I Wait And Bleed
Arriving
I woke up early that morning and stepped off the bus smelling the Tennessee air. It felt so good being back in my hometown state and wishing I wouldn't have to leave. I took out a cigarette and lit it up breathing in the toxic smoke. I checked my phone and it was 11 in the morning and in a few hours we would be arriving in front of my friend's house. I decided to text Damien and see if he was up.
~Damien are you awake?~
~Yeah. What's up?~ Damien
~Nothing much. Did you pack everything for the tour?~
~Hell yeah and my mom is so excited about me leaving for some reason. I think she made plans for the time I'm gone.~ Damien.
~Sounds like it. We are in Nashville at a rest stop right now. I'm guessing we've been here since last night. All the guys are still asleep.~
~Probably. I can't wait to spend some time with you! This is going to be great.~ Damien.
~Me either! I miss all of you :(~
~I know Raven. We miss you too. I need to go. I got to get everything else ready and see if everyone else is up and ready to go.~ Damien.
~Alright. I'll text you when we are on our way that way you an inform everyone else.~
~Sounds good. See you later~ Damien.
I put my phone back into my pocket and walked around the rest stop. I seen a bench and sat down looking out over the beautiful Tennessee land. I lit up another cigarette.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BRIAN'S POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I woke up and I seen Raven's bunk empty. I walked to the front and looked out the window and seen her sitting all alone at a bench away from the bus. I got dressed and put my shoes on and walked off the bus and towards her. I sat down on the bench and she looked over and smiled.
"Hey! What are you doing up?"
"Couldn't sleep anymore. You know I'm sorry about yesterday." I said looking down.
"Brian it's okay. I'm over that shit. You want a cigarette?"
"Yeah sure." I said and she handed me a cigarette and lit it for me. I breathed in the smoke and it felt so fucking good.
"So what time is the concet in Knoxville?"
"The concert starts at 7 tomorrow." I said smiling.
"Good! That gives me time to spend with my friends and practice for a while." Her smiled grew wider and so did mine she hugged me. I looked down at my phone and it was noon. I stood up.
"We need to go wake everyone else up." I said and she nodded standing up and walking back to the bus.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~RAVEN'S POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I got back on the bus with Brian and surprisingly everyone was already awake.
"Guys!" I said hugging JImmy first. I started to walk away but Jimmy pulled me back and set me on his lap. I smiled and kissed his cheek.
"Anyone hungry?" Jason asked.
"Hell yeah!" We all said together.
"Where to eat?"
"Mickey D's of course." I said smiling and they all nodded.
"Mickey D's it is." Jason started up the bus and we headed out the nearest McDonalds. I sat there watching the guys either playing the XBOX or just messing arouns with each other. Zacky was drawing and his drawings were so beautiful and amazing.
I draw too but no one has ever seen my work. I made sure that way no one thinks it sucks. I know it sucks because I drew it ha ha. I got up and wrote down everyone's orders for Mickey D's and when we pulled into the parking lot. I gave the list to Matt and Jason and they went in to get our food. I swear Matt and Brian can eat more food than a damn linebacker. Jason and Matt Berry came back on the bus with our food and we ate while driving on to get my friends. The food was still the same and the tea was absolutely amazing! It was so sweet like my mom used to make.
My mom....God knows I miss her so fucking much. When I finished eating I went to the back and laid down for a little nap. Everytime I ate I had to sleep it off or I wouldn't be worth hammered shit. I was awaken by Zacky this time.
"Hey Zacky. We stopped again didn't we?" I asked and he nodded. I got up out of the bunk and walked off the bus with Zacky. I leaned against the bus and pulled out a cigarette and lit it. I loved having a cigarette after eating. It made the meal better for some odd reason. I pulled out my phone and looked at the time and it was only 4 in the afternoon.
"Zack?" I said smiling.
"Yeah?"
"I'm going to text my friends and tell them that we are on our way over and see them in a bit but I need to ask you something." I said looking down.
"What it is?"
"What do you know about a guy named Ivan Moody?" I asked looking at him.
"Ivan Moody is a bastard and if he was here I would kick his ass in a heartbeat."
