San Diego

“Shit... Jimmy, I’m so late! We have to be in the venue in like... in 40 minutes! Oh my god.” I paced back and forth in the hotel room as he watched me with a foolish smile, lying all comfortable in the bed.

Why the hell does he have to be so calm like that? Tonight is our first concert. The first my band will be opening for them and we’ll be facing a massive crowd of their deathly fans. I’m gonna be thrilled if they don’t boo us or throw us piss. No, please, not piss…

“How can you… just lay in there Jimmy? You’re not even ready!” I kept collecting my clothes and bath stuff around the room to go to the shower.

“C’mon, I get ready in 5. Just gotta fix my hair. I’m not mrs. Gates that started dressing an hour ago in his room.” he approached me and pulled me to a breathtaking kiss. “Don’t worry, you’ll get used to this.” His arms sneaked around my back and then down to my waist.

“You’re not even a little… nervous, babe?” I mumbled looking at his eyes as I devilishly surprised him with my freezing hands under his shirt. He broke our hug apart and stepped back from me with a jump.

“OUCH!! What you have on those fingers, fucking icebergs?” his body shrank.

“I have anxiety! Neat! You look like you could use some!” I moved a few steps towards him with a threatening face, he tried to escape by my left side but I trapped him in between the bathroom door and the wardrobe. “Hmm, I’d definitely trade that for a little piece of this heaven here.” he laughed down at me while I smelled his cologne from his neck and the part of his chest showing above his shirt. It definitely had the power to calm me.

“Ems, as much as I love you hedging me like this, you gotta go get ready, cause I know if you start to get all hands on me, we won’t be showing up for our jobs that soon. I speak for myself.” Jimmy noticed I was staring mesmerized at his lips while he was talking and stick his tongue to lick my silly smile. I laughed. “And I gotta go talk to Jason about our little after concert party, he has contacts with dealers from Tijuana, good and cheaper stuff. Just you and me and some illegal substances to celebrate the new tour. Sounds good?” he shot me a dirty smile.
I cocked one eyebrow at him and pecked his lips once more. This should be fun.

“That’s a really tempting offer and you should also be considered an illegal substance, you know?” I threw a seductive gaze at him. “Go before I acclaim my daily dose of you. Go.” I winked and turned my back to get inside the bathroom. Jimmy went out but not before slapping my ass slightly, tearing a few giggles out of me.

When I heard the door finally shut, I undressed and got inside the bathroom stall. I loved to feel the current of air mixing with the extremely hot water hitting my skin so I grew a habit to let the bathroom door always wide opened.

My mind kept remembering the chord and solo positions of the songs we planned to play tonight
as I leathered myself. I hope I wouldn’t forget anything.
A sudden door opening noise made me jolt and scarred away my thoughts. Jimmy must’ve forgotten something.

I got back to my relaxing moment and turned my back to the glass door, facing the wall now. My hands were finally hot again and I wasn’t trembling that much. Maybe that’s what I needed, a good and refreshing shower to calm my nerves. When I’d finally achieved a concentration state I could close my eyes peacefully, a pair of slender hands cupped my breasts and squeezed them softly from behind.

“Jimmy?” I tried but deep inside, I could feel it wasn’t him.

I looked down and saw the tattoos. Oh no…

“Try again…” he whispered.

I didn’t even have to look down to know from whom that touch belonged. I knew exactly who was rubbing his naked chest on my back and breathing hot air in my neck. Not to mention his hardness pressing on my butt.

My biggest mistake. My biggest temptation. It found me again.

He held me tight on him, the water falling on both our faces as he grazed his pierced nose on my right cheek and moaned in a low tone right inside my ear.

“What… what are you doing here, Brian? Jimmy will be back, he just went outside to find Jason.” his hands began to roam everywhere in my body. Why wasn’t I stopping him? “Stop it.”

“I couldn’t take it anymore, okay? My room is just next to yours, I could hear you laughing and when the shower turned on…” he sucked on my neck once and my eyes shut off instantly. “I missed you. Pretty bad.” he made sure he uttered the consonants emphatically on my ear, making my knees wince.

