Ghouls

My eyes flashed open as I woke up in fear, breathless. I gasped for air as the nightmare faded and I relaxed again in my new apartment. (I’d moved out of Cam and Jade’s pretty hastily after the night at Brian’s; I was sure they’d ask questions and I was in no way prepared to answer. I’d found a fantastic 2-birth on the beach; not too far from work and close enough to Cam that he wouldn’t stress and come round to check on me constantly.) I rubbed my eyes and slowly twisted in my clean sheets, groaning at my aching body. I checked the time – 8:30 AM – time for work. I hauled my body up, hissing at the pain, gasping at the sudden, stabbing pain I felt between my legs, as if I’d been torn from the inside or had participated in some wild sex night, which I definitely had not. I thought of my nightmare, wondering whether my body was having some strange reaction to what my mind imagined, I checked my body for scars that surely would’ve been left behind; my lips, my thighs, my forehead; nothing was physically damaged; my body just ached but it wasn’t as if I’d slept funny; my entire body seemed to be struck with a numb pain, well, everywhere but.. downstairs; that felt as if I’d been stabbed repeatedly with a machete which, considering the contents of last night within my nightmare was extremely plausible.

Figuring I needed to shower for work, I very slowly made my way up out of bed; very mindful of the pain my body was in. I hissed and groaned as I stood, turning round to make my bed, only to find a large blood stain on the sheets. Confused, I checked myself, finding the reason that my privates hurt so much. Except I was more confused than before; I wasn’t on my time of the month yet I’d been bleeding.

I collected my things needed for a shower and entered the ensuite, grabbing a lady towel for caution. I slowly stripped in light of my aching limbs, not feeling il or upset due to the fact I'd yet to put any mirrors up...and I didn't really plan too either. I gently washed and shaved before climbing out of the shower and drying, sorting my hair and abnormally pail face as I did so.

I finished up and quickly dressed; a grey, knee-length pair of shorts and a black vest along with an old pair of battered converse. I grabbed my keys and purse as I dropped my pjs in my room and headed for a quick breakfast.

Walking out of the room into my spacious living area, I crossed the living room and into the kitchen area. Before I knew it, a bounding, playful, neglected Hudson came to my feet, eager for my undivided attention; over the past months I’d barely spent any kind of time with him and I felt truly awful about it.

“Not right now, Buddy.. I’m sorry,” I told him truthfully, petting his head and filling his food bowl next to the kitchen against the wall, next to the floor-to-ceiling windows that stretched across the length of the room, round the spare room and into mine; having a corner apartment definitely had its perks. Hudson slowly rubbed against my leg, as if accepting my apology, as he began eating the biscuit/meat mixture, sorrow filling his face, breaking my heart. I petted him one last time before heading into the kitchen for my own breakfast, making myself a bowl of Froot Loops and sitting on the counter.

As I finished my bowl my phone began to vibrate next to me; Jade was calling.

I quickly dropped my cereal and picked it up, “hey, Jade, just the person I need,” I answered.

“Is that so? Good because I need a favour.. you first,” she replied.

“Ah, okay, well, I need a good doctor; I’m feeling a bit...under the weather and thought it best I see someone and as I don’t know any I guessed you would,” I told her nervously.

“Oh, no! Lau, what’s up? Of course I can give you a name of a good doctor! Female, right? I remember you saying how much you didn’t like seeing male doctors. Doctor Postet, my doctor’s name is. I can call her if you like? She’s lovely, her and I are really good friends; I’m sure you’ll love her! I was going to ask you to watch Maxi tonight; me and Cam wanted to go out but no worries! If you’re ill it’s no bother; Maxi can stay home alone and we’ll come home early! Lauren? Lauren?! You there?” she spoke so quickly I barely had time to register what she’d said.

“Yes, yes, I’m here, just a bit cuffifled, is all,” I chuckled, “thank you for that though and, you know, I don’t mind watching her; I’d rather you and Cam have a nice time; she’ll just have to endure the company of just Hudson for a while,” I explained, not wanting to admit that physically, I felt fine.

