Cottondale, on the way to Alabama – 2013

Believe it or not, we sat there in silent for 2 fucking hours. None of us really said anything and we don’t have our instruments with us since they were locked up in the TV room. Damn, RJ may come off as a crazy fucker but he is also persistent.

I noticed Joe pulling out a carton of Pall Mall from his pocket and I had to break the ice.

“Since when do you smoke?”

He paused, and the proceeded to tuck the cigarette in between his mouth. “Since we broke up.” He lit it up and I stood straight, switching the fan on to ‘smoking mode’.

“Jeez, at least turn this shit on first.”

I sat back down next to him, eyeing his movements wearily. He stared back at me, holding the smoke but they stubbornly vented out through his nostrils.

“That shit is broken. We’ll be trapped in this smoke for hours.”

“What? Then why do you smoke? You know we’re in kind of indoors here!”

“I do what I want, whenever I want with whomever I want. Isn’t that your trademark or something, Lzzy?”

I glared at him. He still had that sharp icy cold tone is his voice.

“They’re gonna think that the bus is fucking burning. Put it out!”

“I’m already halfway!”

“Joe, don’t make me put it out for you.”

“You don’t get to tell me what to do Lzzy.”

“Oh just watch me.”

I grabbed his hand that was holding the cigarette and he resisted. We wrestled like hell, my palm on his face and his arm around my head, locking me tightly. I pushed his face away while he tightened the grip around me.

“Joe…let…me..go!”

“No! You started it!

“Just fucking throw the smoke away!”

He kept inhaling his cigarette but still didn’t let me go. “No!”

“Joe…give-it-to-me!!” I pushed his face harder and squirmed until I was finally out of his grip.

We fought like siblings over a favorite toy and to be honest, I missed this. I breathed hard, but guess what, I got the cigarette from him. The tip was still burning as we glared at each other.
I tucked the lit cigarette between my lips and he bulged his eyes watching. I’ve never tried smoking before, so I coughed as soon as the smoke started to fill me in.

“Jesus, Lzzy. You’re a non smoker. Why do you do that?”

He took the cigarette away from me and pressed it in the ashtray.

“So are you. I’ve never seen you smoking. Why start now?” I asked, still coughing.

He didn’t answer me straight away. Instead he chuckled darkly and leaned back to the couch.

“To kill myself?”

“Oh no you don’t. If you’re going down, I’m coming with you. Let’s die together. Give me a stick.”

He laughed aloud. How I missed to hear him laughing like that with me. He slowly turned his head towards me, his eyes softened despite all the remaining smoke in this area that had started to suffocate me.

“I miss us, Lzzy.”

I shut my eyes tightly and took his hand in mine. “Me too. Can’t we make amends?”

He took a deep breath and let out a heavy sigh. “I dunno, Lzzy. I still feel something for you. I just don’t know what.”

I sighed and gently squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry if you feel that way. I’m sorry for everything but I don’t regret the three years that we spent together.”

“I don’t either.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Heard that one before.”

“Shit, Joe. Just, let me go. You deserve to be with someone better than me.”

Joe withdrew his hand from my grasp and stood up. “Aren’t we all?”

Then he walked up to his top bunk and closed the curtain once he was in. I don’t know what else to do. Maybe I should find him a girl…but wait. I already know a girl that wants him.

~*.*~

We’ve arrived in Alabama for our next venue and I can see our posters being pasted up everywhere in the streets. A few minutes ago, Matt texted me saying that they were about to head to North Carolina and he said Johnny was missing me that he kept looping our songs in their bus. Aww, that little guy! I adore him so much that I might even consider dating him if my feeling for Matt wasn’t this strong.

As soon as the bus stopped, the boys prepared themselves to go out and I asked Wesley to hang back, saying that we should do girly things together. Truth was, I wasn’t much into doing girly things anyway but I needed to talk to her.

“Cool, are we going shopping because I’ve been wearing the same skirt for 6 days.”

“Euw, Wesley. Do you have to mention that?”

“Ha, which reminds me. We need to go to the laundry. Your leather outfit needed to be washed.”

“Oh yeah. Right. And um, Wesley.”

“Yeah?”

“Are you free tomorrow night?”

“I guess, since your show is going to be in daytime. Why?”

“I wanna take you out on a date.”

Notes

A/N: ha. short and uninspired. LOL. next update...next week i guess because i'm so fucking busy.. :(