"You do know he is one of the bands that is going to be touring with you guys." I said.
"Yeah I know but we are keeping our distance from him. We will look like friends in front of the fans but after that, we all will be back to hating him."
"Why do you hate him so much?" I asked.
"He hurt someone very close to me. She was my sister."
"Gena told me about it but she never mentioned that she was your sister." I said as my eyes grew wider.
"Well technically she wasn't my sister but I made her feel like a sister. She was adopted. I told her not to get involved with him but she thought he was madly in love with her. Her just used her as a punching bag." The sadness in his eyes got me and I wrapped an arm around his waist.
"Zacky it's okay. You see, I met Ivan at the store when I was going back to get milk that Gena forgot. He gave me his number and I talked to him and he seems like he has change from the time he did that but if you say he hasn't changed then I won't talk to him anymore." I explained and he smiled.
"Good choice because people like him don't change. Let's say you 2 are in a relationship and you guys have an arguement and he hits you. You better run and get away from him because he'll keep doing it over and over and over again until he kills you."
"Alright. I'll keep away from him." I said smiling. I seen the guys walking back over to the bus and Zacky and I got on before the others. I sat down at the table and Brian sat don right beside me. I pulled out my phone and sent a text to Damien and told him that the concert isnt until tomorrow and we'll be there in a few minutes and to head over to Damien's house. He told me he would and I slipped my phone back into my pocket. A few minutes later my phone buzzed in my pocket and I checked to see who it was. Ivan.
~Hey sweetheart. Have you arrived in Tennessee yet?~ Ivan.
~Yeah. I'm going to get my friends and spend some time with them.~
~Who are your friends?~ Ivan.
~They are my best friends. Heather, Nicole, Craig, Luke, and Damien.~
~You have enough members to make a band.~ Ivan
~Well we are a band. We only did a couple of shows before my stepdad got sick and before he passed.~
~Sorry to hear that. Are you going to be able to spend time with me?~ Ivan.
~Ivan...the guys don't want me hanging out with you. I can't....~
~Who cares what them fuckers think!!!!~ Ivan.
I knew he was pissed off but I wanted to see his true side.
~Ivan don't get mad because I have to do what the guys say. Especially Zacky. I live with him and he's a good person to me.~
~Whatever. I'll see you one way or another.~ Ivan.
~Don't you even think about doing something stupid.~
No text came back through my phone. I turned to Brian and looked at him.
"What's wrong?"
"Brian...I think Ivan is going to do something stupid." I said.
"Who's Ivan?"
"Ivan Moody." I said and his eyes filled with anger.
"Why are you talking to him for? He is the worst person you can ever get involved with."
"I know Brian and I need some one to keep him away from me." I said.
"I'll fix it with security that backstage when we are performing that Ivan is not supposed to be around you or your friends and when you and your friends go back to the bus when we go to the after party I'll have security standing close to the bus making sure he doesn't come anywhere near." I nodded and smiled and kissed his cheek. I had a feeling that Brian like me but if he does I wish he would say something. I mean if I had the courage I would say something.
I just don't want Zacky and Brian's friendship to be ruined. I'm so confused on what to do. We finally arrived in White Pine and Matt directed Jason to my friend Damien's house. We pulled up and I seen everyone standing out in the yard. Jason stopped the bus and I quickly got off and hugged all of them.
"God I missed you guys!" I said smiling uncontrollably.
"We missed you too." Heather said smiling just as bad as me.
"Damn so this is the bus?" Craig said in amazement.
"Yes. It's huge I know Craig." I notice Nicole was really quiet.
"Damn Rave! How you been? Luke said smiling.
"I've been alright. I mean considering the circumstances." I said shrugging my shoulders.
"How about we go practice?" Heather said excitedly.
"Hell yeah come on!" I said and we walked out to the backyard. The guys stood there with my friend's parents. Damien opened the our own little pracitce area and we all took our positions.
"Damien? You have my other guitar here don't you?" I asked and he nodded and went over to the cabinet and opened it pulling out my beautiful Black Fender. I hooked it to the amp and turned to the guys.