“No no no no no no no, you see Doctor Postet and get well! Me and Cam will be fine! Now, I imagine we’re both running late for work, I’ll talk to you later,” she spoke understandingly.

“Alright, thank you, Jade,” I told her, saying our goodbyes and hanging up.

After my phone call with Jade I quickly made an emergency appointment with Doctor Postet whilst finding out exactly where the surgery was.

By the time I’d done I got to work about 10 minutes late.

“And what time do you call this?” Mike hollered from the floor as I tried to sneak in through the back.

“Sorry, M, I didn’t feel too good this morning and had to make a doctor’s appointment for after work,” I explained, hurriedly grabbing my overalls and going into the tiny side room to take my shorts off and put the overalls on.

I came out face-to-face with a huge, folded pair of heavily tattooed arms which immediately relaxed when he saw me, “oh, God, yeah, you don’t look so good.. you sure you want to be in? You’re awfully pale,” he asked in worry.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m only in a couple of hours anyway,” I assured him, managing a small smile.

“Alright, kiddo,” Mike told me, wrapping his strong arm around my small shoulders and shaking me lightly, bringing my feet off of the ground, accompanying me into the large garage front.

Mike’s arm dropped as we reached the floor. In the centre was a small group of men, huddled around a Harley Davidson, who I soon recognized to be a knew apprentice working on the bike whilst Harry joked with possibly our most attractive customer yet. His warm, beaming, vaguely familiar smile radiating throughout the room. He wore a black beanie with white skulls over his short, black hair, a large pair of sunglasses, a plain, white t-shirt, a big, black jumper rolled up to just below is elbows – revealing some pretty impressive tattoos – covering his brilliantly built shoulders and arms, dark wash jeans and a pair of Nikes. I gazed for a little too long until Mike noticed and got me back to work with a blush, embarrassed it had to be my boss who caught me eye-ing up the customers.

Getting on with my work, sat on one of the other motorbikes, my mind wavered to and from this mysterious man, my mind slipping to the dirty kind every now and again until it was torn away by a soft but calloused hand gracing my bare shoulder, attracting my attention.

“Hey, haven’t seen you in a while,” his voice was husky and warm and all too familiar. The blood ran from my face as the apparent strangers voice rang in my ears. He was the last person I really wanted to see, if I’d recognised him at all with this new style.

Trying not to sound too fazed by his presence, I answered, “sorry, didn’t recognise you with this new style of yours,” I gave him a small smile as he removed his glasses, tucking them on his shirt, to reveal his friendly, warm, brown eyes; also scratching off the beanie to reveal his now short, spiky, black hair.

“Yeah, I figured I was just getting a bit old for the long stuff...that and straightening it every day was a piss-take,” he smiled widely, comforting me, despite our situation.

“Oowh, I liked it long...not as much when you straightened it...but...yeah...” I blushed, busying myself with work.

He chuckled, biting his lip. He shifted, tucking his hands into his pockets as he swapped from foot to foot, “so, um, are you busy this afternoon?” he asked, clearly nervous.

He heart suddenly stopped, extremely uncomfortable and upset, “Bri, I... I can’t... not after the last time,” I looked up at him sadly.

He looked disappointed, “why not? What happened doesn’t faze me, Lau... I care about you,” he then must have noticed my sickly face as he bent down slightly looking at me, “hey, you okay? You don’t look too good,” he asked, concerned, his hand coming up to touch my face.

I slapped him away, “yes, Brian, I’m fine.” I spat, causing him to retract and look at me confused.

“What’s going on, Lau?” he asked, upset.

“Nothing, Bri, I’m just ill, okay?” I raised my voice, attracting the attention of Mike and Harry.

“Well then, let me drive you to the doctors,” he offered, trying his best to keep his cool and help.

“No!”

“Alright, Bri, think it’s time to go,” Mike told Brian, lightly nudging his shoulders to get him to step back.

“Euugh,, fine,” Brian sighed, defeated, walking back to the bike then out of the garage.

“You okay?” Mike turned and asked both him and Harry watching me in worry, Mike’s hand finding my shoulder.

