Ghouls

It had been a few weeks since the night at the bar with Brian and Pinkly; I’d been so busy at the garage that I’d barely had any kind of social life; Bri came by a few lunch times with egg-mayo sandwiches and juice pouches (coincidentally, my favourite... I blamed Jade for that) but other than those very few visits it’d pretty much been work, eat, sleep, repeat for the last month-ish.

Luckily though, Brian’s 25th birthday was coming up in the next week so I’d finally get to break the cycle. I’d bought him a present, as I kind of owed him; it was a pair of fuchsia pink high tops. It wasn’t that I thought he’d suit pink (although, pink did go with his beautiful brown eyes pretty well); it followed a joke we’d had one afternoon on the beach. He’d taken forever to put his shoes back on which led to me to telling him how ‘shoe,’ in French, was feminine. That led to a big discussion/argument about how he wasn’t a girl and that he was a ‘real man.’ He bigged himself up and stretched his muscles like a pro-wrestler would as he said it, making me laugh uncontrollably which, I noticed, made him smile as he watched me fall about with laughter. So, due to that, I’d decided it was a little private joke between us and that the best thing to get him was a pair of pink shoes; pink being a stereotypical girl’s colour. Every time I looked at them sat on my dresser at home I reminisced about the beach, which led to the first night we’d gone for drinks, which led to me thinking about how much I was really beginning to warm to him and how, I think, he was slowly beginning to warm to me, at least that's what I thought; I figured he must be beginning to warm to me and like me; he was certainly putting the hours in and, to be honest, I was blown away by his sheer dedication to hang out; he stuck at it, considering how little time I had to spend with him.

I’d just come off lunch break on the Thursday afternoon when Mike called a staff meeting; I got in, put down my lunchbox, washed my hands and joined the small circle stood in the centre of the floor. There were 4 of us now; me, Harry, Mike and the new guy, Paul. He’d only been with us for a few weeks but he was certainly one of the most hardworking guys I’d ever seen; he was a skinny dude with short, light brown hair. I felt kinda bad for him; being the new guy, he got all the jokes... part of me was happy though; I no longer got the masturbation joke burden.

“So, it’s coming up to the summer and lots of people are gonna start wanting to use their trucks again,” Mike began, “but I also know we’ve all been sweating out balls off with work and I know Lau won’t mind me saying that,” he said, making us all chuckle. “The past few months have been difficult and a lot of work has come in and I expect to be getting only more over the summer,” he stood from where he was leant on one of the bonnets of the cars, “so, to try and get us all a little break, Harry and I have been training up some newbies and brought in some old, more experienced guys to help cover the shifts; less than 6 months ago this place was tiny but we’re really taking off and, I believe, we’re in desperate need of more hands so getting in some squirts and employing some of the old guys that used to work here will be a Hell of a lot of help to us all. They should be in working most days in the normal hours which means, hopefully when I work out all the shifts, we’ll all get some more time off!” he shouted the last part, lifting his arms up, making us all cheer.

“So, how many days a week will we have to come in?” Paul asked.

“I haven’t worked it all out yet but it’ll be no more than 2-3 days a week, I imagine, which is obviously a lot more than the 6 days a week we’re all in now!” Mike answered.

“What does that mean money-wise? Can we afford all these new guys?” I asked.

“Well, I’m planning on using the refurb money; they’re not technically meant to be being paid; most of them are apprentices but this place doesn’t need any work done and with the business growing as fast as it is, I’m pretty sure we’re making enough to pay the guys that need paying. Although, as I’m asking them to work over the holidays, I am going to pay them a little; us and the old employees will be paid normal wage and I’ll pay the newbies a little just for coming in, even though I don’t have too but I feel a little bad, so. I’m also going to be permanently employing one or two afterwards so I’ll need you guys to help mentor and help me pick; we need the extra hands and it’s best if they get along with you guys too,” Mike explained, “but before I forget, let me know when any of you are planning on taking any holidays so I can figure out shifts and stuff,” he asked.

“Woo!” I said, lifting my hands in the air before re-adjusting my overalls and continuing my work on an old Harley that the coolest biker in the world brought in; he was about 50-60, a grey goatee, sunglasses, a flaming bandana over his head and a huge leather jacket (and boots) that was littered with patches of old metal bands; Pantera mostly.