"So what are we playing?" Nicole asked.
"She speaks! Just kidding Nicole. I was thinking about Saints and Sinners, War and Peace, Love-Hate-Sex-Pain, Devil's Swing, Good Day To Die, Forever Shamed, and Shadow of a Soul." I said and they nodded. I began to play the start of the song and sing.
Yeah!
Grown from a seed of hope I've never known
Been raised by the surroundings of a home so cold, so cold
If I only knew what I know
I'll shake my fist up to the sky
Just keeping my dreams alive
I'm one part saint and two part sinner
And the last part is still on the line
We pray even when we know nobody cares, ah ya
And make everything we know turn into fear
And then disappear
If I only knew what I know
I'll shake my fist up to the sky
Just keeping my dreams alive
I'm one part saint and two part sinner
And the last part is still on the line
I'll shake my fist up to the sky
Just keeping my dreams alive
I'm one part saint and two part sinner
And the last part is still on the line
Eye for an eye they told me for some time
No way to hide from what's inside, what's inside of me!
I'll shake my fist up to the sky
Just keeping my dreams alive
I'm one part saint and two part sinner
And the last part is still on the line
I'll shake my fist up to the sky
Just keeping my dreams alive
I'm one part saint and two part sinner
And the last part is still on the line
I finished the song and seen the guys standing around clapping to us.
"You guys nailed that song!" Zacky said proudly. I smiled big.
"Hell Yeah and Nicole you are a beast at the drums!" JImmy said and I looked at her and she was blushing.
"What song you playing next?" Matt said eagerly.
"You'll find out when you hear it." I said smiling. I began and he smiled widely. I knew this song was his favorite by Godsmack.
Here we go
Dance with the devil inside of me
I'm longing for a second chance
And taste what seems to remind me
Of all my skulls and skeletons
Live and let live
Die and let die
War and peace in my hand
My temptations
This war and peace inside
Will take me to the end
Hell awaits, it's closing in on me
It strokes its hand down on my back
And no more mistakes
My intentions are finally clear
From how I've always been
Live and let live
Die and let die
Live and let live
Die and let die
War and peace in my hand
My temptations
This war and peace inside
Won't end, yeah
War and peace in my hand, yeah
This war and peace
Inside my head
Will take me to the end
War and peace in my hand
My temptations
This war and peace inside
Won't end, ah yeah
War and peace in my hand, yeah
This war and peace
Inside my head
Will take me to the end
We ended the song and they wanted more. So we played the rest of the Godsmack songs. We were down to our last song before quitting practice for the day and doing something else.
"This last song is Zacky's favorite and it's called Shadow of a Soul." I said and he smiled and started rocking out when I started playing and singing.
Anywhere I go, anything I try
Anyone I love is compromised
Everyone I see, staring on back at me
Why can't you let me be
Ohhh, so far from home
Being shallow and alone
And why can't you see
It's tearing away what I used to be
I'm a shadow of a soul
I don't know how to run, I don't know where to hide
The old me is dead and gone inside
What will you think of me, when all that you'll ever see
Is only a part of the other me.
Ohhh, so far from home
Being shallow and alone
And why can't you see
It's tearing away what I used to be
I'm a shadow of a soul
Ohhh, I'm so far from home
Being shallow and alone
And why can't you see
It's tearing away what I used to be
I'm a shadow of a soul
The song ended again and we put our equipment back in place and Damien shut and locked the Practice area.
"Raven, we need to talk to you." Heather said and they all nodded. I followed them and we went away from everyone else.
"What's going on?" I asked so confused.
"Your father has been here everyday around this time and asking us where you are and everytime we said we don't know he thinks we are lying. Of course we are lying but that's none of his business where you are. He can't stop you from being where you feel like being and we are just giving you warning in case he shows up here." Heather explained and I started getting angry.
"If that son of a bitch comes here, I have some people who will get rid of him and he will never come back around you guys again." I said and they smiled. We talked for a few more minutes and did some shit. My friends went back to their homes and I told them I would be over tomorrow whenever the guys got up. The guys and I piled onto the bus and drove to the nearest hotel and got a room. I was rooming with Brian. What a joy. I laid down on my bed and Brian turned on the TV. I laid there until I fell into a deep sleep. I really didn't think I would be able to sleep because of the excitement running through my body but I did.