“Yeah.. yeah..” I told him, wiping the few stray tears away from my cheek and shakily carried on on the motorbike engine.

“Lauren –“ Mike grabbed my hands to stop me but I shook him away.

“No, I’m fine,” I tried to get him away but gave in, letting him hold my hands and bring me off the bike.

“Look, now, I want to you to go home, clean yourself up a bit, go to the doctors and take the rest of the day off, okay?“ he told me.

I sighed in defeat, “okay.”

He paused for a moment before continuing, “- I also want you to apologise to Brian,” my head bolted up from the floor, confused, “he’s really fuckin’ worried about you, Lau, for weeks now he’s been coming in and asking for you,” Mike informed me, looking into my face in honesty. I suddenly felt terrible for getting angry at him and upsetting him.

“Okay,” I smiled at Mike, hugging his wide stomach, and getting one in return, before changing out of my overalls and heading round the back, only to find Brian sat on the bonnet of my truck, fiddling with his glasses in his hands as he looked down at the pavement and his legs swung.

I sighed heavily, making my way over to go and stand next to him. We didn’t speak for a while until his head lifted and he looked at me, his eyes red.

“What’s going on, Lau?” he asked me, his voice barely above a whisper, clearly upset.

“Honestly? I have no clue...” I told him, my own eyes averting his and finding the tarmac beneath me, “I just... I can’t face it right now, okay?” I asked him, my eyes meeting his again.

“Of course, I mean, I never meant to pressure you into telling me I just... I’ve been so worried I haven’t slept and – “

“Bri, it’s fine... just... accompany me to the doctor?” I cut him off, making him look up to me and smile in surprise, not expecting me to let him.

I returned the smile as he quickly burst into energy, happier now I wasn’t shouting at him... He leapt from the bonnet and stood as close as he could get, toe-to-toe with me.

“Do you want me to drive or are you okay or?” he asked quickly, his eyes drying and looking down at me.

“Y’know what? That’d be great,” I smiled at him, handing him my keys. He walked me to the passenger side and opened the door, helping me climb in before handing me the seatbelt and slamming the door closed.

He climbed into his side, failing several times due to the height, making me chuckle, before finally sitting in the driver seat and pushing the keys into the ignition, “alright, okay, you’re going to have to help me with this; I’m not used to all this manual, right-hand-drive shit,” he told me, looking at me smiling, making me laugh.

“It’s not all that difficult now come on, I’m going to be late,” I chuckled.

Brian started the engine, the truck jolting back and forth as he tried to adjust to the driving, making us both laugh hysterically, before getting used to the gears and heading out of the employee parking lot.

We talked comfortably the entire ride there, only becoming silent when parking at the doctor’s surgery.

“Come on then,” he quickly smiled, patting my arm and jumping out of the truck after a substantial silence.

I too climbed out and leapt to the floor, walking to the entrance shaking nervously and rubbing my sweaty palms. Bri seemed to notice as he walked behind me, his hand finding the small of my back as he led me through the doors.

“Hello, can I help you?” the chirpy receptionist asked.

“Yes, um, I’ve got an emergency appointment with Doctor Porter,” I informed her, eyes trying to look anywhere but her; reducing my anxiousness.

“Doctor Porter? Sorry, we don’t have a Doctor Porter here, ma’am...” she informed me, trying to look into my nervous face.

I screwed my eyes up, freezing, silently cursing myself as I realised my mistake, “sorry.. Doctor Postet..sorry,” I explained.

“No need to apologise, love, go on through and take a seat and I’ll tell her you’re here,” she smiled at me.

“Okay, thank you,” I said, quickly flashing her a small, nervous smile before darting through into the waiting room. It was fairly large and very well decorated, making me wonder how bloody expensive it was going to be; it looked private and Cam and Jade may be able to afford it but there was no way I could.

“Hey –“ Brian began before he was cut off by a pretty, young, blonde woman calling me.

“Sorry, I.. I’ll be back in a sec,” I stood and apologised to him.

“Do you want me to come with you?” he asked in concern.

It stumped me completely and I didn’t really think about my answer, only that I wanted him with me, forgetting completely why I had booked an appointment, “yeah, sure.”