I managed to just about finish on the bike before work was up; I closed up the engine and washed my hands and face of the oil before noting down that I was finished and calling the owner to come and collect the Harley in the morning. I hung the keys in the safety box that hung above the main desk, where we kept all the keys to cars we were working on as well as our own personal ones, and grabbed my own keys from the hook with my name above them and made my way out to the private car park to the side of the garage, where we kept our own cars and any that we needed to move. I unlocked the gates and made my way over to my 25 year old, matt black Land Rover Defender 110; the same model my Dad had that I’d been able to fully restore to working condition. I’d bought it as a pile of rust and my Dad and I managed to completely restore it; we removed all the rest, completely re-did the interior, and added a radio and central heating (which the truck had never been built with.) My Dad had bought his own not too many years before I bought mine; he did the same with his except it was green and was often filthy from the amount of times he’d gone green-laning in it. I’d had it shipped over a few weeks ago; there were a lot of memories within that truck; bad and good. But most of all, it reminded me of my Dad and, being so far away from him, I needed something that was...him..with me; me and Dad were extremely close much like Cam and I; we both looked a lot like our Dad, despite only being half-siblings. It was phenomenal that we were only half-brother and sister; we were so alike in so many ways; we had the same mannerisms and looks, all inherited from our father; we were like the 3 musketeers, or how I’d heard it put many times.

I climbed into the familiar grey, fabric seats on the truck and pulled out of the car park, heading back to Cam’s. Before I knew it, the fuel gauge ticket, telling me I was running low so I pulled into the first gas station I found, just outside Huntington, to fill up.

I pulled up, taking my keys out of the engine and opened up my door. As I turned I noticed a vaguely familiar white-blonde sat in a vaguely familiar classic 1950s Cadillac. She watched me, disgust in her face as she flicked her bleached hair off her shoulder and watched forward.

I shrugged it off, quickly leaping from my seat to fill up. I turned to the pumps, picking up the diesel. It was then I noticed a familiar tattooed hand reaching for the pump on the opposite side. I slowly raised my head, not wanting to face the man the hand belonged to but before I knew it I was met with a pair of sharp, light green eyes.

Zacky Vengeance.

My breath caught, not wanting to speak to him, even if I knew that eventually, I would have to.

“Hey,” he said nervously.

“Hey,” I returned, not being able to divert my gaze from his eyes.

The bimbo must have gotten a bite of the jealousy as she then leant out of the car to talk to her ‘bobo.’

“Hey, bobo, how long you gonna be, baby?” she whined.

“As long as I need, okay?!” he snapped, shouting at her, making both me and her freeze. He turned back to me, an apologetic look washed over his face.

I was suddenly ripped from my chance, remembering why it was I was so upset with him; “wow, you really are a nice guy...” I scoffed, reminding myself of what Jade had told me about his temper.

He inhaled, as if her were about to say something but before he could I turned my back, not wanting to hear his excuses or try to defend himself. I went to fill my truck as I faintly heard a defeated exhale of breath before I heard the sound of a pump being picked up and the pop of a fuel cap.

I managed to fill my car and run to the store without looking at either of the couple. I picked up an energy drink and went to the cashier, paying for my drink and diesel. Just as I turned to exit, I walked into him.

“Look, I’m sorry, Lauren. I didn’t mean to upset you,” he told me, holding my arm; making my heart beat faster as the memories of our night,that seemed so distant before, came flooding back.

“Oh, okay, but it’s okay to upset her?” I asked, referring to his blonde. I didn’t like her, not by any stretch of the imagination, but I hated how he spoke to her; I knew where she was coming from; I’d been in her position; with a guy that was far too violent and there was a small part of me that wanted to help her; if not, just stand up for her; no one deserves to be spoken to like that; man or woman.

“That’s not what I said,” he spat, getting angry, his grasp on my arm growing.

My palms sweat as I tried to pull away, “we really going back down that road, Zack?” I asked, motioning to my arm, “trying to take advantage while Brian’s not here? While your ditsy blonde can’t see? Jade told me what you’re like, how you tend to treat women, and I’m not going to just stand here and take it, least not from you. I’ve been down that road too many times and I’m not going back; not now. Not ever,” it was my turn to spit. I was surprised I even had it in me.

“I told you I loved you,” he spat again, less of anger but more of hurt, his grip got tighter as his eyes seemed to well with tears.

“Oh, boohoo, Zack! You think I really believe that bullshit? You don’t know a thing about me! And, Hell, you think I’m likely to believe you after I’ve seen you sucking your bitch’s face off? I just...fuck you, Zack! I thought I liked you..” I shouted, slowing to a whisper at the end, ashamed.

His grip loosened as his jaw hit the floor in shock. I began to make my escape before I turned back to him.