~Damien are you awake?~
~Yeah. What's up?~ Damien
~Nothing much. Did you pack everything for the tour?~
~Hell yeah and my mom is so excited about me leaving for some reason. I think she made plans for the time I'm gone.~ Damien.
~Sounds like it. We are in Nashville at a rest stop right now. I'm guessing we've been here since last night. All the guys are still asleep.~
~Probably. I can't wait to spend some time with you! This is going to be great.~ Damien.
~Me either! I miss all of you :(~
~I know Raven. We miss you too. I need to go. I got to get everything else ready and see if everyone else is up and ready to go.~ Damien.
~Alright. I'll text you when we are on our way that way you an inform everyone else.~
~Sounds good. See you later~ Damien.
I put my phone back into my pocket and walked around the rest stop. I seen a bench and sat down looking out over the beautiful Tennessee land. I lit up another cigarette.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BRIAN'S POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I woke up and I seen Raven's bunk empty. I walked to the front and looked out the window and seen her sitting all alone at a bench away from the bus. I got dressed and put my shoes on and walked off the bus and towards her. I sat down on the bench and she looked over and smiled.
"Hey! What are you doing up?"
"Couldn't sleep anymore. You know I'm sorry about yesterday." I said looking down.
"Brian it's okay. I'm over that shit. You want a cigarette?"
"Yeah sure." I said and she handed me a cigarette and lit it for me. I breathed in the smoke and it felt so fucking good.
"So what time is the concet in Knoxville?"
"The concert starts at 7 tomorrow." I said smiling.
"Good! That gives me time to spend with my friends and practice for a while." Her smiled grew wider and so did mine she hugged me. I looked down at my phone and it was noon. I stood up.
"We need to go wake everyone else up." I said and she nodded standing up and walking back to the bus.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~RAVEN'S POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I got back on the bus with Brian and surprisingly everyone was already awake.
"Guys!" I said hugging JImmy first. I started to walk away but Jimmy pulled me back and set me on his lap. I smiled and kissed his cheek.
"Anyone hungry?" Jason asked.
"Hell yeah!" We all said together.
"Where to eat?"
"Mickey D's of course." I said smiling and they all nodded.
"Mickey D's it is." Jason started up the bus and we headed out the nearest McDonalds. I sat there watching the guys either playing the XBOX or just messing arouns with each other. Zacky was drawing and his drawings were so beautiful and amazing.
I draw too but no one has ever seen my work. I made sure that way no one thinks it sucks. I know it sucks because I drew it ha ha. I got up and wrote down everyone's orders for Mickey D's and when we pulled into the parking lot. I gave the list to Matt and Jason and they went in to get our food. I swear Matt and Brian can eat more food than a damn linebacker. Jason and Matt Berry came back on the bus with our food and we ate while driving on to get my friends. The food was still the same and the tea was absolutely amazing! It was so sweet like my mom used to make.
My mom....God knows I miss her so fucking much. When I finished eating I went to the back and laid down for a little nap. Everytime I ate I had to sleep it off or I wouldn't be worth hammered shit. I was awaken by Zacky this time.
"Hey Zacky. We stopped again didn't we?" I asked and he nodded. I got up out of the bunk and walked off the bus with Zacky. I leaned against the bus and pulled out a cigarette and lit it. I loved having a cigarette after eating. It made the meal better for some odd reason. I pulled out my phone and looked at the time and it was only 4 in the afternoon.
"Zack?" I said smiling.
"Yeah?"
"I'm going to text my friends and tell them that we are on our way over and see them in a bit but I need to ask you something." I said looking down.
"What it is?"
"What do you know about a guy named Ivan Moody?" I asked looking at him.
"Ivan Moody is a bastard and if he was here I would kick his ass in a heartbeat."
"You do know he is one of the bands that is going to be touring with you guys." I said.
"Yeah I know but we are keeping our distance from him. We will look like friends in front of the fans but after that, we all will be back to hating him."