“Okay,” he stood up and walked with me to Doctor Postet and into her room.

“So, you’re a friend of Jade Weller?” the doctors smooth, Californian accent soothed.

“Oh, uh, yeah, she’s seeing my brother... how did you know?” I asked her.

“Aaaaah, yes, it makes sense now; I thought I recognised you; you’re Cameron’s baby sister!” she smiled, looking back at me as we walked down the corridor and into her room, “and Jade called me this morning just before I got into work telling me you were coming to see me,” she smiled sitting down at her desk as I nodded. “So, why have you come to see me? I get the impression it’s a little more than just feeling ‘under the weather’ like Jade mentioned,” she smiled.

That’s when I realised why I’d come and that I’d brought Brian in and it must have been evident in my face as he then spoke up, “oh, um, if it’s..like...lady stuff, then.. I’ll just... I’ll be outside.. sorry, I’ll just.. yeah,” Brian mumbled as he motioned towards the door and left making me chuckle anxiously.

“So, what is it?” Doctor Postet asked, her warm smile relaxing me slightly.

“Well, it’s just.. this morning.. I was... bleeding,” I told her, still rubbing my sweaty hands as my legs shook radically.

“Ah, okay, downstairs, I guess? And you’re not on your period or anything?” she asked.

“No, that’s why I came in...” I explained.

“Okay, well, if you don’t mind, I’ll have a look and we’ll see if it might be damaged,” she smiled.

Now I was completely out of my comfort zone. It had been a ridiculously long time since anyone had really gone down there, never mind a new doctor I’d just met. I slowly removed my shorts and panties and climbed up onto the examination bed, lifting my knees so that my feet were flat and gradually spread my legs.

“Okay, here we go,” she smiled again as she put on a pair of latex gloves, the smile slightly wavering as she saw the numerous scars that littered my thighs, her hand coming to rest on my knee to stroke it to calm me before going to work.

Her cold fingers gently pulled me apart and I flinched and tensed, my hands gripping the bench like a vice and my teeth biting the inside of my bottom lip until it bled.

“Does that hurt?” she asked, looking up to my scrunched up, seemingly pain-ridden face.

“No, I’m fine,” I assured her; I wasn’t in pain I just wasn’t comfortable.

“You sure?.. you’re face says otherwise,” she asked honestly.

“No, it’s just...I’m not used to it... It’s been a long time... sorry,” I trembled.

“Don’t apologise, I’m just about done anyway; you can get up and put your pants back on,” she smiled, binning the gloves.

As I dressed she began explaining, “okay, well, there’s no evident damage down there and as you say it’s been a while, I take it it’s not any kind of sexual activity?” she looked at me.

“No, no... as I say, it’s been a while,” I faced the ground, not wanting to look at her.

“Okay.. can I ask a more personal question?” she queried.

“Yeah..”

“Is there a particular reason why?” she seemed honestly concerned and as my eyes began to well and my body tensed again, she knew there was something more.

“It’s just... I’ve had some... bad experiences..” I told her, completely ashamed.

“It’s okay Lauren, I’m not here to judge you...but I’m not going to force you to tell me either, okay?” she assured me, lightly stroking my arm in comfort.

I exhaled heavily, “... okay... but you can’t tell Jade. No one knows and I can’t let anyone else know it’d break them and I can’t do that to them I just –“ I rushed trying to explain.

“Lauren, it’s patient confidentiality.. I can’t tell anyone,” she assured me, “you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to...but I feel like there is something significant I need to know if I’m going to treat you,” she explained to me.

I sighed in relief, knowing no one could find out if I spoke about it for the first time in 7 years, “you’ve got to know though... it was a long time ago and... no one’s been told since..” I paused for another long time, tears swelling my eyes in fear of finally saying the words that taunted me for so long. I looked anywhere but her face, not wanting to look another woman in the face after feeling so dirty and hopeless after what happened. I sat sobbing quietly until Doctor Postet spoke again,

“Lauren, it’s oka-“

“I was raped.”

Notes

Sorry it's been forever again, guys! >.< <3