“Please… we can’t do this again. You gotta go now, I’m begging you.” he wasn’t willing to respect my wish this time, cause one of his hands slipped on my belly and his middle finger fell in my gap starting the action right on. “Brian, please. Go. Away.” I used my best ultimatum voice and tried to fight the burning sensation of pleasure growing along with his slow thrusts in between my legs. As much as my mouth was trying to send him away, my body was totally leaned on his and one of my hands was interlaced with his, placed on my left breast, encouraging him to keep it in there.

I needed a strength I didn’t have when I was rendered in his arms. Why, god, why?

“Hey, babe… Forgot my wallet.” Jimmy’s voice came from outside and my heart raced like never before. Brian had shut down the bathroom door cause I could hear his voice was distanced.

I made a fast move to turn my body to face Brian but he held me even tighter, in almost a hurting way. I couldn’t move and I was terrified of the thought of Jimmy coming inside and caught us on that position. A position I didn’t even ask for.

“Ems? Are you okay in there?” his voice was close now, I could tell he was talking to the door. Brian never ceased his hand on me. That fucker was enjoying my situation.

“Yeah… Jimmy, I am.” I shouted, trying not to sound desperate. My corner of the eye look met Brian’s intense gaze and he pushed his waist on mine to make me moan. But I managed to hold it this time and mumbled an angry stop it.

“Can I come in? I miss you already, I want a kiss.” my eyes popped out of my head. Brian bit my neck and I hit him softly with my elbow. My brain needed to invent something fast.

“No, Jimmy, please, I’m... I’m dyeing my hair, it’s a mess in here now. You don’t wanna see a murder scene.” I emphasized the word murder to Brian and his lips showed an evil smile. I was freaking lying again to protect that cocky ass? I can’t believe.

“Oh, okay then. I’m gone. Bye, love you.” his voice was far again for my relief.

“Bye.” I heard the door shutting and I could finally breathe again. “Thanks for almost ruining my life once again, asshole.” Jimmy had barely closed the door and Brian was already back with the strokes on my clit. Now I had a lot of adrenaline to burn together with my lust.

“Hmm, I love when you scold me.” he didn’t seem to care at all. And my anger for that man was being transformed in pure bliss at each thrust. “Call me that again.”

“God, I hate you… so… much, you know that?” my voice was failing already. So close.

“Great, let me show you my hate for you too. Bend on the wall and spread your legs for me, babe.” he used his charming tone and I could feel his lips everywhere in my back as I did what he asked. He moved his finger a little slower and then quickly with a kind of tremolo effect. Ahh god, that modus operandi of his…

He held his dick up against my butt and started rubbing it along with his moves. Ecstatic as I was, if he had intention to fuck me from behind this time, I would go for it without questioning. But soon I found out I was wrong, he searched for the regular entrance and adjusted himself inside of me.

As I was in the verge of having my clit orgasm, I could feel that other kind of rousing pleasure building inside my core with his thickness. I came unexpectedly before I could think about the next bad name I could call him.

“FUCK, BRIAN! YOU FUCKING ARROGANT ASSHOLE! I HATE YOU AHHH…” I exploded and he groaned loud in delight. I had barely enjoyed the feeling of cursing him and the amazing relief I got when he intensified his hip boost on my butt in a staccato rhythm, making me direct my fully attention to the other stimulation going on there.

“Yeah, that’s me. And that arrogant asshole just showed you paradise. Show me what you got for me now, woman, show me.” He bent down on top of my back and played with my trembling breasts before his hands climbed all the way to my arms leaning my weight on the wall. I had to put up with his weight along with mine now.

I knew the kind of effect my thigh movement would have on him down there so I started a little dance with my leg muscles. He slowed down his trusts in response, his throat howling aloud in my ear, and my hips had to pursuit his new abrupt pace somehow. We were completely out of rhythm but utterly filled with desire.

“Fuck, Emily, the way you move… Ahh…” our hip dance intensified again and he made sure we would go faster than ever now, accelerating the climax for the both of us. With the depth he was reaching, I could feel his balls smashing against my perineum, giving me an extra arousal and moaning material.

That moment was too good and all, despite of being another big mistake, but I missed something there. I loved to watch his face contracting in delight, I wanted to peek at every reaction he had with my moves but I couldn’t this time, I could only face the wall and feel the hotness of his body mixed with the water in my back.

I felt the urge to kiss him roughly but I couldn’t reach for his mouth on that position. His hands grabbed mine on the wall and held my fingers on his tightly to let me know he was hitting his summit.

