Come Back to Me
V
I shoved my way past everyone gathered in the backyard and ran to the bathroom. After slamming the door shut and locking it behind me, I stared at my reflection in the mirror. My mind raced as my stomach continued to twist into knots around itself. What had made him bring her here? Then again, what had caused me to think he wouldn’t? The last time I’d seen him, he’d been talking almost nonstop about her; apparently, their date had gone smoothly, even resulted in seeing each other more and more often. Of course he would have invited her.
I sighed. This was going to be a long – and difficult – day, especially if I was expected to act like nothing was wrong. It wasn’t more than ten minutes before someone knocked on the door. When I unlocked it, Johnny slipped inside. He pulled me into a tight hug without a word; I couldn’t stop the tears.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I whispered into his neck. “I'm fine.”
“Why do you insist on lying to me, Dami? Don’t you know by now that I know you better than that?”
“Sorry, Johnny. I really am fine, though.”
“You’re so fine that you lock yourself in the bathroom, away from all of your friends, away from the alcohol, and you’re crying? Dami, please.”
“I just can’t stand to see her.”
“Who? Leslie?”
“Yea.”
“You don’t even know her.”
I pushed away from him and threw my hands into the air exasperatedly. “I know that, Johnny! I know. But…it’s nothing.”
It was silent in the bathroom for a moment. I sat down on the edge of the tub and wiped my cheeks dry. He gazed at me, a scrutinising look in his eyes. Suddenly, his jaw dropped.
“You like him.”
“Huh? No, I don’t.”
“Damiana Sullivan, stop lying to me. You know I won’t tell anybody.”
“I don’t see how you can think that," I muttered feebly, knowing my pathetic attempt at subterfuge was easily seen through.
“Because you don’t like his girlfriend, even though you’ve never even spoken to her, and since they started dating, you haven’t really hung out with us at all, unless he’s not there.”
I swallowed. “Promise me no one will ever hear of this.”
“I swear it.”
He embraced me tightly once more before brushing a stray tear from the corner of my eye. I smiled lightly and allowed him to link his fingers with mine. We joined the people in the backyard; nobody seemed to have noticed our disappearance. Johnny squeezed my hand, leaving my side to get us a couple beers. I felt someone’s presence to my left.
“You must be Dami, right?”
“Uh, yea. That’d be me.”
“I’m Leslie. Brian’s told me so much about you. It’s great to finally meet you!”
“Um…thanks.”
I watched as she joined Brian at the table by the grill, and then stared at the ground. She was definitely his type: beautiful, tan, long legs that stretched sky-high. Her clothes weren’t too tight, but they sure did show off her curves. I blew out my breath and glanced over at the couple. Though I was ecstatic that one of my best friends was happy, jealousy managed to wriggle its way down into my heart at the fact that I wasn’t the one making him smile like he was at that moment. His arm found its way around her waist; that was the final straw. I turned away from the scene in front of me, jumping when I saw Jason and Johnny standing not even a foot away. I hadn’t heard them approach.
“Here’s your Jack, madame!”
Without a word, I swallowed half the glass as quickly as I possibly could. Jason raised an eyebrow but left the questions unspoken. Johnny handed me a beer, moving to be right beside me. I could see even more inquiries in Jason’s brown eyes when they flitted between Johnny and me multiple times.
“Are you two dating?”
The yard, up to this point, had been loud and full of conversation. The quick exchanges amongst the small group that the two guys and I had made, had gone without being overheard by the others. But as soon as Jason had asked that one question, everyone swivelled to stare at us. I could see my brother’s blue eyes darken, even from where I stood on the opposite side of the pool.
“Excuse me?”
“Nothing, Jim-Bone. Jason’s just being a dipshit.”
“Johnny, you better not be fucking dating my sister.”
“James Owen. Stop it! You don’t own me, and you’re not Dad. So even if I wanted to date Johnny, you couldn’t stop me. Besides, I’m already dating someone, if you’d be so smart enough to recall instead of jumping to conclusions.”
Brian gazed at me, confused, and I suddenly remembered he hadn’t known about my date with Bobby. I forced a smile in his direction but dragged my gaze back to my brother, who still hadn’t changed expressions. In fact, it seemed as if he didn’t believe me. I merely shrugged it off and took a sip of my beer. Johnny had moved half a foot away from my side, his eyes downcast at the reaction of Jimmy. When I glared at Jason, he gave me a sheepish half-grin. Leslie regained her boyfriend’s attention, and conversations resumed. I breathed a heavy sigh and prepared myself for the rest of the evening.
.:.
I gazed up at the tiny pinpoints of light in the black sky later that night, glad that the group had congregated inside for video games and more alcohol, leaving me to myself. Something about the night had always seemed to soothe me, and at this moment, I really needed some comfort. Between Marie and Jimmy, Brian and Leslie, and Matt and Tanya, I’d had my fill of lovey-dovey couples. Jason had somehow managed to smooth over the blunder he’d caused earlier that afternoon; my brother would hopefully have it all forgotten by the next morning. Matty had left some time during the evening to “attend to some very important Bat-business,” as he’d claimed before disappearing. Matt and Zack neither had said anything in reference to what had happened by the poolside, but the former had embraced me tightly, whispering that Jason was a dumbass and everything would sort itself out.
Someone lay down in the grass beside me; I glanced over to see Johnny. He remained silent but held out a hand. I understood what he was saying without speaking: It’s up to you. I laced my fingers in his. Though I knew that Jimmy would possibly react very similarly to the way he had already, I also recognised the fact that Johnny was the only one who knew the true extent of the embroiling emotions and thoughts inside of me, and I refused to push away the security and consolation that he offered. And at that moment, I really couldn’t have cared less about whether or not my brother had a problem with the closeness that Johnny and I were beginning to share.
