Kiss me like you wanna be loved

Brian watched as her face fell and a shocked expression appeared on her face.

“I-I, I dont know” She stuttered

Brians smile fell. What did she just say? He was convinced that she would've said yes.

“I'm sorry. I just dont know” She said

“I shouldn’t have proposed like this” Brian chuckled, feeling a bit embarrassed over her answer.

“No its fine Brian, but things are just so messy right now. I need time to think-” Simone stopped in the middle of the sentence and looked over Brians shoulder, seeing that Dr Anderson approached them.

“We'll see after your rehabilitation. I need time to think, I love you Brian” Simone sighed and pecked his lips.

“I love you” He replied

“So are you ready?” Dr Anderson asked Brian once she approached them.

He nodded to her and gave Simone one last hug before he followed Dr Anderson down the hallway and into a room.

–-----

Two weeks later he was struggling with his recovery. He had terrible mood swings and he even tried to get someone to smuggle alcohol for him. Simones response to his question was still bugging him and it was the main reason for his mood swings. He didn’t know how to handle his aggressions, cause he was used to drink his feelings away, this was something new for him. The therapy helped a bit but he was still struggling with telling his therapist his feelings.

Brian sat on his bed strumming on his guitar, trying to write a new song but stopped when he heard someone knock on the door.

“Mr Haner, you have a visitor” Dr Anderson told him once he opened. He followed her to the reception to meet his visitor. It was Matt.

“Hey man!” Matt greeted him

“Hey, whats up?” Brian asked whilst they walked towards the hangout area.

“I just came to see you, how are things going?” Matt asked with a smile

“It's working. You know, I'm taking one day at the time.” Brian shrugged and put a coin in the coffee machine that were in the hangout area.

“We're trying to write some music in the studio, but without you, its not working very well” Matt smirked as he sat down in an armchair opposite Brian.

“Oh I'm flattered” Brian chuckled and sipped on his coffee.

“I came to give you this” Matt smirked and put a crumpled piece of paper on the table.

Brian took it and folded it up. Smiling slightly when he saw the lyrics and the chords he had scribbled down a few weeks ago when he was shitfaced.

“What am I supposed to do with this?” He chuckled and put it on the table.

“Its sounds good man, I thought maybe you could work on it in here or something” Matt shrugged.

“I will see what I can do” Brian mumbled

“How's Sim by the way?” Matt asked, changing the subject.

Brian froze at his question, he clenched his jaw and slowly took a sip of the coffee before he replied.

“I haven't seen her since last Tuesday when she came and dropped off my guitar” Brian sighed and tried to not be upset.

Brian hadn't heard anything from her in the past couple of days. He had tried to call her, text her but got no response. For a while he became paranoid that something had happened to her, but soon he realized that if something had happened, he probably had been informed by now.

“What? How is it between you two, honestly?” Matt asked with concern in his voice.

“I don’t know anymore, I thought we were alright after I decided to be put in here. But it doesn’t feels like it. She said she needed time” Brian sighed

“Time for what?”

“Time to think... I proposed to her the same day I was being put in here. It was a bad move” Brian said and clenched his jaw

“Wow.. why do you think that?” Matt asked, slightly surprised

“I dont know what came over me, She doesn’t want it that way. She wants some romantic stuff, like that shit in the movies you know? But now I've fucked it up real ba-” Brian babbled on

“Hey man, stop it. She wants you. She needs you as bad as you need her.” Matt interrupted him.

Brian looked at him with curious eyes.

“Yes you two might be like fire and fuel, but I know how much you two need each other. Hell, even the other guys can see it. Don't you think we have noticed?” Matt continued

“Notice what?” Brian spoke, almost in a whisper.

