Weird Girl

My whole life, I've wanted to be free.
But I've always stopped myself from running away. I'm the only person my mother has, I can't abandon her like my father abandoned us. I could leave at 18, just a couple years, but I couldn't do that to her, she wouldn't survive without me. It would send her over the edge.

The next Monday was a pretty stupid day, but I did get an 92% on a math test, so there's that. I walked home from school with a spring in my step from my test score, I'm horrible at math so this was a rare occurrence.
"I can't believe I got a 92." I exclaimed to Cassie who was walking with me out of school. "Like I was sure that I failed." I said, fiddling with one of my pigtails.
"Maybe Mr. Johnson is in love with you." Cassie said. "Oh no Sarah, you didn't sleep with him did you?" She said jokingly.
"No, but that sounds more believable." I laughed. "Hey you know what we should do?" I grinned.
"What?"
"Celebratory ice cream!" I exclaimed. She just nodded excitedly.

We walked to the ice cream shop that wasn't far from where we were, we used to go there all the time when we were kids.
"Hello what would you like?" The cashier asked us.
"I would like a vanilla ice cream with butterscotch syrup, on a cone." Cassie said gleefully.
"And I would like a vanilla ice cream cone with rainbow sprinkles please." I smiled sweetly at the woman.
We got our ice cream and sat at one of the tables outside.
"Their ice cream is the absolute best in the world. I mean probably." Cassie said, licking her ice cream cone.
"I know, it almost makes me wanna stay here forever." I smile, licking the ice cream.
"It's strange to think about how much things can change, but there's one thing I know, we'll always be best friends and we'll always go on ice cream trips to together." She said, lifting her ice cream cone up.
"Here, here!" I exclaimed as we cheers'd with our ice cream cones.

I got home shortly after I said goodbye to Cassie. My mother was already asleep, like she always was. I went into her room to check on her as soon as I walked in, she looked fine other than the various bottles scattered all over her bed. I cleaned up her bed for her so she didn't roll over one and end up with glass shards in her stomach. There were only three so I brought them to the kitchen, there was whiskey, gin and a smaller bottle of vodka. I decided to make myself a glass of whiskey and put the bottles back in the cupboard.
I took a sip of whiskey before rummaging around in my backpack for my math test. I tiptoed into my mom's room to see if I could manage to wake her up long enough to show her. I shook her shoulder gently.
"Mom?" I asked softly.
"Hmm?"
"I got a 92 on a math test look." I said, holding up the test.
"That's nice sweetie." She said, half asleep. There's no use, I thought.
I walked back into the kitchen slapping the test on the fridge, holding it in place with a magnet. I took another sip of whiskey, trying to keep myself from caring. I mean why should I care that my mom isn't ever awake long enough to be apart of my life? I shouldn't. She doesn't.
I needed to get some air so I grabbed my glass and a pack of cigarettes and walked outside to my front yard. I set the whiskey down on the little table on the porch, pulling a lighter out and lighting the cigarette in my mouth. I took a long drag to calm down, it definitely helped. I drank some more whiskey and paced my front porch, wondering if I would ever be able to leave this hell hole. I've always known the answer is no but I've always held on to this little bit of hope in the back of my mind. Have I mentioned I'm stupid?
I took the last sip of my whiskey and the last drag off my cigarette. It's so hard to be happy when you're in a cage, I wanted to leave so badly but instead I just walked back inside.

I checked my phone as soon as I got back in my room, I had some texts from Jimmy, Cassie and my dad, I checked Jimmy's first.
Jimmy: YOU GUYS GOT ICE CREAM WITHOUT ME? NO FAIR
Jimmy: I curse you and your firstborn child.
I texted him back:
Sarah: I don't think you need any more sugar Jimmy... You're already hyper enough.

I checked Cassie's after.
Cassie: Serious question.
Cassie: Who do you think is cuter, Matt or Brian?
Cassie: I bet I know who you're gonna pick...
I just rolled my eyes and decided not to reply.

Then I reluctantly checked my fathers texts.
Dad: Hey, how've you been.
Sarah: Fine.
Dad: I miss you honey, I'm sorry about this, I love you.
Sarah: love you too.

I know I shouldn't have replied to him, but he's still my dad. I threw my phone onto my bed before sitting at my desk and starting my homework, truly a soul tiring task.
By the time I finished all my homework I was practically half asleep, it was only 8 pm but that didn't stop me from being so tired I could've passed out at my desk. I put my homework away, walking from my room to the bathroom to take a quick shower. It only lasted about 15 minutes because I decided not to wash my hair. After I was dry I changed into an oversized tee shirt to sleep in, climbing back into my bed under the covers. I drifted off to sleep peacefully.
I woke up to the sound of someone knocking on my window, I almost had a heart attack. I checked my phone, it was 1 am. I looked through my curtains to see that it was Matt. I opened my window to see what the hell he was doing.
"Jesus Christ Matt, I thought you were a serial killer." I whispered/yelled at him.
"I know this is weird, but can I crash here tonight?" He asked. I opened my window all the way so he could get through it.
"Why, what happened?" I asked him as he pretty much fell into my room.
"Okay so basically, I got into a fight with my stepdad and he took my keys away. Which doesn't even make sense because he didn't even give me the car in the first place." He exclaimed quietly, I just nodded. I realized I was still only in my oversized nirvana shirt, so I decided to get back under the covers.
"Aren't your parents gonna be worried?" I asked him quietly, he was sitting on the edge of my bed wearing a black hoodie and some basketball shorts.
"No, I'm their problem child, they'd be happier if I was gone." He said. "So can I crash here?" He asked again. I thought about it for a second, I mean I couldn't kick him out at this point.
"Yeah it's fine." I agreed.
"Thanks so much Sarah, I owe you one big time." He exclaimed. I sighed. I guess I didn't expect him to just lay down next to me, but that's what happened. I stared at the ceiling starting to regret my decision.
"So... The weather's been great lately..." I said trying to offset the awkwardness, but as always, I made it worse.
"Look, I know this is weird." He said bluntly. "But I don't exactly have the best home life, sometimes it's nice to just run away... Ya know?" He asked.
"Yeah... I'd give anything to run away..." I trailed off.
I don't know where I thought he was gonna sleep, I guess I just sorta assumed it wouldn't be in my bed. Whatever, I thought, I just hope his psycho girlfriend never finds out.
"Matt?" I said softly.
"Yeah?"
"Don't tell your girlfriend you slept here, she'll kill me." I said.
"Okay." He laughed.

He fell asleep before me, I couldn't exactly fall back asleep in my current circumstances. I was laying on my side facing away from him, trying to fall asleep when I felt his arm around me. He held closer in his sleep, I hated the way it made me felt, the way he made me felt. I knew that he would never think of me that way, I knew I should just forget about him.
I drifted off to sleep quickly after that, wishing I could stay asleep forever. Wishing I could just be free.

Notes

Sorry this took so long, I had major writers block. Second guessed myself a lot...

Thanks for reading!!! =^.^= ily <3