"Why do you hate him so much?" I asked.
"He hurt someone very close to me. She was my sister."
"Gena told me about it but she never mentioned that she was your sister." I said as my eyes grew wider.
"Well technically she wasn't my sister but I made her feel like a sister. She was adopted. I told her not to get involved with him but she thought he was madly in love with her. Her just used her as a punching bag." The sadness in his eyes got me and I wrapped an arm around his waist.
"Zacky it's okay. You see, I met Ivan at the store when I was going back to get milk that Gena forgot. He gave me his number and I talked to him and he seems like he has change from the time he did that but if you say he hasn't changed then I won't talk to him anymore." I explained and he smiled.
"Good choice because people like him don't change. Let's say you 2 are in a relationship and you guys have an arguement and he hits you. You better run and get away from him because he'll keep doing it over and over and over again until he kills you."
"Alright. I'll keep away from him." I said smiling. I seen the guys walking back over to the bus and Zacky and I got on before the others. I sat down at the table and Brian sat don right beside me. I pulled out my phone and sent a text to Damien and told him that the concert isnt until tomorrow and we'll be there in a few minutes and to head over to Damien's house. He told me he would and I slipped my phone back into my pocket. A few minutes later my phone buzzed in my pocket and I checked to see who it was. Ivan.
~Hey sweetheart. Have you arrived in Tennessee yet?~ Ivan.
~Yeah. I'm going to get my friends and spend some time with them.~
~Who are your friends?~ Ivan.
~They are my best friends. Heather, Nicole, Craig, Luke, and Damien.~
~You have enough members to make a band.~ Ivan
~Well we are a band. We only did a couple of shows before my stepdad got sick and before he passed.~
~Sorry to hear that. Are you going to be able to spend time with me?~ Ivan.
~Ivan...the guys don't want me hanging out with you. I can't....~
~Who cares what them fuckers think!!!!~ Ivan.
I knew he was pissed off but I wanted to see his true side.
~Ivan don't get mad because I have to do what the guys say. Especially Zacky. I live with him and he's a good person to me.~
~Whatever. I'll see you one way or another.~ Ivan.
~Don't you even think about doing something stupid.~
No text came back through my phone. I turned to Brian and looked at him.
"What's wrong?"
"Brian...I think Ivan is going to do something stupid." I said.
"Who's Ivan?"
"Ivan Moody." I said and his eyes filled with anger.
"Why are you talking to him for? He is the worst person you can ever get involved with."
"I know Brian and I need some one to keep him away from me." I said.
"I'll fix it with security that backstage when we are performing that Ivan is not supposed to be around you or your friends and when you and your friends go back to the bus when we go to the after party I'll have security standing close to the bus making sure he doesn't come anywhere near." I nodded and smiled and kissed his cheek. I had a feeling that Brian like me but if he does I wish he would say something. I mean if I had the courage I would say something.
I just don't want Zacky and Brian's friendship to be ruined. I'm so confused on what to do. We finally arrived in White Pine and Matt directed Jason to my friend Damien's house. We pulled up and I seen everyone standing out in the yard. Jason stopped the bus and I quickly got off and hugged all of them.
"God I missed you guys!" I said smiling uncontrollably.
"We missed you too." Heather said smiling just as bad as me.
"Damn so this is the bus?" Craig said in amazement.
"Yes. It's huge I know Craig." I notice Nicole was really quiet.
"Damn Rave! How you been? Luke said smiling.
"I've been alright. I mean considering the circumstances." I said shrugging my shoulders.
"How about we go practice?" Heather said excitedly.
"Hell yeah come on!" I said and we walked out to the backyard. The guys stood there with my friend's parents. Damien opened the our own little pracitce area and we all took our positions.
"Damien? You have my other guitar here don't you?" I asked and he nodded and went over to the cabinet and opened it pulling out my beautiful Black Fender. I hooked it to the amp and turned to the guys.
"So what are we playing?" Nicole asked.
"She speaks! Just kidding Nicole. I was thinking about Saints and Sinners, War and Peace, Love-Hate-Sex-Pain, Devil's Swing, Good Day To Die, Forever Shamed, and Shadow of a Soul." I said and they nodded. I began to play the start of the song and sing.
