Right Where I Belong

Matt’s POV

“Damn you, Brian. Makes me feel bad about this whole situation…”, I murmured to myself.
I walked down the street trying to sort through my thoughts and where do I end? At the gas-station I was talking about earlier. I didn’t need anything, I just wanted to see that girl again.
I saw her the first time a few weeks ago, I walked in after I was out for a run grabbed a Monster Energy Drink walked to the counter and saw her standing there, joking with some young dude who was paying for his gas. She immediately caught my attention with her shoulder length dark brown hair and her brown eyes.
I haven’t noticed that the line I was standing in had moved forward and it was my turn to pay. She looked up at me and smiled, “That’s all or can I do something else to give you a treat?”, she winked and smiled at me but I was speechless.
I shook my head laid the money on the counter and went out without another word.
I heard her yell behind me, “That is too much…” but I already left and walked back home.

After that I have gone another time or two, okay maybe more than that, to the gas-station to buy some unhealthy shit I normally don’t eat but just to see when she was on shift and standing in line to snatch a look at her and finally talk to her.
She smiled and flirted here and there I could see her name on the name tag she was wearing – Jessica.
I would call her Jess but until now I haven’t really talked to her so I didn’t have the chance to call her that. But today… I would do it…

I walked in and grabbed some magazines about video-games and another energy drink. There were two counters open, the first one was Jess’s and on the second another girl.
The other girl called, “Please also come to me…”
But I didn’t want to go to her, I wanted to finally talk to Jess. So I kept standing in line.
The other girl called again and some of the people before and after me went over there so finally only one customer in my line and I would finally talk to Jess.

When it was my turn to pay I laid my stuff on the counter and looked up to her, “Hey Gorgeous, you again… Maybe this time you will talk to me?”, she smiled at me and again I was speechless, damn why did this happen to me when I was around her?!
I never felt like this… she looked at me and waited for my answer… and waited a little longer… then she put a ‘Closed’ sign on her counter, walked around to her colleague said something to her and then came directly towards me, she grabbed my arm and she pulled me towards the exit and stopped when we were standing next to the building.

I looked down on her, now I noticed how small she really was, she would fit perfectly into my arms.
“So, Mr. you came here nearly every day, bought some shit and didn’t even talk to me, what is wrong with you?!”, she looked up to me and we stood only a feet away from each other.
“I… can I be honest?” It wouldn’t make sense to tell her some bullshit, so I would just tell her the truth.
“Sure, be honest!” Jess replied and crossed her arms over her breast, which pressed them up even more and I had a good view at her cleavage.
“Okay, so… I wanted to ask you for your number the entire time but… every time I walked in there you were already talking and joking around so I gota little… let’s say intimidated and didn’t find the courage to ask you… so that’s it…”
She looked surprised then she began to laugh and with laugh I mean really laugh… she got tear in her eyes so hard was she laughing and sometimes she snorted through her nose which was so adorable that I couldn’t help but join in to her laughing.
“Gods, how can you…” she began and tried to catch her breath, “think that I was intimidating?”
She wiped the tears from her eyes and I felt my hand twitch because I wanted to be the one to feel the soft skin of her face but I held back.
“I don’t know…” I replied honestly again.
“Okay, how is that… we start from the beginning.” she turned around and gave me her back I looked at her quizzically and waited.
She turned back around and looked at me with a smile and I felt my heart beating faster again, “Hi, my name is Jessica Willis. It’s nice to meet you…”, she held her hand out to me, I took it but pulled her towards my body and hugged her, “Nice to meet you, Jess… I’m Matt.”
“Friends call me Willis…”, she said into my chest.
“I prefer to call you Jess… can I?” I leaned further down and whispered to her ear.
“Sure, do whatever you want with me…” Good, did she really mean that cause I could think about a hundredth things I wanted to do to her and her hot little body.
“WILLI’S??? BREAK IS OVER”, someone called from the entrance of the gas-station and immediately Jess stepped back from me.
“COMING!” Jess called back then gave me a small note, turned around and went back to work.

Jimmy’s POV

We sat down on my couch both a beer in hand I flipped through the TV.
“What’s wrong with you?” Brian asked me casually and opened his beer can.
I looked at him surprised, “What do you mean?”
“Come on, you know what I mean, Jimmy… you are my best friend I know you better than anybody else… you have been strange during this last days… so tell me what’s going on…” He took a sip of his beer and placed his shoes onto my table.
“I don’t know what you mean…” I began but knew that Brian was right, he knew me better than anybody else and I might behaved a little strange… but I didn’t know how to describe my feelings.
“Don’t bullshit me, James… Spit it out…”, Brian set his beer down and turned towards me.
“Damn Brian… I don’t know… I just…” I started but couldn’t form the right words, I wasn’t sure myself why I felt so empty inside.
“Is it because the tour is over… that you miss the being on the road?” Brian asked and I had to think about that for a moment.
“Maybe… I don’t know…”
“We could drive over to the club… maybe you need some pussy to get you to other thoughts… what you say?” Brian asked with a smirk.
“Nahhh… I don’t wanna go to a club…” I didn’t want to be around too many people right now.
“Okay, then let me check my phone, I might have some…” Brian began.
“Bri… no… Can we just hang out? Drink and that’s it?”
“Sure..” Brian shrugged his shoulders and tipped his beer back.
“But I need something stronger then this…” Brian got up from the couch and rummaged around in my alcohol cabinet until he found a bottle of Jim Beam, “This will do…”
He grabbed two glasses and poured the Whiskey and gave me one glass, I held the glass to my lips took a small sip and then drank the glass empty with one drag.
Hm… the familiar burn down my throat and it would numb me, soon it would numb my feelings, that’s what I needed right now.

It was after 5:30, slowly the sun was rising at the horizon. I sat at my balcony watching the waves crash down on the beach.. and I was alone … Brian had passed out on my couch, it mostly ended like this.

I sat lonely watching the sunrise or watching the sun go down… but mostly I stayed awake to watch the sun rise… because I waited for the night to see the day… the beginning of a new day.
You never knew what the next day would bring and I liked the feeling… I could see it my way.
What is wrong with me these last couple of days? I wasn’t the Jimmy I used to be…
But I didn’t know what was wrong with me…
Maybe it really had to do with the touring all the attention gone, the tight working schedule not there to push me forward…
But maybe it was also this feeling like I have done everything I ever wanted, tried everything I ever wanted and I felt lonely in the middle of people… of people I loved and people who loved me but still lonely on the inside…
Was this all? Everything life has got for me? I know I sound pathetic… The sun was up so I downed the last remains of Whiskey and went over to the living room.
Brian was snoring softly and still held an empty beer in hand. I took it from him draped the blanket over him and placed a pillow underneath his head.
I went upstairs to my bedroom and laid myself onto the bed and closed my eyes, maybe I could sleep a little… just a little.

Notes

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