“Please, let go Em, let go…” as if he was listening to my thoughts, he reached for the corner of my mouth and we tried to share a desperate kiss. Not so deep but great enough to make me explode in bliss again.

The waves hit me so hard this time my knees failed to hold our weights. Brian caught my waist in time and held me against him for a few more seconds, still moaning on and on until I felt his spirt inside me, two times as I could count. I was ready to move out when his belly was still moving fast against my back.

“No, wait, wait… there’s… more. Ahhh” he wiggled on me one last time and unloaded again. Wow, what a stock of sperm, huh?

“Now I’m gonna have to take another shower thanks to you, horny boy.” I mumbled, still breathless and turning to face him, finally having my favorite landscape to contemplate. He was glowing magnificently as always. He was even more handsome after his orgasm.

He leaned his weary body on me and embraced me against the cold wall, spreading shivers all over me. Now I could clearly see that perfect face staring at me, satisfied, while I played with his wet hair.

“Can I join you?” he smirked and I wanted to slap that dirty face but I kissed his lips instead.

“You had what you want, now get the fuck out before Jimmy comes back.” I was surly but all smiley at the same time, what the fuck is wrong with me?! I should be throwing him out with punches. But he would end up liking it anyway.

“I convinced you to break up with him at least?” he started to dry himself quickly with my towel. Shit, again with that subject…

“No! Get out!” I slapped his arm. It felt good.

He laughed and pecked my lips before heading out of the stall to get dressed. I felt all guilty and relaxed at the same time. Fuck that man… he was fucking everything around, including me and my life. And apparently I had no way out of his spell.

“Oh, before I go…” he showed his face inside the stall again. “Just to you know, I’d locked the bathroom door after I came in. He’d never get inside.” he threw his tongue out and closed the stall rapidly before I could throw a hand full of water on that cocky face. I couldn’t believe he let me startled to the bone with the thought that Jimmy could’ve walked on us.

“YOU SON OF A BITCH! GET THE FUCK OUT! NOW!” I screamed this time.

Our laughs filled the room for the last time before he walked out. Why the hell are you laughing of your own disgrace, Emily?

---

“Matt, I was looking for you. You didn’t get dressed yet?” Jess approached Matt seating all alone at the hotel lobby and with his notebook in hands. He looked at her startled as if he was doing something really inappropriate in there. But… in the middle of the lobby? Really, Matt?

“Oh… yeah, I’m about to. It’s that… I’m.” he stuttered but didn’t close the notebook screen.

“You are reading the stories I sent you, aren’t you?” Jess walked closer and sneaked her eyes on his screen. She was right. He shrugged.

“I had no idea it exists! I mean, I never searched for something like that before but… Those girls are pretty good with words you know. Wow.” He sounded amazed.

“I see you explored all the profiles I send you. Addicted already?” Jess smirked.

“If addicted means I can’t stop reading since we left Huntington, then I kinda am. But… I dunno, I seem to have a little problem when I get into… you know, the parts written for me. It’s just too weird to read something about yourself, even if it’s not really happening, with your thoughts on it. I should suit that site for slander, you know.” He didn’t sound angry at all, he was trying to mask his delight. Jess knew it and held her laughter

“Oh, yeah, suit them. You’ll definitely lose time and money. You even left Val alone to keep reading here?”

“Yeah, she was annoying me, I had to hide somewhere.” His eyes got back to the screen mindfully. Jess kept holding her laugh, thinking about the faces her friends would make at the thought of Matt reading their stories.

“You’re not really hidden, Matt. Everybody can see you. I’m amused that you didn’t get any fans around here.” He wasn’t paying attention at her anymore, he was back to reading. She had to wave in front of his sight to bring him back. “Hey! Earth calling Shadows! I wanted to find you cause Zacky can’t get out of the toilet, he’s vomiting his brains out since we got here. I don’t think he can play tonight, Matt.”

“Shit, really?” he finally closed the notebook. “Has he been drinking before the concert again? Hell, he knows the rules!”

“No, Matt, not really. I guess it was that burger we ate in the road. He’s damn pale, I’m telling you, I think we should take him to a hospital.” Matt joined Jess to the elevator.