“Well, those times when you haven’t seen her in a while because you two had fought. You cant focus and you're cant even stay in your own head when we're recording shit” Matt chuckled, making Brian chuckle a little too

“But when she's around, or when the two of you are having a good time in your relationship, you're a fucking boss on writing music! She affects you that way. Hell even I are being affected that way by Val.” Matt continued

“Girls..” Brian sighed with a smirk

“Yeah right?” Matt chuckled

“But seriously bro, the way you look at her sometimes, and the ways she looks at you. You two are made for each other, trust me” Matt smiled

“I feel terrible. How could I even think about treating her like a bag of shit? She deserves so much better” Brian mumbled

“Thats the thing dude, you didn’t think, it was the alcohol which did the thinking part for you” Matt said with disgust

Brian swallowed hard at his friends expression. “Things can only get better from now. I'm glad that she stayed by my side, but at the same time she should have left...” Brian forced a slight smile

“She's stubborn, and so are you” Matt smiled and glanced at the clock

“looks like my time is running out, I'll see you on Friday” Matt smiled while he stood up. They said their goodbyes and Brian dragged his lazy ass to one of his meetings with a therapist. A few minutes later he knocked on a door and stepped into a room.

“Good day Brian” His therapist, Dr Thomas McFarren greeted him.

Brian sat down in the red couch opposite Dr McFarren.

“Shall we continue from yesterdays notes?” Dr McFarren asked him

Brian nodded slightly.

“Lets see, those fights with your wife” Dr McFarren asked him

“She's my girlfriend” Brian corrected him, clenching his jaw.

“She could have been my fiance by now if she'd said yes” Brian muttered

“Oh? When did you propose?” Dr McFarren asked with a surprise.

“The same day I came here, She said she needed time to think and I haven’t heard from her since last Tuesday. Its starting to getting to me. I don’t know how to handle it, this sessions helps a lot but there’s something more. I think I need to talk to her but she wont answer her phone or texts” Brian sighed and felt defeated.

“Did she say that because all of whats have happened?” the therapist asked him while he wrote down something on his notepad.

Brian nodded.

“What do you feel?” McFarren asked him

“Guilt. I have put her through so much shit, I'm glad that she had stayed with me but at the same time I cant understand why she didn’t left?” Brian mumbled

“Because she loves you” McFarren stated

“I cant understand why, I'm a monster” Brian sighed

“You was a monster. You're here now. Now you can do everything in your power to repay her” Dr McFarren said and wrote down something more in his notepad.

“I cant do enough to repay her. I have given my whole heart to her, but I broke hers instead. I asked her to be my wife cause I want to show her that she's my everything. That I want to be with her forever, that I want to spend the rest of my days to make her happy, its cheesy I know, but it is how I feel” Brian said with a huff.Brian spent another week with talking to his therapist every day, having group therapy and spending his free time to exercise and writing music. He didn’t hear something from his girlfriend that week either.

One evening he sat on his bed, surrounded by crumpled notes and pens. He was strumming on his guitar and hummed on a melody. This evening he was really inspired to write music, a dream about the past weeks had triggered it. In front of him he had lyrics to a song, he was almost done with it-

I'm drowning in the bottom of a bottle.Running from a man I swore I'd never be.No one ever has to face tomorrow.But I'm the one that has to face me.

It's the demons I've created for myself.The tragic truth.It's hard for me to understand myself.So it has to be hard as hell for you.

Are we born to be broken, sinners, and thieves?Someone tell the heavens I'm ready to escape.This is not what I wanted, not what I need.Take it all, tear it all, rip it all away.

Brian put away his guitar for a while and lay on his bed. It didn’t took long before he fell asleep.


-----

Simone was pacing back and forth in Matts and Vals living-room. She was scared out of her mind to visit Brian. She had avoided him since the day he'd proposed. She had panicked and went to Val to try to get some advices and try do calm herself down. It had been a month since she last saw him.

“He's not gonna be angry. Maybe a bit pissed off and hurt, but not angry” Matt told her

“arent angry and pissed off the same thing?” Simone asked and raised her brow.

