Am I too Lost to be Saved?

~Jimmy's Point of View~

I can't believe this shit. I mean, I couldn't believe it to begin with, but I don't understand why Leanna would step in like this. I really, really don't. I believe everything Heaven said to us, with every single fiber of my being. But I really just don't understand. It's like there's something missing, but I just can't place it. And now with a threat on the baby, I don't think I can even think of anything else. Like, everything is all clouded. I know Lee more than anyone here! I had been with her for so long, we went through everything together! I know for damn sure that she would never hurt a kid! She loved them all! Even the really ugly ones!

But say Heaven wasn't telling the truth, even though I'm pretty positive that she is, what would be missing? Heaven and Leanna were attached by the damn hip! No girl that any of us brought in could get in between them, with the exception of Zacky's now ex-girlfriend Jenna, but according to Shadz that was all over and done with, but she stopped speaking to Lee years ago when she found out that she cheated on me. Hell! She was even the one to beat the shit out of her! So there is absolutely NO reason why she should even be considered an accomplice at all, right?

Oh well, as much as I fucking hate it, I guess this one we're going to have to leave to the pigs. Especially since Anna COMPLETELY shot me and Brian down when we jumped on the suggestion of finding Leanna ourselves.
I guess we've just got to wait and see what happens...
_____________________________________________________________________________

~Anna's Point of View~

It's been a week since we've been home. I love Jimmy's house and I love being with him and Meghan all the time, but because of the fact that they were so damn protective of us they had Johnny's mind on overdrive about this stupid situation all the damn time! I was getting so fucking tired of it. Johnny and I even got into a few good arguments about it and I hated it. If it wasn't about the safety of Ezra and I, it was about that fucking bitch Leanna. I couldn't fucking stand it. Every time I heard her name I'd get pissed. I didn't even know her and I hated her. I mean, why wouldn't I? She didn't even have to be here and she was fucking shit up!


"Hey, you there?"
"Yeah," I said, switching the phone from my hand to my shoulder so that I could pick up my son. "Sorry. I kind of spaced out."
"I know," Heaven chuckled. "You've been doing that a lot."
"Sorry," I blushed. As much as Johnny and Meghan disagreed with it, I was befriending Heaven. We talked to each other all the time, and just like Val and Michelle, she proved to be a really good friend. Throughout this past week, she'd talk to me during the quiet moments and through the rough patches. I'd been on the phone with her for the past two hours because I had no one to talk to. Zee, Bri, Jimmy and Matt were all out doing stuff, the girls were out also, and Johnny and I were not on speaking terms to say the least. He'd been angry with me for the last two days and it was eating at me. Everyone was always doing stuff and Heaven was the only one who was ever available to talk to me.

"It's alright," she laughed. "I do it all the time! Especially when I'm bored!"
"I'm sure," I started laughing too. "I hate that Johnny won't let me leave! I'm so fucking tired of being cooped up in here! I haven't even gone back to work dude! I fucking miss it!"
"Oh my God," Heaven squealed. "I bet! I'd go ape shit on him and Jimmy if they made me stay there like that! Has your boss said anything to you yet? That shit would fucking suck if you lost your job!"
"Ugh! I know," I sighed. "But no, she hasn't said anything. She called a few times to make sure I was alright, but she doesn't care at all. 'Don't even tell me what's going on girl! We are perfectly fine over here!' It's crazy! I was so ready for the 'you're-out-of-here' threats!"

Heaven laughed at my horrible impression of Suzy, and in turn, made me laugh also. This was why I liked talking to her. I guess it was the same reason why everyone missed her so much before I came along. She made it seem like there was nothing bad going on, and it made me feel good.

I sighed, once again thinking about how Johnny was still giving me the cold shoulder, and on the other line I heard Heaven take a deep breath.

"It okay Anna," she said softly. "I know it fucking sucks, but he means well. He cares about you and that baby a lot. It's so easy to see how much he loves you. Don't you worry, okay? Everything is gonna get better. You'll see."

I felt the tears threatening and plopped down on the couch with Ezra in my arms.
"I know," I sniffed. "I just hate when he's so angry with me. I don't even know what I did to make him mad! He just, I don't know, blew up on me!"
"Really dude?" I could practically feel the sympathy radiating from the phone. "I'm so sorry."
"Ugh, it's okay," I told her, letting the tears flow, but fighting from letting my voice betray me. "I just wish this was all over already. I fucking miss him so much..."
"Aw, Anna," I heard shuffling in the background like Heaven had gotten off of a bed or something like that. "It's gonna be okay! Don't cry!"

With one arm I held a sleeping Ezra to my chest, and with the other, I wiped my face.
"I'm not crying," I said, swallowing the lump in my throat. "Hey Heaven, I'm a little tired, so I'm gonna take a nap, okay?"
"No problem," she said. "You can all me later if you need to."
"Okay Heaven. Bye!"
"Buh-bye!"

I hung up and threw my phone to the other couch before wiping my face again and standing up, only to turn around and be met by Johnny's sad gaze.

I didn't know what to say to him, and neither did he I guess. 'I wonder how long he's been standing there...'

"Johnny...?" I stared right at him, feeling like the only thing that was keeping me grounded was the fact that I was holding my son in my arms.

But Johnny didn't say a word. He just stood there staring at me, his gaze occasionally slipping from me down to Ezra, and back to me.

"Johnny," I said again.
He just closed his eyes, and hung his head, but still said nothing. Johnny lifted his head, avoiding my gaze, and turned to walk back to wherever he was before he walked into the room.

'What the fuck is going on?' Usually, I'd follow him to wherever he was going and try to get him to talk to me, but I was so tired of this. Instead of trying my best to hold it all together, I sat back down on the couch and started to cry, holding on to Ezra with everything I had in me.

Everything went to shit so quickly. In just one week, everything that was so perfect was ruined because of that damn woman! She'll come to me. I know it. And I can't wait until she does...
___________________________________________________________________________

~Unknow...~

ONE MONTH EARLIER

Eversince Anna came into the picture, he's been elsewhere. I know it's because of her. Even though she's with Johnny, and she's got a kid he sees something in her that he wants. He's in love with her. I know it. I see it in the way he stares at her, and it's killing me inside. I need help. I want to reach out, but everyone fucking loves her! It's all about her! Ever since she came into our lives it was 'Anna this, Anna that! Anna and her baby!' At first, I had no problem with it. Little did anyone know, I was pregnant too, and I knew that once I told him I'd get his attention back and he would love me again.

I know, I sound like a madwoman, but I can't help it. I've been with him for years! We had our ups and downs, and he hurt me countless times, yet, here I was. Still standing by his side, and he repays me by falling in love with another woman... Does anyone not understand how that fucking feels? And like I said, I was pregnant...

was...

My baby was gone. Didn't even have a chance. And now, on top of the love of my life being taken away by Anna, my only hope for a brighter future was ripped away from me as well. Leaving me to see Anna live my dreams...

What is one to do when they now have absolutely no one left to stand beside them? Nothing to live for, all because someone came in just the nick of time to ruin it all?

I dialed Leanna's phone number, just like I had thousands of times before when I was heartbroken, and she actually answered!

"Hello?"
"Lee," I cried into the receiver. "I need help..."

Notes

Fuck...