“That bad? We can’t simply cancel, we gotta be heading to the venue by now. It happened before with all of us, he’s gonna have to toughen up, Jess…” Jess opened their door and the sounds of Zacky’s gag reflex invaded their ears as soon as they entered the room.
Matt appeared at the bathroom door and Zacky was kneeled on the toilet seat, his white skin looking more like gray and green now.

“Hey, bro… I’m… getting better. Just... just wait... I’ll be ready in a minute.” He showed his index finger and puked again. Matt and Jess shook their heads and exchanged frowns.

“Told you.”

---

“I… I just can’t do this. Look at my hands! I can’t play a single note without making a crazy tremolo on it. I’ll be sounding like Gates but in a terrible and even more exaggerated way.” I didn’t know what was making me more nervous, the thought of being with Brian in that shower and his tremolo technique on me, or the freaking loud crowd noises with their Sevenfold battle cry tormenting my ears.

Jimmy pulled me onto his lap and kissed me softly, finally shutting me up. Yeah, if I could take him to the stage to kiss me during all the songs, I’d be fine. He could definitely calm my nerves.

“Better now?” I moaned and kissed him again. He was addictive.

“You bet I am. But… I could use something to loosen up. Did you get the stuff with Jason already?” I licked my lips automatically.

“No, not yet. And you know the speech Matt gave to your band with his stupid rules before, he can be an ass with that kind of stuff, even with the opening bands. Besides, I never… you know, shot up in front of them. They’d freak out about it.” he finished mumbling.

“So that’s supposed to be our secret?” he nodded. “You should’ve told me this before. I didn’t think they… were that uptight.”

“We used to be worse before, me and Brian would go for anything. Now they only get a coke blow once in a while, nothing much really. But smack… they are terrified of it.”

“Hey, Darkest Hour, onstage in 5!” someone yelled in the corridor and I rose from Jimmy’s lap in a jump.

“Oh god, okay, it’s time.” I felt my pocket weighing on my leg and remembered I had something to give back to Jimmy in there. His crucifix. “Hey, you remember this? I didn’t wanna give you back before cause it’s kinda my lucky charm now. But look at me, I’m opening for the best new metal band in the world, it worked enough with me. It’s time to give it back to its owner.” Jimmy smiled and held his chain but instead of placing on himself, he put it around my neck.

“It works better on you now. Keep it.” I was just wearing a black tank top without print and it fit perfectly. That was exactly what was missing on me. “Much better.” he kissed me softly a few times and he had to stop when Jess came towards me with open arms ready for a hug.

“Ems, just kill them all with your flaming solos, alright? I’ll be watching you from the side of the stage. Oh my god, you’re shaking like an earthquake!” she held my freezing hands as I caught a glimpse of Zacky groaning and passed out on the sofa.

“Once I get on stage, I’ll get better, don’t worry. And how’s Z? Still bad?”

“Yeah, he stopped vomiting at least with a pill they gave to him. But he can barely stand up, he’s weak. He shouldn’t be playing, Emily.” Jess was damn worried. I could see in her eyes. “Can you play on his place?”

“What?” I laughed at her crazy request. “Don’t worry, he’ll handle it, J, I’m sure he can do this.” I fixed her wild and vivid purple hair back on her ear. Apparently it would take some time for me to get used to that new version of her.

“Break all those 20 thousand legs in there babe! I know you will!” she grinned.

“You bet!” I showed a punch and she clicked it with hers.

“And next time, put on some girly clothes. You’re dressed like a dude.” I flipped her off with a smile. I gotta be comfortable at least on this first show, I couldn’t wear pantyhose or heels tonight.

I went through the corridor and met my band mates. We greeted each other one last time and approached the stage entrance, setting up our instruments and everything. I turned around trying to make some kind of warm up with my hands and when I came back, Brian showed up in front of me. I felt my cheeks blushing at the same time.

“Just do what you do best in there, you’ll be fine.” he said it softly and pulled me into a friendly hug at first. The guitar he had given me in between us just as at our first time together. When I felt his hands grabbing furtively at my butt cheeks, I saw Jimmy coming towards us.

“Hey, enough… Jimmy’s coming.” I whispered and he let go of me, winked and turned away, clapping at Jimmy’s shoulder as he passed through him on his way. He damn knew how to play a two-faced man, didn’t he?