“Matthew! you're not helping her at all. Shut up and get lost, you're not needed here right now” Valary told him harshly.

Matt sighed and did as she had told him.

“Val.. I don’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say so I have been avoiding him” Simone sighed heavily and sat down in their couch.

“But you wanna spend the rest of your life with him? He's in rehab for your sake, and his own of course. If I were you I would have married the shit out of him. Sitting here talking with me wont help you at all, you need to talk to him. Tell him how you feel.” Val told her honestly.

Simone felt that Valary was right, she said her goodbyes and hurried away to meet Brian. Half hour later Simone had been visited and stood in the reception, waiting for Brian. She began to shake slightly when she saw him walking down the hallway. She was nervous for how he was going to react. Was he going to be angry and yell at her or was he going to be happy too see her?

He stopped when he was a meter from her. By reading his face she knew that he was happy too se her, but at the same time he wasn't. She saw him clenching his perfect jawline slightly, a sign that he was unsure what to say or what to do.

“Hey” Simone said

“Hi” Brian nodded

Simone walked up to him, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek before she met his gaze again.

“It's nice to see you” Brian mumbled avoiding her gaze.

“I'm sorry, I have been so confused, I really needed time to think” Simone apologized

“I've missed you” Brian stated. His eyes landed on hers, his eyes told her that he was very disappointed. Simone avoided his gaze and looked down on her hands, thinking what to say.

“I've missed you too. Brian we need to talk” She said, as she watched a slightly panicked expression appear on his face.

Brian clenched his jaw and tried to calm himself down. It was always a bad sign when someone said they needed to talk. He took her hand and led her to his room, preparing himself for the worst.
Once they were there he closed the door behind her and watched as she sat down on his bed. He followed suit.

Simone smiled briefly and took his hands in hers. Stroking her thumb in tiny circles on the back of his hand. Like she always did when she was trying to comfort him.

“Relax Brian, you're shaking” She spoke softly. Brian took a deep breath and met her gaze. They sat close enough for him just to lean forward to kiss her, but he fought the urge to do it. He was mad and disappointed at her, but at the same time he was happy too see her.

“What do you need to talk about?” He asked her, fearing for the answer to his question. He watched as she shifted her gaze and stared at her tattooed hands, staring at the tiger design on her left hand as it was very interesting. Since Brian knew her so well, it was a sign that she tried to figure out how she could put into words what she wanted to say. Seconds later she took a deep breath and met his gaze.

“I have been thinking, a lot... about us.” She began, still looking into the brown orbs of his.

“Dr Anderson let me read your file, and you seem to be doing well here, If you're continuing to recover as fast you've done this month, they will send you home about 2 months...” Simone said

Brian nodded. Dr Anderson told him that he'd been recovering quite fast and if he continued his therapy sessions in the same way he did, they think that they could send him home much earlier than expected, they be sending him home in June instead of August as planned.

“Soo... I came to the conclusion, that I decided-” Simone stopped mid sentence and smirked.

Brians pulse raised and he held his breath.

“That I actually want to be Mrs Haner” Simone continued and smiled.Brian stared at her. His heart skipped a beat and he didn’t knew how to react. A few seconds later all crashed down to him and he realized what she just have said.

Brian kissed her harshly but gently. He leaned his forehead against hers.

“You have no idea how happy I am” he breathed and kissed her softly.

2 months later, a warm day in June, Brian was sent home from Huntington Beach Reliability Center. He was now considered a non-alcoholic. He had even finished writing the song. He was anxious to show the guys, he even planned to play the song on his wedding-day. From now on he promised to never be an alcoholic again. And it would take a very long time before he even tried to taste some alcohol. Brian was glad he had realized the tragic truth he had lived in, and promised his life to never ever end up there again.

Notes

Here is part 3, long ass chapter tho, hope you enjoyed it. Comments and feedback are always appreciated<3

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