“You know what, Zack? Even after everything, I still wanted us to be friends...I still do want us to be friends; I want to be able to help you. Everyone knows what went down between us and I’m not one to want to hold a grudge; it’s not going to help anything. My brother’s your fucking roadie so it’s not like I can ignore you and if I am to become a part of this friendship group, I’ve got to at least be civil and right now you’re making that extremely difficult to do.” I was going to say more but my eyes were beginning to well, along with his. He still seemed shocked; shocked I’d been able to stand up to him...to be honest, I was surprised too; I never expected to have that kind of courage to be able to stand against any man, never mind him.

I wasn’t going to stay any longer; I turned around, heading for the door, after whispering a small, “see you around,” as I walked through the door. I thought I heard him whisper an, “I’m sorry,” as I left but I shrugged it off.

I power-walked over to my truck and just as I reached the handle a set of manicured claws grabbed my arm; I guess the two had a lot in common after all.

“What were you saying to my bobo? Who are you to him?” she seemed to shout but her voice was low, as if she were angry but didn’t want anyone else to know.

“He’s nothing to me, not anymore; I thought he might have meant something some time ago, but now?” I scoffed, “he’s all yours,” I told her, tearing open my door as he sped-walked out the store.

I jumped into my truck and started the engine before he got to us. He looked up at me with a face that seemed both angry and sorry as his blonde started to shout at him. They began a full-blown argument as I pulled away and out of the gas station.

The drive home was loud; blasting anything heavy in an attempt to drown my own sobs. I drove right past Cam’s lodge; there was no way I could go back, not right now. I ended up driving for miles, eventually pulling over to sit on the cliffs, overlooking the dark ocean. I sat for a good hour-or-so, on my own with a slowly diminishing crate of beers, until I heard someone call.

“Lauren?” I froze as the voice from the shadows spoke. A man, I’d figured.

“Lauren, that’s you, right?” the tears slowly began to fall down my face again as my breath hitched and the assailant got closer. Part of me wanted it to just be over; let him do whatever he wanted to me; I’d let it before, why was now so different? Maybe, because this was supposed to be a new start? A new me? But all I wanted was for it to be over...everything. It would all be so much easier, to just let everything happen...happen; to not fight. I took a long swig of the bottle I held as I shook like paper in the wind; the memories of everything that had happened before Cali flooded my mind and distorted my vision; images of the men flashed before my eyes causing me to sob uncontrollably. My eyes drifted to my legs, scars from those nights poking from under the shorts I wore, further reminding me of the horrors, causing my body to shake more violently in self-loathing.

“Lauren?” the shadow-man said, placing a large hand on my shoulder. My entire body jumped, making me completely break down. I felt his eyes on my back, probably watching the scars that littered my neck and shoulders that I’m sure were about to burst from the stress and pain.

“Lauren?” I gave no response; I didn’t want to look at him; I wanted him to just do what he wanted and leave; I wasn’t worth it.

“Lauren? Lauren, it’s me, Jimmy?”

My breath caught again at the name, although I couldn’t see his face; the tears blurred my view. It was then I felt him sit beside me and bring a hand to wipe away my tears. His long fingers stroked my eyes and cheeks in an attempt to calm me and wipe the tears from my face. It was then I re-opened my eyes and was met with his sad, blue eyes looking directly into mine. I sobbed further, leaning into him, resting my head on his shoulder as I wrapped my arms around his middle as he wrapped his around my shoulders.

We sat that way for a long time, him slowly rocking me back and forth to calm me down. I gasped as I felt what must have been one of his tears fall atop my head, I quickly pulled my head back and looked at him but he’d already brought his arm up to hide his face.

“Jim?” I asked my voice barely above a whisper.

“Lauren,” he retorted.

“What’s going on?” I pushed.

“I could ask you the same thing,” he had a point.

There was a silence for a while before he spoke again, “you go first.”

My heart stopped, terrified to tell him. Was I really going to tell all? Tell him everything? Did I really trust him enough? No. I trusted him a heck of a lot more than any of my other new friends here in Huntington Beach but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him; he was becoming one of those that I cared about too much to tell. It was odd; I’d only met Jimmy a few times but already I felt like I cared about him a lot... as if he were a brother.

“I don’t know what to say...” I stuttered, not sure where to start.

“Well, why are you upset?” tears made their way back down my face as I began to explain.

“Well,” I began, turning my body to face the water, “literally because I’ve just seen Zack,” he nodded in understanding, “and it’s just reminded me of how many shitty-ass situations I’ve been in with men and how many times I’ve failed to save myself and how destroyed I am due to it.. and how desperate I seem to be loved...only to be hurt again,” my voice cracked, tears streaming.