Yeah!
Grown from a seed of hope I've never known
Been raised by the surroundings of a home so cold, so cold
If I only knew what I know
I'll shake my fist up to the sky
Just keeping my dreams alive
I'm one part saint and two part sinner
And the last part is still on the line
We pray even when we know nobody cares, ah ya
And make everything we know turn into fear
And then disappear
If I only knew what I know
I'll shake my fist up to the sky
Just keeping my dreams alive
I'm one part saint and two part sinner
And the last part is still on the line
I'll shake my fist up to the sky
Just keeping my dreams alive
I'm one part saint and two part sinner
And the last part is still on the line
Eye for an eye they told me for some time
No way to hide from what's inside, what's inside of me!
I'll shake my fist up to the sky
Just keeping my dreams alive
I'm one part saint and two part sinner
And the last part is still on the line
I'll shake my fist up to the sky
Just keeping my dreams alive
I'm one part saint and two part sinner
And the last part is still on the line
I finished the song and seen the guys standing around clapping to us.
"You guys nailed that song!" Zacky said proudly. I smiled big.
"Hell Yeah and Nicole you are a beast at the drums!" JImmy said and I looked at her and she was blushing.
"What song you playing next?" Matt said eagerly.
"You'll find out when you hear it." I said smiling. I began and he smiled widely. I knew this song was his favorite by Godsmack.
Here we go
Dance with the devil inside of me
I'm longing for a second chance
And taste what seems to remind me
Of all my skulls and skeletons
Live and let live
Die and let die
War and peace in my hand
My temptations
This war and peace inside
Will take me to the end
Hell awaits, it's closing in on me
It strokes its hand down on my back
And no more mistakes
My intentions are finally clear
From how I've always been
Live and let live
Die and let die
Live and let live
Die and let die
War and peace in my hand
My temptations
This war and peace inside
Won't end, yeah
War and peace in my hand, yeah
This war and peace
Inside my head
Will take me to the end
War and peace in my hand
My temptations
This war and peace inside
Won't end, ah yeah
War and peace in my hand, yeah
This war and peace
Inside my head
Will take me to the end
We ended the song and they wanted more. So we played the rest of the Godsmack songs. We were down to our last song before quitting practice for the day and doing something else.
"This last song is Zacky's favorite and it's called Shadow of a Soul." I said and he smiled and started rocking out when I started playing and singing.
Anywhere I go, anything I try
Anyone I love is compromised
Everyone I see, staring on back at me
Why can't you let me be
Ohhh, so far from home
Being shallow and alone
And why can't you see
It's tearing away what I used to be
I'm a shadow of a soul
I don't know how to run, I don't know where to hide
The old me is dead and gone inside
What will you think of me, when all that you'll ever see
Is only a part of the other me.
Ohhh, so far from home
Being shallow and alone
And why can't you see
It's tearing away what I used to be
I'm a shadow of a soul
Ohhh, I'm so far from home
Being shallow and alone
And why can't you see
It's tearing away what I used to be
I'm a shadow of a soul
The song ended again and we put our equipment back in place and Damien shut and locked the Practice area.
"Raven, we need to talk to you." Heather said and they all nodded. I followed them and we went away from everyone else.
"What's going on?" I asked so confused.
"Your father has been here everyday around this time and asking us where you are and everytime we said we don't know he thinks we are lying. Of course we are lying but that's none of his business where you are. He can't stop you from being where you feel like being and we are just giving you warning in case he shows up here." Heather explained and I started getting angry.
"If that son of a bitch comes here, I have some people who will get rid of him and he will never come back around you guys again." I said and they smiled. We talked for a few more minutes and did some shit. My friends went back to their homes and I told them I would be over tomorrow whenever the guys got up. The guys and I piled onto the bus and drove to the nearest hotel and got a room. I was rooming with Brian. What a joy. I laid down on my bed and Brian turned on the TV. I laid there until I fell into a deep sleep. I really didn't think I would be able to sleep because of the excitement running through my body but I did.
4/9/13