“Wow, you’re red as cherry now, what’s up?” Jimmy smiled beautifully at me. He didn’t sound jealous, thank god for that.

“I’m hot as hell, babe. Did you see your crowd already? It’s sold out! When they see a woman as a guitarist in there… I won’t be taken seriously.”

“Emily, stop with this stupid paranoia! They are here to listen to good music and that’s what you guys will give to them. Trust me.”

“2 minutes, guys.”

“Oh my god, please, I want out, I swear I’m having a panic attack. Why did I choose those black pants anyway, I’ll be melting on those lights.” Jimmy looked at me worried and then at both sides, pushing me to a more private corner.

“Hey… Matt’s not around, try this. Maybe it’ll help you.” Jimmy took out of his jacket pocket a tiny bottle of vodka. I drank more than I was used for a first sip and I felt everything burning inside of me. I shook my shoulders and pursed my eyes, feeling hot and warmed up as hell.

“I love you, you know that, right?” I grinned as wide as I could, feeling my legs trembling but a little less nervous.

“I love you too, now go. Go!” his last kiss before I could hit the stage made my mouth totally numb, craving for more of that dose we called James.

“Hey I forgot to tell you, the bus room is ours for tonight.” he winked and I replied with a naughty smile.

The lights went off and Brad, Tony and Ryan walked on first. The crowd was cheering, that was a good sign, wasn’t it?
I was the last one to get in there and I could hear a few surprised yammering about me being a chick. Yeah, sure, expected sexism on metal audiences.

As soon as I hit the first notes of our first song, I couldn’t take my eyes off of Jimmy’s. He always knew everything I needed and could read me as if he was my better half, my soul mate, even if I don’t really believe in that kind of shit. That blue light he was sparkling at me would work as my guidance on that huge and frightening stage tonight, I knew it would.

---

“I told you should’ve worn at least a skirt…” Jess shouted among the loud sound Avenged was putting out for San Diego as we watched them from the side of the stage.

“Hey, I’m trying to sell my music here, not my body. You know I’m not really like that. They noticed I wasn’t a bro, it’s enough for me.” I shrugged.

“We’re going to LA next, and we are definitely buying some new clothes for you.”

“I hate shopping.” I grimaced.

“Me too but now you’re a star. You gotta shine like one. We gotta do this.” Jess smiled and I replied. At least she was still the best friend I knew on the inside. “Oh, god, look at this. It’s their worst concert ever. Zack is turning pale again and is barely moving. This is fucked up.”

“Yeah, only god knows how tough is to play songs with that tempo being sick like that.”
Afterlife ended and the lights went off. We couldn’t see anything but after a few seconds we heard Zack’s weak voice coming towards us.

“I can’t do this, everything is spinning around and I gotta puke again. I’m fucking dying.” he unstrapped his SG and handled it to Jess, running through us into the backstage. Oh shit.
Jess looked at me startled as Matt was distracting the crowd with a few words. Jason and Matt appeared behind us with the same worried eyes.

“Why are you all looking at me?” I asked them, not really sure what they want.

“I don’t think he can finish the concert. What if you…” Matt asked.

“Wh-What?” I shook my head several times, my hands soaking again. “No, no, no, they will boo me and hate me forever.”

“Maybe he can come back after a song. Bat Country is next, c’mon, you gotta do this or you will see what’s like to hear a boo for the main band.” Jason’s turn.

“Fuck.” I thought about for a second and almost panicked again. Then I looked at Jess and up there, at Jimmy. The lights went on suddenly and I had to decide. Quick. “Oh my god, okay, I’ll do it, but I’ll be in the back, alright?”

Jess gave me his guitar with thankful eyes and I adjusted it on myself, setting up his in-ear monitors and stuff with Jason’s help. Jimmy frowned at me, trying to understand what was happening. I shrugged with a smile and hide behind the amp wall right on his right side. No one could see me there but him.

“He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.” Matt sang this line with an ok sign from Jason and Jimmy counted looking at me before we could fill the air with great waves of melodic fury.

I knew that song like the back of my hand and didn’t even need to look or be around Brian to play along with his parts. Johnny, Matt and Brian had no idea I was playing there but I knew they were all hearing Zack’s guitar through their monitors somehow.

Jimmy and I traded wide grins, winks and grimaces the entire time. I wasn’t even feeling my heart racing anymore, I was having a crazy rush in there and the view of Jim playing shirtless and frenetically like that made me burn even more than that dose of vodka.

