked at him, walking back to this muscled guy with the most cute smile I ever saw and the girl I now knew whose name is Elisabeth. After Brian hugged and kissed her, she was glaring at me with angry eyes. Apparently Brian was wrong, she didn’t like me. Brian was back at our table “Let’s go Izzie”. We walked out of the club, next to each other. Just before we went through the door he put his arm around me. It felt good. I was home again.

Matt’s POV
Who was this girl Brian had been talking to all night? When he noticed her sitting over there his face had turned white and he had looked as if he was going to faint out. She couldn’t be an ex. She was not trashy enough. She looked smart and really hot in the clothes she was wearing. That body was to die for. Brian didn’t seem to notice that. He just talked to her, never making any move and he looked sad. I know him, he was one of my best friends. This wasn’t one of his quests, there was more to it. Lizzy stood next to me and looked over at the table where Brian was “How long has he been over there?” I looked at her “He went over directly after the Jessica thing, so maybe 3 hours? Do you know who she is?” Lizzy looked worried. “I have a hunch, but I don’t know for sure and I also really don’t know if it’s a good thing that this is happening.” We both looked at him hugging the girl as he started to walk towards us again. “Guys, I’m leaving. I will talk to you all later, okay?” He pulled Lizzy in a hug and kissed her forehead. “Liz, could you ask the guys to take you home? I need to be somewhere else” He said something to her, I wasn’t able to hear. Lizzy’s face turned dark. She looked at me and then at Brian, who was walking towards the girl again, who was also ready to go. She shook her head, and I saw the hate in her eyes “She better not break his heart again, I will kick her ass!” She turned in her heels, grabbing a beer “Matt, are you coming? I need some shots!” Oh Oh, I’ve only see her like this a few times. Worrying about Brian, and all these times, she was right. Oh Brian, what did you do, getting her worked up like that?

Notes

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