I sighed. This was going to be a long – and difficult – day, especially if I was expected to act like nothing was wrong. It wasn’t more than ten minutes before someone knocked on the door. When I unlocked it, Johnny slipped inside. He pulled me into a tight hug without a word; I couldn’t stop the tears.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I whispered into his neck. “I'm fine.”
“Why do you insist on lying to me, Dami? Don’t you know by now that I know you better than that?”
“Sorry, Johnny. I really am fine, though.”
“You’re so fine that you lock yourself in the bathroom, away from all of your friends, away from the alcohol, and you’re crying? Dami, please.”
“I just can’t stand to see her.”
“Who? Leslie?”
“Yea.”
“You don’t even know her.”
I pushed away from him and threw my hands into the air exasperatedly. “I know that, Johnny! I know. But…it’s nothing.”
It was silent in the bathroom for a moment. I sat down on the edge of the tub and wiped my cheeks dry. He gazed at me, a scrutinising look in his eyes. Suddenly, his jaw dropped.
“You like him.”
“Huh? No, I don’t.”
“Damiana Sullivan, stop lying to me. You know I won’t tell anybody.”
“I don’t see how you can think that," I muttered feebly, knowing my pathetic attempt at subterfuge was easily seen through.
“Because you don’t like his girlfriend, even though you’ve never even spoken to her, and since they started dating, you haven’t really hung out with us at all, unless he’s not there.”
I swallowed. “Promise me no one will ever hear of this.”
“I swear it.”
He embraced me tightly once more before brushing a stray tear from the corner of my eye. I smiled lightly and allowed him to link his fingers with mine. We joined the people in the backyard; nobody seemed to have noticed our disappearance. Johnny squeezed my hand, leaving my side to get us a couple beers. I felt someone’s presence to my left.
“You must be Dami, right?”
“Uh, yea. That’d be me.”
“I’m Leslie. Brian’s told me so much about you. It’s great to finally meet you!”
“Um…thanks.”
I watched as she joined Brian at the table by the grill, and then stared at the ground. She was definitely his type: beautiful, tan, long legs that stretched sky-high. Her clothes weren’t too tight, but they sure did show off her curves. I blew out my breath and glanced over at the couple. Though I was ecstatic that one of my best friends was happy, jealousy managed to wriggle its way down into my heart at the fact that I wasn’t the one making him smile like he was at that moment. His arm found its way around her waist; that was the final straw. I turned away from the scene in front of me, jumping when I saw Jason and Johnny standing not even a foot away. I hadn’t heard them approach.
“Here’s your Jack, madame!”
Without a word, I swallowed half the glass as quickly as I possibly could. Jason raised an eyebrow but left the questions unspoken. Johnny handed me a beer, moving to be right beside me. I could see even more inquiries in Jason’s brown eyes when they flitted between Johnny and me multiple times.
“Are you two dating?”
The yard, up to this point, had been loud and full of conversation. The quick exchanges amongst the small group that the two guys and I had made, had gone without being overheard by the others. But as soon as Jason had asked that one question, everyone swivelled to stare at us. I could see my brother’s blue eyes darken, even from where I stood on the opposite side of the pool.
“Excuse me?”
“Nothing, Jim-Bone. Jason’s just being a dipshit.”
“Johnny, you better not be fucking dating my sister.”
“James Owen. Stop it! You don’t own me, and you’re not Dad. So even if I wanted to date Johnny, you couldn’t stop me. Besides, I’m already dating someone, if you’d be so smart enough to recall instead of jumping to conclusions.”
Brian gazed at me, confused, and I suddenly remembered he hadn’t known about my date with Bobby. I forced a smile in his direction but dragged my gaze back to my brother, who still hadn’t changed expressions. In fact, it seemed as if he didn’t believe me. I merely shrugged it off and took a sip of my beer. Johnny had moved half a foot away from my side, his eyes downcast at the reaction of Jimmy. When I glared at Jason, he gave me a sheepish half-grin. Leslie regained her boyfriend’s attention, and conversations resumed. I breathed a heavy sigh and prepared myself for the rest of the evening.
.:.
I gazed up at the tiny pinpoints of light in the black sky later that night, glad that the group had congregated inside for video games and more alcohol, leaving me to myself. Something about the night had always seemed to soothe me, and at this moment, I really needed some comfort. Between Marie and Jimmy, Brian and Leslie, and Matt and Tanya, I’d had my fill of lovey-dovey couples. Jason had somehow managed to smooth over the blunder he’d caused earlier that afternoon; my brother would hopefully have it all forgotten by the next morning. Matty had left some time during the evening to “attend to some very important Bat-business,” as he’d claimed before disappearing. Matt and Zack neither had said anything in reference to what had happened by the poolside, but the former had embraced me tightly, whispering that Jason was a dumbass and everything would sort itself out.
Someone lay down in the grass beside me; I glanced over to see Johnny. He remained silent but held out a hand. I understood what he was saying without speaking: It’s up to you. I laced my fingers in his. Though I knew that Jimmy would possibly react very similarly to the way he had already, I also recognised the fact that Johnny was the only one who knew the true extent of the embroiling emotions and thoughts inside of me, and I refused to push away the security and consolation that he offered. And at that moment, I really couldn’t have cared less about whether or not my brother had a problem with the closeness that Johnny and I were beginning to share.
4/7/13