I could only enjoy that moment as one of the best of my life. Well, definitely the best…

The only one that could break my eye contact with Jimmy then was Brian. And he wore the biggest frown when he saw me in there. That wasn’t the look I was used to receive from him. We played the duos perfectly synchronized even though he had turned his back to me. He was definitely pissed.

Why would he be pissed if I was just trying to help?

I played a couple more songs and Zack reappeared to Unholy Confessions, looking a little better than expected. But me? I think I’ve never been more thrilled in my life.

---

“No, we’re not hurting your arm this time. I’m gonna teach you a new technique.” Jimmy caught my hand from his bare chest and caressed my fingers. My head was lying on his lap and I was appreciating my view of his pretty face from there. I was in heaven. I couldn’t believe I could be that happy.

“Okay, so teach me, professor.” I smirked.

“On the road, we don’t really want to show track marks around. So… we can inject in between our fingers and get the same high.” as I watched his lips moving, he was trying to find a good place in my hand.

“Does it hurt?”

“Once you have it on your system, you can’t feel anything. You know that.” he grabbed the thin syringe already filled with the liquid euphoria and kissed my left hand lingeringly before he found a vein in between my pinky and my ring finger.

He had my full trust on him especially to do that so I closed my eyes comfortably and waited for the small sting followed by that deathly opiate haze feeling I was so familiar with. I swear you could taste death for just one millisecond and then you were back with the strongest rapture you could ever find on earth. Could be compared to an orgasm but much more intense than that.

“Ohh, god, Jimmy… this shit is insane.” my numb hands travelled around his chest and I could only feel his heat but not his skin. The weirdest but most fascinating feeling only heroine could provide. I moaned a few times and waited for my senses to come back before I could reach for the other syringe.

“You’re so beautiful when you're happy, you have no idea.” his deep eyes and words didn’t allow me to concentrate on what I should be doing. I gave him a sloppy grin and pulled his hand up into my sight, brushing my face on his skin.

“Only when I’m high, you mean?” I started to mess with his hair.

“No, all the time.” his nose was too close to mine to resist it. I bit his lip gently and our tongues met madly.

“Liar!” I laughed and he was about to lower his kisses on my neck when we heard a noise.

We both looked at the door and there was Brian, with a hatred glare that could perforate my heart if I wasn’t stoned enough. And he was moving his eyes to the syringe in my hand. I wasn’t fast enough to hide it from his sight.

“I’m… I’m sorry to interrupt, I didn’t know you were… together, here at the bus. Doing… whatever the hell you are doing.” he wasn’t good at hiding his shock.

“What you want, Haner?” Jimmy asked as his smile faded away. Brian couldn’t take his eyes off of me, perplexed.

“I… I was looking for Emily. I just want to make something clear and I’ll be out of here for you to keep having your private party, okay?” Jimmy narrowed his eyes at me and then back at Brian, as clueless as I was of that cold treatment he was giving me.

I adjusted myself to seat on Jim’s lap, with my arm around his neck and faced the angry man. I wasn’t sure if he could tell I was high but I guess he could cause I couldn’t really stop laughing at the superior pose he was showing.

“Next time you’re planning to take someone’s place on my band, I would appreciate if you talk to me first before I make a fool of myself in front of the crowd. Understood?” after this statement, he made me enraged.

“Ohh, I thought you came here to thank me! I’m so silly, right, Jim?” I kissed Jimmy abruptly and when my eyes went back to Brian, he had his jaw profoundly clenched.

Jealousy? Good.

“Just… don’t do that again, okay?”

“Sure, you’re the boss.” I made a childish tone and stick my middle finger at him as I felt Jimmy pulling me against him to steal my mouth again.

“You can show all your resentment later, Brian. We’re kinda busy here.” Jimmy tried to talk but I was picking at his lips incessantly, straddling him and moving my hips.

“Yeah, I can see that…” Brian was dry as a desert.

When I looked at the door again, he was finally gone. And the door slammed loud behind him.

Notes

kinda late and bigger chapter, yeah, I couldn't help it, I had to stuck all of this into one hahaha

I'll be a little more busy now, vacation is over so... maybe i take longer to update now. =/

hope you like it... <3