“Aaah... how bad was it? Your relationships?” he asked, looking back at me.

“Pretty bad,” I whispered, gently pulling my shorts to show his just the first row of scars. His arm pulled me closer and I felt him exhale. I looked back at him, tears in both our eyes, “it wasn’t me, though, I mean, some were me but most weren’t..” I explained.

“You mean to say you didn’t do that to yourself? Some other sick bastard did that to you?” he spat, angry. Angry at whoever had hurt me.

“Jim, I’m sorry,” I began, my breath hitching as I tried to control myself.

“You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about,” he told me, quickly pulling my into a hug, his hand resting on my head to keep it in his shoulder.

“Jimmy, I can’t do this, I can’t,” I sobbed.

“Can’t do what? What can’t you do?” he begged.

“Any of this, I can’t cope anymore. I can’t tell you what’s going on, shit, Cam doesn’t even know. I can’t keep it inside anymore, Jim, but I daren’t tell anyone. I can’t do this anymore..” I choked out, trying to get up but only slipping and falling from the cliff.

There was suddenly a pair of large arms around me, stopping me from falling; holding me in a hug, my face back in the crook of his neck.
“Lauren, you don’t have to tell me everything but you can’t go. Brian loves you.. I love you, shit, everyone really loves you. You realize how devastated they’d be if you...left? I know we’re not all that close yet but you’re a good friend and Brian, well, he’s my best friend and he really fuckin’ loves you and I can’t watch him get hurt again; I can’t let you go. I need to protect you to protect you both. I can’t watch him destroy himself in guilt; he’ll blame himself and destroy himself. He really fuckin’ likes you, Lauren and I can’t let you hurt him; I care about the both of you way too much. I’m so fuckin’ glad you’ve told me what you have; now I know Brian’s got something worth saving.. and protecting. You’re beyond spectacular, Lauren, and none of us could cope if you were gone.”

Jimmy’s words only made me sob harder; I knew exactly what ending this meant; I knew it would destroy everyone around me but I had to take that chance; I had to hurt them in order to free myself.

“But that’s exactly why I’ve got to go; I love you all too much; I can’t tell you anything in fear of hurting you.. but I can’t stay,” I tried to explain, between my voice cracking.

“No,” Jimmy spun me to look at him, gripping my shoulders, “you have got to stay. You know why I’m up here? All on my own? Because I thought the same as you. I’m sick, Lauren, I don’t know how long I’ve got. I don’t know how long I can take this either. I came up here for the same reason you did. We’re a lot more alike than we thought. I’m sorry for everything that’s happened and I promise to you that I will do everything I can to help you; I care about you and want to make sure you’re okay and I know Brian and the other guys will be exactly the same, just, please don’t do it. I need to know that everyone will be okay when I go and, if you’re not there, I can’t be sure that everyone will be okay,” tears now made their way down his cheeks.

I stopped for a moment, shocked.

“I.. I don’t know what to say, I...” I tried to say something but nothing was coming.

“Lau, you don’t have to say anything, just come back with me and I’ll drop you off and yours,” he offered, making me cry again.

“Thank you, Jimmy,” I told him, sobbing again. Partly in relief but partly in pain; I was glad Jimmy was there to stop me but I wasn’t sure how much longer I could last.

The two of us sat atop the cliff for another hour-or-so, drinking slowly. Talking about some of our past and how we reeaally weren’t all that different. Eventually, Jim stood up and lent me a hand to pull me to my feet.

“You sure you can drive?” my speech slightly slurred from the alcohol.

“Yeah, I’ve actually only had 2 or 3, whereas you have had about 4 too many,” he smiled at me. His smile was so damn infectious and immediately made a smile of my own, “we’ll take your car so no one gets suspicious at yours; I know what it’s like to arrive home to a house of people, drunk in someone else’s car, so..” he explained, taking my keys and opening my door for me before helping me in and getting in to the driver’s side.

“So, we keep this between us, right?” I asked him quickly, suddenly paranoid I couldn’t trust him and that he’d spill.

“Yeah, if you want; as I said, I’m kind of in the same situation as you; I don’t want anyone to know either. Just know, I’m always here if you need me,” he smiled again.

I sighed in relief, “thank you.”

“We especially don’t tell Brian; it’d kill him if he found out; he doesn’t know about me either...it’s a bit like you not telling Cam,” he explained which shocked me a bit, considering how close they were.

“Okay..”

“It’s our little secret,” he smiled again, pulling away from the edge and turning back into town.

“It’s our little secret..”

Notes